Outlaw's Baby: A Bad Boy Secret Baby Romance (17 page)

I
’m breathing
.

Slowly, but I am. I’m fucking alive.

I look around me. There’s blood everywhere. Blood spilling across the floor. There’s a woman wailing. I hear Cherie’s screams over everyone. And I see Ryder on the floor.

The events of the past minute come flooding back into my mind, occupying every cell in my brain. Ryder was intent on killing me, but before he could send a bullet through my head, someone tackled him to the ground.

That someone is now standing a few feet away, once again clutching a sobbing Rosa. Ryder’s dead eyes are staring right at me, filled with hatred and anger. He’s gone.

Lucas drops Rosa to the ground, her knees sinking in the pool of blood. He starts to walk over to me and I back away, towards the bars of the cage.

I’m alive.

I whip my head back, still trying to comprehend what happened. Cherie is being dragged out by a throng of thugs, and my heart is beating wildly as I watch her being taken outside.

“Axel,” Lucas’ voice interrupts my thoughts. “Axel, are you all right?”

“Yes,” I nod automatically. “What… what the fuck happened?”

“I…” Lucas reaches into his hair, mussing it up and looking worried as fuck. “Bridgette wanted me to follow Cherie here, make sure she was safe. I came in minutes before the end of the fight, and I saw him point a gun at you… I did what any man would do.”

“You saved my life,” I realize.

We stare at each other. The man whose crime I’ve been paying for. The man who just saved me from death.

“Did you kill him?” I ask with a shaky voice.

Lucas shakes his head. “No. The gun… It went off.”

Rosa’s sobs are so loud, I can’t fucking concentrate. And Cherie, Cherie’s been dragged outside… I need to sort this, I need to fucking concentrate!

Shots ring out in the air and the crowd goes wild, screaming and running for the exit. Lucas and I turn around to see a squad of thugs breaking up the scene, and their eyes set on us, on the blood pooling at our feet.

It’s like everything is in slow motion until a tough looking guy points his gun at me and screams for me to get down. Get down in my enemy’s blood.

And it feels like I’m still Axel Lake, the outlaw.

T
hese men are ruthless
. They usher Lucas, Rosa and me into the makeshift office where I’ve sat so many times with Ryder. Ryder, whose blood now runs cold. If I need a reminder of that, I just need to take a look at the stern faces of the men around me, listen to Rosa’s sobbing. And I’m aching to get out of here, check up on Cherie. Reality hasn’t fully sunk in just yet.

“Did you know him?” a thug asks me. His gun is on the desk, pointed at me. “Did you know Ryder?”

“Yes,” I nod slowly, gulping the lump in my throat. “I… Rosa and I worked for him.”

“And you?” Another guy points a gun at Lucas and my friend flinches.

“I just… stopped him from killing my friend,” he says. His hands are shaking. I’ve no idea what the fuck is happening here, why the hell we’re being questioned by these guys who look like Mafiosos. Knowing Ryder, they probably are. And they’ll probably kill the three of us for meddling in his affairs.

“Well…”

The main thug glares at us and I expect to die any second.

“Thank you,” he finally mutters.

“What?” Rosa cries out.

“Thank you,” the guy repeats simply. “Ryder… We came here to finish him off tonight. You did our dirty job for us.”

“But why?” I ask out loud, feeling more confused than ever. “Why would you want to kill him? Aren’t you working with him?”

“He was a rat,” the thug says, already speaking in past tense which makes me uneasy. “He used every piece of information he could get his hands on to his own advantage. We have a new Don, and he doesn’t take this shit lightly.”

So I was right… They are mobsters.

“I… What did he do?” Lucas wants to know.

The other thug, the most violent looking one, leans down and literally growls in his face, making Lucas recoil. His friend pulls him off and offers an apologetic smile. This is all so fucked up.

“Don’t ask, and you won’t be forced to tell,” he says simply, and finally puts down the gun. A silence falls on the room, like we’re having a minute to think about what just happened. The warehouse is empty now, and my heart is aching for Cherie. She was so close… And she might be gone again. But I won’t fucking let go or give up now.

“What now?” I ask. “What happens here? The cops are bound to show up soon.”

