Paradisal Tragedy

Paradisal Tragedy

ADA MARIE

PARADISAL TRAGEDY

Copyright © 2014 by Ada Marie

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This is a work of fiction. All characters, places, and events are from the author’s imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to real places, people, or events is coincidental. All trademarks, service marks, registered trademarks, and registered service marks are the property of their respective owners and are used herein for identification purposes only.

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One

Dear Diary,

I feel like I’m standing at the very top of a cliff, on the edge, and the only way to go is down.

I’m not quite sure how I got here, to be honest. I’m trying to remember back to the girl that I used to be, the one that saw the good in everything, the one that brought the optimism to every situation. I miss her.

I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m spiraling down a path unknown, and I don’t know how to find my way back to the light. I’m broken, and I don’t know how to save myself. I was raised a Christian, but lately, I’ve had such a hard time finding my faith with all the cards I’ve been dealt.

I’m trying to find peace, I’m trying to fix my faith in God, but how can I do that? If I’m going through this much pain, how is there possibly a God?

I’m not sure where to turn anymore, which is why I write to you. I don’t particularly like writing my bare words, my heart on paper for someone to possibly find, but the thought of saying all my dark thoughts scares me so deeply.

I’m lost and I feel alone and the truth is I feel like I’m dying. This life is killing me slowly.

The sad part is that I’ve been living with this secret since it happened. The only optimism I can find in it is the fact that my dad got that job offer all those months before it happened, and I was able to run away from everything.

What happened to me, it took a part of me that I’m not sure will ever return. I’m stuck in this darkness, but unlike most darkness there’s no light at the end of this tunnel. It’s permanent.

I’m falling down, and I don’t know how to get up. Why does it hurt so badly? Life shouldn’t be this hard for an eighteen year old girl. I guess it goes to show that life just isn’t fair and no matter how good you are as a person, you’ll never be able to be happy.

Setting down the pen in the spine of her journal, Annabella Adams closed the journal and took a deep breath, staring at the salad that sat in front of her in her favorite restaurant, The Heart Attack Grill. Picking up the fork, she began gently picking at the salad while reflecting on all that had happened leading up to that moment.

It was only ten months ago that her parents informed her that they would be leaving their life in Tampa, Florida to relocate to the small town of Chandler, Arizona. She remembered when she first learned about the news of her dad’s new, better paying job, she had been mildly upset and angered.

Her life was in Florida; it was where she grew up! Not only did it mean she had to leave her hometown, but everyone she loved was located in Tampa. It was home. It wasn’t until the circumstance that changed her life that she grew relieved about getting out of that town. Upon leaving Tampa, she became ecstatic to know that she didn’t have to face everything that had gone wrong. She slept a
little
better knowing that she could wake up and not have to see
him
ever again in her life.

Leaving didn’t stop the recurring nightmares, though. It didn’t stop the dark path that she was heading down, or the fear that came with living every single day. It didn’t stop her from flinching every time someone touched her from behind, or the fact that she didn’t believe in good anymore.

Worst of all, she convinced herself that leaving would be the best thing for her. She thought if she left she would be free, but the truth was she wasn’t free at all. She was still a prisoner in her own skin. All she wanted to do was give up. Her life meant nothing; every hope, every dream, everything she’d ever wanted, it all vanished. Nothing really meant anything anymore.

She was numb, her life a dull blackness that only worsened with each day that passed. Days flew by without her knowledge, she was losing time and she didn’t know how to stop it. The light that she had once had in her eyes had completely vanished. The warmth she used to have in her heart had turned to coldness and emptiness. She was living in a hell she couldn’t escape.

And she didn’t have a savior. She never would either. Nothing in her world would ever be the same again. She’d never be the same person she was in her old life, and the reality of that made her want to hide under a rock for the rest of her days.

 “Is there anything else I can get for you?” The blonde waitress asked, her blue eyes wide, smile revealing her white teeth.

“No, thank you. Can I please just have the check?” Annabella asked, she was always good at putting on a front. She could mask her pain just enough for everyone to believe she was pretty happy with her life. She could push all the tears back inside as if she was an actress on a stage.

