Outing of the Heart (98 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
Reine interjected abruptly. âI should hope so. They chose that line of work. Mind you, I couldn't do it. No patience.' She grinned across at Sid. âIt's a wonder my little lady has put up with me for so many years.' Rani cringed inwardly at the sexist overtones. A couple from a different time, she supposed. I wonder if they suspect about us she mused as she looked over to where Moira was sitting. They caught each other's eye and smiled companionably.
âProbably went to counselling, just to get her through the weeks.' Sid quipped, giving a big wink in Thea's direction.
âOK, that's enough you two,' Thea remonstrated. Hell's bells, nobody was out here and she was sure her friends wanted them to create a good impression for the landladies. Those two had been too much into the suds. She changed the subject. âTenille mentioned Lyndall?'
âOh yes. She's been a big help to me.'
“I bet she has,”
thought Sid sourly. Out loud she said: âHow is that?' Ten turned to look at her, but she saw no guile on her face, only genuine feeling.
âPart of my job is to field telephone calls. Well, sometimes a client' phones in, very distressed. She's helped me with how to calm them down while still being supportive. Other times a client may call in very angry. She's given me tips on how to deflect this energy into more constructive channels.' She smiled at Sid. âStuff like that.' She hoped the spotlight would move off her now. No one as yet had asked the name of the Centre and she didn't want to have to be evasive, but she didn't want to tell Rani and Moira at this stage either. When she knew them better and felt more comfortable would be soon enough.
Sid felt chastened by the reply and regretted her previous ugliness. She had no time for dwelling on it, however, as the conversation turned from Ten to Rani. Moira had offered the information that Rani worked as a volunteer at the community radio station CKLN.
âI know that one,' Sid disclosed: â88.1 on your FM dial.'
âAbsolutely,' Rani concurred. âI'm involved in program production. I've been there almost a year now. The people are cool and there's always lots happening.' Her face was alight with animation and her dark eyes flashed in her dusky skin. As she held the floor, her mellifluous voice was accompanied by the musical tinkling of her jewelry. âWe're located in the bowels of the Ryerson Polytechnic building. It's a bit of a warren, but no matter, we find our way.'
âWhat sort of programming, Rani?' Thea insisted.
âThis is one of the reasons I like it so much,' she conceded. âCKLN is alternative radio, so we cover what the main stream passes by. It's fascinating.' The eyes flashed again. Sid reckoned she could be a lot of woman to handle, but Moira obviously managed all right. It was a pleasure to watch and listen to her.
âIt's a station not afraid to tackle controversial issues.' Her glance took them all in. âFor example: street people. We walk past them in the depths of winter, sleeping over those warm subway vents. We know nothing about them and we don't help. CKLN will take on a topic like that and raise people's awareness. There's a whole department devoted to women's issues and the music library is like you'd never believe. Really interesting artists who normally wouldn't get any airplay, develop a devoted following of faithful listeners.' She stopped, then remembered. âYes, and that's another thing. The people who listen to us are very vocal. They come from all walks of life; not afraid to make their thoughts and feelings known. It truly is âcommunity radio'.'
âIt does sound very interesting,' Ten observed.
Rani turned to Ten. âYou know,' she said with deliberation, âthe station is looking for someone to take on the four pm. and five pm news spots. Perhaps, while you still have time on your hands, you might like to give it a try.'
âMe.' she exclaimed. âGoodness, I'm just getting my feet wet at the counselling centre ⦠This is enough for me.' She looked horrified at the thought. âAnyway, I think I'd be too nervous to speak into a microphone,' she ended lamely.
âWhat about you, Sidonie?' Rani turned those arresting eyes in her direction.
âActually, I think it sounds like fun. But sorry, not me, I'm off to Guelph next week.' This disclosure set everyone into a stir. Questions flew at her from every direction and it was all she could do to field them in turn.
