Painted Memories (16 page)

“It's the twenty-first century. You've got to take charge of your relationships to make them happen sometimes... that is, if it's important to you and you want it bad enough,” she said in her most congenial, best friend tone.

I nodded, as if she could see me through the phone, and told her I'd figure it out. I thanked her for being honest. We had an unexpected friendship and I was grateful for someone I could talk to about all my men-related crap.

Andrea had me on the phone for so long, the sky went dark, erasing any hints of orange. Every so often, I was able to catch a speck of glimmering stars above, but most of them were diminished by the artificial light of the streetlamps. I walked around the pond until I came to the trail through the woods. I'd never been down the path and walking it in the dark didn't seem like the brightest idea. But I did it anyway. I felt safe enough. There were plenty of other walkers out, as well as streetlights to illuminate the trail.

I nodded to a few fellow walkers as I wandered down the
gravel path. The streetlights were placed equidistant with one on the left and fifty feet further, another on the right. It wasn't an over-powering light, just enough so that you could see where you were walking. I heard pounding footsteps ahead and saw a group of kids running towards me. They were laughing and one girl jokingly pushed a younger boy in the shoulder. He ran in front of her and jumped on a park bench before jumping back to the ground. They were playing around, having fun and I couldn't help remembering Jesse and all the times he let me hang out with his friends and him. His friends treated me like their younger sister. They'd cover my ears whenever someone said a curse word or talked about sex. I always pretended like I didn't hear any of it and Jesse would say,
don't tell Mom
. On nights like tonight, clear and cool, we would hang out at the park or at one of his friends’ backyards, gathered around a bonfire.

God, I missed those days.

One year, his best friend had a birthday party for Jesse at his house. He had music, a bonfire and marshmallows... mainly for me. Soon, however, it became a tradition of sorts and we continued to celebrate his birthday with his friend every year until he died. I firmly believed if my brother were alive today, we'd still be having those parties. Now I had to celebrate the anniversary of his death my own way, which was coming up in two days. I didn't quite feel ready for it this year.

“Lilly?” I heard. I looked around, but didn't see anyone. When I felt a hand grip my shoulder, I whirled around and screamed. Drew stepped back with his hands in the air; as if he were scared I'd hit him or run. I let out a strangled breath, utterly relieved.

“Drew!” I took a deep breath. “What are you doing out here?” I asked.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “I should ask the same of you. You know it's not good for you to be alone out here, right? Someone could attack you.”

“Yeah, well what about you? Someone could do the same to you,” I said as I sat down on the park bench, trying to calm my nerves.

Drew sat beside me. “Don't be crazy, no one is going to jump me.”

Judging by the appearance of his lip in the light, someone already had. It didn’t look like something that happened at the art studio, but I didn't ask him about it. We were silent for a moment before I finally spoke again. “I came by earlier and left you some spaghetti. Please tell me you got it and no one stole it?”

“I did!” he said cheerfully. “It was delicious. It's been so long since I had a good home-cooked meal. I don't cook much, unless you count making a sandwich or some ramen noodles.”

“Mom taught me how to cook some stuff, but I learned mostly in college. I guess I cook all right. I've never been able to get a handle on my portion control though. I always cook way too much.”

“It was really great, thank you for thinking of me. I must have been in the shower when you came by. I stopped by to give you your dish back, but you didn't answer, so I'll have to bring it later.”

“No hurry.”

Drew glanced up at the sky and I followed his gaze to the twinkling stars. The streetlight was far enough away from the bench, and the tree branches framed an opening above us large enough to see the blinking diamonds beyond the treetops. “Is this where you come to get inspiration for your paintings?” I asked.

“Sometimes. But staring at the stars doesn't mean I plan to paint the Milky Way. I could get an idea for something completely different. It depends on my mood, I guess.”

“Do you paint portraits? I don't recall seeing any in your apartment.”

“Every now and then I do. Usually, I do a commissioned piece here and there for a client who wants a person in a garden or their child playing. Sometimes, they'll send me a picture and I'll work with it. But I don't do it often. It’s a skill I don't think I've mastered yet. “

That was hard to believe. His work was amazing and I was confident he could paint anything. I angled myself towards him slightly and our knees touched. “So you wouldn't paint someone if they modeled for you?”

“Maybe. I rarely do those kind of paintings though. It's intimidating. I'd rather draw from memory or a picture if I can.”

“Why?”

“Well, staring at someone for hours, while you draw out every feature of them is nerve-racking. They’re sitting so close, staring at me while I try to get down every detail … it’s not so easy.”

“Oh, I see.” It was the only response I could give. Suddenly, I couldn't think of anything else, but Drew sketching me while I watched his eyes wandering over my body.

“I think you would be the perfect model for someone to sketch though.” He scrutinized me, his eyes dropping from my face down to my neck.

I looked down shyly, “Oh, I don't know about that.”

“I do. You have strong features that would transfer beautifully on canvas.”

“Like what?”

“You have a strong jaw line and prominent cheekbones.” His hand reached out and brushed across the side of my cheek. “And your eyes, they're enchanting.” He swept a wispy hair away from my forehead, “And your lips...”

His words trailed off as I licked my lips, causing Drew to focus on my mouth before he gazed into my eyes. He leaned in closer and I could feel my heart hammering in my chest. I tried to steady my breathing and stay calm because I wanted him to kiss me.
So much. It seemed like he wanted to kiss me too, but was debating whether he should or not. I couldn't understand why all of a sudden he seemed into me, after giving me the cold shoulder for most the week. And I didn't even know what I did to deserve it. If he thought I was going to make it easy on him and invite him to kiss me, he had another thing coming.

