Pack Up the Moon (10 page)

hear Richard fiddling with the radio stations.

“It’s six thirty in the bloody morning,” I mumbled.

She, of course, was already aware of the time. “You still haven’t packed and the last time you and Clo took a

trip together you missed the flight out and back.”

I couldn’t argue. She was right, but having said that our flight wasn’t until three that afternoon and I still had

a half-day of school before me.

“I’m up,” I said wearily.

She disagreed. “You’re not up until you’re standing — now, get moving!”

I sat up. “I’m up.”

She didn’t believe me. “Stand up and move around,” she ordered.

I gave the phone the fingers.

“Are you up?”

I put my feet on the floor. “Right, I’m up. Jesus, Anne, ever consider joining the army?”

She noted how amusing I was before shouting an

order at Richard to “pick a bloody station”.

“That’s better,” she told both of us. “Well, Richard and I are going to pick the pair of you up on Sunday evening. Clo gave me the flight details. Try and make it, Em. I really hate sitting around airports.”

Clo and I had obviously noted the irony that Anne so

desperately craved the baby that Clo didn’t want. We discussed not telling her, as we felt it would be insensitive. However after much debate we both agreed not telling

her would be the greater evil. She had taken it well. Anne was a trooper.

“OK,” I agreed.

“Tell her we all love her and everything’s going to be

OK.”

“I will,” I agreed again.

“OK, we’ll see you on Sunday. By the way, Richard says hi.”

“I heard him. I’ll see you on Sunday” I replaced the receiver and got back under the covers, while telling myself it would only be for a few minutes. I woke up an hour later.

“Jesus!” I shouted. “Jesus Christ!”

I jumped out of bed and ran to the shower. Half an hour later, I was throwing anything I could find into a bag

while eating a slice of toast. I managed to get marmalade on my favourite top.

Crap, I thought, flinging it into the wash basket.

Five minutes later I was sitting in my car. I kept thinking I’d forgotten something. It was beginning to bother me. I looked at the house. The cat had enough food to last a week, the door was locked and the oven had never been turned on. I had my travel bag, tickets and keys. What was missing? I started to back out of the driveway.

“Oh for God’s sake!”

I pulled back into the driveway, got out of the car, opened the door and ran up the stairs and into my spare

bedroom.

“Sean, Sean, get up!”

He mumbled and turned over.

“Get up! I’m dead late.”

“Just a few more minutes,” he pleaded.

He was a nightmare in the mornings, nearly as bad as me. I needed to do something to get him out. I went into the bathroom and filled a glass with water, walked back to the bedroom and poured it on his head. He jumped up.

“Christ!” he yelled.

I wasn’t in the mood. “Let’s go, come on, I’m dead late and it’s your fault.”

He got out of bed. “How do you make that out?” he enquired smirking.

I ignored him. He had arrived on my doorstep at half two in the morning, after attempting unsuccessfully to get a taxi home after a night on the piss, and I was in no mood for conversation.

“I’ll be downstairs. You have five minutes or I’ll lock you into the house for the weekend.”

Knowing I was serious, he quickened his step. I left him to it. He arrived downstairs an impressive two minutes later.

“Let’s go,” I said, walking to the door.

“What, no toast?” he asked grinning.

His charm, or lack thereof, was annoying me. I grabbed two slices of bread and handed them to him.

“There you go, take them home and toast them.” “Lovely,” he noted, looking at the scrunched-up bread in his hand.

Two minutes later I was back in the car with Sean

beside me, pulling out of the driveway for the second time.

Doreen was on her doorstep.

“Howya, Emma! Alright, Sean! Stayed the night again, I see.”

She was smiling. We had become even closer since John had died. She was so kind-hearted and after sharing way too many Friday nights watching The Late Late Show together, she really wanted to see me get laid and it was nice, but her timing was bad.

“Hey, Doreen! I couldn’t get a taxi last night!” Sean shouted out the window.

“That’s what they all say,” she laughed.

“Well, the next time he’ll have to walk!” I shouted, still pulling out.

“That’s right, love. Give him a hard time. They’re all a bunch of bas … Oh, hello, Father.”