âWell, that's it,' declared Reine. âIf Eager-Beaver here, is off to study, then you my dear, should definitely have something to fill your time.' She looked piercingly at Ten. âSince you still can't get about real good, these activities will keep you from moping.'
âI agree with Reine,' Thea endorsed. âWhen you're on your own during the week, something like this will help to pass the time.' Her look was commiserating as she smiled at her. She knew how hard it was going to be.
âListen, Ten â¦' Sid prompted, â â¦you'll never know how you'll do if you don't give it a try. I think it sounds like something you'd be good at ⦠and you have a lovely voice. It would be great on radio. I know I, for one, would listen to you.'
âWell, why don't we make a date for say, next Wednesday?' suggested Rani. âThat wouldn't interfere with your work, would it? I can introduce you to the station manager and news director. I'll show you around and you can see what you think,' she concluded persuasively.
Ten's feelings were mixed. She had misgivings regarding her ability, yet could not deny a sense of excitement at the prospect. In the end she acquiesced, agreeing to make a date for Wednesday. What was she getting herself into? Wild thoughts began to tumble round her brain. Never before had she gotten involved with such varied activities.
The evening wound down to a very contented close. Moira and Rani left first, promising that next time they'd all have dinner at their place. Before the others took their leave Thea had a quiet moment with Ten in the bedroom. She expressed her opinion they'd pulled dinner off admirably. âWe really enjoyed meeting Moira and Rani. It makes a nice change to embark on stimulating discussions without resorting to the personal.'
Yes, Ten thought, Thea would appreciate that aspect of the evening. However, she knew Reine relished intimate details.
âI'm glad you're keeping an open mind about Ryerson, Ten. While you're finding life a bit tough at the moment..' she looked down at her foot which was now very swollen, â â¦these activities will be a diversion for you.'
âYes,' Ten agreed grudgingly, âI suppose you're right Thea, but I don't share the same faith in my abilities that everyone else seems to have. I do know I'm going to miss Sid dreadfully, so some involvement like this will be good. Oh Thea. you know I'm happy for Sid, but it's so hard. Do you know what I mean?' Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and Thea moved over to the bed where she sat, placing a comforting arm about her shoulders. Ten rested her head.
âIt's been so wonderful these last weeks,' she gulped through a clenched throat. âI can't tell you Thea, how much Sid means to me. She's my whole life.' She stroked her cheek. “
Poor kid,”
she thought: “
It's going to be a hard time on both of them.”
Sidonie would come home weekends. Still that wasn't the same.
âListen, you know you're always welcome to come over to us if things get too rough, don't you?'
âI do Thea. You and Reine are good, good friends and I appreciate all your concern, but I'm a big girl and I know I only have to get used to the new format and I'll adjust.' Ten's brows had drawn together as she tried hard to persuade herself of the truth of this statement. Thea observed the strain she was under and the effort it took to put on this brave face. âYou're right, time will help,' she reassured her.
âHey. You two. Are you ever coming out? This girl here is dying on her feet and I'm not all that far off it, too.' Their moment together was broken by Reine's impatient voice.
âComing,' Thea called out. As they emerged she said: âSuch a fuss. It's Sunday tomorrow, a day of rest.'
âNot for Sidonie it isn't. It's another day at the salt mines, my dear,' Reine reminded her: âSo we should go and let her get her much needed sleep.'
âIt's OK Reine. I can always catch up with an afternoon nap. Don't worry.' Sid calmed her friend's perturbation. There were goodnight hugs all round and then they were gone. At the door Sid took Ten in her arms. Their kiss was gentle and loving. They knew the evening had been a success and felt well satisfied.
âI'll leave the kitchen for tomorrow, Hon. I've lots of time to get straightened away,' Ten decided.
âThat's all right with me, Babe,' Sid assured her. âReine is right though, I'm bushed. Come to bed and let me feel your wonderful body next to mine,' she cajoled, leading Ten by the hand, at the same time turning out lights as she went.
