Oxfordshire Folktales (19 page)

Not so long ago, a fisherman and his wife lived together in a ramshackle old place near Dorchester-on-Thames. Every day the fisherman went out with his rod and tackle and set up on his favourite spot on the river bank. It was more peaceful there. His wife was often complaining about this or that. Whatever he seemed to do, nothing was quite right for her. Gazing out over the waters, which so often seemed to reflect his mood, he hoped that his luck would change.

One time, he was sitting there fishing and looking out across the river, and he stared and stared – not thinking of anything, not feeling anything, just lost in the pattern of ripples and reflections, when, all of a sudden, his line gave a tug. And then another. Snapping out of his reverie, he gripped his rod and gave it a good pull. Up with a splash came his prize and he couldn’t believe his eyes – he had caught a large, sparkly fish! He had never seen its like before, perhaps it had swum up the Thames from the sea. The truth was it was no ordinary fish. As it gasped for breath, the fish suddenly began to speak:

Fisherman, friend, I beg you – let me live! I am not an everyday kind of fish, as you can see, oh no! I’m a prince caught under an enchantment. It’s true! Don’t kill me! I won’t taste good. Please, be so kind and put me back into the water, there’s a good fellow. Let me swim free.

‘Well, my! Who’d a thought it!’ said the man. ‘Maybe my luck has changed. One good turn deserves another. Don’t say another word, Fish Prince! A fish who can talk deserves to live. There you go!’

With that he put his catch back into the clear water, and the fish quickly disappeared to the bottom, leaving a question mark of blood behind him.

Then the fisherman got up and went home to his wife in the hovel.

‘Husband,’ said the woman, ‘didn’t you catch anything today?’

‘No. Yes…’ replied the man.

His wife gave him one of her looks, fists on hips.

‘I caught a fish, but he told me that … he was an enchanted prince … so I let him swim away.’

‘What?’ she fumed, rolling her eyes. ‘Useless husband! Didn’t you ask for anything first?’

‘No,’ he said quietly, a little ashamed. ‘Umm, what should I have asked for?’

‘Oh! What a husband!’ she said, clapping her hand to her brow. ‘Open your eyes. Look around you!’

The husband cast his eyes about, desperate to find some clue.

‘Look at this place! It’s a hovel. It stinks. It’s filthy. You should have asked for a little cottage for us. Go back and call him! Go on! Tell him what we want. A nice little cottage. He will surely give it to us.’

The man did not want to go, but neither did he want to oppose his wife, so, reluctantly, he went back to the river.

When he arrived there the water was no longer clear, but yellow and green. He stood there and said:

Little Man, Little Man, O hear me!

Big fish, little fish, swimming so free.

My wife, my strife, O hard-nosed Jill,

Wants not, wants not, what I will.

The water stirred as the sparkly fish popped up its head and said, ‘What does she want then?’

‘Oh, thank you!’ breathed the man with a sigh of relief, ‘I did catch you and kindly let you go, and now my wife says that I really should have asked for something. She doesn’t want to live in a filthy shack any longer. She would like to have a cottage.’

The fish swished his tail. ‘Go home, go home,’ said the fish. ‘She already has it.’

The man went home, and his wife was standing in the door of a cottage, and she said to him, ‘Come in. See, now isn’t this much better?’

There was a little front yard, a beautiful little parlour, a bedroom where their bed was standing, a kitchen, and a dining room. Everything was beautifully furnished and supplied with tin and brass utensils, just as it should be. And outside there was a little yard with chickens and ducks and a garden with vegetables and fruit.

‘Ah, look at it all,’ said the woman happily. ‘Isn’t this nice?’

‘Yes,’ said the man. ‘This is quite enough. We can live here very well.’

‘We will think about that,’ said the woman.

Everything went well for a week or two, and then the woman said, ‘Listen, husband. This cottage is too small. The yard and the garden are too little. The fish could have given us a larger house. I would like to live in … a large stone palace! Go back to the fish and tell him to give us a palace.’

‘Oh, wife,’ said the man, ‘the cottage is good enough. Why would we want to live in a palace?’

‘I know why. Men don’t understand these things,’ said the woman. ‘Now you just go. The fish can do that.’

‘Now, wife, the fish has just given us this cottage. I don’t want to go back so soon. It may make him angry.’

