Outing of the Heart (40 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
Tenille was sorry to see her like this, but at last she understood where she was coming from. Anxious to placate her, to avoid her feeling hurt and rejected, she argued for her to be reasonable.
âShe'll probably never be back and our paths cross only occasionally.' This was stretching it a bit, but she did want her cooperation. âNow about Tuesday?' she asked firmly: âWill you lend me your support?' Tenille's large eyes, flecked with dark chocolate, the lashes black and curling thickly, won her over. The request, followed by that sweet, edible smile, she couldn't resist.
âYes. I'll come along,' she relented. âRaoul won't be pleased, but I can probably come up with some excuse.'
Talking some more about Caravan, they could see there would have to be a roster system. Not the same people dancing night after night. They parted amicably, Devon to her parents' for dinner and Tenille to home. She offered her a lift, but the station was right there.
Journeying alone, Tenille let herself speculate on Devon's revelation. Sidonie had been upset over seeing her with Raoul? She had given no sign of this when she had returned to the table.
“Was it really true, she couldn't keep her eyes off me? Is it possible she finds me attractive in âthat' way.”
She had thought she was just the sporty type; keen on fitness. She was so young.
âOh Sidonie,' she murmured: “
Could it be you think about me the way I think about you?”
The speculation brought a lump to her throat and her heart raced. It wasn't exactly right, what she had just said to Devon. She didn't want to forsake her dancing, that part was true, but she would like to be more serious with Sidonie. Could this be possible after all? By now her heart was positively hammering with excitement.
She got off at Dupont and passing through the turnstile, the ticket agent gave her a pleasant nod, acknowledging he had seen her many times before. She smiled back at him as she ran up the escalator emerging into the golden shafts of evening light. Elation surrounded her. It was almost with a feeling of rebirth that she let herself into Mrs. Sandrelli's, her dark eyes star studded; her mood optimistic.
Serafina called out so she popped in to visit. She had just made herself a coffee and offered her one.
âYou are looking radiant this evening,
Cara
.'
âOh Mrs. Sandrelli, I'm just the same old me.'
âNo, there's a difference tonight,' the smile broadened; prepared not to pry but sure, in her heart, she had found a nice man. âWell
Cara
, be that as it may, your Mama called and wants you to phone. You call collect tonight, any time up 'til ten o'clock. I was to give you this message.' She looked critically at the young woman. âHave you not been keeping in touch,
Bambina
? Your Mama sounded not happy.'
âOh dear. Yes. I've been lax lately. There was so much to do getting ready for the show and all, I just clean lost track of the days.'
She did feel guilty. Already the new resolution was disintegrating. âI'll call before I go down. Thanks Mrs. Sandrelli. How've things been with you? How's Furio doing in Montreal?'
âVery well. I think getting away from home was the best thing. He's settled down and is applying himself. Construction is not so boring after all and certainly he likes the money.'
âThat's good. Well, I'll go phone home. See if I can mend some fences.'
She was not confident as she dialled, but once her mother heard what had been happening, she did come round.
âYour father and I are thinking of taking a trip out west in the fall. You know how we love those woody scents; spruce boughs, burning apple logs. The country through the Rockies will be ablaze with its vivid crimsons and bright oranges. We thought to visit different resorts, like maybe Berg Lake at Mount Robson and Skaha Lake, south of Penticton in the Okanagen Valley. A tour like that. Is there any chance you may be able to join us, Tennie?'
âIt sounds great, Mom. I can't say at this stage. Raoul plans to go on tour later this year, too. I'm not sure when.'
âOh, daughter when will we ever get to see you?' Tenille didn't say anything.
âWell ⦠we're just looking at brochures at the moment.' Her voice held unexpressed displeasure which she set to one side. âThey've put out some good package deals, both on Grey Coach and Greyhound.' She finished off by suggesting she give it some thought. âAnd Tennie, I phoned your aunt. She would appreciate being kept informed of her niece's activities.'
âRight Mom.'