Ten chuckled. âI'll enjoy feeling yours too.'
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
That week flew by at a great rate for Sid, with many loose ends to attend to before her departure. She made time to pop into the gym after work on Tuesday to say goodbye to her friends. She saw Kelly and Serena, but it was Nina's day off.
âHow did the competition go?' they were at the coffee shop after their workout. She nursed a chocolate milk, but they'd ordered fortified juices.
âOh Sid, it was great.' This from Kelly. âYou would have enjoyed it. The competition was keen, but man, those girls from the States were good.'
âYes,' joined in Serena: âThey deserved to win and we learned a lot from them.' She took a sip of her juice then continued: âThe only disappointment was their attitude.'
âYeah,' interjected Kelly, pulling a face.
âThey tended to stick together and acted real snobbish. I didn't like how they looked down on us, just because this was our first meet.'
âThe girls from Ottawa were nice though, weren't they?' Kelly looked at Serena for confirmation. âThey came in second overall, but I thought Therese should have won in the heavy-weight class.'
âDo you think the club will enter again next year?' Sid enquired, looking at Serena. She was always a feast for the eyes.
âWe'd like to, but they're thinking of holding it in Medicine Hat. I ask you,' she rolled her heavy lidded eyes. âWho will go all the way out there?'
âWell, Albertans will like it and they could get a crowd south of the border, up from Montana and even Washington State,' Sid pointed out reasonably.
She spent a pleasant hour with her friends and then visited with the other girls she'd gotten to know during her association with the club. By the time she'd completed her farewells, it was almost five o'clock. She'd wanted to beat the rush hour and now she'd be stuck right in the middle.
“Damn.”
she thought,
“I'd better phone Ten.”
Usually she drove her to the Counselling Centre. She was to be there by six o'clock; the first appointments began at half past. Then she picked her up at nine when they were done. At this rate Ten would have to take the TTC. She'd be letting her down and all because she hadn't kept a closer watch on her time. Now they'd not see each other 'til later. It was getting very hard, this being their last week.
âHi Babe, it's me.'
âDarling where are you, is everything okay?' There was concern in her voice.
âFine Sweetness I'm at the gym. You'll have to make your own way over to College, I think. You know how slow Bloor can be, even though I'll cut up through Dufferin. I'm really sorry about this.'
âOh Sid,' the regret in Ten's voice was unmistakable. She sighed: âIf I don't see you before, then you'll be at the centre later?' she questioned.
âFor sure. It's just I don't think I can make it home in time to get you to the Centre by six.'
âThat's cool Hon, I'm just sorry I won't see you.' She dropped her voice. âI miss you.'
The words tugged at her heart strings and made her feel even worse. She wished she could make it up to her, but there was nothing to be done except drive. This she did, but she had guessed right. Ten had already left by the time she pulled up. The traffic had been a nightmare.
She decided to make good use of her time alone. After a quick stir-fry of Chinese noodles, she got stuck into sorting through the clothes she would need during the week away and what she could leave at home for weekends. She took time out to phone her mother, who was delighted at the news. She had always looked upon her eldest as the smartest and, deep in her heart, she was her favorite.
âMam, you realize I won't be able to send you money for a while, don't you? As soon as I see how my finances are working out, I'll send what I can,' Sid assured her.
âIt's all right, Siddie,' Mavis replied. âBilly got an apprenticeship through the Mohawk College, Applied Sciences Course. You know how we thought he'd never stick to anything?'
âYeah. He found something he liked? It would be the only way.'
âHe did. Would you believe, he's part-time with the College and also with the Department of Parks and Recreation. There are others of his age there of course, and he's making new friends.'
âI like that Mam. Anything that gets him away from those downtown arcades. That was bad news when he started to skip school. Is he easier for you to manage?' This had always been a sore point with her mother, but from this distance she thought she could risk it.
