Pace Laps (Racing on the Edge Book 10) (10 page)

We were only one lap into the 40-lap feature when a car slid up the track in three and four. I chose the outside on the restart. When the green flag dropped, I ran the outside trying to find grip up there since there was nothing on the bottom. It was slick. My car was fucking fast all night, and soon I had a good lead on the entire field.

The race was caution filled, but I managed to get a good jump on each restart. Axel remained in second most of the race, and I constantly chose the inside line because I knew he was fast down there. Some would have said, give him the win. He’s your son. Not me. If you wanted to win in this sport, you had to choose what was more important and chose quickly. No question, I wanted to win this race.

Believe it or not, I
never
let anyone win in my life, family or not. I would never want someone to let me win. I wanted to know I earned every race.

With some determination, Axel managed to grab the lead from me with four to go. I wasn’t giving him more than a taste of it and snatched the lead back, giving myself a good two-second cushion to work with in those remaining laps.

On the final restart, Axel ran side-by-side with me but couldn’t make the pass stick as we crossed the line.

Wanting to give Sway a sight she would appreciate, I did what they told me not to in the drivers meeting and did a couple of 360 turns before bringing the car down to the front stretch.

I had to take my time getting out of the car. Mostly because once again, the emotions, the unstableness clawing at me took over and I was left hanging on by a thread, ready to crumble at her feet and beg her to take this pain away. The thing was, it wasn’t her pain to take away. She couldn’t and shouldn’t have to offer me anything. She was the one with cancer. I should be the strong one, the one she should be able to lean on.

Now look at me. A fucking mess
.

Taking off the steering wheel, I set it on the dash and then pulled my belts loose. I was slow getting out, Sway watching my every move, but I gave her the sight she wanted.

I wasn’t looking at her, at first, but I knew with how badly her body was shaking; she was struggling just as much as I was. Standing on the back of the car, I pounded my hands on the top wing of my car.

Slumping forward, my head rested on the wing as I prayed to my dad.
Please, Dad. If you have any control over the outcome of what she’s going through, please don’t let anyone take her from me,
I silently prayed.
Please, I’m fucking begging you here.

Standing straight, I lifted my hand to the sky, holding my hand to him.
Thank you for everything you’ve taught me, including how to love her.

When I jumped down, my stare found Sway as I removed my helmet. I didn’t talk to the media; I didn’t look at anyone but her. She knew what I was going to do before I even approached her, her smile so wide, tears running helplessly down reddened cheeks.

Stepping toward me, her arms wrapped around my shoulders as I pressed my lips to her. That kiss was significant, poignant in the bright lights around us as I held her against my body.

Normally, I wouldn’t have kissed my wife like that in front of everyone, but right then, it didn’t matter. My tongue swept over her lips, and she gladly opened hers wider, letting me kiss her the way I wanted. Groaning into her mouth, I tangled one gloved hand into her hair, securing her face to mine as I deepened the kiss.

It sent my stomach in a whirl, wanting more than a kiss, but not there. For the time being, she’d know where I intended this to go later.

Her posture weakened into me, her body giving in as I demanded a response. “Jameson,” she gasped against my lips, surprised by my display in front of hundreds and hundreds of people watching us.

“I love you,” I whispered, drawing back, brushing a gentle kiss across her forehead. “Don’t you ever forget that.” Unsure if she noticed, but a tired look of sadness passed over me when her glowing youthful happiness I usually saw had faded. It was clear she was sick. There was no denying it.

Kissing me once more, she stared at me. “I never could.”

The announcer for the World of Outlaws sprint car tour approached me and smiled. “Jameson Riley, you won the dash and dominated that main. There seemed to be no question you would pull it off.”

Laughing, I took the towel Sway handed me and wiped my face. “There’s always a question when you got guys like Axel and Rager behind you. They’re gassers. You earn it when you beat them.”

The announcer's voice shook. He didn’t want to ask, especially to someone who knocked him out once for taking a jab about my kid being handed his way in the sport. That was years ago; I was more mature, but I imagined he still thought twice before he asked me a question. “It seems like this is an emotional win for you. Tell us about this paint scheme you got going on and will it stay?”

“This is a very emotional win for us.” I swallowed, hanging my head when my voice cracked. Looking up, tears fell from my eyes freely. Glancing at Sway, my chin shook. Damn it. I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone. “This paint scheme is for her. My life. My
wife
….” Drawing in a deep, shaky breath, I blinked away the tears and ran my hand over my face. I didn’t want to tell anyone about Sway’s cancer, but then again, I couldn’t keep this from everyone who supported us over the years. They deserved to know and how hard she was fighting. “A few months ago my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is for her. We’re keeping this paint scheme on these cars for ten races and the Cup cars for five races.”

Everyone, and I did mean everyone, in the bleachers gasped at the news; nothing was public until that moment. Even the announcer looked stunned, and he’d been literally around us all year.

Wrapping my arm around Sway, I squeezed her close. “She’s strong, guys. If anyone can fight, it’s Sway Riley.” Our eyes locked, a tearful smile on both parts. I would forever fight for her, even when she couldn’t and I hoped she knew that.

THE NEXT DAY we were at I-94 Speedway in Fergus, Minnesota and the reality of what was happening next week was weighing on everyone.