We all look at each other blankly, even Rosa, who wipes tears away from her eyes. “We need to leave,” she says softly. “We can’t be connected to this.”

“But there’s evidence,” I point out. “It’ll lead the cops back to us.”

“We’ll just have to take care of that, won’t we?” the main thug asks me, giving me a wicked grin. “You guys head out. We’ll make sure this is taken care of.”

I don’t trust a pack of mobsters, but what other choice do I have? With Ryder dead, I don’t owe anyone anything. Slowly, I nod and get up while Rosa remains frozen in her seat. I turn towards Lucas and give him a stern look.

“Lucas, check on Cherie,” I tell him and he nods. “Call your family. Make sure they’re okay.”

He reaches for my hand and gives me a strong, powerful handshake. I always thought Lucas was a bit of a wuss, but the fact of the matter is, today he risked his life for mine. And I’ll be grateful forever.

“Deal with her,” the mobster leader points a gun at Rosa, and their group leaves us alone in the office.

I kneel at Rosa’s feet, take in her tear-streaked face and take her hand in mine. “Rosa,” I say gently. “He’s gone. He’s gone now.”

“I know.” Her face is cold, expressionless.

“Will you be okay?”

“Probably not.” She looks up into my eyes. “Ryder and I… we knew each other since we were children. He was older than me, seven years.”

I wait for her to continue, patiently squeezing her hand even though I’m itching to get out of here.

“When I was six years old, his older brother started touching me,” she says softly, and my heart fucking breaks for her. “He was twenty. He took photos of me. He… did bad things. I told Ryder. He protected me, whenever he could.”

She swallows.

“But he wasn’t always there. He wasn’t there when his brother raped me for the first time. But he always felt guilty. Always tried to make my life better, even though it was fucked up as hell. Think what you want… he cared.”

She wipes away a stray tear. My heart is beating loudly in my chest. It’s a horrible story, a horrible fate. Poor Rosa, I never knew…

“I think he thought I was tainted,” she admits brokenly. “Not the pure, innocent flower he wanted… Not after his brother had his way with me.”

“Rosa,” I say, tears threatening to escape my own eyes.

“No,” she interrupts fiercely. “I don’t need your pity.”

I stay quiet, but I still hold her hand.

“What now?” I want to know.

She shrugs. “I have money. I can do whatever I want. Ryder kept bribing me. I could’ve never worked here. I was just obsessed with being close to him.”

I nod, somehow understanding her obsession. I feel horrible. I wish she’d told me sooner, but I would’ve killed Ryder. I don’t think Rosa knows her abuser died at my hand, though.

“You’re safe now,” I tell her. “From both of them.”

“How do you know?” Her big brown eyes are wet and hopeful. “How do you know Malcolm won’t come after me?”

“He’s dead,” I say simply, not delving into the details. “Ryder told me his brother was killed.”

I can almost see the huge burden falling off Rosa’s shoulders. She exhales, and it feels like she’s doing it for the first time in a long, long time.

“Will you be okay?” I ask her softly.

She only hesitates for a moment before raising her head and looking me in the eyes with that mischievous grin. “Yeah.” She sounds surer of herself than she’s ever been. “I’ll be fine. Thanks, Axel.”

I help her to her feet and she envelops me in a huge hug, which makes me groan with pain.

We stare at each other for a moment, and then she salutes me. I repeat the motion, and I watch another woman walk out of my life.

I stay in the office for a few more moments, until I smell smoke.

It is then that I realize what’s happening. The mobsters are setting fire to the place to conceal what happened here tonight.

I start to run.

I break out of the building coughing into my shirt sleeve, smoke billowing up from behind me. Lucas is waiting for me on the stairs looking nervous as fuck.

“Thank fucking god,” he exclaims when I walk out. “Thought you were a goner. If I’d lost you again, Cherie would’ve murdered me.”

My smile is bitter. Cherie. Now I get to reunite with her. The woman I waited for. The woman who traded me weeks after I left and had a child with someone else.

“Take me to her,” I ask Lucas, and he simply nods and points towards his car.

L
ucas drives
me to their home, telling me where I’ll find Cherie. She’s waiting in the street. He has to go inside to speak to his wife. He bids me good luck.

