Palomino (39 page)

Sam? It was Norman Warren and he sounded excited at the other end.

Hi. She was still half asleep. What's up? And then she realized that he probably still wanted to discuss the appeal. With Jeff's funeral and the difficult letter to write to Tate, she hadn't gotten back to him after their last conversation, but she had definitely decided that she didn't want to put Timmie through the ordeal. She had spoken to the social worker twice, he had told her that Timmie was having a rough time readjusting and he wanted to come back to her, but that there was nothing anyone could do, and he had told Timmie as much the last time he'd stopped by at their home. She had asked him if his mother was being decent to him this time, but the social worker was vague and said that he assumed she was.

Sam, I want you to come to L.A.

I don't want to discuss it, Norman. She sat up in bed with an unhappy frown. There's no point. I won't do it.

I understand that. But there are some other matters we have to work out.

Like what? She sounded suspicious.

There are some papers you didn't sign.

Send them to me.

I can't.

Then bring them to me. She sounded annoyed. She was tired and it was early. And then she realized, as she blinked again, that it was Sunday. What are you doing, calling me on a Sunday, Norm?

I just didn't have time to get to it last week. Look, I know this is an imposition, Sam, and you're busy too, but couldn't you please do me a favor? Could you come in today?

On Sunday? Why?

Please. Just do it for me. I'd be very grateful.

And then suddenly she panicked. Is something wrong with Timmie? Is he hurt? Did she beat him again? Sam felt her heart race but he was quick to reassure her.

No, no, nothing like that. I'm sure he's fine. I'd just appreciate winding it all up today once and for all.

Norman, she sighed and looked at the clock. It was seven in the morning. Personally I think you're demented. But you were a big help, and you tried, so I'll do you a favor, just this once. Do you realize what a long drive that is for us?

Will you bring Josh?

Probably. Where shall we meet you? At your office? And what exactly am I going to sign?

Just some papers that say you don't want to appeal.

What could he be up to? Why the hell can't you mail them?

I'm too cheap to buy a stamp.

She laughed at him. You're crazy.

I know. What time will you be here?

I don't know. She yawned. How about after lunch?

Why not get it over with early?

You want me to come in my nightgown, Norman?

That would be nice. Shall we say eleven o'clock?

Oh, shit, she sighed. All right. But it better not take too long. I have a lot of things to do here.

Fine.

She called up Josh then and told him and he sounded as annoyed as she had. Why the hell can't he mail you the stuff?

I don't know. But if we have to do it, we might as well go in on a Sunday. I don't have time all week. I'm going to be too busy with the kids. She was expecting eleven of them from different states.

All right. Want to leave in half an hour?

Make it an hour.

He did, and she swung herself into the car, wearing jeans and a red sweater, there was a red ribbon in her hair, and she was wearing her favorite red cowboy boots.

You look like a valentine, Sam.

I feel more like Halloween. I don't know why the hell we have to go to L.A. on a Sunday morning. And when they reached Norman's house, he seemed terribly hyper and revved up and insisted they had to go to the courthouse, because he didn't have all the papers he needed there after all.

On Sunday? Norman, have you been drinking? She really was not amused.

Just trust me, for God's sake.

If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. Josh looked at him suspiciously and drove the car to the courthouse on the other side of town from where Norman lived. But when they got there, Norman suddenly looked as though he knew what he was doing. He flashed a pass at the guard downstairs, the guard nodded and let them in. Seventh floor, he told the lone elevator man on duty, and when they got out of the elevator on the seventh floor, they turned left and then right and then left again and then suddenly they were in a brightly lit room with a uniformed matron at a desk and a policeman chatting to her, and suddenly Sam gave a gasp and a shriek and she raced toward him. It was Timmie, sitting in his wheelchair, with his teddy, looking filthy dirty again, but wearing his good suit and a grin.

He held her tight for a long time and she felt him tremble in her arms, and he said nothing and all she said was I love you, Timmie ' I love you, darling ' it's all right' She didn't know how long she would be able to see him, if it would be a minute or an hour or a day, but she didn't care, she would give him everything she had for as long as she could, for as long as they would let her. It's all right'

My mom's dead. He stared at Sam and said the words as though he didn't understand what they meant. And then Sam saw that there were deep circles under his eyes and another bruise on his neck.