When they said goodbye her mother was reasonably warm, but she could tell she wasn't reconciled. Perhaps she should consider going on this trip with her folks. Really, it was the last thing she wanted. All those middle-aged couples worrying about what was on the menu for their next meal. No, that was unfair. Just because her mother brought her down didn't mean she should dump on other people's parents. She would be in touch with Carmel and Roger, just not tonight.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
The weather that week remained sunny. The hot, lazy, hazy days of summer had arrived, keeping strollers out late to enjoy the welcome expansiveness of boulevard cafés. Business at the boutique was slow now, most dance studios closing for the summer break. It had been hectic when they were all rushing to complete everything for the âend of semester' shows.
Now the lull at work suited Tenille. The gang had decided to resume extra practices on Monday, in preparation for Caravan, which started next week. Her schedule was busy.
Devon, attending her session with Raoul had made it fantastic. He'd worked with both of them and they'd enjoyed themselves enormously. Their laughter deflected the impact of his seductive innuendos. Her excuse had been that something had come up and she hoped he didn't mind if she took a little of Ten's time. He'd made no objection, his mood too buoyant to be irascible.
The next evening found a disappointed Tenille at the gym. She was expecting to see Sidonie and especially wanted to tell her about Toronto Caravan. Now she would have to wait 'til Friday. She wished Sidonie had a mobile phone. It was most inconvenient, her not being contactable at the residence. The difficulty hadn't registered before. Now, when she wanted to talk, she couldn't. Well, she'd see her Friday.
“Be patient Ten,”
she advised silently.
The next session at the gym was positively dismal. Still no sign of the one she sought. She asked Ashley if she'd seen her.
âYes, yesterday. She put in a lot of time, too.'
This made her even more miserable.
“Why would she come on a Thursday?”
âBut that's not her night.'
The other club members observed the dejection and tried to give encouragement, remarking how well she was coming along. âMoving round the place like an old hand.'
She thanked them for their kind words, but experienced an emptiness inside. A cold reality was awakening within her ⦠Sidonie had lost interest ⦠What had been was no longer ⦠Everything had changed. She, Tenille, had been over-reacting, as usual. She was just another young teenager. Nothing special. God, when would she learn? She must refocus.
Saturday Devon collected her. The show was good, but Tenille's dancing lacked her previous flare. They picked up on this, asking if anything was wrong.
âJust tired.'
Raoul looked as if he were going to protest, but really, she didn't seem herself and decided not to make a scene. She packed up and didn't delay, wanting to be on time for the last train; the ride on the night bus was a horror show. She didn't want Devon taking her home, either. She would only start asking questions; try to pry out information.
Mulling over the situation, she resolved she would go to the gym tomorrow, but she wouldn't get her hopes up. If Sidonie wasn't there she knew life would go on and her dreams would have been just that. It was time she grew up; stopped being such a geek. She should have learned her lesson with Marissa. Look how she changed.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Sidonie had not had a good week, with each passing day wondering even more what Tenille was doing. Had she missed her a little? She was missing her.
She had gone to the club last night, deciding Milka's suggestion of a different face could be a good one. Propping up the bar, beer in hand, she had cast her glances. There were some pretty chicks at the tables, but they struck her as shallow and frivolous. Nice bodies, but she wanted more than that. It was Tenille's face which intruded every time and those bodies didn't have the power to excite. Not like hers.
Next day she phoned Milka.
âHow're you doin'?'
âHanging in there, but only just. I feel lousy.'
âYou need to get an interest; get involved in something.'
âYeah, you're right. I called Skye this week to check when Softball starts.'
âThat's the ticket girl. You know I want to see you happy and from my experience, Straights just don't do it.'
âYeah, well ⦠Practise starts Wednesday at Riverdale Park. It'll be nice to see the old crowd. I'm hoping to make A grade again. That ought to keep me busy. I'm looking forward to feeling the mitt on my hand, too. You know summer's really arrived then.' She hesitated a moment before adding: âI have to say honestly though, I miss her so damn much.' Her fist clenched on the handset, the knuckles whitening. She had started to regret this strategy of distance.