The last thing she needed was anyone getting close to her. People always let her down; that’s how it was. There was no one in the world to trust. Sure, her parents would always be there if she spoke up to them, but she wouldn’t burden them with the secret that dragged her down daily. They didn’t see the pain that was written all over her face, nor did they hear the whimpers from the nights that she cried herself to sleep, and she would do her best in order to keep it that way for as long as she possibly could. If she had it her way, it would be forever.

 “Of course, I’ll be right back.” The waitress smiled then turned on her heel and disappeared.

Annabella looked out the window just as the summer wind began to pick up, blowing the leaves in the process. She always loved summer; it had been her favorite time of the year for as long as she could remember. She loved the smell of the ground hugging the air, the nights where you could almost taste the mist in the air. She remembered all the times she’d go sit by the lake and write the afternoon away with the poetry that always defined her. It was the one thing
he
couldn’t ever take away from her. It was the one place where no one could take anything more from her than had already been taken. It was the place that she couldn’t write and vent her heart out and at the end of the day, her secrets would still be safe, yet also let her get all her emotions out.

“Here you go ma’am. Have a nice night.” The waitress placed the check in front of her on the table. It was five dollars and fifty cents. Digging in her purse, she pulled out the money, left it on the table and left the restaurant.

Arriving back to her house, Annabella set the keys to her Maserati on the counter, along with her purse. A year ago, she would have been happy about the house her parents picked. It was warm and loving and a place that she could actually call home. There was upstairs with five bedrooms. Her room was on the opposite side of her parents. The kitchen was huge, with hardwood floors and yellow walls. The living room was over sized, and it contained red leather couches and a coffee table between the couch and the arm-chair.

Annabella rarely spent time down here. She kept to herself, even at home. She spent a tremendous amount of time in her bedroom writing, or sketching, away. Recently, all her sketches were dark, they had been for months. Everything in her life was dark lately, especially when it came to her thoughts.

“Bella? Is that you? “Annabella heard her father call from the top of the stairs. He stood in a suit and had a smile on his face at the sight of his daughter. He looked to her like she was his entire world.

Little did he know how broken she really was.

“Yeah,” she responded, her voice emotionless.

“Your mother and I have a fundraiser to go to tonight. Are you going to be alright by yourself honey?” he asked erasing the little distance left that stood between them. The relationship she had with her father was always valuable to her. They once were extremely close and inseparable. He was always there for her, and anytime she needed or wanted something, he always had her back, even in the moments when she was wrong. In the moment when everything was taken from her she no longer knew how to reach out to him to tell him she was suffering and needing him. She no longer knew how to let him, or anyone else, in.

“Daddy, I’ll be fine. I always am,” she lied confidently, she was okay, yes, honestly, she wasn’t fine at all. She hadn’t been fine for a while.

 “Baby doll, I’m so worried about you,” Nicholas Adams told his daughter, his blue eyes filling with concern for the one person he’d give his life to. He hated seeing his daughter in this state. He may have not gone to medical school to be a shrink, but he did know that his daughter wasn’t the girl she used to be, and more than that he knew she was suffering. The girl he raised from the moment she was born wasn’t in the girl he stared at now, and more than anything it broke his heart because she was such a strong, spirited and bright girl. The girl he looked at now just looked broken.

 “I know, Daddy. I’m okay. Go out. Have fun,” Annabella told him. She loved her parents more than anything, and they’d always been there for her. Though they worked a lot, they always made sure Annabella was getting what she needed. They always put her first.

“Sweetheart, you know can tell your mother and me anything right? No matter what?” Nicholas asked in a concerned tone, making sure that whatever she was hiding she knew one hundred percent that he and her mother were there. And they’d do their damnest to help.

 “I know daddy, but I promise there is nothing to tell. I’m kind of tired, I think I’m going to head upstairs and write for a little bit, and then go to sleep,” she stated, just wanting to avoid any more of this conversation. It didn’t do either of them any good to discuss it.

 “Okay, there’s leftover lasagna in the fridge. Or you can order pizza or takeout,” Nicholas informed Annabella as he handed her a one hundred-dollar bill. It didn’t really surprise her anymore; it wasn’t like they couldn’t afford it.