What happened? She looked horrified, as much by what she saw as by what he had just said. What do you mean? But Norman came toward them then and took Sam's arm gently.

She OD'ed, Sam, two days ago. The police found Timmie alone at the house last night.

Was she there? Her eyes were wide as she held Timmie's hand.

No, she was somewhere else. Timmie was alone at the apartment. And then he took a deep breath and smiled at the woman who had become his friend. They called the judge last night about Timmie, because they weren't sure if they should put him in juvie juvenile hall, he translated for her, and he called me. He said he'd meet us here this morning with Timmie's file. Sam, it's going to be all over. There were tears in Norman's eyes.

Right now? Norman nodded. Can he do that?

Yes, he can reverse his decision based on what has just occurred. Timmie won't have to go through all the business of becoming a ward of the court on an interim basis. He's yours, Sam! He turned and looked at the small child in the wheelchair, holding Samantha's hand. You've got your son. It had been two weeks since Samantha had seen him wheeled, screaming, from the courtroom, and now he was hers. She reached out and pulled him onto her knees and held him, sobbing openly now and laughing and kissing him and stroking his hair, and slowly he began to understand and he held her and kissed her and then in a quiet moment he touched her face with his small grimy hand and said, I love you, Mom. They were words Samantha had ached to hear all her life.

The judge arrived half an hour later with the file he had collected from his office on the way, signed several papers, had Sam sign them, the matron witness them; Josh cried, Norm cried, she cried, the judge grinned, and Timmie waved his teddy bear at the judge with a broad grin as they wheeled into the elevator. So long! he shouted, and when the doors closed, the judge was laughing and crying too.

And then I'm going to ride Daisy ' and play with my train and my fire engine and

Take a bath, Sam filled in for him with a grin on the drive back. My God, what a gift they had just given her. She was laughing and giggling almost hysterically, she was so happy, and for the first time since the accident that had killed Jeff and broken Mary Jo's arms and legs, Sam saw Josh laugh. They had already told Timmie about Jeff when he had asked for him, and he had cried for a minute and then nodded.

Just like Mom.' But he said nothing else about her, and Sam didn't want to press him. She knew from the little that Norm had told her that it had been rough. But now that part of Timmie's life was over, and whatever he remembered in years to come would be counterbalanced by the love she would lavish on him in the time ahead.

She told him about the new children coming in and the garden they were going to plant in the spring, and then she looked at him with a big grin. And guess what you're going to do in a few weeks.

What? He looked excited, despite the dark circles under his eyes.

You're going to school.

Why? He looked less than pleased at the thought.

I just decided.

But I didn't before. It was a whine just like that of any child and she and Josh exchanged a smile.

That's because before you were special, now you're regular.

Can't I be special again? He looked at her hopefully and she laughed and tucked him under her arm. They were sitting three abreast in the front seat of the big station wagon, with Timmie in the middle.

You'll always be special, sweetheart. But now we can just live a regular old life. We don't have to worry about you going away, or being taken away, or anything. You can just go to school like the rest of the kids.

But I want to stay home with you.

You can for a while, but then you've got to go to school. Don't you want to get smart like me and Josh? She was giggling again, and suddenly Timmie was laughing too, and he groaned at what she had just said.

You're not smart' you're just my mom now!

Thanks a lot! But it was obvious that the love affair between them was far from over. That afternoon they baked cookies and visited the rest of the kids, and she read him a story before he went to sleep in the room next to hers, and before she had finished it, he was snoring softly. She stayed like that for a long time, just watching him sleep, and touching his hair, and thanking God for bringing him back to her.

It was two weeks later, when he had finally started school and the new arrivals had been admitted and had started to settle down, before Sam got to spend almost a full day in her office. She had worked her way through three stacks of mail, much of it from doctors, and some of it from the East, which was new for her. So far they had only had referrals from western cities.

