Paradise Island: Complete Edition (7 page)

“What am I supp...”

“Shh,” he whispered. “Just look up.”

I looked up at the cave ceiling and expected to see I don’t know what. An opening on top that let a bit of sunshine in, maybe? But instead I saw the night sky, full of stars. Beautiful and incomprehensible at the same time.

“Wow, Jack. This is beautiful. But how?” I was flabbergasted by the sight above us. It was as if we had entered another reality entirely. And who knows, maybe we had.

And then Jack did something unexpected. He clapped his hand really loudly and yelled out “Woohoo!” at the same time. It would have startled me if it weren’t for all the stars moving out of place and flying in every which direction. And then I realized: these weren’t stars, these were some kind of cave-dwelling creatures!

“They’re Arachnocampa, or glowworms to be more precise.”

After the show was over I surprised myself by laying back down, this time with my head on Jack’s chest. I listened to his heartbeat and felt wonder at all things. I had never felt so alive, and so cared for, in my entire life. Tears started to stream down my face and onto his perfect white shirt. The smell of him, the feel of his flesh, the sound of his beating heart, the strange creatures making their way to new places on the cave’s ceiling: it was all just too much.

“Thank you,” I said simply. “Thank you, Jack. I’ll never forget this.”

He caressed my hair and kissed the top of my head. I had the urge to run, but I fought it. I did not want to shatter this perfect moment between us. He was not a world famous actor in this cave, and I was not just some waitress in a diner. We were just two people who were connecting on a deeper level than anyone else had connected before. We were special. And this moment, this world, it belonged to us. At least for a little while. I did not want to go back out into the sunlit, and bitterly cold world. I wanted to stay here with him forever. If not forever, then as long as we could.

We stayed in each other’s arms for what seemed like a short eternity, neither speaking a word. Neither wanting to break the spell that was cast.

But then it happened. First he kissed the top of my head, and then he moved down to my forehead, then he spread light kisses all the way down until he reached my lips. I could taste his breath, his delicious saliva on my lips. He kissed me gently at first and I let him, but then the hunger had gotten too much for him. He kissed me harder, his tongue penetrating my lips and entering my mouth. I heard him moan softly, and then I remembered him on top of Lucy and the spell was broken.

I quickly moved away, for if I didn’t move away now, I knew all was lost.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.” I got up from my place and looked down upon him. “We should go.”

He didn’t say much. He just put his jacket on and told me to follow him back out. He apologized, but I knew he didn’t mean it. Butterflies danced in my stomach, and I could still taste him in my mouth. I savored the taste, even as I wanted to wash it out as soon as it was possible. It was difficult to figure out which of the opposite feelings were right, but I knew I did not have to decide right then and there.

The trip back to his house was uneventful and surprisingly quick. The memory of the kiss, and the taste of Jack still on my lips made me forget my fear of riding the bike, and by the time he stopped the bike in front of his house, I had realized that I wasn’t afraid at all the whole trip there.

It was awkward to say the least to walk back into the house together. It felt like something had definitely happened between us, and that things would never be the same again. What happened in the cave needed to be addressed. I knew that much. But I also knew that it didn’t have to happen right away. I went into “my” room and locked the door behind me. I laid down in bed and picked up Josie’s journal. I needed to forget myself, and Jack. I needed to forget everything that had just happened, and the best way I knew how to do that was to escape into another’s world. Before, when I was younger, it was usually a novel I had found myself escaping to. Now it was Josie Browning’s diary. I put the bookmark down and started to read. At first, the words were foreign to me, as if the diary had magically been translated into another language. But with a little effort, I found that I could focus on the words again, even as tears started to fall from my eyes. I sobbed, using my hand to muffle the sound. I did not know why I was really crying, so I stopped thinking about it and began reading Josie’s words instead.