I turned to see Noel heading in our direction. I

stopped. “Oh for Christ’s sake!” I rolled the window down fully. “Noel, I’m dead late for school!’

He smiled. “I can see that. I’m just going to grab the spare key. I left my jacket in your place the other night!’ He banged the top of the car. “Go on. Have a good time.”

I hadn’t told him why I was heading away for the

weekend. I hated lying to him, but having said that I wasn’t going to mention the abortion because that would

be stupid. “I’ll call you when we get home.” I waved, smiled and took off before he could say anything.

I looked in the mirror to see Doreen nabbing him, presumably for a cup of tea, a speciality of hers.

Sean looked at me.

“What?” I asked.

“How come / don’t know where the spare key is?” he asked.

“Because you’ll use it,” I answered.

“Lovely,” he repeated. He was quiet for a minute. “Hey, Em, tell Clo that I’ll be thinking of her!’ I smiled. “Tell her yourself!’

*

I made it into class five minutes after the bell rang. My students were enjoying their freedom. I apologised for my tardiness while they applauded me. It was English so I grabbed my copy of Romeo and Juliet. As it was a play, instead of having the class read it, I would always ask them to perform it. Each day I’d pick the players required for the particular scene we were going through. I felt it would enable the students to remember the play, key parts

etc.
The class felt it was my sick nature and of course a small percentage of it was.

“Hands up for Romeo?”

Nobody raised a hand. I surveyed the room.

“OK, Peter we haven’t heard from you in a while. Jessica, you’re Juliet. Who wants to be The Nurse?” Nobody answered.

“Right, Linda, you’re The Nurse.”

“Ah Miss, I was The Nurse last week!” she groaned. “So I’ll expect an Oscar-winning performance.”

The class laughed. Isn’t it funny that the most banal of

statements can appear funny in a classroom, church or a

wedding speech?

Anyway, Peter began to read. A few seconds later

James jumped in his seat and the class started to titter. “Peter, just a second. James, why are you jumping?” I

asked.

James was rubbing his ass. “Declan keeps stabbing me with his compass, Miss!’

I sighed long and loud and looked towards Declan. “Declan, why are you stabbing James?”

“Miss, he’s a bleedin’ liar.”

“Language, Declan,” I admonished.

“Jesus, Miss, I only said bleedin’!”

The class laughed.

“I’m warning you, Declan. Why are you stabbing James?”

He sighed a sigh very much like my own. The class laughed again. “It was more of a poke, Miss. He won’t let me look into his book.”

I asked him where his own book was.

“I forgot it.”

This was the third time in a row

“Where are you going to be after class, Declan?” A groan. “Talking to you, Miss.”

“That’s right,” I agreed. “Peter, take it from the top.” I heard Peter mumble, “Jesus,” but let it go. Life’s too short.

After class Declan approached me.

“Where’s the book? And please don’t tell me you forgot it because I didn’t get much sleep last night and I’m liable

to do something serious.”

He nodded. “OK but don’t go mental.”

He waited for me to agree, but eventually realised I had no intention of making any promises, so he continued. “I sold it to Mary Murphy for a tenner,” he admitted, smiling.

“You sold your copy of Romeo and Juliet,” I repeated. “Yeah,” he grinned, “for a tenner.”

“And what do you propose using for the rest of the

year?” I enquired, genuinely interested.

“I can pick one up, second-hand, for a fiver in town tomorrow That’s called a profit, Miss. I learned that in Commerce.”

He was grinning again. I was battling not to. “Declan.”

“Yes, Miss.”

“Close the door on your way out.”

He beamed. “I knew you’d understand.”

I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “Oh, I won’t be able to give you a lift this afternoon. I’m taking a half-day.”

“No problem. Have a nice weekend.”

I watched him leave and I was glad I knew him. Teachers should not have a favourite student and, if asked, I would never have admitted that he was mine.

I was clearing my desk when Eileen, the science teacher, came to the door.

“Emma, there’s a call for you in the staff room.”

I didn’t take much notice. “OK, cheers, I’ll be right there.”

She stayed. I looked up.

“It sounds urgent.”