I walk out of the car, my head down. Walking in the direction I was pointed to, it doesn’t take me long to recognize it… Cherie’s scent. Thick, cloying in the air. My love. My darling. My everything.

I raise my head and I see her. She’s standing on the corner of the street, a baby girl on her hip. She’s crying, gasping my name.

I walk over to her.

You betrayed me.

You forgot me.

You replaced me.

Anger boils inside my body when I reach her. Time to find out if there’s still a chance for us.

“
A
xel
.” I gasp. “How are you? Where have you been? What…” Tears start to trickle down my cheek. I can’t even finish my sentence. Ellie Rose feels heavy in my lap, and she’s itching to get on the ground. Bridgette left her with me, while Toby was with a neighbor. She rushed here as soon as I told her about Lucas.

Despite my blatant show of emotion, Axel’s expression remains completely stoic. “I’m good. How are you? Life going well for you?”

“Um…” His sarcastic tone throws me off a little. “Yeah… yeah I guess so. How about you?”

“Can’t complain.” His tone is cold, his body language distant. His eyes drink in Ellie Rose, and I see something incredibly sad there. A deep regret, a sadness that goes beyond his furrowed brows.

I try to reel myself in a little. I don’t want to get overly emotional in front of a man that clearly still doesn’t want me.

“Is he dead?” I ask with a shaky voice. We both know who I’m talking about.

Axel gives me a long, hard look. “Yes.”

My heart fucking stops.

“Mama?” Ellie Rose looks at me, squeezing my cheeks. My attention is back. Oh God, she’s already seen her dad before I’ve had the chance to introduce them properly. This is just too damn much.

“She looks… like you,” Axel says, the pain obvious in his voice. The question is right there, hidden beneath layers of self-doubt, anger and pain.
Whose is she, Cherie?

“I…” I mumble incoherently. He’s staring at me with those eyes. Those eyes that were almost the end of me once before. “Axel…”

“Yes?” he asks roughly after I pause.

“She’s yours,” I finally manage to get out. I’m blushing hard, my cheeks burning up. Ellie Rose has gone still in my lap, and she’s staring at Axel.

His eyes snap towards me as if he’s asking me
is it true?
I nod, the tears really pouring down my face now. I never planned to tell him in this way, but it’s too late, the truth is out there now.

I watch him grip his chest tightly, as if he doesn’t even know what to think about all of this. But he looks happy too – over the moon actually.

I let out a sigh of relief. He could have turned and fled at this revelation. Becoming a father is a massive responsibility, after all.

“Mama?” Ellie Rose asks again, but this time, she’s reaching for Axel. He reaches for her, both of our hands shaking as I hand him his baby girl. His child. His own flesh and blood.

Father and daughter, in each other’s arms – a sight I never thought I’d get to see. My heart constricts and flutters with it all. I try to keep it all in, but there are too many feelings. Some of them are spilling out into the public domain.

“I’ll never leave you again, sweetheart…” I hear him mumbling into her ear.

Does that mean…?
No, I can’t get carried away yet again. I’ll only end up heartbroken once more. He might just mean that he wants to remain a constant figure in her life. It may have nothing to do with me.

Ellie Rose settles in his arms, leaning against his shoulder. She’s gone quiet and calm, just resting in her daddy’s arm.

“I didn’t know. I never would’ve…” Axel starts to say.

“I know.” I jump in. I don’t want him to blame himself. There was no way that he could have known.

“I’m just… I’m so sorry, Cherie. I never wanted to leave you. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed out on…” I nod, my lips in a thin line so I don’t scream with sobs. “I had to go, to keep you all safe. I...”

“I know.” I finally blurt out, relieved that this was the reason. “I think a part of me always knew. I just figured that I should harden myself by convincing myself that you’d left me. Stupid really.” I giggle pointlessly.

“No, I get it.” Axel nods seriously, as if he really does. “Cherie, I…”

“What?” I don’t even let him finish, I’m so damn desperate. I need to know the answer to a thousand questions going through my mind right now.

Why were you so cold?

Why did you fight Ryder?

Why didn’t you come for me?

