Out There (17 page)

But recently I didn't want to hear her truly; it almost made me envious of her. She had such a free mind and a free heart and I was trapped. And that made me angry with myself for thinking so selfishly. I was doing my duty and my part for the community and everyone was so grateful. I just felt like I was carrying too much pressure.

The Council members would often stand outside my door and whisper and point. This was everything to them and I just didn't want to screw up.

But what I often thought about was my lapse of judgment just days earlier. What possessed me to want to leave the Bubble? If something had happened to me, like it almost did, then I would have let everyone down. I was so fixed on the idea of doing something for me instead of for everyone else that I let down my guard and I almost got myself killed.

“Hello Katelyn, how are you feeling today?”

I looked up as the doctor walked in. “Better than ever, Karen.”

“Good to hear. Now, what should we start with?”

“Maybe the scan?”

“All right, let me go and get my scanner, I'll be right back.” She walked out and propped the door open behind her.

I noticed all the people milling around doing their tasks. Then I spotted Ava's mother standing by the coffee machine outside my room.

“Hi Donna,” I called to her but she didn't hear me. “Donna?” Still no answer.

I crawled out of bed and walked over to the doorway. I was about to call out to her again when I saw she was talking to someone through a portable intercom, reserved for Council members only. Slowly I turned to walk back to my bed when I heard her say, “What do you mean you made a mistake, Sylvia?”

I froze.

“Sylvia, how could you do something like that and not have seen it sooner?” Pause. “You what!? Are you telling me you knew all this time and didn't say anything?”

What was she talking about?

“That wasn't a risk you should have taken. Lives are on the line.”

Lives? I hoped she didn't mean mine.

“So why are you telling me four months in?”

Oh no.

“You think that's what her symptoms are from? This virus?”

Virus? Oh, please no.

“Well, what is there I could do about it now? Don't you think it's a bit late to tell me that?”

Please don't say it's too late.

“What's going to happen to the other girls, huh? Won't they all get it? How are we meant to fix this?”

Others? Not Ava, she's next.

“Don't tell me you don't know, Sylvia, you're celebrated as the smartest person to walk the earth. You'd better find a solution.”

If Sylvia Carter was clueless then I could only expect the worst.

“We don't have that kind of time. They're going to get too old.” Pause. “Fine, I trust you, but you'd better figure something out. What about Katelyn?”

Me?

“What's going to happen to her?” Donna ran her hand through her hair. “Just tell me, Sylvia.” She paced for a second then froze, her face paling. “You can't be serious.”

I felt my heart lurch.

“There has to be something we can do. Don't tell me you don't know! Figure something out!”

I jumped. Never had I heard Donna yell, she was always so collected.

“Mark my words, Sylvia, if anything happens to that girl…” Oh please no.

“Figure something out.” She ended the call and leant against the wall.

I couldn't move. My whole body was shaking from the inside out. What was going to happen to me?

“Katelyn, I'm sorry I took so long,” the doctor said as she walked in. “Why are you out of bed?”

I stayed fixed where I was. Motionless.

“Doctor Karen?” said Donna, peering round the door.

“Yes?”

“Could I have a word?”

“Of course.”

“Morning, Katelyn,” said Donna, smiling at me but I saw that it was all a mask.

I couldn't get words out so I just stared at her.

“OK,” she said and walked out with the doctor behind her. I was so confused that I began to fear the worst. Slowly I walked over to my bed and curled up in the sheets. I buried my head under the blanket and prayed that it would all go away. I must have misunderstood; there was no way Sylvia Carter would make a mistake. I was fine. Everything was fine.

Then I fell asleep.

“Katelyn, it's time for lunch.”

I slowly prised open my eyes. The nurse was peering down at me, carrying a tray. It smelt heavenly so I sat up and took it from her. “Thanks, Claire.”

“The doctor saw you were asleep so she decided it would be best to do the tests later.” There was something in her face that was off.

“Are you OK, Claire?”

“Yes, of course I am,” she said, forcing a smile but I saw something in her eyes looked pained.

“Oh good.”

She gave another quick smile and headed for the door. “We'll do the tests after you've eaten.”

“OK, thank you.”

She left and I immediately began devouring my lunch. I felt well rested and calm. But then I remembered why I had fallen asleep.

I dropped the bread in my hand and it fell to the floor.

Donna talking to Sylvia Carter. Something about a virus. Not enough time. No solution. Katelyn. What would happen to her?

What was going to happen to me?

I assured myself it was nothing and continued eating. Donna of all people could control a situation.

“Katelyn, are you ready for those tests?” Doctor Karen came in through the door.

I looked down at my plate. “I think so.”

“Yes, you fell asleep earlier,” she said as she pulled out her scanner. “I thought it would be good to let you rest.”

“Thank you, I feel a lot better after that.”

“Good to hear. Now lie down.”

She lifted the tray on to the table and I lay down on the bed, staring at the colourful ceiling. Then the doctor pressed several buttons on her scanner and placed it over my head. The little blue light turned on and it ran slowly from my forehead down to my toes, making little beeps along the way. After three rounds, Doctor Karen removed it from my head and said, “Well done, I'll just go and check these out and we'll do the rest of the tests.”

