Outpost (35 page)

He’d already made that clear enough, earlier in the day. “I’m aware.”

“I need someone to go for help,” Bigwater said quietly. “There are other settlements on the trade route—”

“I have Longshot’s maps.”

“Good. I believe he had this solution in mind when he left you the bequest, Deuce. Now that he’s gone, you have the best chance at completing this mission. Nobody else has much experience in the wilderness, certainly not like you.”

I turned the idea over in my mind, seeing eerie parallels to the suicide run the blind brat had undertaken from Nassau. There was no guarantee my experience would let me survive, but if I stayed, I’d die. That was a given. Either one of the zealots would find a way to sacrifice me, or the Freaks would break in, eventually. I didn’t see a way out. At least by accepting this assignment I could choose my death as Longshot had done. Maybe he
wouldn’t
want me to go; maybe Elder Bigwater only said that to make me fall in with his plans.

But it was working. I liked the idea of making Longshot proud. He’d saved me twice, so it was my turn to do something for him, even if he was past caring.

“All right,” I said slowly. “Give me a chance to say my good-byes and explain things to my foster parents. Momma Oaks will take it hard.”

Real sorrow touched his sunken eyes. “Because of Daniel.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll prepare supplies for the journey and have them waiting.” He paused. “You’re a brave girl and a credit to the town, no matter what my wife says.”

“Thank you.” It shouldn’t matter what he thought, but it did. His approval meant I hadn’t wasted my time here; I’d made a difference. But there was one problem, as I saw it. “How will I get out?”

“Few know about this, Deuce, but when the town was founded, they dug an emergency exit. The tunnel runs from the cellar in my house out past the back wall. I have no idea what state it’s in, since nobody has used it in fifty years. So you’ll need to be careful as you go.”

I offered a fleeting smile. “It’s best if I leave tonight. Darkness will make it easier to avoid the Freaks.”

“Then I will see you shortly.”

He pressed my shoulder in parting, and I went home to Momma Oaks for what might be the last time.

“I heard about the scene with that awful Caroline Bigwater. I’m so sorry, child. Not all women are like that, I promise.” She took a closer look at me, studying my stillness, and her face paled. “What’s the matter?”

Quietly, I told her that I’d be leaving—and why. I could see she wanted to protest,
Why must it be you?
and I loved her for it. Momma Oaks would miss me. She’d remember me if I didn’t come back. Bravely, she blinked away tears as she pulled me to her chest. I stood quiet because I feared how I might react—and how hard it would be to leave—if I broke down.

Pulling back, she said, “I suppose you need to pack.”

“I do.” I headed for the stairs.

“I was saving this as a surprise, but you need them now. While you were gone, I sewed you some new patrol outfits. They should do nicely for the road.”

That did it. I threw myself at her and hugged her around neck. I wept a little against her shoulder. In that moment, I was only a girl, not a Huntress, and I did not want to leave my mother. The steel would return, I had no doubt, but not just yet.

She didn’t try to hush me. Momma whispered nonsense against my hair and told me it would be all right. This kind of lie, where both of us knew the truth, choked me up, and I loved her for that too. At last, I stepped away, brushed at my eyes, and went up the stairs.

Packing didn’t take long. She helped me, folding my new clothes into small, neat squares that would likely be rumpled before I left the house. We both knew the point was for her to do
something
, so she didn’t cry.
Thank you,
I thought,
for not making this impossible.
I tucked Longshot’s leather folder into my things, for I would need maps for the journey.

“Edmund will be home for dinner soon. Will you stay that long?”

“Of course.” It wasn’t fully dark anyway.

To my surprise, Rex showed up with his wife, whose name I hadn’t learned when I stopped to chastise him. Ruth was a gentle person, nervous around Edmund and Momma Oaks, but I was happy to see her making an effort. My foster parents would need their son more than ever after I left. Maybe I had done the right thing with my meddling.

The meal was quiet, and Edmund’s mouth drooped at the corners as he ate. Momma Oaks tried to keep up a conversation, and Ruth carried more than her share. Now and again, Rex volunteered a comment, but he seemed aware it was a sad occasion, even if he hadn’t heard the news.