“Thank you.” She appreciated that. Her father then pulled her in his arms and held on to his little girl for dear life before pulling away,

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” she said as the tear fell from her eyes. She hated keeping her parents in the dark. She knew they were worried, but she wouldn’t be the person to ruin their life the way her life had been ruined by that monster. She’d keep this secret with her until she was cold and dead. It was the only way. Even if it meant she lived in darkness and fear for the rest of her life.

Two

Sitting in the red, leather chair in the principal’s office, Travis Braxton stared out the window while he waited on her to arrive. He started remembering all the moments in the past four years that he sat in this very seat waiting for another lecture. He let a smirk creep onto his face, remembering just how much trouble he always got himself into, how much time over the years he wasted with his shenanigans, but despite it all he always managed to keep a 4.0 average. He was somehow a straight-A student, even while skipping classes.

Hearing the door open, Travis turned his head slowly and watched the principal make her way to her desk, so she was sitting across from him. He wanted to believe that he was called into Mrs. Spencer’s office for some other reason than what he had been in the past, but he knew it would be the same speech he had been receiving from her for the past four years, and now here he was on the day of graduation – the graduation he was skipping – waiting for the same thing he dreaded each time. A smirk came over his face when he realized the irony in that. Nothing ever really changes, does it?

“Mr. Braxton,” she greeted him with a smile. “Thank you for coming in today, I know that you didn’t have to, and I’m sorry for any inconvenience that this causes you.”

“The pleasure’s all mine,” he said cockily. “Care to elaborate on why you wanted me to come in the first place though?” Travis questioned. He dreamt of a million things that he would rather be doing than sitting in the place he practically lived while in high school.

“Travis, during your years here, you were here in my office more than you were even in class. Drinking, spray-painting the walls, skipping class, talking back to teachers, you’ve done it all. Yet you were always one of my best students despite it all. I still have no idea how, but I always admired that. I called you into my office to see if you changed your mind about the scholarship you’ve been rewarded. You’re such a bright kid and I want to see you have the bright future that you so rightfully deserve.”

“I haven’t changed my mind; it isn’t for me. Can I go now?” Travis snapped, not bothering acknowledging what she said him. Truth was, he wasn’t smart, so why the hell would he ever think of college? His entire life he knew he was doomed to fail, sure he managed to pass high school with flying colors, but that didn’t mean college was for him. It just meant he paid attention. What could he possibly become?

“As you wish, Travis. But before you do, I would advise you to step up your game. You’re a very intelligent and wonderful young man and despite all your behavior you managed to somehow pass every single class, with an A I might add, and graduate with your class. It’s all your behavior that got you in trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard this speech before.
I have potential so I shouldn’t waste it
.” Travis mocked her lecture from all the previous times he sat in that very seat.

“Maybe you should stop trying to cut me slack. It is what it is. Stop holding out for me. I’m not going to change. I’m never going to be that good kid, I’m never going to get into college, and I’m never going to be anything. Nothing important, anyway,” Travis assured her. Giving her one last look, Travis shook his head and left the room, not giving her the ability to get even one more chance to say a word.

Standing in the parking lot, he found his way to his motorcycle and hopped on, fleeing from the building as fast as possible. He was going as fast his bike would take him on a back road. With the wind touching his face, he felt free. Having one parent who didn’t give a damn about him, and one who worked too hard to give him everything he needed or even wanted, he didn’t understand how he had brains in the first place.

His parents divorced four years ago when he was fourteen and since then he lived with his mother in their over-sized house. Deep down, he knew that none of this was her fault. His dad cheated, and that was all there really was to say on the issue. His mother had given his father everything and more, but that still didn’t keep him happy enough. He responded by starting an affair with a woman who was ten years younger than him.

His father moved out the moment that his mother found him in their bed with the other woman after she’d come home sick from work, and rather than trying to fight for his mother, his father
took the easy way out and moved in with his mistress. They married only a few months later.

Since then he’d only seen his father three times and
each time, it had only been convenient for him. His mother was all Travis had left; she was always doing what was best for him, although he didn’t always deserve it. He would give up everything just to make things easier on his mother, he only ever wanted to make her happy, and he’d gladly give his life for her if he ever had the choice.

