Paradox Love: Paradox Love Book 1 (21 page)

“So what did you think when you were standing at the end of that long corridor before walking to the office at the end of the hall?  It was surreal, wasn’t it?” she asked.

“Oh, you know what, I never got that far.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I remember getting here.  I remember that crazy ride.  And then suddenly, this whole room came out of nowhere around me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And that was it.”

“What was it?  You didn’t notice all the doors?  You didn’t walk down the corridor?”

“No, not at all.  I remember white all around me.  That I remember.  And then there was just pain.  I’ve never felt anything like it.  I mean, I actually passed out.  The same girl, Liz, who you met, dragged me in here.  Poor thing.  She said I’d feel better here.  Thank God she was right.  She told me it was probably the heart attack that had killed me on Earth.  She said I was probably holding onto the residual pain.  It made sense I guess.  And I told her I wasn’t leaving until you got here.  She said we’d figure it all when you arrived.  And here you are.”

He was smiling, but Grace’s smile had disappeared.

“I had a pain like that, too, when I first arrived.  But each time I’d come back after being with you, it was less.  They gave me a line about the pain too, about it being caused by the accident that killed me.  Then they told me it was my attachment to you that was causing the pain and that each time I saw you again, I was letting go a little bit.  The last time I was here, it was completely gone.  But that was another lie.  I never let go of you.  And the pain is back.”

They’d already discussed that Grace had been told Luke was on another world and whatever time they had left together on Earth was all there would ever be.  She’d also told him about her refusal to go her assessment that final time, because she knew that he was still alive on Earth.

Luke was continuing.  “Well, they told us the pain would be gone after our assessments.  So maybe it’s time for us to move on – together.  I mean, as much as I love this place, Grace, there’s obviously more to this world.  I’d like to see it, wouldn’t you?”

Something wasn’t right.  There were too many lies.  And now they both had the excruciating pain.  It wasn’t her attachment to Luke that had caused it.  He was right here. 

After some thought, she responded.  “Okay, let’s get out of here.  Do you think you can make it down the hall?”

“I can try.” 

She took his hand and they walked together to the door.  He squeezed it tighter as she turned the knob.  She opened the door and they took a step inside.  She looked to Luke.  His face was all at once drained of its color and the magnitude of the pain was written all over it.  And then without warning, he slumped to the floor. 

Once again, the screaming began throughout the corridor.  This time the teachers came right up to the doorways.  All eyes were upon her.  She backed up and moved behind Luke.  She propped him partially off the ground and dragged him back through the door.  She closed it behind them and knelt next to him. 

“Luke.  Luke.”  She was stroking his hair, kissing his face.  She kept telling herself he was immortal.  He could not die.  In a moment, he began to stir before finally blinking his eyes open. 

“Well, that’s not gonna work,” he smiled.

She smiled back and kissed him on the lips.

“For some reason, I think it’s worse for you than it is for me.  I know we agreed to stick together, but I think I need to go get some help.”

They were not the words he wanted to hear, although he wasn’t going to put up a fight about it.  He didn’t want to remain stranded in this football stadium.  He wanted to start their lives together.

“Well, you do know your way around a little better than I do.”

“Luke, all I’m gonna do is walk down this hall back to Liz and ask her how we get to our assessment.  Then I’m coming right back and we’re gonna get you out of here.”

“Okay.” 

He sat up for a minute and when he felt strong enough, he stood.  His faith in her was unbreakable now.  He knew she would do exactly as she promised.  He kissed her again and then he stepped way from the door, afraid that even looking into that hallway would knock him on his ass again.  Grace reached for the knob before looking back at him over her shoulder.

“I love you, Luke.”

“I love you, Grace.  I’ll be right here waiting for you.”

She smiled and braced herself as she walked into the corridor.  It was no picnic for her, either.  She closed the door behind her and immediately leaned up against the nearest wall.  That bowling ball was back, announcing itself in the most horrific way.  She stepped forward, but it was a nightmare of a trek. 