âTell me. How's little Chelsey?' Sid always thought of Chelsey as little, although she was now fourteen and big for her age. Her brain damage was not of the severest kind so her general health was, for the most part, quite good. But she always seemed to succumb to infections, which kept her from being robust.
âProbably went to counselling, just to get her through the weeks.' Sid quipped, giving a big wink in Thea's direction.
âOK, that's enough you two,' Thea remonstrated. Hell's bells, nobody was out here and she was sure her friends wanted them to create a good impression for the landladies. Those two had been too much into the suds. She changed the subject. âTenille mentioned Lyndall?'
âOh yes. She's been a big help to me.'
“I bet she has,”
thought Sid sourly. Out loud she said: âHow is that?' Ten turned to look at her, but she saw no guile on her face, only genuine feeling.
âPart of my job is to field telephone calls. Well, sometimes a client' phones in, very distressed. She's helped me with how to calm them down while still being supportive. Other times a client may call in very angry. She's given me tips on how to deflect this energy into more constructive channels.' She smiled at Sid. âStuff like that.' She hoped the spotlight would move off her now. No one as yet had asked the name of the Centre and she didn't want to have to be evasive, but she didn't want to tell Rani and Moira at this stage either. When she knew them better and felt more comfortable would be soon enough.
Sid felt chastened by the reply and regretted her previous ugliness. She had no time for dwelling on it, however, as the conversation turned from Ten to Rani. Moira had offered the information that Rani worked as a volunteer at the community radio station CKLN.
âI know that one,' Sid disclosed: â88.1 on your FM dial.'
âAbsolutely,' Rani concurred. âI'm involved in program production. I've been there almost a year now. The people are cool and there's always lots happening.' Her face was alight with animation and her dark eyes flashed in her dusky skin. As she held the floor, her mellifluous voice was accompanied by the musical tinkling of her jewelry. âWe're located in the bowels of the Ryerson Polytechnic building. It's a bit of a warren, but no matter, we find our way.'
âWhat sort of programming, Rani?' Thea insisted.
âThis is one of the reasons I like it so much,' she conceded. âCKLN is alternative radio, so we cover what the main stream passes by. It's fascinating.' The eyes flashed again. Sid reckoned she could be a lot of woman to handle, but Moira obviously managed all right. It was a pleasure to watch and listen to her.
âIt's a station not afraid to tackle controversial issues.' Her glance took them all in. âFor example: street people. We walk past them in the depths of winter, sleeping over those warm subway vents. We know nothing about them and we don't help. CKLN will take on a topic like that and raise people's awareness. There's a whole department devoted to women's issues and the music library is like you'd never believe. Really interesting artists who normally wouldn't get any airplay, develop a devoted following of faithful listeners.' She stopped, then remembered. âYes, and that's another thing. The people who listen to us are very vocal. They come from all walks of life; not afraid to make their thoughts and feelings known. It truly is âcommunity radio'.'
âIt does sound very interesting,' Ten observed.
Rani turned to Ten. âYou know,' she said with deliberation, âthe station is looking for someone to take on the four pm. and five pm news spots. Perhaps, while you still have time on your hands, you might like to give it a try.'
âMe.' she exclaimed. âGoodness, I'm just getting my feet wet at the counselling centre ⦠This is enough for me.' She looked horrified at the thought. âAnyway, I think I'd be too nervous to speak into a microphone,' she ended lamely.
âWhat about you, Sidonie?' Rani turned those arresting eyes in her direction.
âActually, I think it sounds like fun. But sorry, not me, I'm off to Guelph next week.' This disclosure set everyone into a stir. Questions flew at her from every direction and it was all she could do to field them in turn.
âWell, that's it,' declared Reine. âIf Eager-Beaver here, is off to study, then you my dear, should definitely have something to fill your time.' She looked piercingly at Ten. âSince you still can't get about real good, these activities will keep you from moping.'
