Outcasts (14 page)

“True.” His head touched hers and he inhaled a deep breath. “You smell like honey.”

Which made her think of his visit last night when he’d crawled into her bed with his wet pants and shoes.

His head was still beside hers when he whispered. “Jordan is riding shotgun.”

Shaylinn smiled wide in the darkness and bet it could be heard in the tone of her voice. “That’s the ‘kind of good’ thing?”

“He only told me to make sure you didn’t fall. He didn’t say I could hold your hand or smell you. I don’t think he’d like that.”

Boldness came over Shaylinn in the dark. “I do.”

When the van stopped and the back doors were opened, Omar helped Shaylinn stand, and he passed her to Jordan, who helped her get out. It was still dark, but she could see that she was standing on a gravel drive in a forested area. She inched away from the van to leave room for the others to get out, and her eyes adjusted to the outdoors. She could see the bright light of the city in the distance, separated from where she stood by a sea of darkness. She turned around and found the tiny red lights that stretched along the outer wall of the Safe Lands. It was only about a hundred yards away, through the trees. Until now, she hadn’t realized there were houses inside the Safe Lands that weren’t in the city.

“So close to the wall,” she said.

“You’ll be perfectly safe as long as you don’t come and go during the daytime,” Zane said.

But what if someone came to them? Someone like Bender? Where would they go? She hoped Levi was right to trust Zane and his cabin in the woods.

Inside, Zane gave them a quick flashlights-and-Wyndos tour. “Leave the ceiling lights off until Omar gets a chance to paint the windows,” Zane said. “Can you do that tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Omar said.

And then Zane left them.

The cabin had four beds in the basement. On the main floor were three bedrooms and a separate kitchen, living room, and bathroom. There was also a tiny attic with two more beds. The living room had two shabby green couches with a matching chair that faced a small
Wyndo wall screen, which Omar had turned on now that dawn light had started to spill in through the windows.

Shaylinn walked to the long picture window opposite the TV. She could now see that the cabin sat on a hill on the edge of the Midlands in a grove of pine. In the distance, the top of City Hall poked above the treetops. It was a lovely view.

“It reminds me of home,” she said to herself.

Naomi came to stand beside her. “Except for that looming wall in the distance.”

“Naomi,” Jordan called, “come tell me which room you want.”

“I already told him. The one nearest the bathroom.” Naomi rolled her eyes at Shaylinn, then waddled down the hallway, leaving Shaylinn alone with Omar in the living room. He was sitting on one of the couches, watching the wall screen, but when she glanced at him, she found that he was staring.

“What?” she said.

He grinned, which always seemed to make his eyes sparkle. “Nothing. You look so different, that’s all.”

She thought of his compliments last night. Beautifully pretty. “I’m not ugly anymore?”

He tilted his head a little. “Ugly?”

“You told me I was an ugly crybaby. That day at the kissing trees when I was eleven.”

“I did? When you were
eleven
?” His eyebrows pinched together, and he looked at the floor, then suddenly jerked his gaze back to hers. “I remember. I was mad because — ”

“Levi and Jemma had started holding hands.”

He huffed a laugh. “At thirteen, I knew I was going to marry Jemma. And I thought Levi had stolen her from me. Joel had dragged me to the kissing trees to try to cheer me up.”

Shaylinn would never forget. “But when he told you who was in the tree, you yelled, ‘Shaylinn is ugly!’ So I climbed down and I was crying, and you called me an ugly crybaby and I ran all the way home.” She
took a deep breath. She hadn’t intended to say all that, but the confession had gushed out of her, leaving her embarrassed and jittery.

Omar stood and walked toward her. “I’m sorry, Shay. I was, uh, having a bad day.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“I was dumb. I didn’t mean it. I was mad at Levi. We were kids.” These statements popped out one after the other, as if he was trying and failing to find the right thing to say.

But his saying sorry had been enough. “We’re still kids, Omar.”

He sighed and combed his fingers through his hair, making it stand up. “I don’t feel like a kid.”

“Me either.” She folded her arms across her belly, wondering what Omar would do when he found out about the babies. Would he reject her? Them? And what did she want him to do? She didn’t want him to feel like he had to be with her. If she was going to marry someone someday, she wanted that man to love her. Was that too much to ask?

