Over the Hills and Far Away (NOLA's Own #1) (21 page)

Alys dropped me off at Brian’s after dinner, and Lili offered to be the one to pick me up in the morning.

The moment I was through the door, I was in his arms, and he was kissing me so sweetly. Holding my face in his hands, he pushed his fingers through my hair, and it felt so good, I moaned against his mouth in complete surrender. He lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Brian took me back to his room. He stepped over Bubba, who was snoring in front of the door, on the way in.

Slowly stripping me out of my clothes, as if unwrapping something to cherish, he kissed every bit of me as he went along. When I was finally naked, he laid me back on the bed and then removed every stitch of his own clothes before joining me. In my arms and cradled between my thighs, he kissed and caressed me until I was breathless and writhing beneath him. I was so wet and hot that I could hardly stand it. Rolling off me, he grabbed a condom and rolled it down over his cock before returning to my arms. He slid into me, filling me with deliberate slow strokes.

He’s making love to me.
Making love to me
. Oh, wow…it’s wonderful.

It felt blissful and impossibly right.

With his face right above mine, our eyes locked on each other. Brian was giving me his strength, his love…his love…his love.

For hours, this went on.

He didn’t stop until the sun came up, and I was too tired and sated to even move. Then, he wrapped his arms around me and held me while I slept.

When I woke up, he was sleeping soundly next to me. I watched him in silence, marveling at how breathtakingly beautiful he was. I realized just how much I was really falling in love with him, but the thought didn’t fill me with the happiness it should.

“Don’t go anywhere.”

Always, I heard the echo of Phil’s voice when I felt the need to leave the memory of him behind me. Whenever I was ready to move forward, his command to me would surface, and I would pull back from Brian. I was tired of pulling back. I wanted this steady, constant love in my life. I was ready for it.

Was the part of me holding back from Brian and speaking in Phil’s voice just my own deeply ingrained fear of being hurt and losing someone else?
It was quite possible I was a complete whack job, too. I couldn’t rule that out.

I can slip into this so easily, a life with this beautiful, wonderful man
and Bubba, the bulldog.
I can choose to be with Brian. I can make a happy life with him. It’s not like it would be hard. And he’s given so much of himself to me. How can I not return that gesture?

I had a decision to make and very, very soon. It was long overdue really. Brian deserved so much more than this from me. I had to decide whether I was going to commit to him, or…

I called Lili, and she told me she’d be by at ten. That gave me about twenty minutes.

“Brian?” I put my hand on his shoulder, giving it a little shake. “Brian, wake up.”

“Mmm?” He pulled me into his arms. “What is it, baby?”

“I’m heading out. Lili’s coming to get me.”

“You’re going home?” He still wasn’t fully awake.

“Yes, and I need to talk to you before she shows up.”

That woke his ass up. He sat up, and I pulled out of his arms.

“What is it?” he asked, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Last night…” I swallowed thickly, fighting the urge to cry. “Last night was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. It was beyond amazing. You made me feel…just so much.” I took his hands. “And I’m going to need some time to figure out what it is that I need to do.”

“What do you want to do?”

Love was just shining out of his hazel eyes. Witnessing it made my heart constrict.

“I know I don’t want to hurt you,” I told him. “You’ve made it very hard not to fall in love with you. But I’ve come to the realization that I need to step up and give you the kind of relationship you so very much deserve, or…” Just the thought of having to let this go was painful.

I knew that I loved this man. I just didn’t know if it was enough.

“Okay,” he replied, his voice soft.

“You deserve everything I can give, Brian. I need to figure out if that’s a possibility for me.”

“Okay.”

I was tempted to just say,
Fuck it
, and tell him that I loved him, that I was all his, but I didn’t because then it would be done, and I didn’t think I could live with myself if I made a promise I wouldn’t be able to keep.

And that was really what it came down to. If ever push came to shove, I wouldn’t keep that promise.

I could hear Lili’s Rhonda wheezing in the driveway. I went to stand, but he pulled me into his arms, kissing me with unrestrained passion.

“Whatever you choose, baby, I regret nothing,” he murmured against my lips. “Do you understand that? You’re worth all of it.”

“Don’t say that.” My lower lip trembled with the effort it took for me not to burst into horrific snot-inducing sobs. “I’m not worth putting you through any pain—”

“Yes, you are,” he insisted. He gave me one of those smiles that just melted my heart. “You’ve given me the best time of my life, Kenna. That’s certainly worth everything to me.”

“And if I take it away?”

“You can’t. It’s already mine. It’s not something that can be taken away. It’s in my head and heart already.”

For the love of all that’s holy, he’s such a fucking amazing soul.

The misery must have been written all over my face because Lili didn’t even wait until I shut the car door before asking, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m in love with him, and I don’t know what to do.”

She brushed that confession aside like dust off her shoulder. “Well, we found something you need to see.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see.”

“Seriously, Lili, I don’t think I can take much more shit right now. What did you find?”

“Nothing bad! Just chill. You’ll see when we get home.”

Alys was waiting on the front porch, and bless her, she handed me a sweet hot espresso as I walked up the steps.

“Did you tell her?” she asked Lili.

In return, Lili threw her a dirty look. “No, but she thinks she’s
in love
with Brian.”

Alys’s face looked stricken. “Oh, Sweet Pea…”

Holding up my hand, I closed my eyes, and as though it pained me—which, incidentally, it did—I said, “Just show me whatever the hell it is you’ve found, okay?”