âTake heart, Sid, I'm sure you're doing the right thing,' Milka declared in an encouraging voice. âLet's put it this way. Time will show the truth of it. Know what I mean?'
âYeah. I do.' She sucked in a sharp breath: âBut it's damn hard all the same.' She could feel the tears pricking at the back of her eyes, welling into her throat. Did she have to let Tenille go? A throbbing ache had begun to build these past few days: a host of memories invading her consciousness with needle sharp clarity.
She got ready for the gym. Their conversation had unsettled her and walking out to the car it seemed really hot, or was it just her? The aroma of honeysuckle, which draped itself over the fence, vied with the perfume of lupins in the flowerbeds, for her attention. The day was so bright and intense, in stark contrast to her mood of heart-deep brooding.
She couldn't wait to see Tenille again. This would be the test. Her response would let her know if she had any feeling for her.
Arriving in good time, she kept her activities light. She didn't want to be sweaty at their meeting. First impressions. She maintained a keen watch and observed Tenille head for the cycle ramp. The light in her eyes died when she saw Tenille's face. The mouth was a grim line; the black eyebrows drawn together. Where was that laughing openness she'd seen before? She was startled by the clarity of the recollection. The dazzling, rose-flushed face that had looked back at her. The brightness of the eyes, fringed in those impossible lashes. That beguiling, soft smile. Now her pale olive skin seemed too tightly stretched across the fine cheek bones and the dark eyes glittered with a forbidding determination. She had looked neither to left nor right.
She could stand it no longer. The urgency of her need made her set down the weights and fighting the dull throbbing in her temples, she proceeded slowly across the floor to Tenille's corner. Her mouth went suddenly dry as she formed the words and said quietly: âHello, Tenille.' The dull throb increased to a constant drilling. She could feel the sweat trickling into her eyes and had to wipe her arm across to clear her vision.
Tenille turned her head and acknowledged the greeting with a brief: âHello.' She didn't smile, only continuing her peddling with more force.
Sidonie was bemused. The heated flush of a moment ago suddenly subsided and her face paled. âI'll leave you to your warm up ⦠and catch you later,' azure eyes huge in their distress. Previous doubts were now crystallizing into certainty. She had only been a passing fad. What a big mistake she'd made. Fool. This time the only response was a curt nod.
Tenille didn't look at the girl. She couldn't risk being influenced by those vivid eyes, so intense they could weaken her resolve. She'd been a pushover too many times.
Sidonie returned to her routine a hollowness inside, deep as a mineshaft, as she kept her watch on Tenille. She had an aching longing for her, but felt helpless against the barrier of this closed presence. She could read signals as well as the next. Tenille was indifferent. She must pull herself together, Milka was right, although she had so much wanted it not to be so. But she had to find out for sure.
Tenille, for her part, was checking up on Sidonie. She saw her chat to her friends and then help a newcomer. Watching her bend close over someone's body, her capable hands helping with their equipment, gave her a stab of jealousy. She looked like she always did; friendly and direct. Obviously unconcerned about her. She had been going to tell her of her involvement in Caravan, now she felt: “
Why bother? She wouldn't be interested anyway.”
Sidonie deeked down to the change room, after noting that Tenille was nearing the end of her program. It would be easier in the pool area to start a casual conversation. They could sit and have a drink poolside, a better place for them, less hectic and more intimate.
Tenille picked her out immediately. There was no mistaking that speed or those strokes. She slipped easily into the water and began her laps, staying in a far lane. When she finished she climbed out to collect her towel. Like a shot, Sidonie was over to the other side, talking to her whilst treading water. It was only casual things. The whole time she watched her, standing there in the clinging swimsuit, it was as though she were naked before her. The slight indentation of her navel, in the rounded belly made her look young and vulnerable. Her eyes travelled down to the barely hidden mound of crisp curls. She felt the rush of desire swell between her legs, the movement of water against her fanning the flame. Determined to keep going, she maintained her position only with great difficulty and despite her attempts to control her eyes, they found the curves of two swelling breasts, the view from below so different. Full globes resembling ripe grapefruit, each ready for the picking. She watched their rise and fall with every breath, feeling her own breasts responding and her nipples peaked.