“He told me you were dating,” he gets out through gritted teeth. “Ryder. He told me you were his… his fucking property. And you wanted him.”

My lips part as a surprised gasp leaves my mouth.

“That’s what the fight was about. He offered me a chance to leave, if I beat him. I’m sure he wouldn’t have gone through with it, but I needed to see you again, I need to
be
with you again. I should’ve known he’d try something sick…”

It takes a moment for all this information to sink in.

“I didn’t…” I try to start, sighing with barely held-back tears. “I didn’t sleep with him, Axel… He tried to, but it never felt right. I kissed him, once, and I knew it was the only time. I just wanted to keep myself and Ellie Rose safe. I didn’t care about Ryder in that way, ever.”

He shakes his head roughly, like he doesn’t believe me. Our daughter stirs in his arms.

I step closer and reach for him. It’s like an electric current is running through his body. He’s muscular as hell, pent up with anger and shock.

“Axel!” I say roughly. “I never cared for him. Never. I waited, I waited for you…”

He finally looks up at me, his eyes so broken it actually hurts to look into them.

“Do you believe me?” I ask softly. “I… I love you, Axel…”

And it’s like someone turned on a light within him. He holds Ellie Rose closer, he stares at me, hard. And then he smiles. Softly, a barely there grin. But it grows wider with each second. A tear rolls down his cheek.

We stare at each other, smiling and crying all at once, like a pair of crazy teenagers in love.
Are we still in love? Is that still a possibility?

“Do you want to come back to my place?” I finally ask, finding the parking lot too constricting now. “We can talk there. There’s so much we both have to tell each other.”

Axel nods thoughtfully. “I do. I’m going to tell you everything, Cherie. I don’t want you to not know anymore. No more secrets. I’ve had some demons in my closet, but I’m starting to deal with them now, I’m starting to become a proper, well rounded person – one that might, one day be good enough for you.”

Is that what he thinks? That he isn’t good enough for me? I’m about to object, but he steps closer and my thoughts vanish into thin air.

He wraps me up in his arms and squeezes me tight like he never wants to let me go again, with our daughter between us. Then, I don’t know who makes the first move, but soon we’re kissing each other as if we’ll never be able to be apart again.

“
W
hat I don’t understand is
why you didn’t just tell me!” I whine, louder than I intended to.

Ax has been trying to explain everything to me in a way that I’ll understand, but it’s hard. He told me that he was a bad guy back at home, that he beat people up for a living and one day he went too far because he discovered some child pornography at the home of one of his boss’ clients. That’s when the murder that he did commit occurred.

I gripped his hand tightly as he told me that. It was clearly extremely difficult for him, but he knew that getting it off his chest will bring us closer together – and I really think it will. I understand him more, I get where his life has been and why he’s turned out the way that he has.

And then I found out Ryder was connected to the whole thing. It was all about revenge, all along…

Unfortunately, that was actually the easy part of the conversation. This is the challenging bit. We’re discussing why he left when he did, and why he couldn’t just tell me what he was doing.

“It was Ryder’s rule.” Axel snaps back, tugging on the ends of his hair, clearly frustrated with me.

“Fuck, Ryder, you could have just told me. I wouldn’t have told anyone. I would have acted like I didn’t know.”

We’re both highly strung, really emotional, and trying to work through all of our crap. In the deepest part of my psyche, I’d always imagined that if we were to have a reunion, it would be wonderful, romantic and picture perfect.

But this is real life, and things don’t always work like that…

Luckily Ellie Rose is napping in her bedroom, so we can have this fight in peace. I’d hate for her to see all of this, especially when she’s only just gotten her daddy back. However necessary this is, there’s no way to explain to a toddler.

“Cherie, I didn’t want to put you in danger, I also didn’t want to worry you. This wasn’t easy for me either…”

“At least I didn’t abandon you. At least you knew that I loved you. At least you knew where I was!” I’m yelling now, throwing my hands in the air as I do. I don’t want to be this way, but I can’t help it.

“You don’t think it fucking killed me, being so near to you, but unable to even
see
you? It was horrendous. I almost took my life down a really negative path again, but I didn’t want to, I wanted to make things better for you, for the both of us.”