She covered her ears and avoided the screaming all around her.  From the corners of her eyes she saw them standing in the doorways, arms stretched into the corridor reaching toward her.  There was a desperation in every one of them.  There must have been some rule, some law that kept them from entering her corridor.  All stood at their thresholds, but none stepped foot inside.  From some of them, she felt what could only be described as rage. 

She was glad nobody had ever referred to this place as heaven.  It was pretty hellish at the moment.  When she finally reached Liz’ office, she entered and closed the door behind her.  Remarkably, shutting it seemed to blunt the noise almost completely.

“Liz, this is absolutely crazy.”

“Yes, it is.”

Liz was trying so hard to be upbeat, but she was a nervous wreck.  She smiled as best she could.  “But don’t worry.  It’s only temporary.  The sooner you get to your assessment, the sooner this will all be over.”

This was strangely ironic.  Every time she’d been here, someone had been trying to talk her into getting to her assessment.  And she’d never stopped fighting against going.  Now here she was asking for her assessment, wanting it with pretty marked desperation.

“I need to get Luke out of that room, Liz.”

“I agree.  It’s very important that we get you both to your assessment as soon as possible.”

“Can we go together?”

“Certainly.”

“Well, that’s good, because otherwise, it’d be no deal.  It’s together or not at all.”

“I totally understand.”

“The only problem is, Luke can’t take one step into this corridor without collapsing.”

“Yes, that is a problem.  But I can help.”

“Oh my God.  Thank you.  Thank you.”

“Of course.  You ready?”

“I am.”

This was crazy.  Here she was for the first time going willingly to her assessment.  And with Luke, no less.  She had most certainly manifested what she wanted most for herself.  Now it was time to continue their journey together.  She stood from her chair and braced herself for a moment. 

“You poor thing.”  Liz moved to put an arm around her for support.  “Let’s do this together.”

“Thank you.”

Liz swung the door open and once again they were in the corridor.  Grace tried to stay to the center, away from the screaming teachers. 

Liz seemed just as overwhelmed.  “Oh my,” she spoke under her breath as she acknowledged the sight before her.

Liz was to her right, providing support as Grace took the first steps back toward the other end of the corridor. 

The floor was littered with the debris of smashed doors and chunks of wall.  Grace stumbled to the side, nearly losing her footing trying to avoid the obstacles.  And as she moved to stand up straight again, an outstretched arm shot towards her and a hand clenched around her arm.

Grace’s eyes moved to see Pietra hanging out from her doorway.  She had one arm latched tightly to the door jam and the other thrust out, wrapped tightly around Grace’s arm.  And so strong was that grasp that Grace buckled under its strength, sliding to the floor. 

Liz was pulling Grace from behind in an attempt to free her, but it was no use.  Using just her one hand, Pietra pulled Grace to her inch by inch with Liz unable to do anything but be pulled along herself. 

Oddly, about half the teachers had stopped their screaming.  The others continued without any gaps in their ranting.  Pietra had succeeded in pulling Grace all the way to her door.  Then Pietra dropped to her knees, to be on an even level with her.  Pietra moved in close enough that she could speak into Grace’s ear.  And not even the screaming from around the room could drown out Pietra’s voice.

“Did you ask him, Grace?  Did you do as I told you and ask Gabriel what he was risking by giving you what you want?  Did you ask him?” 

Grace did not look up or answer, but shook her head no.

Pietra knew she had little time to say everything that needed said. 

“You have traded his eternity for your own happiness.”

Grace’s spine stiffened.

Though it didn’t seem possible, the shouting around them grew louder.

“You owe it to him to speak to Abigail before taking another step down this hall.  You
owe
it to him!”

After that, Pietra knew that no matter how loud she shouted, Grace would be unable to hear her.  She used her free hand to pull Grace’s face toward hers, so that she could look her in the eyes.  It took nerve to meet her gaze, but Grace did it. 