âShe'll probably never be back and our paths cross only occasionally.' This was stretching it a bit, but she did want her cooperation. âNow about Tuesday?' she asked firmly: âWill you lend me your support?' Tenille's large eyes, flecked with dark chocolate, the lashes black and curling thickly, won her over. The request, followed by that sweet, edible smile, she couldn't resist.
âYes. I'll come along,' she relented. âRaoul won't be pleased, but I can probably come up with some excuse.'
Talking some more about Caravan, they could see there would have to be a roster system. Not the same people dancing night after night. They parted amicably, Devon to her parents' for dinner and Tenille to home. She offered her a lift, but the station was right there.
Journeying alone, Tenille let herself speculate on Devon's revelation. Sidonie had been upset over seeing her with Raoul? She had given no sign of this when she had returned to the table.
“Was it really true, she couldn't keep her eyes off me? Is it possible she finds me attractive in âthat' way.”
She had thought she was just the sporty type; keen on fitness. She was so young.
âOh Sidonie,' she murmured: “
Could it be you think about me the way I think about you?”
The speculation brought a lump to her throat and her heart raced. It wasn't exactly right, what she had just said to Devon. She didn't want to forsake her dancing, that part was true, but she would like to be more serious with Sidonie. Could this be possible after all? By now her heart was positively hammering with excitement.
She got off at Dupont and passing through the turnstile, the ticket agent gave her a pleasant nod, acknowledging he had seen her many times before. She smiled back at him as she ran up the escalator emerging into the golden shafts of evening light. Elation surrounded her. It was almost with a feeling of rebirth that she let herself into Mrs. Sandrelli's, her dark eyes star studded; her mood optimistic.
Serafina called out so she popped in to visit. She had just made herself a coffee and offered her one.
âYou are looking radiant this evening,
Cara
.'
âOh Mrs. Sandrelli, I'm just the same old me.'
âNo, there's a difference tonight,' the smile broadened; prepared not to pry but sure, in her heart, she had found a nice man. âWell
Cara
, be that as it may, your Mama called and wants you to phone. You call collect tonight, any time up 'til ten o'clock. I was to give you this message.' She looked critically at the young woman. âHave you not been keeping in touch,
Bambina
? Your Mama sounded not happy.'
âOh dear. Yes. I've been lax lately. There was so much to do getting ready for the show and all, I just clean lost track of the days.'
She did feel guilty. Already the new resolution was disintegrating. âI'll call before I go down. Thanks Mrs. Sandrelli. How've things been with you? How's Furio doing in Montreal?'
âVery well. I think getting away from home was the best thing. He's settled down and is applying himself. Construction is not so boring after all and certainly he likes the money.'
âThat's good. Well, I'll go phone home. See if I can mend some fences.'
She was not confident as she dialled, but once her mother heard what had been happening, she did come round.
âYour father and I are thinking of taking a trip out west in the fall. You know how we love those woody scents; spruce boughs, burning apple logs. The country through the Rockies will be ablaze with its vivid crimsons and bright oranges. We thought to visit different resorts, like maybe Berg Lake at Mount Robson and Skaha Lake, south of Penticton in the Okanagen Valley. A tour like that. Is there any chance you may be able to join us, Tennie?'
âIt sounds great, Mom. I can't say at this stage. Raoul plans to go on tour later this year, too. I'm not sure when.'
âOh, daughter when will we ever get to see you?' Tenille didn't say anything.
âWell ⦠we're just looking at brochures at the moment.' Her voice held unexpressed displeasure which she set to one side. âThey've put out some good package deals, both on Grey Coach and Greyhound.' She finished off by suggesting she give it some thought. âAnd Tennie, I phoned your aunt. She would appreciate being kept informed of her niece's activities.'
âRight Mom.'