It was then, as she was putting down the last letter, that she saw him. She happened to glance out her window, and there he was, as he always had been, as tall and as lovely, with his raven-black hair and his broad shoulders and his sharply etched face, and his cowboy hat and his boots ' only now she saw that there was a little more salt mixed in with the pepper at his temples, but if anything, it improved his looks, and she caught her breath as she watched him stop and talk to some of the kids. As she watched him she remembered how well he had played Santa. But suddenly she shrank from her office window, pulled down the shade, and called her secretary to her. Her face was flushed and she looked terribly nervous, and she glanced around the room as though she might hide. Find Josh! was all she told her. And five minutes later he was in the room. By then, outwardly, she had regained her composure. Josh, I just saw Tate Jordan.

Where? He looked startled. Are you sure? Hell, it had been three years, he must have changed, maybe she had dreamed it.

I'm sure. He was out in the big yard, talking to some of the kids. I want you to go find him, find out what he wants, and get rid of him. If he wants to see me, tell him I'm not here.

Do you think that's fair? Josh looked at her reproachfully. His boy just died on the ranch, Sam. It ain't been five weeks, and he's buried out there. He waved toward the hills. Don't we at least owe him some time here?

Sam closed her eyes for an instant and then opened them to look at her old friend. All right, you're right. Show him Jeff's grave and then please, Josh, get him out of here. There's nothing to see. We sent him all of Jeff's things. There's no reason for him to be here.

Maybe he wants to see you, Sam.

I don't want to see him. And then as she saw the look in his eyes she grew fierce and turned her wheelchair to face him. And don't tell me about fair, dammit. It wasn't fair to walk out on me three years ago. That wasn't fair. Now I don't owe him a damn thing.

Josh stopped in the doorway for a moment with a look of regret on his face. The one you owe, Sam, is yourself. She wanted to tell him to go to hell, but she didn't. She sat in her office and waited, she didn't even know for what, but she just sat there, thinking. She wanted him to leave the ranch, to go away again, to leave her alone. It was her life now, he had no right to come back and haunt her. Except that she knew that there was some truth in what Josh had just said. He had a right to see where his son was buried.

Josh came back half an hour later. I let him ride Sundance to go out and see the boy.

Good. Has he left the barn? Josh nodded. Then I'll go home. When you see Timmie, tell him I'm there. But when he got back, he had a riding lesson with some of his friends, and she sat in her house alone, wondering if Tate had left yet. It was so strange knowing that he was so nearby, that if she had wanted to she could have gone out and touched him, or seen him, or talked to him, and she wasn't even sure of what she was afraid of. Her own feelings? What he might say? Maybe she wouldn't feel anything at all if she had a chance to spend some time with him, maybe what had left the wound open for so long was the fact that he had left her without any real explanation and no chance to fight back. It had been like sudden death, with no reprisal, and now, three years later, he was back and there was nothing left to say. Or at least nothing that seemed worth saying, nothing that she would let herself say.

It was almost dark when Josh knocked on her front door and she cautiously opened it. He's gone, Sam.

Thanks. They looked at each other for a long moment and he nodded.

He's a nice man, Sam. We talked for a long time. He's real torn up about the boy. He said he'd stop by and see Mary Jo tonight at the hospital and tell her he's sorry. Sam ' His eyes questioned her and she shook her head. She knew what he was going to say, but instinctively she held up a hand.

No. And then, softly, Does he know ' about me? Did he say anything? Josh shook his head.

I don't think so. He didn't say anything. He asked where you were, and I said you were gone for the day. I think he understood, Sam. You don't walk out on a woman and then come back three years later. He just said to thank you. He was real touched by where we buried Jeff. He said he wanted to leave it just like that. You know, he sighed softly and looked out at the hills, we talked about a lot of things' about life, about people ' Caroline and Bill King.' Life sure does change in a few years, don't it? Josh looked sad tonight, it had done something to him to see his old friend. Sam didn't ask but he volunteered the rest of what he knew. When he left here, he went up to Montana. Worked on a ranch. Saved his money, and then took out a loan and bought a small spread and turned rancher. I teased him about it. He said he was doing it to have something to leave the boy. He did real good, and now Jeff is gone. He says he just sold his place last week.