We headed upstairs to Alys’s room where the computer was on and paused on some sort of clip. It was a concert clip. And as I read the title—
NOLA’s Junk, Louisiana Baby
—I started to feel pissy.

“Oh, what fresh hell is this?” I asked in outrage, throwing myself into the computer chair.

“Just watch. It’s from two nights ago in Rio de Janeiro,” Alys said in a soothing sweet tone. She palmed the mouse and clicked on Play.

“Damn, it’s fuckin’ hot in Rio,”
Phil said as he walked from the left side of the huge stage to the right.

Indeed, they all looked extremely sweaty. Phil had his shirt off, and by the love of the gods, he looked positively delicious. It had been a while since I even saw a photo of him.

Avoiding my addiction, I had desperately tried to move on with my life. I had gone cold turkey with it, too. I’d buried my scrapbook in a box somewhere under my bed and only listened to their music a couple times a week instead of obsessively.

But seeing his half-naked, sweaty, and fucking gorgeously ripped body, it was like taking a hit of the best drug. I was even salivating
.

How sick is that?

He was big, built halfway between athlete and bodybuilder, his skin glowing with that tanned copper hue that looked so tasty. His hair must be pretty long now. It was pulled back into a knot high on the back of his head, and he had a set of sideburns that could only be considered awesome.

Are they lamb chops?

Dark green Dickies rode low on his hips, displaying that coveted V-line and showing a bit of a happy trail. Areas on his pants were soaked through with sweat, and I felt my own crotch go damp.

Phil was every fantasy and dream I had ever had made into flesh.

“Tonight is our last night in South America. Brazil, you have been a beautiful hostess to these Southern boys.”

A squeezing sensation around my heart left me slightly light-headed. I loved this voice.

Love it, love it, love it.

Why in hell am I watching this?

“For the last six years we’ve been tourin’ and recordin’ and tourin’ and recordin’. We’ve loved seeing our fans. Y’all have kept us goin’. But tomorrow, we’re headin’ back to the States and goin’ to California and shit for a few more shows. Then, we’re returnin’ to our beloved home for our final show in New Orleans where we’re gonna take a nice long break before headin’ back into the studio.”

Okay, my heart just stopped.

He continued with his speech, his voice rumbling deep like thunder, “I don’t know if y’all know this, but we started out with a pretty Southern rock sound. In honor of our home, we wrote this new song. It ain’t on any album as of yet, but we thought we’d give it a shot for you guys tonight. Y’all on board for it?”

Gods, I love this voice. I live for this voice.

The seemingly endless audience went fucking crazy. South Americans really did love their heavy metal.

“That’s good ’cause you really don’t have a fuckin’ choice. It’s a bit mellower than the usual fare, but if you got a joint, spark it up. It’ll put you in the mood. Rio, this is ‘Louisiana Baby.’”

X kicked the song off with a smooth throbbing bass line, followed by Flipper with a heavy heartbeat for the drums. Then, Jason, his guitar sweet and sexy, brought the song into a full-bodied flavor.

“A hot summer’s end found her in my arms / I knew then that my soul had never been my own / My sweetest dream had me in her grip / I’d never be lost again. I had found my only home / But then, out of my world she tripped…”

My heart had started pounding so hard that I was feeling a little dizzy as if the blood had started to pool in my feet. This was beautiful. His voice…he could fucking sing. I’d always known he could, but he’d taken it to the next level.

“All that’s left is a ruined madman/ Heartbroken, I ache for my Louisiana Baby/ There’s no place I would hide from her/ My Baby Girl ain’t nowhere I can see.”

My hands reached up, covering my mouth, and tears sprang a leak in my eyes. I wasn’t too sure if I could believe what I was watching or hearing.

“My colors of bayou sunsets and sunlight through mangrove leaves—”

Alys stroked my hair
. This
was what he meant—my hair and eyes.

“I find her once more in an ocean of faces/ She salutes me, only to set me free…”

“Shut the fuck up!” I gasped, my tears spilling over.

“I’ve been the world over, been gone for so long/ This freedom is my prison/ I’m shackled to a memory of an innocent kiss/ No land can give me the peace I found/ That very moment I had her in my arms/ No other has the power to show me that bliss/ I’m just a broken and tortured madman/Soul shattered, I need my Louisiana Baby/ There’s no place I would hide from her/ My Baby Girl ain’t nowhere I can see.”

Lili wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder.

“And now, I’ve been gone for so long… / Baby Girl, can you find it in your heart to forgive me? / You’re my peace, my sanctuary, my home / I can feel you. You’re done waitin’ / I hear you callin’ to me. / I’m achin’ for my colors of your bayou sunsets / And sunlight through mangrove leaves. / Not a day has gone by since you saluted me, Baby Girl, / That I have once felt truly free.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I wailed.

“Shh…there’s more!” said Lili.

The crowd went completely nuts as they finished the song. Thousands of lighters held a glow in the air, thousands of tiny flickering flames of hope.

“Thank you so much, Rio!”
His voice boomed out, his hand pressed over his heart.

Flipper came out from behind the drums with X and Jason flanking Phil. The four of them wrapped their arms around each other’s shoulders, and they bowed as one. When they all straightened up, the guys started to wave. Phil shoved the mic into the belt of his pants. He pressed his palms together before his heart and bowed slightly.