Parallel Desire (27 page)

She struggled to find her voice. "If only what?"

"All that time in the cabin, making love with me in my Antousian form, seeing what I really am in the depths of my soul. What a monster I truly am. If only none of it had happened, you might actually be mine—hell, you might be begging this bastard to stay and hold you in his arms."

With an angry gesture she wiped at her eyes. "You keep pushing me."

"Because years ago I made mistakes. More mistakes than I can count, and this time—just this once—I'm determined to get it right."

She winced, pressing her eyes shut as if he'd just slapped her across the face. "Maybe you should go." Her voice came out weak, sounding feeble, just like her objections.

"No problem there. I'm outta here." He brushed past her, but not without bending down to kiss her full on the lips one more time, an angry, aggressive gesture. "But that doesn't mean this is over between us. You'll run like hell, but you won't be able to shake it. Or me, Shelby. You won't ever shake me, no matter how far you go."

She kept her eyes closed, daring to open them only after her door slammed and she heard his booted footsteps retreating down the corridor. That was when she crumpled, slowly sliding to the floor, sobbing. She knelt there, rocking herself and crying long after she heard his deep voice bark across the comm, issuing angry orders.

And long after she'd realized he wasn't coming back.

T
hea was waiting for her
outside the temple room, sitting on a spare wooden bench, its worn geometric design so intricate that it had to have come from Refaria. Kelsey's body burned with ungrounded heat, her face felt flushed, and she couldn't stop shaking.

"Here, sit down." Thea leapt up as Kelsey staggered toward the bench, weaving as if she'd just downed two bottles of wine. Or more.

With Thea's assistance, she made it to the seat, just barely, dropping heavily onto its smooth, polished surface. "Thanks for that time alone with him," she said. Jared still hadn't Changed back, not in the hours since his return, and Kelsey was struggling—seriously struggling—with his refusal to shift back.

"How did it go?" Thea didn't sound particularly optimistic, which only stoked Kelsey's fury and frustration even more.

"Don't ask it like that." Kelsey propped her head against the wall, using the surface for support. "Like you expected me to fail."

Thea folded her hands neatly in her lap, studying them intently. "If anyone could reach him, my lady, it would certainly be you."

"But you didn't think I would."

"No, I
knew
you couldn't." The words were like a poison arrow, ripping into Kelsey's marrow. Then, much more softly, "I'm sorry."

"Did your intuition show you that?" Kelsey felt edgy and like she needed to move. She struggled to her feet but instantly buckled back onto the bench. "You've got to tell me, Thea," Kelsey pressed. "I need to know what you've seen."

"It's not what I've seen." The alien shifted uncomfortably beside her. "It's what I know from trying to link with him."

Kelsey gripped Thea's forearm, squeezing until the other woman yelped slightly.
"
Tell me what you know
."

Thea lifted her eyes and met Kelsey's gaze. "He can't Change back."

"Of course he can!" Kelsey began to laugh hysterically, releasing her grip on Thea. "I've seen him make his Change at least six different times. And he always Changes back."

"But not this time."

Kelsey waved her hand between them. "It's just another Change, just another time when he needs to shift back—"

"They have separated his Refarian self from his D'Aravnian. Keeping him in his natural form for so long. …" Thea shook her head, tears filling her pale eyes before she sat up taller. "He is a dual being, Kelsey, and I'm not sure you totally understand what that means."

For so long Kelsey had tried to wrap her mind around it but had never truly gotten to the heart of what his dual identity meant. That flaw within her suddenly became excruciatingly painful because now his very life depended on her understanding what and
who
he truly was. And she'd failed him. Dry heaves pulled at her stomach, but she battled them away.

Thea studied her for a long moment, her blue eyes alive with energy and something else … pity, Kelsey realized with another wave of crippling nausea.

"Tell me what you mean," Kelsey barely managed to choke out, gripping her full belly with both hands. "I need to understand what you're implying."

"He's not just a shape-shifter, capable of assuming either form. He
is
both, to the very deepest layers of his being. He is both men, a dual entity. So when his enemies kept him from reassuming his physical body for such an extended period of time …" Thea's voice trailed off, and she bowed her head.