In Pietra’s eyes was a communication more potent than the best sonnets of every dead poet.  If Grace had not already been on her knees, those eyes would have put her there anyway.  Her stomach was twisted into an instant knot.  The whites of Pietra’s eyes were bloodshot and watery, like little pools of blood on a blanket of snow.  Pietra kept her grip on Grace, until she knew for certain that the full impact of that communication had been felt.

Grace remained on the ground.  She didn’t care about the pain now in her arm, the pain in her chest or the pain in her ears.  What mattered only were the powerful blows she had taken from Pietra’s eyes.  Even as her stomached churned, she turned to look into them once again.  Now she was speaking to Pietra with her gaze.  And what was contained in Grace’s eyes confirmed to Pietra her intentions, her promise.  Only then did Grace look away.

Liz hadn’t heard a word, but she knew that Grace was now free.  She moved to help her to her feet.  Instead, Grace shook her head no, stayed on the ground and crawled back toward the office door.  A puzzled Liz followed. 

As she crawled, Grace noticed a remarkable decrease in the all encompassing pain in her chest.  Was it the physical contact with Pietra that had brought her relief?  She glanced over her shoulder.  Pietra was now absent from her doorway.  When she and Liz had made it back through the office door, Grace, still on her knees, closed the door behind them.

“I need to see the Senior Chancellor.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Liz looked at her in disbelief, her red hair now littered with tiny shards of broken door debris, her face coated in dust.

“You want to see the Senior Chancellor?”

Grace was still on her knees, but bracing herself once again against the chair to pull herself up.

“Yes,” came the reply, between heaving breaths.

“But why?”

Grace didn’t want to have to explain it.

“I just do.”

Poor Liz.  She was feeling like a failure just now.  All she’d been told to do was to get Grace and Luke into the assessment hall.  It had seemed an easy enough task. 

She sighed, pulling a curl of hair from her face. 

“Yes, maybe that would be best.”

Liz helped Grace to her feet and dusted her off. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  The Senior Chancellor will see you.  A door will be open in your corridor.”

Part of her wanted to ask how it worked.  How did Liz know the Senior Chancellor would see her?  How could a door which only minutes ago led into the classroom of a deranged teacher now lead to a meeting with the Senior Chancellor?  Then again, she didn’t care.  She was obliged to speak with Abigail.  Once that task was completed, it was back to Luke and to their assessments.  Any time away from him made her uneasy. 

Liz went to her desk to recuperate while Grace turned to leave again.  She pushed open the door.  Silence filled the space.  The corridor was as pristine as it had been the first time she’d seen it.  There was no evidence of the bizarre, explosive episode. 

She had no way of knowing that her receiving corridor had literally just served as a battlefield and that with each side now claiming victory, the space had been relinquished back to its original purpose. 

Halfway down the corridor on the left, a door was open.  She moved down the hallway and stepped inside. 

Before her were the furnishings of an exceptionally well appointed library.  The room stretched tall above her, gorgeously carved ladders resting against each wall so that books could be retrieved from the highest shelves.  Beneath her was a stunning wood plank floor.  There were antique French tufted chairs and a massive solid wood desk.  But there was no Abigail.

There was a man seated in one of the chairs reading a leather bound book.  He placed it on a table next to him when he saw her arrive.

“Welcome, Grace.”

He stood up to greet her.  She walked toward him, if only to tell him that there had been a mistake.  He already knew what she was going to say.

“You were expecting someone else.”

“Yes.  Abigail.”

“I’m sorry about that.  You did request to speak with the Senior Chancellor, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Good.  There’s no mistake, Grace.  I am Senior Chancellor Jonas.”  He reached out to shake her hand.

“I don’t understand.”

He gestured her toward the chairs.  She followed him and took a seat.  He stood for a moment before sitting himself.  Jonas had long dark brown hair.  It was perfectly straight and parted in the middle of his head.  He wore a long sleeved white shirt, the cuffs of which had been rolled up to nearly his elbows.  A black tie had been loosened around his neck.  He wore black dress pants and shoes.  He had the appearance of a businessman who’d just arrived home from work and was ready to relax.  He remained standing, as though deciding what to say.  And then as soon as he took a seat, he was talking.