I leaned back and looked in the opposite direction. “Yeah, my lips... I know they're small and thin. Must be why I'm all of a sudden so un-kissable these days.”

“Un-kissable? Seems to me you've been doing fine
these days
,” he stressed with an irritated tone.

“Yeah, in my dreams,” I mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing,” I glared at him and changed the subject. “What happened to your face?”

He stared at me a moment before answering. “Oh, you mean you don't know?”

“Know what?”

“Why don't you go ask your boyfriend? I'm sure he'd love to tell you all about it.”

“What? Tyler hit you?”

“Yeah. He might be bigger than me, but I won't walk away the next time he gets in my face, so you better keep your dickhead boyfriend away from me.”

I jumped up, furious and taken aback by his accusations. “Who are you to tell me what to do? I can't tell Tyler what to do any more than you can. And for your information, he's
not
my boyfriend!”

Drew stood up, “Whatever, Lilly, I don't really give a shit.” He whipped around and walked away from me.

“You know,” I yelled out. “For someone who doesn't give a shit, you sure as hell put a lot of energy into being mad at me for no damn reason.” I couldn’t understand where all his hostility was coming from.

He spun around and marched towards me. “You're right, I
did
give a shit, but I'm tired of you being ‘on’ one minute and ‘off’ the next. You either want me or you don't. I get that you might not know exactly what you want right now, but I'm not okay with being used.”

“Used? Are you serious? I would never... how could you even
think that? No, you know what? I don't even want to know. Just forget about it. Forget about everything.” I was livid. I stomped off the path and through the woods towards the apartment complex. The leaves crunched beneath my feet as I walked around the trees and fallen limbs. “I can't believe I thought this would work,” I complained out loud.

“What can't you believe?” I heard him call out behind me. I kept walking, not bothering to turn around.

“You think you could keep seeing both of us and then act as if it didn't even matter? You really think it's okay to have another guy over only hours after you've made out with the first guy? I knew you were seeing someone else, but damn... it's nice to see I'm so easily replaced. Out of all the guys you could have, and you go for that Tyler guy.  You really know how to pick'em.”

I whirled around to yell, but tripped over a limb and fell straight forward, hitting the ground hard. The fallen leaves may have blanketed the ground, but they didn't soften the blow when I landed. Drew rushed to my side and squatted down beside me. He reached for my arm to pull me up.

“Oh God, are you okay?”

Pushing myself up with my hands, I ignored the stinging sensation on my palms and snatched my arm from his grasp. “Don't! Don't pretend like you care. Leave me alone.” I plucked the leaves sticking to my cheeks and tear-streaked face and started walking again. I didn't get very far before Drew grabbed my upper arm and forced me around to face him. He stood so close; I could feel the air from his mouth when he spoke. His eyes were dark, his face shadowed from the lack of light around us, but I sensed the frustration and anger rolling off his body. I didn't care.

“Don't you
dare
accuse me of not caring about you. I wouldn't be so damned pissed right now if that were true. And I
damn sure
would not have let that dick just walk away after he hit me. I knew if I hit him back, it would have upset you. Seeing as I shouldn't care, I should have knocked his cocky ass down a peg or two.”

I eyed his hand around my arm and he immediately let go. Taking a step back, I stared him down, squelching the sob that threatened escape me. “You know what? You were right. I screwed up. I really
don't
know how to pick them.  I'm sorry I wasn't what you expected and for dating both of you. I'm especially sorry that on every one of my three dates with Tyler, all I could think about was
you
.”

I released the angry tears, my vision becoming blurry. Drew seemed as if he
were lost for words, so I took the opportunity to continue with my rant. “You know what I'm most sorry about?” I didn't give him the chance to answer. “I'm sorry that I woke up in your bed after that night, thinking it was the best night of my life. And I’m sorry that I knew then that you were the only one I wanted to spend my time with, and I’m sorry for being crazy and dating Tyler in the first place.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands and turned to walk away.

“Lilly, wait!”
Drew called behind me.

I stopped to face him. “You were wrong, Drew. I chose
you
—my mistake.”

I stumbled through the woods until my feet crunched against the path again. From there, I ran all the way to my apartment, barely able to see through my tears. I hated myself for doing exactly what I swore I wouldn't do. I admitted my feelings without knowing how he felt about me, and as expected, it didn't get me anywhere. Why couldn't Drew at least mention what happened that night? If he had, we wouldn't be going through any of this crap now.

I was out of breath from the sprint to my apartment when I wiggled my key into the lock, but it wouldn't work. I tried to hurry and get inside my apartment in case Drew was behind me because I didn't think I could talk to him anymore. I said enough and didn't want to say anything I might regret later. With no luck unlocking my door, I kicked it with my foot as hard as I could. My shoe left a black scuffmark on the bottom and I smiled at it with morbid satisfaction. I turned my back to the door and slid down the length of it to the ground. Sitting down, I pulled my legs up and rested my head on top of my knees. There was nowhere else I could go and sitting in the hall was as good a place as any to take a timeout.

“What are you doing?” Drew asked, nearly out of breath.

I didn't even look up.
“The key won't work and I have to sit down.”

“Let me see your keys,” he said.

I peered up and handed them to him. He paused, placing his hand underneath mine when he looked at me. I let the keys go and put my head back down on my knees. “It's not going to open. That would be too easy for my life right now.” I heard the key slide into the knob, followed by a faint “click.” The door moved slightly against my back and I knew he unlocked it on the first try.
Damn him!
I stood up and he handed my keys back. “Thanks,” I said as I pushed the door open.