T
homas is angry with me. He tells me that I am a devil woman who was sent from Lucifer himself to make his life hell. Funnily enough, he did not voice those feeling while his throbbing member was inside me, but rather soon afterward after I had suggested that we should run away together. Thomas is a maddening man. There are two sides to him: the one he shows the world, and the one only I see in the dark, as we steal moments to bring to fruition our most carnal desires. For example, the other day he took me from behind, because he had heard other men brag about it. I had never done it myself, but what Thomas wants, Thomas gets. I could not refuse a man such as he. So that fateful night we met well after midnight (I do not know how he had slipped through the sharp claws of his wife) and we had met in the barn. I thought it was going to be the usual affair. I was ready for some passionate lovemaking and a quick kiss goodbye, but I got more than I bargained for that night.

He looked guilty of something at first, so I badgered him until he had finally confessed his nefarious desires to me. I had never made love to a man in such a manner, and while I was a bit apprehensive of what it might feel like to be taken from behind (like some kind of animal, I might add) I decided that if Thomas didn’t get his desires met with me, I feared he would take another lover and leave me to myself. And that simply was not an option. Me and Thomas were meant to be, and nothing, not even his strange sexual requests, would stop me from loving him.

So I went down on all fours after we had found a fairly secluded spot and I waited in anticipation as Thomas lifted up my dress. I had taken to wearing as little beneath that dress as possible when meeting him in the dark. It was much easier than to waste time as he fumbled with the undergarments, his raging member impatient to get to the good stuff.

So, yes, that night Thomas did take me from behind. Not once, but two times. I will not go into all the sordid details, because I am not that kind of woman. Suffice it to say, that by his grunts and moans (and some of my own as well) I judged the night a success.

While usually he would give me a quick kiss goodbye, this night was different. He pushed me against the barn wall and kissed me passionately, as if my mouth contained the water that would quench his thirst. His hands found their way all over my body, as he explored every place that no married man should.

“I love you, Josie,” he grunted between passionate kisses. “You mean the world to me.”

And then he left me.

So why did I just tell you all of that, dear diary? It was to set up the scene, so you could feel the same shock and anger I felt as the events at the beginning of this entry took place.

We had found each other at my place, in my bed, which was a rare occurrence indeed. (I live with a couple of other girls, but they were all luckily out of town for a few days. They asked me to come along, but I politely declined. This made them suspicious, because I’m usually the first to jump at the chance to get out of our boring little town. They surmised that I wanted to stay because of a man. If only they knew how right they were.) So after we had finished our carnal activities, both from the front and behind, I had proposed to Thomas that we might run away together.

You would have thunk that I had suggested we murder his wife by the kind of response I got. He flew into a rage, putting his clothes back on as quickly as he could, and accusing me of being Devil’s spawn or some other such nonsense.

Naturally, after he had left, closing the door much more abruptly than was necessary, I laid in bed and put the covers over my naked flesh and sobbed like I’d never sobbed before. Something was definitely different about my lover, and I needed to find out what. I would follow him for the rest of my days if that’s what it took. I will hide in the shadows and watch his every move, and when there was something to hear, I will come closer and listen, undetected behind a door. A wall. Whatever the hell else. Thomas owed me an explanation and not to mention an apology. There was simply no reason for him to treat a lady like me in such a manner. No reason at all.

So that’s how I spent the rest of the night, sobbing and plotting, until one of them made me feel better about the other and I fell asleep like a babe would, and went into deep darkness for the rest of the night.

––––––––

W
ow. Just wow. I put the journal back down and felt like I needed a long hot bath. This Josie girl was definitely a character, alright. The sheer immorality and nonchalant attitude she portrayed in her diary entries was almost sickening, but also very fascinating. The classic novels of my childhood were nothing like the sordid diary I was reading. Some of it verged on porn, though as I’d never seen or read any, I could not be sure.

I felt sick to my stomach so I left the journal on the bedside table. Then I changed my mind and put it in the drawer instead. If Jack had happened to come in and open at my bookmark, he would be more than shocked at what kind filth I was reading. Or even worse, it might give him the wrong idea about me!