                            ***

“Travis? Is that you?” His mom, Casey, called from the kitchen when he stepped through the door of his home. He figured she was on her lunch break and came home to see him because it was the middle of the day, and she typically worked really long nights at the office. She made a career of being a lawyer, so she worked long hours, but even when she was home, Travis only seemed to push her away.

“Yeah, Mom it’s me,” Travis told her, dreading the conversation that was to come in the next few minutes.

“Where have you been?” she wondered, knowing that he had the day off from work. It wasn’t really like him to go out often when he was off, he liked to be able to just stay home and play on his guitar.

“Mrs. Spencer called me for a meeting at the school,” he explained with a twisted look upon his face. He didn’t understand why his principal was pushing so hard; he didn’t think that he ever would either. His entire time through school all he ever did was cause trouble. Yes, he was able to pass, but that didn’t change how bad his behavior had been, so why did she care so much? He wasn’t going places, he was destined to be a mechanic; nothing special ever came from being a Braxton, look at his father.

“Oh.” Casey spoke, intrigued “What was it that she wanted to see you for?”

“I got offered a scholarship back in April; it would pay for ten thousand dollars’ worth of my tuition. I wrote an essay a while back for a class assignment, and the English teacher thought it was phenomenal I guess, and showed it to Mrs. Spencer, who then submitted it to one of those college scholarship sites. I didn’t even know it was legal to that. Oh well,” Travis joked wanting to get off the subject.

“What do you mean
oh well
, Trav? That’s great news and an awesome opportunity! Do you know how many people actually cannot afford to go to college?” Casey protested when noticing that Travis was pulling away from the college idea.

“What am I going to go to college for, Mom? To fail? I’m a Braxton; look at what happens to us? Dad’s father was a woman beater and a drunk, and Dad is a selfish cheater who walked out on his family. I’m bound to screw up something along the way too. I might as well learn that sooner rather than later.”

Shocked by his words, she grabbed his hand and rubbed her thumb over the back of it. From the moment he was born, Travis literally became her entire world and the only thing she ever wanted was to see him not only succeed, but for him to have all the happiness in the world. Seeing him degrade himself broke her heart into a million pieces. “Travis, you’re so much more than what you’re making yourself out to be right now. So what if you have the Braxton name? That doesn’t mean anything. Your grandfather and your father might not have ended up on successful side of life, but they didn’t try either. They took the easy way out and I know that I raised my son better than that. You’re a straight-A student with a 4.0 average. You’re already doing so much better than they ever did. Don’t you want to see where you can go with that?”

“I don’t know, Mom. I just don’t see how I’ll ever succeed.”

“By being you, that’s how. I’m not saying that you have to go; this is your choice. All I’m saying is that you should think about. Don’t say no just because you’re afraid you’ll fail. If you say no, do it because you actually have no desire to go.”

Sighing, Travis rubbed a hand to his forehead. He knew his mom was right; she always raised him to think before he acted, not that he ever took that advice, but this was probably one of those times where he really did need to sit down and think about it. “Okay, I’ll think about it, but that’s all I can really promise for right now.”

“That’s all I’m asking.” She smiled, glancing down at her watch to find the time. “I have to get going back to the office, but I’ll most likely be home early tonight, would you like to go out to dinner?” she asked him. She realized that she’d been neglecting him so much lately, while investing so much of her time into the case she’d been working on, and she hated that realization; she wanted nothing more than to give her son the attention he so rightfully deserved.

“Yeah, I would really love that, Mom.”

“Travis, I know things aren’t easy, but I want you to know that I’m trying my best, and if you need me, I am always here for you to talk to me. I know I’m not the perfect mother, and I know you blame me for what happened…”

“Mom, no. I don’t blame you for what he did. I blame him.
He
left us. He chose to abandon us. Not you. And you don’t have to be the perfect mom, you’re a great mom. And I love you more than anything,” Travis declared, cutting his mother off. She couldn’t be more wrong. He couldn’t ever blame her for the actions of his father. She ended up being just as heartbroken as Travis had been, if not more.

“Sweetheart, I love you, and I’m sorry that you ended up in this predicament with me. I hate that your father hurt you so bad. The only thing I ever wanted was for you to be happy. After I learned of your father’s infidelity, I vowed that I wouldn’t let my pain get in the way of your relationship with him, and Trav, I tried really hard. I really did and I’m so sorry.”