But if Omar stayed in the Safe Lands forever, could Shaylinn raise
two
children on her own? Yes. She could. She was tough. But still, she wondered. “Will you stay in the Safe Lands when we leave? Or will you come home?”

“Home …?” Omar said. “I’m not sure I know where home is, anymore.”

She wanted to tell him that home was with her, but as much as she thought she loved him, things had changed. Before, her crush had been an obsession, but now she needed to be smart. She was going to be responsible for raising two children. And Omar’s dependence on those vaping pipes made him crazy. She couldn’t have a crazy person around her children. She needed to find out if he could stop. If he was capable of putting others before himself. If he even cared enough about her to try.

She would give him a mission, see if he was worthy of making sacrifices for her. “Would you do me a favor?”

“If I can.”

“I need something to do. To keep me busy. I’d like some soft fabric. Then I could make something for the baby.”

“
Your
baby?” Omar said, as if he’d forgotten she was pregnant at all.

Babies, now, Omar. If you only knew.
“No. Naomi’s.” She forced a smile. “Mine don’t … It doesn’t feel real yet.”

He licked his lips and nodded. “Soft fabric, then? What color?”

“Whatever you find. I’d need some needles too, and thread. Or a sewing machine, but I won’t press my luck.”

“I’ll try.” He ran his fingers through his hair again, and it looked like a furrowed field. “Shay, I’m sorry this happened to you. It feels like my fault.”

She fought her smile, knowing how true his statement was, though if Omar had not been the donor, the medic would have chosen another. Perhaps this was for the best in some strange, God kind of way. “Some days I’m angry or scared. But then I think that God chose me to bring life into this world. And that feels pretty special.”

He heaved a deep sigh and looked out the window. “This world isn’t the best place to bring life.”

“This world is what we make it, Omar. And I’m keeping a positive outlook. If I don’t, I’ll go crazy.”

Omar looked down on her and smirked. “Keep at it, then, Shay-Shay. There’s enough craziness in this place as it is.”

Sometime that morning, Omar left — without having painted the windows. And Jordan had a fit. There was no food in the cupboards, so for lunch Aunt Mary cooked up some noodles she’d brought from the bunker — plain noodles, which Shaylinn barely kept down.

Jordan made the sad lunch all the merrier with his lectures. “No one comes or goes during daylight. Do you all hear me?” He pointed at each face around the kitchen table. Shaylinn was secretly glad Jordan would never be village elder.

“Where would any of us go?” Naomi said.

“When I get my hands around Omar’s neck, I’m going to — ”

“Baby …” Naomi nodded at Shaylinn, as if there were children present and Jordan should save his rantings for later. Like everyone wouldn’t be able to hear right through the walls, anyway.

After lunch everyone vanished to their bedrooms, though Shaylinn didn’t see what anyone could be setting up. They owned so little. Perhaps they all just wanted to be away from each other again. Staying cooped up together got old fast. At least in the city, Levi had kept Jordan busy.

Of the three bedrooms on the main floor, Levi and Jemma would have one, Jordan and Naomi another, and Shaylinn would share the third with her aunt Mary, who didn’t do well with stairs on account of her knees. Chipeta and Eliza had first claimed the attic, but quickly declared it hot and stuffy and moved down to the cooler basement.

Maybe when Omar came back — if he came back — he could have the attic.

Dinner was more plain noodles, after which Shaylinn sat in the living room with Eliza and Chipeta, tapping through the ColorCast channels until Jordan told them it was getting dark and they should shut it off. So they sat talking instead. She wished they had some games, at least a deck of cards.

Levi arrived an hour later, carrying two bags of groceries. Jordan must have tapped him that there was no food. Or maybe Omar had told him. Shaylinn couldn’t see where he and Jordan were standing in the kitchen, but she heard Jordan rant about Omar leaving during daylight that morning and that he had neglected the windows.

“Yes, he came back to the bunker to wait for me,” Levi said. “He knows not to do it again.”

“And the meeting with Bender?”

“He still wants Shaylinn to spy for him. I told him no. He wasn’t happy. I’m glad none of us have to see him again.”

Bender still wanted her? Why? And who did he want her to spy on now?