When they said goodbye her mother was reasonably warm, but she could tell she wasn't reconciled. Perhaps she should consider going on this trip with her folks. Really, it was the last thing she wanted. All those middle-aged couples worrying about what was on the menu for their next meal. No, that was unfair. Just because her mother brought her down didn't mean she should dump on other people's parents. She would be in touch with Carmel and Roger, just not tonight.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
The weather that week remained sunny. The hot, lazy, hazy days of summer had arrived, keeping strollers out late to enjoy the welcome expansiveness of boulevard cafés. Business at the boutique was slow now, most dance studios closing for the summer break. It had been hectic when they were all rushing to complete everything for the âend of semester' shows.
Now the lull at work suited Tenille. The gang had decided to resume extra practices on Monday, in preparation for Caravan, which started next week. Her schedule was busy.
Devon, attending her session with Raoul had made it fantastic. He'd worked with both of them and they'd enjoyed themselves enormously. Their laughter deflected the impact of his seductive innuendos. Her excuse had been that something had come up and she hoped he didn't mind if she took a little of Ten's time. He'd made no objection, his mood too buoyant to be irascible.
The next evening found a disappointed Tenille at the gym. She was expecting to see Sidonie and especially wanted to tell her about Toronto Caravan. Now she would have to wait 'til Friday. She wished Sidonie had a mobile phone. It was most inconvenient, her not being contactable at the residence. The difficulty hadn't registered before. Now, when she wanted to talk, she couldn't. Well, she'd see her Friday.
“Be patient Ten,”
she advised silently.
The next session at the gym was positively dismal. Still no sign of the one she sought. She asked Ashley if she'd seen her.
âYes, yesterday. She put in a lot of time, too.'
This made her even more miserable.
“Why would she come on a Thursday?”
âBut that's not her night.'
The other club members observed the dejection and tried to give encouragement, remarking how well she was coming along. âMoving round the place like an old hand.'
She thanked them for their kind words, but experienced an emptiness inside. A cold reality was awakening within her ⦠Sidonie had lost interest ⦠What had been was no longer ⦠Everything had changed. She, Tenille, had been over-reacting, as usual. She was just another young teenager. Nothing special. God, when would she learn? She must refocus.
Saturday Devon collected her. The show was good, but Tenille's dancing lacked her previous flare. They picked up on this, asking if anything was wrong.
âJust tired.'
Raoul looked as if he were going to protest, but really, she didn't seem herself and decided not to make a scene. She packed up and didn't delay, wanting to be on time for the last train; the ride on the night bus was a horror show. She didn't want Devon taking her home, either. She would only start asking questions; try to pry out information.
Mulling over the situation, she resolved she would go to the gym tomorrow, but she wouldn't get her hopes up. If Sidonie wasn't there she knew life would go on and her dreams would have been just that. It was time she grew up; stopped being such a geek. She should have learned her lesson with Marissa. Look how she changed.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Sidonie had not had a good week, with each passing day wondering even more what Tenille was doing. Had she missed her a little? She was missing her.
She had gone to the club last night, deciding Milka's suggestion of a different face could be a good one. Propping up the bar, beer in hand, she had cast her glances. There were some pretty chicks at the tables, but they struck her as shallow and frivolous. Nice bodies, but she wanted more than that. It was Tenille's face which intruded every time and those bodies didn't have the power to excite. Not like hers.
Next day she phoned Milka.
âHow're you doin'?'
âHanging in there, but only just. I feel lousy.'
âYou need to get an interest; get involved in something.'
âYeah, you're right. I called Skye this week to check when Softball starts.'
âThat's the ticket girl. You know I want to see you happy and from my experience, Straights just don't do it.'
âYeah, well ⦠Practise starts Wednesday at Riverdale Park. It'll be nice to see the old crowd. I'm hoping to make A grade again. That ought to keep me busy. I'm looking forward to feeling the mitt on my hand, too. You know summer's really arrived then.' She hesitated a moment before adding: âI have to say honestly though, I miss her so damn much.' Her fist clenched on the handset, the knuckles whitening. She had started to regret this strategy of distance.
âTake heart, Sid, I'm sure you're doing the right thing,' Milka declared in an encouraging voice. âLet's put it this way. Time will show the truth of it. Know what I mean?'