“That meant you couldn’t even leave a note? I was broken without you. You tore my heart to shreds.” I know that going over the past might not be helpful at this particular moment, but I also know that it’ll all just fester if we don’t get it out there, in the open.

Some of these things just need to be said.

“Why the hell are we fighting about this, Cherie?” he begs, moving nearer to me, placing his palms on my waist.

“Because, we have to! Because if we don’t get it out now, it’ll just come back to haunt us.” I pout, feeling moody and a little silly, but still carrying on. “I cannot tell you how hard the last few years have been, Ax. There was so many times that I needed you, that I would have given
anything
to just see you, or even know that you were alive.”

He dips his head closer to mine, resting his forehead on mine. I refuse to make eye contact because I need to say these next, humiliating words out loud, and if he’s looking right at me, then I might not be able to get through it.

“I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, that I wasn’t sexy enough. I thought you left me because you preferred the company of other women. My self-confidence crashed when you went, and it’s taken a very long time for me to rebuild it. I just… I don’t want even the chance of you leaving again. Especially because it isn’t just my heart that you’ll break now. If you’re going to go, I’d rather you do it now before I can fall too deep again.”

He puts a finger under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his. I’m on the verge of tears, and by the looks of things he is, too.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I never wanted that. I never wanted any of it, I just wanted to keep you out of all of my trash. I thought I was doing the right thing. I had it in my head that if I told you anything, you’d come looking for me…”

“I would have!” I interject, smiling weakly.

“…but you were on my mind, always. The entire time. I didn’t even look at another woman. I couldn’t have, after you. You shook up my entire world and switched everything around. I no longer wanted to be anything other than the right man for you. You are
more
than good enough for me. You’re a rare beauty, and I would never do anything to mess things up with you again. You’re so gorgeous, that when I’m with you, the entire world shrinks to just me and you. And I would
never
do anything to hurt Ellie Rose. I know how awful my vanishing would be for her. She might forgive me for doing it once, but I’d never get away with it again.”

Suddenly he looks to the ground, as if he now has something difficult to say.

“That’s why it hurt so much when Ryder told me about you... I thought I’d spent all of this time pining after you, like a fool, and you’d moved on. I thought you were with that scumbag!”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, looking at his clearly hurt face. “It would have crushed me to see you with someone else, too – even if it was only innocent. Ryder looked after us, he dragged me out of a penniless hell and gave me a place to live and put food on the table. I repaid him for every penny by working it off – not in the way that you did – but I wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for him. Ellie Rose and I would have been in one hell of a mess. I have a lot to thank him for, but he… he was not a good man.”

“The fucking understatement of the year,” he mumbles, and I let him.

Ryder was a snake. He was sweet to me, because he wanted me. He played his cards, always. After Ax told me more about his dealings, about his brother, I finally understood the hate, the anger and the humiliation he’d gone through at Ryder’s hands.

I place a gentle kiss on his lips, ending the argument in the sweetest way possible.

“There’s no point in saying
‘let’s just focus on the future now’
, because chances are the past
will
rear its ugly head from time to time. How about we just promise each other that we won’t let it tear us apart, and that we’ll always be honest and we’ll always work through our problems together?”

“I like that idea, baby girl.” Axel grins and kisses me once more.

An odd stirring starts to form in my belly, and I instantly recognize it – even if I haven’t felt it for a while. I’m horny, turned on as hell, and I
want
Axel right here and now.

I trail my fingers down his muscular chest, tracing his abs on the way down, and start to make my way towards the cock that I’ve spent years and years missing…

“Wait!” Ax cries, grabbing my hand and pulling it away. “Not yet.”

A cold sense of shame starts to creep through me, icing up all of my veins. Has he not missed me as much as I’ve missed him?

Ax spots my expression and quickly tries to reassure me.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” He growls. “I’ve missed the hell out of my dirty girl, but I want to do things right this time. I don’t want a quickie in the front room, with the risk of Ellie Rose waking up at any moment. I want to wine you and dine you, take you out for a date. I want to make you feel like the most special woman on the planet, because that’s what you deserve. But before all of that, I want to clear the air with your family. I want the path to be clear before we start our journey towards the future.”