Levi went looking for Jemma. Eliza and Chipeta went to bed, leaving Shaylinn alone.

Jordan came out of the kitchen and stood in the span of the arch that led from the living room to the hallway and kitchen. He leaned against the impost. “You okay?”

“A lot bored. But I’m fine.”

“I’m going to bed, so why don’t you get some sleep too?”

It was only just after ten o’clock, but she’d been up so long that she was pretty tired. “Yes, oh, brotherly warden.”

“Hey, how about a little less bark with that bite? I don’t think I can handle sarcasm from
two
women.”

Shaylinn laughed, knowing he deserved every bit of sarcasm Naomi gave him. “Tell Naomi good night from me?”

“Will do, kid.” Jordan crossed the living room and kissed the top of her head, then retreated to his room.

Shaylinn got up and looked out the picture window. The lights of the city sparkled in the distance. She couldn’t live like this for long. Sitting here, day after day. Even if Omar found her fabric, she needed more from life. To be a part of things. To help. To make a difference in this place.

Maybe she could go on a little walk. It was dark, so that was allowed, right? She knew what Jordan would say, but he was with Naomi now. And Shaylinn could use the exercise.

Shaylinn went to her room and found her hooded sweatshirt. She put it on and left the cabin, walking down the dark, gravel road. It was probably stupid, but there wasn’t another house in sight and she wanted to explore a little. She followed the winding road until she met another — Kokanee Lane. According to the sign, their cabin was at the end of Redrock Road. She could see the lights of a few large homes to her right, but the land around her was so dark that she couldn’t tell if there were trees or grass or water around her. She went left on Kokanee, toward the city lights. She quickly reached Prospect Drive, a road she found familiar.

The road was dead now, but once she got closer to Gothic Road,
there would be lots of traffic. Shaylinn didn’t want to meet any traffic on this road, alone and in the dark. So she walked in the ditch, keeping away from the road. It wasn’t until she’d passed the sign for a place called Wildhorse Village that she saw her first car. She crouched in the ditch until it passed, watching the swell of yellow light grow and fade around her.

The rest of her walk went the same until she reached Gothic Road. She hadn’t intended to come this far, but now that she had, she wasn’t going to stop. She walked all the way to the Belleview Building where Kendall lived. If she knew where Omar lived, she would have gone there instead.

Without the lace gloves Bender had given her, she had no way to enter the apartment next door to Kendall’s place. If Kendall wasn’t home, she’d have to walk all the way back without a rest. But when she knocked on Kendall’s door, Kendall opened it right away.

“I thought you said your brother wouldn’t let you out again.”

“I snuck out,” Shaylinn said. “I want to be a messenger.”

Kendall’s eyes widened and she opened the door fully. “Come in.”

Shaylinn entered, and the two girls sat on Kendall’s blue-and-red-plaid sofa. The drape was over the birdcage. Not a peep from Basil.

“I don’t really have much sway over who Tayo hires to task in the MO,” Kendall said. “But you’re off-grid anyway, right?”

“Not that kind of messenger,” Shaylinn said. “I want to deliver my own messages. To give people hope. And I thought you could give me an idea of who I could deliver to. People interested in becoming rebels, maybe?”

“Besides those four names from Chord’s message bag, I don’t know who the rebels are. Didn’t you say Omar took over Chord’s route? You should ask him.”

She’d like to. “I’m afraid he’ll tell Levi or Jordan.” Especially once he learned what she was going to do.

“He’s cute. Omar, I mean,” Kendall said.

The comment sent shards of ice through Shaylinn’s heart. Kendall was gorgeous. If she liked Omar, of course Omar would like her back.
And Kendall was so much nicer than Red, which somehow made the thought even worse.

But was it fair for Shaylinn to be possessive of Omar? He hadn’t asked to be the father of her children. And he’d never given her the impression that he liked her more than a friend. Not when he wasn’t drunk on a “cocktail,” anyway, though he had held her hand in the dark. And smelled her. The memory made her smile.

Worry would not do. Shaylinn should just be honest and leave the details of her life in God’s hands. “I’ve loved Omar since I was eight and he was ten.”

“How cute!” The declaration made Kendall laugh. “Does he know?”

“No, of course not.” And Shaylinn wasn’t about to tell him, certainly not now.