“You’ve been told about free will, Grace and a little bit about our laws, though probably just enough to be dangerous,” he said with a smile before continuing.  “Abigail made some choices, which demonstrated an intent to prevent the free will of others.  In having done so, she was subject to the universal laws, which resulted in a regression of her élan vital.”

“Élan vital?”

“Yes.  It’s been interpreted to mean many things, but for us on Castellans, élan vital is the progress of the soul.  While a regression is not the end of the world, so to speak, it should certainly be avoided by any soul serious about progressing.  A regression is a journey backwards.”

She wasn’t sure she even wanted to continue the conversation.  It was Abigail she’d promised to speak to. 

“And now Grace, before we go on, I must ask you a question.”

“Okay.”

“Do I have your permission to speak freely?”

It seemed like a silly question.  Why wouldn’t she want him to speak freely?

“Yes, of course.”

“Good.  Good.  I’m just being cautious.  I don’t want to infringe upon your free will.  I want to be certain of that, you understand?”

“Yes.”

“So when you say yes, you are agreeing to hear everything I have to say, even if it might influence your decisions?”

“Yes.” 

There was no reason not to hear everything now.  It was over.  She was here.  Luke was here.  All they had to do was get into that assessment hall.

“Good.  Well Grace, let me start once again by welcoming you.”

“Thank you very much.”

“I admire you, Grace.”  He offered a smile.  “You knew what you wanted and you sought it with every amount of determination you possessed.  And you succeeded against every odd.  I myself cannot explain how you did it, but you have.  You’ve brought Luke to Castellans.  And now that the two of you are together again, the single most important thing you can do is have your assessment.”

“Yes, I know.  That’s what I want.  That’s all I want.”

“Perfect.  Your retreats will no doubt be the most remarkable we’ve had on Castellans in a thousand generations.  And our world itself will be made stronger by your union.”

“How will it make Castellans stronger?”

“Because our world, our collective élan vital is ascending.  Having reached the next level of our progression, we are moving beyond our current experience and into a whole new level of growth.  Ascensions are the single most anticipated events on our world, Grace.”

“And when will this ascension occur?”

“It will occur at the exact moment that you and Luke intentionally walk through the door to your assessments.”

“And why is that?  Why is everybody waiting for us?”

“Well, as a world’s ascension becomes imminent, souls stop being sent to Earth for experience.  One by one, those of us on Earth return.  It is only when all one million souls return and claim their citizenship by having their assessments that Castellans and all its people may collectively ascend.  You and Luke were the final souls remaining on Earth.  Now you are home.”

“So everyone has been waiting for us?  For Luke and I?”

“Yes, they’ve had no choice but to wait.  And you now have the power to finally end the waiting.”

There were so many pieces to fit together in this very, very large puzzle.  But she was collecting them, even if excruciatingly slowly.  Maybe it
was
the true Senior Chancellor and not Abigail that she’d needed to talk to.  He didn’t seem to be holding back.

“I’ve always been told that Luke was on another world.”

“Well, there was truth to that.  But I think the comments made to you worked in your favor.  They made you more determined to go back to Earth, to pursue your free will, to be with him again.”

Grace sat up a little.  “Yes, they did.  If Luke was never going to be here, I needed to see him.  I had to do it for me.”

“I know.”

“But how is it that he did come to Castellans, if this is not his home world?”

“
Because
of you
he did, Grace.  Your free will had a profound effect.”

“And Abigail’s regression, was that my fault?”

“Not at all.  She is an extraordinarily accomplished soul.   I don’t know anyone who could twist Abigail’s arm.”

Grace’s heart was thudding.  She had not contemplated with due seriousness the ramifications of her choices.

“And Gabriel?”

“Gabriel’s transgressions were far more serious, I’m afraid.”

She squeezed the arm of her chair, leaning forward.

“What do you mean?”

“While Abigail’s actions led to, let’s say more indirect consequences, Gabriel’s were done with no less than full intent, the magnitude of which we have not seen on Castellans since much earlier in our youth.”