I was tired of wearing his clothes, so I made up my mind to swing by my and Lucy’s place. Yes, her shift at the diner would be over by now, but she was probably out on the town looking for Jack’s replacement. Before I found her sexual escapades interesting, now I just found them sickening. I could not unsee what I had seen, and Jack on top of Lucy, banging away, was one of those things that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Jack was asleep on the couch so I didn’t want to disturb him. He fell asleep reading a biography of someone I’d never heard of. Research for a role or just for pleasure? I didn’t know, and I had no time to ask. I dressed in the warmest clothes I could find and headed out.

The sun had already set so it was pretty dark outside. It took a bit for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, though I knew from experience that my skin would never adjust to the cold. I pulled the scarf tighter around my face, leaving only my eyes unobstructed.

Was I afraid walking alone at night? Not really. Ravenswood was a quiet community where everyone knew each other. Yes, thoughts of danger still entered my mind, but I didn’t actually think that anyone would hurt me.

I walked alongside the road because, even though it didn’t make much sense at all, I was afraid of the ocean at night. It felt like there were creatures in the water following my every move, swimming in answer to every step I took. I shivered just thinking about it and thanked my lucky stars that I wasn’t anywhere close to the water.

No cars passed me by, so I was safe from more realistic predators as well. Eventually I reached my destination and all the lights seemed to be off. It seemed I was extra lucky this night. I put my key in the lock and found that I didn’t have to use it at all, it was already open. I slowly opened the door and shut it behind me. I looked around each room, just to make sure I wouldn’t walk in on Lucy doing the dirty again, and once I was sure I was alone, I went to my room and packed as much of my stuff as I could in my suitcase. Thankfully, my suitcase had wheels so it wasn’t going to be too much trouble to wheel it back to Jack’s place. As I packed my things I kept thinking about the kiss earlier. I had to admit that I didn’t find the thought of it totally unpleasant. I also had to admit that I had no idea what the hell I was doing in my house, packing my things, just to take them back to Jack’s place. We weren’t even friends, for goodness sake! We should not be living together at all. Yes, it was only for a few days, but still, it was more than a little weird. Maybe not as weird as seeing him have sex with my best friend and roommate, but pretty darned weird.

A noise made me stop in my tracks. The front door opening. I almost wished it was an intruder, because the alternative wouldn’t have been much better.

“Sophie!” I heard Lucy yell out. “I know you’re here!”

I had to face her eventually, so it might have as well been right then and there. I kept packing my stuff, anxiously waiting for her to find me, and after a moment or so, she did.

“Sophie, what the hell are you doing?” she asked. Then she took in my whole ensemble, which consisted of several of Jack’s items of clothing, and gave me a knowing look. “You act all saintly, but you’re fucking him as we speak, aren’t you, Sophie?”

“No I’m not!” I hated her more than anyone in that moment and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there.

“Then where are you taking all your stuff, Sophie, huh, answer me that?” She looked distastefully at my open suitcase.

I zipped the thing closed for good measure and positioned it on the floor. I pulled out the handle and looked her straight in the eyes. “That’s none of your business, Lucy.”

I made a move to get the hell out of there but she moved too, blocking my exit.

“Why are you doing this, Sophie? You told me yourself you didn’t even like the guy. And now you’re actually living with him? Who are you?”

I had to admit that she had a point. I didn’t know who the hell I was at that moment either. I did not know why Jack made me feel safe, even though I knew, I even saw with my own eyes, what he was capable of.

“I don’t know, Lucy. All I know is that I deserve a better friend than you.”

“But you’re the one who told me you didn’t care what he was up to!”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that I wanted you to fuck him. God, Lucy, why’d you have to go and do that? You couldn’t stand the fact that he was interested in me and not you. Is that it? Is that all it was? To show me that you could have him just like you’ve had half this whole fucking town?” Tears started to fall down my face and I didn’t know why. I quickly wiped them away with Jack’s jacket.