Then he proved he had. “I want to thank you,” he said quietly. “I had forgotten what’s important … and it’s not my pride.”

“I was rude,” I murmured.

Rex shrugged. “I had it coming.”

I ate the rest of my meal with determined cheer. Afterward, I was in the kitchen, washing up with Ruth, when I asked, “What was the matter, anyway?”

She stared at the plate in her hands. “A combination of things … normally, I wouldn’t tell you, as you’re a stranger, but you’re family too.”

“Thank you.” I was touched.

Ruth went on, “I was … with child when Rex married me. His folks thought that meant I wasn’t a good girl, and then we lost the baby. A few people said it was punishment from heaven.”

Those people needed a boot in the face. “I’m sorry.”

“Then he argued with them because he loves me. He refused to work with his father anymore, and it just got worse over time, until they weren’t talking at all.”

Until I came along and demanded they make up.

Once we finished clearing up the dinner dishes, Rex and his wife bade me farewell. It was almost time for me to go, and Momma Oaks got misty again. Just before my departure, Edmund cautioned me to take care of my boots, and then hugged me awkwardly around the shoulders. His tired eyes said other things, like,
I’ll miss you,
and
come back safely,
and
don’t break your mother’s heart.
For one glorious moment, I marveled at the fact that I had a family.

And then I left them.

Only three farewells remained. Nobody else mattered enough to me; Elder Bigwater could make an announcement if he so chose.

I went to Stalker first because he’d remained steadfast, no matter what, and so he deserved to hear the news before anyone else. Despite the hour, he was still working in the smithy, pouring molten metal into the molds. Those would become ammunition when the process was complete. His face shone with sweat, glossing his scars, but he seemed glad to see me—until he noticed the bag on my shoulder and the rifle in my hand.

“Going somewhere?” he asked.

So few words to sum up the situation, but I managed, and his eyes snapped with cold fury. “You came to tell me
good-bye
?”

“This is how it has to be.”

Rage fueled his movements as he jerked off his leather apron. “No, it’s not. Say ‘Come with me, Stalker.’”

I stared, shocked. “Are you sure your leg is strong enough?”

The last time I saw him, he had been using a stick. I saw no evidence of it now, and he’d been putting in long hours at the forge. His arms were corded with muscles, but that didn’t address the condition of his knee.

Apparently outraged by the question, he kissed me, hard, before I realized what he meant to do. His lips felt angry and famished at once. “Say it, Deuce.”

“Come with me, Stalker.”

Then he smiled and I took a step toward him, unwillingly drawn by his ferocious beauty. “I’ll tell Smith and get my things.”

“Meet me at the Bigwater house when you can.”

My spirit felt lighter as I made my way to Doc Tuttle’s place. I wanted a hug from Tegan and her good wishes. She was eating dinner with the doctor and his wife when I arrived; she jumped up and offered me a plate, which I declined.

“Could we talk in private for a moment?”

Her parents graciously excused the interruption, even more charitably ignored the fact that I was dressed for war, and we stepped outside.

“I’m leaving,” I said, and then explained the circumstances.

“I hate that Caroline Bigwater,” she snapped, her small fists clenched. “
Hate
her. You know she says the same thing about me helping Doc in the office?”

It didn’t surprise me. “I hope she won’t make trouble for you, once I’m gone.”

Tegan grinned. “She won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?” I tilted my head, puzzled.

“Because I won’t be here. You’ll need a doctor on the road, and even Doc admits I’m almost as good as he is.”

I didn’t make the mistake of asking about her leg; she didn’t limp as much as she had once. Plus, if she had been tough enough to handle the backbreaking work of the growing season and then the harvest, she could withstand this journey too. Tegan might be the strongest of us all.

She ran back into the house, addressing her next words to the Tuttles. “Help me pack my medical bag.”

“Is someone sick?” Doc asked.

I let her do the talking, and then, he left the table to divide up his supplies, allotting her needle and thread, bandages, ointments, and sundry items I wouldn’t know how to use. Clearly Tegan did.

“Are you
sure
about this?” I asked, wondering if she understood the danger.

“Absolutely. You saved me, more than once. It’s my turn to repay the favor.”