‘Just go,’ said the woman. ‘He can do it, and he won’t mind doing it. Just go!’

The man’s heart was heavy, and he did not want to go. He said to himself, ‘This is not right,’ but he went anyway.

When he arrived at the river the water was dark and surly. He stood on the shore and called out:

Little Man, Little Man, O hear me!

Big fish, little fish, swimming so free.

My wife, my strife, O hard-nosed Jill,

Wants not, wants not, what I will.

Up popped his sparkly friend. ‘What does she want then?’ asked the fish.

‘Oh, I am embarrassed to say,’ said the man. ‘My wife isn’t happy with the cottage. She now wants to live in … a stone palace.’

The fish swished his tail. ‘Go home, go home. She’s already standing before the door,’ said the fish.

Then the man went his way, thinking he was going home, but when he arrived, standing there was a large stone palace. His wife was standing on the stairway, about to enter.

Taking him by the hand, she said, ‘Come inside! Come and see!’

Inside the palace there was a large front hallway with a marble floor. Numerous servants opened up the large doors for them. The walls were all white and covered with beautiful tapestry. In the rooms there were chairs and tables of pure gold. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceilings. The rooms and chambers all had carpets. Food and the very best wine overloaded the tables until they almost collapsed. Outside the house there was a large courtyard with the very best carriages and stalls for horses and cows. Furthermore there was a magnificent garden with the most beautiful flowers and fine fruit trees and a pleasure forest a good half-mile long, with deer and hares and everything that anyone could possibly want.

‘Now,’ said the woman, ‘isn’t this nice?’

‘Oh, yes,’ said the man. ‘This is quite enough! We can live in this beautiful palace and be satisfied.’

‘We’ll think about it,’ said the woman. ‘Let’s sleep on it.’ And with that they went to bed.

The next morning the woman woke up first. It was just daylight, and from her bed she could see the magnificent landscape before her. Her husband was just starting to stir when she poked him in the side with her elbow and said, ‘Husband, get up and look out the window. Look, couldn’t we be king over all this land?’

‘Oh, wife,’ said the man, ‘why would we want to be king? I don’t want to be king.’

‘Well,’ said the woman, ‘even if you don’t want to be king,
I
want to be king!’

‘Oh, wife!’ cried the man. ‘Why do you want to be king? I don’t want to tell him that.’

‘Why not?’ demanded the woman. ‘Go there immediately. I must be king!’

So, reluctantly, the man went back, dragging his heels. ‘This is not right, not right at all,’ thought the man.

When he arrived at the river, it was dark grey – the water swelled restlessly and had a foul smell. He stood there and said:

Little Man, Little Man, O hear me!

Big fish, little fish, swimming so free.

My wife, my strife, O hard-nosed Jill,

Wants not, wants not, what I will.

Up popped the Fish Prince. ‘What does she want then?’

‘Oh, dear! Oh my!’ wailed the man. ‘Now she wants to be king!’

The fish swished his tail. ‘Go home, go home. She is already king,’ said the Fish Prince.

Then the man went home, and when he arrived there, the palace had become much larger, with a tall tower and magnificent decorations. Sentries stood outside the door, and there were so many soldiers, and drums, and trumpets. When he went inside everything was of pure marble and gold with velvet covers and large golden tassels. Then the doors to the great hall opened up and there was the entire court. His wife was sitting on a high throne of gold and diamonds, looking as pleased as punch. She was wearing a large golden crown and in her hand was a sceptre of pure gold and precious stones. On either side of her there stood a line of maids-in-waiting, each one a head shorter than the other.

‘Oh, wife, are you now king?’

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘now I am king!’

He stood and looked at her, shaking his head. Finally, he spoke: ‘Wife, it is very nice that you are king. Now we don’t have to wish for anything else.’

‘No, husband,’ she said, becoming restless. ‘You are wrong! Time is on my hands. I cannot stand it any longer. Go to the fish. I am king, but now I must become … emperor!’

‘Oh, wife!’ cried the man. ‘Why do you want to become emperor?’

‘Husband,’ she said, ‘go to the fish. I want to be emperor!’

‘Oh, wife,’ said the man, ‘he cannot make you emperor! We don’t even have them in England! I cannot tell the fish to do that. Surely you are asking the impossible!’