Her chest pain was returning.

“What was it he did that was so terrible?”

“With full knowledge of the pending ascension of Castellans, Gabriel defied us all, literally halting the progress of every soul on our world.”

“How so?”  It wasn’t quite sinking in.

“By putting the free will of one single soul above the rest.  By giving that one soul their heart’s desire while denying all remaining souls their supreme right.  Gabriel let you go back to Earth, knowing full well that your absence would effectively halt the progress of every soul on our world.”

An earthquake was rising within her, easily rivaling the one she’d just walked through in her receiving corridor. 
This
was why Gabe told her he couldn’t let her go again? 
This
was what he meant by that simple, nonchalant statement?  How could he have been so casual about it? 

“Where is he?  Liz said he couldn’t be here.”

“He is not here, Grace.  That is true.  And to be perfectly honest, I do not know where he is.”

“How could you not know?”  Her chest tightened.  She owed Gabe everything,
everything
.

“We are an advanced People, Grace.  And it may seem harsh for me to say so, but the truth is, Gabriel has made his choices and you have made yours.  Your choices have rewarded you.  Gabriel’s have not.”  He reached out and placed a hand on hers.  “But know this.  He is immortal.  He is safe.  He cannot be killed.  He has chosen his path and you must accept it.  He knew what he was doing.  It is not your burden.  Move forward now with Luke to reclaim your citizenship.  Allow Castellans to ascend.  Claim the prize your free will has earned you.  Claim your happiness.”

Ordinarily, a library was a perfect place of quiet contemplation, but not today.  She wished that she could focus on just one thought at a time, put it in its place and move on to the next.  But she could not.  It was all jumbled.

“But is he truly on another world?   No longer on Castellans?”

“I don’t see any other possibility.  Simply put, he is now where he belongs, according to his élan vital.  In the end, there is perfect order in the universe, Grace.  All is as it should be.  I know that you may look at Gabriel’s actions and see them much akin to the act of sacrificing himself for your happiness.  And that is one way to look at it.  The act of insuring the happiness of another is one of the highest acts of love.  Unfortunately, he did not adequately measure it against the happiness of his world.  All that being said, Grace, you must honor that sacrifice and take your place among us.  You owe him that much.  You Grace, must be
gracious
at this time.”

Grace nodded understanding, although her stomach was twisting. 

“I’m going to be sick.”

“Oh dear.” 

He replaced his hand to hers, not immediately recalling what a human being meant when they used that phrase.

“Do you have a trash can?”

Puzzled, his eyes shot around the room for a trash can, although he knew he did not have one.

“A trash can?  I don’t have any trash.  Why would I need a trash can?”

Grace was searching madly with her eyes also.  She did not know if it were possible to puke, but if it did happen, she didn’t want to soil his lovely library. 

Jonas closed his eyes for just a second, bringing forth the image of a trash can in his mind.  And then with intention, he manifested one in the room, placing it squarely in the center, away from his precious books.

Grace’s eyes widened as she saw it appear, but she did not have time to marvel over it.  She sprung from her chair and dashed over to the metal garbage can, closed her eyes, bent over and let it go. 

She did not know what it was that came spewing out.  It didn’t taste like any food she’d ever regurgitated on earth.  She didn’t know what color it was, only that it was rancid in the most disgusting way and that there was a lot of it.  It came in waves, like a punishment meted out not all at once, but bit by bit, prolonging the torture. 

When the last was finally released, her stomach no longer with the power to push, she stepped back and leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees.  She remained there, in no hurry to move. And then, finally, she went back to take seat.

“Do you know what a breath mint is?”

“A breath mint?”

“Yes.  Something to freshen your breath, make it not smell like bile from hell.”

“Oh yes, yes.”  He understood why she’d asked.  The odor moving toward him as she spoke was suitably unpleasant as to require a breath mint, certainly.  He manifested one, stood up, reached into his pocket and pulled it out for her.  He handed it to her without a word.  She accepted it without a word.