“OK.”

I sat up and looked back out of the window. It was so bright outside and I could just feel the sun coming through the panes of glass, even though the Bubble only let in part of the sun's light. Apparently, it looked like a fiery circle in the sky. I had never seen it.

Gradually, I lifted the covers and walked over to the window. I pressed my hands against the glass and sighed.

Then I felt it again. A wave washed over my body covering every inch of it in a sensation of shivers. I felt cold. Then it passed and I waited to see if it would stop. But it didn't.

A jolt licked up my spine and I tensed then fell to the ground in pain. I clawed at the window, trying to pull myself back up, but the stabbing sensation surged through every inch of me, leaving my whole body numb.
Please stop.

I breathed in and out heavily and tried to crawl over to the door but suddenly my stomach lurched and all the air left me. Clutching my hands to my stomach, I curled up into a ball on the floor and tried desperately to inhale. My lungs were burning and I knew they were far too weak.

With every last scrap of energy in me, I threw my upper body at the window and forced it open. I leant my head out and tried so hard to breathe in but nothing worked. Then the world turned fuzzy and my head felt light enough to float away. I sank on to the floor that suddenly felt so comforting and let myself drift.

“Katelyn!” The voice sounded muffled and distant. “What's wrong?” It sounded like Donna.

“Her tests. That virus that we thought had disappeared actually multiplied.”

I heard footsteps and two blurry faces appeared over me. They looked scared.

“Katelyn!”

“Listen to me! Stay with me!”

Their voices were fading away.

“Fight it Katelyn! We're getting you help!”

I tried to hold on to the voice and ride it back but I couldn't. It was like something was grabbing at my foot and pulling me down and I couldn't hold on. Then there was this bright white light filling my vision. I heard sounds and felt twitches in my body as I was lifted up. It was no use.

The light became so bright yet I wanted to go to it. It was calm and peaceful and there were no expectations or responsibilities.

Then I saw Ava. She was looking down at me smiling and saying, “I love you Kay.”

“I love you too, Ava bear,” I tried to say but there were no words.

I saw Mother and Donna and Lexi and Bri and Jade and some strange man, all smiling down at me. “Bye Katelyn,” they said.

“Bye.”

And then it all went black.

Chapter Nine

Ava, Five Hours Later

No, it wasn't happening. I just stared at my mother in shock. “

Ava, say something!” Mother was shaking me.

My trance faded. “She's alive, she's fine, I know it, I saw her,” I stuttered.

“Oh Ava.” Mother took a step towards me.

“Don't touch me,” I snapped and slapped her hand away.

“Please Ava, listen.”

“Listen to what? Your lies?”

“Ava, it's the truth.”

“No, no, you're lying!” I screamed.

People walking around us froze.

“Ava, let me explain.”

“What is there to explain? You can't say anything to make it better!”

Mother grabbed me by the shoulders. “She wasn't ready. Her body just wasn't right for this.”

I shrugged her off. “Don't lie to me! She was fine!”

“We all thought she was getting better, but she… she…”

“Why? Why?!”

“There was nothing they could do.”

My breathing was heavy and I couldn't feel any part of my body. The world was crumbling down and I was standing right under the landslide.

“I need to see her.”

“No Ava, you can't.”

“Why not?” I cried.

Mother's eyes welled with tears. “You wouldn't be able to live with that image in your head.”

I pictured Katelyn lying in her bed peacefully sleeping and me waiting for her to wake up. Mother was right; I couldn't even live with my own imagination.

“Please tell me I'm dreaming.”

“Oh Ava, I'm so sorry.” Mother held her arms out to me and I fell into them and cried.

Tears just ran down my cheeks like it was a race. My heart was beating so loud I could hear it ringing in my ears. Everything was blurred. Nothing made sense. I was holding on to Mother so hard but I was alone.

I saw Katelyn's face and she let out this hearty laugh and her hair fell back and danced in the sun.

Suddenly my knees stopped working and I crumpled to the ground, still clinging on to my mother. She went down with me and we sat on the pavement and I wailed until my eyes refused to give up any more water. I felt people gathering around us and passing us by.

Once I had emptied my sorrow out of my body, I just collapsed and lay in Mother's arms on the roadside outside my school until she dragged me to my feet and we left.

At home I didn't stop to put away my coat or eat. I just ran straight for my room and collapsed on my bed with my head buried in the pillows. My eyes were sore yet I managed to let out another two hours' worth of tears. Then I saw Mother's light go out down the hallway and I turned mine off too and curled up under the covers.

But I wasn't lucky enough to fall into a deep sleep. As hard as I tried it was like I was trapped with my thoughts. So I stayed in my bed, wearing shoes and all, and thought about Katelyn.

I saw her face so clearly. She was smiling at me as I finished an entire cake single-handedly. She was wagging her finger at me from the desk in front as I ran into class late. She was giggling as I joked about motherhood classes. She was singing with her guitar as the audience gazed at her in awe. She was staring at me with curiosity as I talked in the forest. And she was always listening. Not just with her ears but with her eyes.