“But you love it here.” I was surprised Tegan would venture out with me when she’d been searching for safety as long as I’d known her.

“It’s my home,” she said simply. “So, I’ll do my part to protect it. And I owe you, too, so…” She shrugged. “I need to do this.”

Humbled by her loyalty, I told her to meet me at the Bigwater house as soon as she was ready, and then I went on, feeling even better. I might not be a normal girl by Salvation standards, but I had good friends. No question. And there must be something worthwhile about me if they were willing to accompany me now.

That left only one person.
Fade.
Maybe given his own pain, he wouldn’t care that I was going, but I owed him the courtesy of seeing him before I left.

As I’d expected, Longshot’s house was dark. No candles. No lamp. But Fade must be there since he wouldn’t remain in the shop after Edmund left. It took all my courage to climb to the porch and rap my knuckles against the door.

For long moments I waited, until at last I heard a rustle of movement from within. Fade answered the door, his face in shadow.

“Did you forget something?”

“Just this.” When I kissed his cheek, his instinctive flinch shocked me. That was a revelation; my touch no longer brought him pleasure; maybe he associated
all
contact with physical pain, and I grieved for everything we’d lost. I thought he just needed some time … I hadn’t realized his damage ran so deep.

Stalker whispered in my head,
He’s soft in ways you and I aren’t. Ultimately, you’re going to break him.

Maybe,
I thought.
But I can save him too.

It just wouldn’t be today. My boy had suffered enough. I couldn’t ask him to fight more on my behalf. He needed what little peace Salvation could provide in these difficult times.

“Good-bye, Fade.”

I lacked the heart to tell the story again. Edmund would mention it, if Fade kept helping out in the shop. Lightly, I ran down the steps, away from him, toward the future, toward uncertainty and danger.

“I deserve that,” he said softly.

His pained words stopped me, but I didn’t turn. “What?”

“That you don’t trust me enough to ask for my help.” The words burned with raw anguish, as if he’d let me down somehow. “Or maybe you think I’m not strong enough to be of any use.”

So he already knew. I didn’t ask how. Secrets had a way of spreading, whispers carried on the wind.

“I don’t think that,” I answered honestly.

But you do.

“We’re still partners, aren’t we?” His voice carried a desperate hope.

The question hurt—that he even needed to ask. This was the second time he’d shut me out after taking a wound, as if I held nothing inside me to offer him, no ability to console or comfort, and it broke my heart into a thousand pieces. But it wasn’t time to be angry; I couldn’t focus on how his behavior made me feel. I had to recall that self-doubt sliced at him like hidden knives. So I put on a neutral expression as I faced him. Pity would destroy him.

“I never left,” I said. “I didn’t request your help because I was trying to do what was right for you. Obviously, having you there is
always
best for me.”

“I don’t want to stay here. I don’t even want to be in my own skin. Can I come with you?” The ache in his question made me feel gentle.

“Fade, you said you can’t be what I need, but you’re everything I want. Even if you give up on yourself,
I
never will. I’ll fight for you.”

“You shouldn’t say that,” he whispered. “I’m not worth it.”

“That’s not true.”

I wanted to throw myself into his arms, but I’d made him flinch from a kiss. I had to take this slow; it was enough he was talking to me again. As Tegan said, I couldn’t make him believe how important, how valuable he was, no matter what the Freaks had done. He had to come to that conclusion himself, and I’d be waiting when he did. No matter how long it took.

In a moment of whimsy, I blew Fade a kiss, as I’d seen other girls do with their sweethearts, and his hand came up slowly to catch it. Hope winged through me like a bird. I strode away, smiling, careful to avoid any zealots who might be lying in wait. A few minutes later, I arrived at the Bigwater home and found Zach watching for me in the front yard. He guided me through the house, so I gathered his father had taken the boy into his confidence. I didn’t speak until we reached the cellar, a dry room with a dirt floor and baskets of vegetables.

Then I said, “I have three friends on the way, if you wouldn’t mind meeting them out front.”

“It’s my pleasure.” He hesitated, visibly torn. “I wish I could go with you. I hear Tegan’s one of your companions … and I really like her.”