The atmosphere in the pits was much the same. The grandkids were running around, careless and free of any obligation, including listening. I don’t know how many times I told Jack to watch where he was running. Twice he was nearly hit by a car coming off the track and I had to pull him out of the way.

“You need to watch where you’re running, bud. These guys can’t see you in the cars.”

He shrugged, cherry lips pulled up in a toothy smile. “I know.”

He clearly didn’t know because it didn’t fucking stop him from doing it again ten minutes later.

“Take them in the stands,” I told Lily, annoyed him and Jonah weren’t listening to me.

She did immediately, only to have them both start crying.

“Why did you do that?” Sway asked, feeling bad for them.

“I told them twice not to run out of the hauler like that, and they’re not listening.” I set my helmet inside my car as she approached, wrapping her arms around my waist. It was so fucking hot I couldn’t believe she was down here, let alone wearing jeans. “Aren’t you hot? Maybe you should go inside the motorhome for a little bit. I’ll turn on the generator and get it cooled off for you.”

Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed my cheek. “I’m fine, and you’re cranky.”

I was. “I know… I’m sorry.”

The throaty rumble of a sprint car caught my attention on the track. It was Rager breaking the track record like the wheelman he’d become. I’d never regret adding him to the team, even if he had eyes for my daughter.

Sway and I walked hand in hand up to the fence line, the sweet smell of methanol burning our eyes while chunks of clay kicked up from his rear tires as he rode the cushion through turns three and four.

“Man,” Sway whistled. “He’s flying tonight.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, shaking my head. “He’s gonna make me work for it though.”

A giggle beside me drew my attention to her. “I know something you don’t have to work for later.”

“Mmmm.” Kissing the side of her face, I pulled her closer only to have her push away. “Nope, it’s too hot for hugs.”

“You just said you were fine, and I wouldn’t have to work for it later.”

“Yeah, you won’t. I’ll just get on my knees. No touching involved.”

“Wow, you make it sound so romantic.” I snorted with a laugh.

“Oh, it will be.” Her eyes drifted to the pits when Rager was back, everyone around his car congratulating him.

“What’s with him and Arie?” I asked as we walked back over to them.

She leaned in, her voice low. “She and Easton are having problems, and I think she’s turning to him for answers.”

I whistled lowly. “That can’t be any good.”

“He’s a good guy, Jameson.”

“E or Rager?”

“Both.”

“Uh-huh.”

I wasn’t sure what was going on with E these days, but I knew deep down Arie and Easton were never meant to be. I wasn’t stupid either; I’d known for years she had a thing for Rager, as did most girls.

Rager dominated the night, winning his heat and the trophy dash. Once the feature was underway, there was no catching him. I couldn’t even get a peek at an opening to get around him. I ran the top hoping I could find grip up there, but it wasn’t happening, and I could barely see a fucking thing with all the dust. Side-by-side with him in the corners, I just couldn’t make it stick. I also kept bouncing off everything. Could barely keep the car off the wall. No doubt, I was lucky I finished where I did.

When the race was finished, I stayed back until his interview finished and then congratulated him.

“So you couldn’t get past this big guy here, could ya?” the announcer asked me.

“He found the rubber before I did,” I told them, giving Rager a hug with one arm. “I should have moved down sooner than him. I made too many mistakes and bounced off the wall I don’t know how many times.” I shrugged, winking at Sway, who made her way over to us. “Just wasn’t my night.”

Rager leaned forward and took the microphone from the announcer. “This win goes to Sway.” He swung his arm around Sway, kissing her cheek. “You keep this entire operation going, for him, for us.” Leaning in, he whispered to her, “You’re gonna make it through this. You will because we’re all here for you. You can’t win a race without your crew,” Rager told her softly, winking.

Sway smiled and whispered to him, away from the microphone. “I have no doubt I will. Someone has to keep the boys of JAR Racing in line.”

When she leaned into my side, I threw my arm around her, my fingers curling around her chin so she was looking at me. I should have said something. But I didn’t. Words weren’t needed anymore. She knew exactly what I was thinking.

Flash Shield – A device to encompass the air inlet of a carburetor’s sides, top, and rear to protect the drive in case of engine backfire.

I’d dealt with death but never dying. Even though I knew when Charlie had been diagnosed with cancer, I was gone so often it wasn’t like I watched him die. Sway did, though. And when he finally did pass, I was in Daytona racing. When we lost Ryder, I didn’t know until he had already died. The same could be said for the plane crash and even my own dad’s death. So yeah, I had dealt with way too much death, but up until then, I had never faced the possibility of having to stand by and watch someone I loved and cared about die.

While I knew she wasn’t dying, it still felt that way at times. At every doctor appointment, it was if they were preparing us for the possibility. Which was probably why I wasn’t allowed at the appointments any longer. I couldn’t handle the idea of them preparing us for anything other than my wife living through this.

I also hated to be out of control. No race car driver did. But it was all I seemed to know since Sway’s diagnosis. Out of control and dependent on one outcome.

Staring at the track in front of me, its grooves and cushions, my life, our life, resembled it in so many ways. We had ruts. Hell, we had down right ditches in some of our wide sweeping turns, but we made it around the track each lap. When would that end though?

I carried speed for so many years. Had we finally hit the brim and blown a tire?