âYeah. I do.' She sucked in a sharp breath: âBut it's damn hard all the same.' She could feel the tears pricking at the back of her eyes, welling into her throat. Did she have to let Tenille go? A throbbing ache had begun to build these past few days: a host of memories invading her consciousness with needle sharp clarity.
She got ready for the gym. Their conversation had unsettled her and walking out to the car it seemed really hot, or was it just her? The aroma of honeysuckle, which draped itself over the fence, vied with the perfume of lupins in the flowerbeds, for her attention. The day was so bright and intense, in stark contrast to her mood of heart-deep brooding.
She couldn't wait to see Tenille again. This would be the test. Her response would let her know if she had any feeling for her.
Arriving in good time, she kept her activities light. She didn't want to be sweaty at their meeting. First impressions. She maintained a keen watch and observed Tenille head for the cycle ramp. The light in her eyes died when she saw Tenille's face. The mouth was a grim line; the black eyebrows drawn together. Where was that laughing openness she'd seen before? She was startled by the clarity of the recollection. The dazzling, rose-flushed face that had looked back at her. The brightness of the eyes, fringed in those impossible lashes. That beguiling, soft smile. Now her pale olive skin seemed too tightly stretched across the fine cheek bones and the dark eyes glittered with a forbidding determination. She had looked neither to left nor right.
She could stand it no longer. The urgency of her need made her set down the weights and fighting the dull throbbing in her temples, she proceeded slowly across the floor to Tenille's corner. Her mouth went suddenly dry as she formed the words and said quietly: âHello, Tenille.' The dull throb increased to a constant drilling. She could feel the sweat trickling into her eyes and had to wipe her arm across to clear her vision.
Tenille turned her head and acknowledged the greeting with a brief: âHello.' She didn't smile, only continuing her peddling with more force.
Sidonie was bemused. The heated flush of a moment ago suddenly subsided and her face paled. âI'll leave you to your warm up ⦠and catch you later,' azure eyes huge in their distress. Previous doubts were now crystallizing into certainty. She had only been a passing fad. What a big mistake she'd made. Fool. This time the only response was a curt nod.
Tenille didn't look at the girl. She couldn't risk being influenced by those vivid eyes, so intense they could weaken her resolve. She'd been a pushover too many times.
Sidonie returned to her routine a hollowness inside, deep as a mineshaft, as she kept her watch on Tenille. She had an aching longing for her, but felt helpless against the barrier of this closed presence. She could read signals as well as the next. Tenille was indifferent. She must pull herself together, Milka was right, although she had so much wanted it not to be so. But she had to find out for sure.
Tenille, for her part, was checking up on Sidonie. She saw her chat to her friends and then help a newcomer. Watching her bend close over someone's body, her capable hands helping with their equipment, gave her a stab of jealousy. She looked like she always did; friendly and direct. Obviously unconcerned about her. She had been going to tell her of her involvement in Caravan, now she felt: “
Why bother? She wouldn't be interested anyway.”
Sidonie deeked down to the change room, after noting that Tenille was nearing the end of her program. It would be easier in the pool area to start a casual conversation. They could sit and have a drink poolside, a better place for them, less hectic and more intimate.
Tenille picked her out immediately. There was no mistaking that speed or those strokes. She slipped easily into the water and began her laps, staying in a far lane. When she finished she climbed out to collect her towel. Like a shot, Sidonie was over to the other side, talking to her whilst treading water. It was only casual things. The whole time she watched her, standing there in the clinging swimsuit, it was as though she were naked before her. The slight indentation of her navel, in the rounded belly made her look young and vulnerable. Her eyes travelled down to the barely hidden mound of crisp curls. She felt the rush of desire swell between her legs, the movement of water against her fanning the flame. Determined to keep going, she maintained her position only with great difficulty and despite her attempts to control her eyes, they found the curves of two swelling breasts, the view from below so different. Full globes resembling ripe grapefruit, each ready for the picking. She watched their rise and fall with every breath, feeling her own breasts responding and her nipples peaked.
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