‘What!’ said the woman. ‘I am King, and you are my husband. Are you going? Go right this minute, I command you! If he can make me king then he can make me emperor. I am a modern woman and I can have everything. I want to be and simply have to be emperor – that’s all there is to it. Go there immediately, or you’ll lose your head!’

So he had to go. As he went on his way the frightened man thought to himself, ‘This is not going to end well. To ask to be emperor is shameful. The Fish Prince is going to get tired of this.’

With that he arrived at the river. The water was black and dense and boiling. A strong wind blew over him that curdled the water. He stood there and said:

Little Man, Little Man, O hear me!

Big fish, little fish, swimming so free.

My wife, my strife, O hard-nosed Jill,

Wants not, wants not, what I will.

‘What does she want then?’ asked the fish.

‘Oh, fish,’ he said, a little embarrassed. ‘My wife wants to become emperor.’

The fish swished his tail. ‘Go home, go home,’ said the fish. ‘She is already emperor.’

Then the man went home, and when he arrived there, the entire palace was made of polished marble with alabaster statues and golden decoration. Soldiers were marching outside the gate, blowing trumpets and beating tympani and drums. Inside the house, barons and counts and dukes were walking around like servants. They opened the doors for him, which were made of pure gold. He went inside, where his wife was sitting on a throne made of one piece of gold a good two miles high, and she was wearing a large golden crown that was three yards high, all set with diamonds and carbuncles. In one hand she had a sceptre, and in the other the imperial orb. Bodyguards were standing in two rows at her sides: each one smaller than the other, beginning with the largest giant and ending with the littlest dwarf, who was no larger than my little finger. Many princes and dukes were standing in front of her.

The man went and stood among them and said, ‘Wife, are you emperor now?’

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I am emperor.’

He stood and looked at her, and after thus looking at her for a while, he said, ‘Wife, it is very nice that you are emperor.’

‘Husband,’ she said. ‘Why are you standing there? Now that I am emperor, I want to become the Pope!’

‘Oh, wife!’ said the man. ‘What do you not want? There is only one Pope in all Christendom. He cannot make you Pope! Anyhow, I thought you were C of E!’

‘Husband,’ she said, ‘I want to become Pope. Go there immediately. I must become Pope this very day.’

‘Heavens above!’ he howled. ‘I cannot tell him that! The fish cannot make you Pope!’

‘Husband, what nonsense!’ said the woman. ‘If he can make me emperor, then he can make me Pope as well. It’s only logical. Go there immediately. I am emperor, and you are my husband and my subject. Are you going, or are you disobeying?’

The emperor cast a glance over to her executioner, who stepped forward with a large sword.

Then the frightened man went. He felt sick all over and his legs were shaking. The wind was blowing over the land and clouds flew by as the darkness of evening fell. Leaves blew from the trees and the water roared and boiled as it crashed onto the shore. In the distance he could see boats on the river in difficulty as they tossed and turned on the waves. The sky had turned red and the heavy air crackled. Full of despair he stood there and said:

Little Man, Little Man, O hear me!

Big fish, little fish, swimming so free.

My wife, my strife, O hard-nosed Jill,

Wants not, wants not, what I will.

Up popped the Fish Prince, ‘What does she want then?’ he asked.

‘Oh, mercy!’ said the man. ‘Now she wants to become Pope!’

The fish swished his tail. ‘Go home, go home,’ said the fish. ‘She is already Pope.’

Then he went home and when he arrived there, there was a large church surrounded by nothing but palaces. He forced his way through the crowd. Inside everything was illuminated with thousands and thousands of lights and his wife was clothed in pure gold and sitting on a much higher throne. She was wearing three large golden crowns. She was surrounded with church-like splendour and at her sides there were two banks of candles. The largest was as thick and as tall as the largest tower, down to the smallest kitchen candle. And all the emperors, kings, queens and bishops were kneeling before her kissing her pontiff’s slipper.

‘Wife,’ said the man, giving her a good look, ‘are you Pope now?’

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I am Pope.’

Then he stood there looking at her, and it was as if he were looking into the bright sun. After he had looked at her for a while he said, ‘Wife, it is good that you are Pope!’

She stood there as stiff as a tree, neither stirring nor moving.