âI agree with Reine,' Thea endorsed. âWhen you're on your own during the week, something like this will help to pass the time.' Her look was commiserating as she smiled at her. She knew how hard it was going to be.
âListen, Ten â¦' Sid prompted, â â¦you'll never know how you'll do if you don't give it a try. I think it sounds like something you'd be good at ⦠and you have a lovely voice. It would be great on radio. I know I, for one, would listen to you.'
âWell, why don't we make a date for say, next Wednesday?' suggested Rani. âThat wouldn't interfere with your work, would it? I can introduce you to the station manager and news director. I'll show you around and you can see what you think,' she concluded persuasively.
Ten's feelings were mixed. She had misgivings regarding her ability, yet could not deny a sense of excitement at the prospect. In the end she acquiesced, agreeing to make a date for Wednesday. What was she getting herself into? Wild thoughts began to tumble round her brain. Never before had she gotten involved with such varied activities.
The evening wound down to a very contented close. Moira and Rani left first, promising that next time they'd all have dinner at their place. Before the others took their leave Thea had a quiet moment with Ten in the bedroom. She expressed her opinion they'd pulled dinner off admirably. âWe really enjoyed meeting Moira and Rani. It makes a nice change to embark on stimulating discussions without resorting to the personal.'
Yes, Ten thought, Thea would appreciate that aspect of the evening. However, she knew Reine relished intimate details.
âI'm glad you're keeping an open mind about Ryerson, Ten. While you're finding life a bit tough at the moment..' she looked down at her foot which was now very swollen, â â¦these activities will be a diversion for you.'
âYes,' Ten agreed grudgingly, âI suppose you're right Thea, but I don't share the same faith in my abilities that everyone else seems to have. I do know I'm going to miss Sid dreadfully, so some involvement like this will be good. Oh Thea. you know I'm happy for Sid, but it's so hard. Do you know what I mean?' Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and Thea moved over to the bed where she sat, placing a comforting arm about her shoulders. Ten rested her head.
âIt's been so wonderful these last weeks,' she gulped through a clenched throat. âI can't tell you Thea, how much Sid means to me. She's my whole life.' She stroked her cheek. “
Poor kid,”
she thought: “
It's going to be a hard time on both of them.”
Sidonie would come home weekends. Still that wasn't the same.
âListen, you know you're always welcome to come over to us if things get too rough, don't you?'
âI do Thea. You and Reine are good, good friends and I appreciate all your concern, but I'm a big girl and I know I only have to get used to the new format and I'll adjust.' Ten's brows had drawn together as she tried hard to persuade herself of the truth of this statement. Thea observed the strain she was under and the effort it took to put on this brave face. âYou're right, time will help,' she reassured her.
âHey. You two. Are you ever coming out? This girl here is dying on her feet and I'm not all that far off it, too.' Their moment together was broken by Reine's impatient voice.
âComing,' Thea called out. As they emerged she said: âSuch a fuss. It's Sunday tomorrow, a day of rest.'
âNot for Sidonie it isn't. It's another day at the salt mines, my dear,' Reine reminded her: âSo we should go and let her get her much needed sleep.'
âIt's OK Reine. I can always catch up with an afternoon nap. Don't worry.' Sid calmed her friend's perturbation. There were goodnight hugs all round and then they were gone. At the door Sid took Ten in her arms. Their kiss was gentle and loving. They knew the evening had been a success and felt well satisfied.
âI'll leave the kitchen for tomorrow, Hon. I've lots of time to get straightened away,' Ten decided.
âThat's all right with me, Babe,' Sid assured her. âReine is right though, I'm bushed. Come to bed and let me feel your wonderful body next to mine,' she cajoled, leading Ten by the hand, at the same time turning out lights as she went.
Ten chuckled. âI'll enjoy feeling yours too.'
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
That week flew by at a great rate for Sid, with many loose ends to attend to before her departure. She made time to pop into the gym after work on Tuesday to say goodbye to her friends. She saw Kelly and Serena, but it was Nina's day off.