I got flustered. Urgent meant something bad. Someone could be dead. My heart started to beat faster, my ears ringing.

I ran to the staff room and picked up the phone. “Hello,” I said urgently.

“Hello, this is Nurse O’Shea. I’m calling from Holles Street Hospital.”

“Yes,” I managed, praying I’d be able to hear her over my beating heart.

“Your friend Clodagh Morris has asked me to call

you. I’m afraid she’s had a miscarriage.”

No one was dead and I thanked God in my head. “I’ll be right there,” I told her and hung up.

I sat down as Eileen came in.

“Is everything OK?” she asked.

I smiled an exhausted smile. “My friend just had a miscarriage.”

She sat down beside me. “Oh, that’s awful. The poor girl, was she trying long?”

I looked at her. “Trying to have a miscarriage?” She looked at me oddly. “No, trying for a baby.”

I was embarrassed. “Sorry, I misunderstood you. Can someone take over my classes? I really should go.” “Of course,” she smiled.

I got up to leave.

“I suppose this means you’ll have to put off your

shopping trip,” she said.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Oh well, another time,” she smiled and waved me off. “I hope not!’

*

I met Sean in the hospital car park. We walked in slowly, neither of us sure what to say. Clo was sitting in Outpatients. She looked drawn. A pregnant woman was tending to the crying toddler sitting next to her. Sean and I sat either side of Clo. She smiled at me but her eyes were puffy.

“I was always a cheapskate,” she said.

I grinned. I didn’t know what else to do. Sean took her hand and told her that it wasn’t meant to be.

She laughed bitterly. “I wish I knew that before we shelled out on the plane fare.”

She had cramp. I told her that I’d call a nurse, but she said it wasn’t bad enough for painkillers.

“You’re both being so nice to me. I feel like a cheat. I was going to get rid of it. It was my choice and now it’s gone and everyone is being too nice.” She started to cry and the toddler joined her.

“When you come out you can stay with me for a while, just until you get back to yourself!’ I wasn’t inviting her: I was telling her.

She told me no and that she’d be fine. She just wanted to go home. I understood, but I was disappointed because I really wanted to mind her, just like my parents had wanted to mind me all those months ago. Sean told her that Anne and Richard were on their way.

She was annoyed. “Oh for God’s sake, they must have been halfway to Kerry! There’s no need for all this.”

Sean laughed. “I think Anne is using it as an excuse to come home and I know I used it as an excuse to get out

of a particularly boring lunch meeting.”

“Besides they can go to Kerry anytime. The house isn’t going anywhere,” I offered.

“I don’t want people making a fuss. I feel rubbish enough.”

Her lip was trembling and I wanted to cry for her, but being fully aware that it wouldn’t be the greatest help in

the world, I bit down on mine. Sean decided to change the subject.

“I still can’t believe they’re thinking about moving

there.”

“I know,” I agreed.

“Kerry. Weird.”

“Whatever floats your boat,” Clo noted.

We agreed.

“I’ve never been to Kerry,” I mused.

“Me neither,” said Sean.

“Maybe it’s nice there,” Clo said wistfully.

-Yeah,” I agreed and then we sat there, silent, until the nurse approached to let Clo know she could go home. We walked her to her car, hugged her goodbye and waved her off.

As we walked to my car, Sean remarked that I looked sad. I was sad. I admitted that when I’d got the call I had panicked, thinking that someone was dead, and that I was so relieved when I found out what it was. It was only when I walked out of the hospital that I realised someone

had died and, whether the baby that Clo was carrying was wanted or not, whether she miscarried or had an abortion, something that was alive inside of her last night was dead

today and that was sad. He put his arm around me and told me we’d all be fine and I knew we would, but for that moment I wasn’t thinking about us.

*

That evening I went to Confession because Confession

was still the best place to chat to Noel. There wasn’t a queue. There never was. Usually, it was just the same two old ladies. I waited for them to confess their sins and tried to imagine what two “auld ones” could get up to that was so bad that each week they’d have to seek absolution and

spend so much time doing it. When the last one came out I entered the box. It was cold and the pew was hard on the knees. I briefly wondered if it was fair to have it be so hard considering the majority of those who knelt on it