“Mom, I know, it’s who you are, and I love you for that. I don’t blame you. Not for one second.” Travis spoke honestly.

“I love you, don’t you ever forget that.” She stated, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before she headed out. There was no questioning that; he couldn’t even pretend to forget his mother didn’t love him after all she’d given up and done for him. She truly was the best person in his life.

***

Dear Diary,

I’ve haven’t seen much of my parents in the last few days, and the nightmares are increasing. I hate being alone, I hate it so much. It only tends to drag me farther down in the hole I fell into.

They work so much, and I know I’m not much company anymore, I know that I’m not fun to be around since… Well you know, but I just miss them, and I need them more than ever right now. I can’t help but to feel like they’re avoiding me. They might not have a clue about what happened to me, but my behavior and moods did a complete one-eighty in the last several months. I can see it in the way they look at me; they notice it. They know something is wrong, they know I’m breaking apart, even if they don’t mention it.

I hate what I must be making them feel, I hate it so much, I want nothing more to be able to go back to the girl I was a year ago, but I can’t. I’m only eighteen yet I’ve been doomed to a life of hell.

***

Annabella sat at the Heart Attack Grill at the table closest to the door, with a nice view out the window. It was a Friday night and even though Annabella knew that it would end up being packed, she still came; it was better than the alternative.

Granted, she hated being in a room that was full of people, she had the fear of being touched, but the silence that filled her ears in the empty home she would be sitting in was much worse than having to be around people for a little while. After the incident all those months ago, she ended up having panic attacks if she was around too many people with no way out.

She clutched the necklace she wore around her neck under the oversized sweater that hid her body, jerking her head up to see the waitress approaching her.

“Hi, I’m Amy.” She was a brown haired woman, probably in her thirties. She was cheerful. Annabella despised her for being able to be as happy as she once was before it was all taken from her. “What can I get for you?”

“Can I please just have a coffee?” Annabella asked.

“Of course. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Amy said, smiling. She then left the table.

Looking out the window, Annabella scanned the view. She was surprised how fast she fell in love with Chandler. She missed home sometimes, but it was perfect here and although she hated the circumstances that drove her here, she loved her new home. She missed her friends, but this was her first step to healing from her secret. She couldn’t bear to tell anyone else, and she couldn’t bear the thought of someone pitying her. She didn’t want to have to deal with it if her father found out and never looked at her the same way again.

She felt dirty and destroyed beyond repair. She was broken. Nothing. Just a shadow of the girl she used to be. She used to be young and innocent, but her innocence was taken from her at the age of seventeen. She’d been through something that no seventeen-year-old should ever have to go through. She closed her eyes, trying to forget but instead it all came back in flashes. Everything was there in black and white. A touch on her shoulder made her jump. When her eyes flew open the waitress was back.

“I’m sorry,” Annabella said, taking calm, slow breaths. “I just didn’t see you there.”

“It’s okay, hon. Here is your coffee. Enjoy,” she said nicely, and vanished from the table.

 After finishing her three coffees, and later a side of fries, she finally worked up the courage to go back to her empty house. She hated the thought that her parents wouldn’t be home until midnight, and it was only seven thirty. She hated being alone, and yet she was more alone than she could ever imagine.

As she got up from the table, she started heading towards the door, but the next thing she knew she was on the restaurant floor covered in a milkshake, burger, coke and fries. Great. Just great. After looking down at her freshly ruined shirt, Annabella looked up, glaring at the culprit. Standing there was a guy not much older than her from what she could tell. She was furious at him for not paying attention.

“Maybe you should watch where you’re going,” he spat, his green eyes glaring down at her.

“Sorry,” she muttered as she picked up her belongings. When she picked up her iPod, she noticed it was covered in soda. “Just great.”

He sighed. “What’s your problem?” he asked, tone softening as he offered a hand.

“I don’t need your help, and you got soda all over my iPod and now it won’t turn on,” she said furiously.

“You should have watched where you were going then,”

“You’re blaming me, for you not watching where
you
were going. This was your fault.” Annabella raised her voice. She wasn’t one argue with someone, but with all the horrible cards she’d been dealt lately, something inside her was beginning to snap.