âHow did the competition go?' they were at the coffee shop after their workout. She nursed a chocolate milk, but they'd ordered fortified juices.
âOh Sid, it was great.' This from Kelly. âYou would have enjoyed it. The competition was keen, but man, those girls from the States were good.'
âYes,' joined in Serena: âThey deserved to win and we learned a lot from them.' She took a sip of her juice then continued: âThe only disappointment was their attitude.'
âYeah,' interjected Kelly, pulling a face.
âThey tended to stick together and acted real snobbish. I didn't like how they looked down on us, just because this was our first meet.'
âThe girls from Ottawa were nice though, weren't they?' Kelly looked at Serena for confirmation. âThey came in second overall, but I thought Therese should have won in the heavy-weight class.'
âDo you think the club will enter again next year?' Sid enquired, looking at Serena. She was always a feast for the eyes.
âWe'd like to, but they're thinking of holding it in Medicine Hat. I ask you,' she rolled her heavy lidded eyes. âWho will go all the way out there?'
âWell, Albertans will like it and they could get a crowd south of the border, up from Montana and even Washington State,' Sid pointed out reasonably.
She spent a pleasant hour with her friends and then visited with the other girls she'd gotten to know during her association with the club. By the time she'd completed her farewells, it was almost five o'clock. She'd wanted to beat the rush hour and now she'd be stuck right in the middle.
“Damn.”
she thought,
“I'd better phone Ten.”
Usually she drove her to the Counselling Centre. She was to be there by six o'clock; the first appointments began at half past. Then she picked her up at nine when they were done. At this rate Ten would have to take the TTC. She'd be letting her down and all because she hadn't kept a closer watch on her time. Now they'd not see each other 'til later. It was getting very hard, this being their last week.
âHi Babe, it's me.'
âDarling where are you, is everything okay?' There was concern in her voice.
âFine Sweetness I'm at the gym. You'll have to make your own way over to College, I think. You know how slow Bloor can be, even though I'll cut up through Dufferin. I'm really sorry about this.'
âOh Sid,' the regret in Ten's voice was unmistakable. She sighed: âIf I don't see you before, then you'll be at the centre later?' she questioned.
âFor sure. It's just I don't think I can make it home in time to get you to the Centre by six.'
âThat's cool Hon, I'm just sorry I won't see you.' She dropped her voice. âI miss you.'
The words tugged at her heart strings and made her feel even worse. She wished she could make it up to her, but there was nothing to be done except drive. This she did, but she had guessed right. Ten had already left by the time she pulled up. The traffic had been a nightmare.
She decided to make good use of her time alone. After a quick stir-fry of Chinese noodles, she got stuck into sorting through the clothes she would need during the week away and what she could leave at home for weekends. She took time out to phone her mother, who was delighted at the news. She had always looked upon her eldest as the smartest and, deep in her heart, she was her favorite.
âMam, you realize I won't be able to send you money for a while, don't you? As soon as I see how my finances are working out, I'll send what I can,' Sid assured her.
âIt's all right, Siddie,' Mavis replied. âBilly got an apprenticeship through the Mohawk College, Applied Sciences Course. You know how we thought he'd never stick to anything?'
âYeah. He found something he liked? It would be the only way.'
âHe did. Would you believe, he's part-time with the College and also with the Department of Parks and Recreation. There are others of his age there of course, and he's making new friends.'
âI like that Mam. Anything that gets him away from those downtown arcades. That was bad news when he started to skip school. Is he easier for you to manage?' This had always been a sore point with her mother, but from this distance she thought she could risk it.
âTell me. How's little Chelsey?' Sid always thought of Chelsey as little, although she was now fourteen and big for her age. Her brain damage was not of the severest kind so her general health was, for the most part, quite good. But she always seemed to succumb to infections, which kept her from being robust.
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