Kelsey's heart thundered, panic causing her whole body to shake. "Say it," she ground out. "Go on and tell me what you're
not
saying."

Thea stared at the wall opposite them, her jaw twitching. "His other self is dead, Kelsey. The fiery self, the D'Aravnian one, is all that remains."

"This happened before, when he was captured in Idaho. He told me all about it, and it was tough, but he did Change back."

"Kelsey, this situation is different. He was held longer this time, in a tighter containment cell. I've tried connecting with him—"

"No. No, that's not true. It can't be." Kelsey's eyes welled with tears, and she slumped in her seat. "He will Change back—he can. Eventually. I just have to keep trying to—to touch him, or talk to him—or maybe you can again. You will, won't you?"

"Even I find it difficult to communicate with him in this current state, Kelsey. It's not getting better—it's getting worse. He's"—Thea paused, studying her hands—"well, he's pure energy now. A very powerful being, a very vital force, but … an abstraction. And he's only going to grow more abstract and more powerful with every passing day. I don't know how we will even contain him. Soon he'll be too much for the temple."

"He's not a god, Thea. The temple isn't the right place for him anyway. If we could just get him into our quarters, let him stay there—"

Thea's hand shot out, gripping her arm. "He could kill you there."

"He'd never hurt me. Don't you understand?" Kelsey raked a trembling hand through her hair. "No matter who or what he is, Jared would never do anything to harm me."

"I promised him I'd protect you." The words were quiet, a guilty admission that caused Kelsey to sit up straight.

"What?"

"When he could still communicate with me, he made me promise that if it came to this, I'd keep him from destroying you and his child."

Kelsey's skin burned. Her eyes twitched. Every part of her body was coiled and ready for battle. "How dare you make a promise like that behind my back? I thought you were my friend."

"I am your friend." Thea dropped her gaze. "It's why I could make the promise. I love you as my sister—and I love Jared deeply. Not like you do, true, but I've loved him my entire life. First as king, then as cousin. …" Thea swallowed hard, turning away. "I love you both, Kelsey. And I'll die before letting anything or anyone harm you … even Jared. Especially not Jared, and especially not after I swore to protect you with my life."

"If you truly love me," Kelsey answered slowly, "you'd do anything in your power to help me reach him."

Slowly Thea's clear blue eyes lifted. "If I thought you could still connect with him, I'd do anything in my power to make it happen. But he is completely lost—to all of us. I'm so sorry, my queen, but he's gone."

"You're wrong! I will reach him. He's my lifemate; I can do it. I'll be able to get through to him. You don't know him like I do."

Thea smiled sadly. "I know him differently, that's all."

"We are bonded mates." Kelsey whipped to her feet, pacing wildly in the small hallway. "You don't have the first clue what that means for us."

Thea's face fell, and Kelsey felt instantly guilty. Her friend might be madly in love with Marco, but for years she'd yearned for Jared.

"I have a mate of my own," Thea answered quietly. "I do have an inkling of what you share with my cousin."

Kelsey dropped beside her again on the wooden bench. "I'm sorry." She buried her head in her hands, her whole body quaking with tremors. "God, Thea, I didn't mean it like that."

She felt Thea's arm around her shoulders. "I know you didn't."

"I just have to find a way to reach him. Please help me. Forget your promise to Jared and help me figure out how to do this."

Thea squeezed her shoulder, sliding closer. "I'll do whatever I can, so long as you don't die in the process."

Kelsey dropped her hands. "I don't care if I die. He's our king … my lover and and husband. And father to our daughter. Your people need him, Thea; it's not just me, it's what the Refarians so desperately need right now. My life doesn't matter, not when you figure those kinds of odds."

"What about Erica, then? What about risking her life? Is it really worth it?"

Kelsey shuddered. "I … can't go there. Just can't."

"You need to."

"Without Jared, our family is lost. I … I have to take this chance. I have to take it
for
Erica. She deserves to grow up with a father, and I'll do anything to make sure that happens."

Thea leaned back against the wall, still holding Kelsey against her side. For many long minutes they kept their silence, each lost in her own thoughts. Kelsey's mind ran rampant, testing theories, working at possibilities.

After a long time, Thea whispered, "There might be a way."

"Anything, just tell me." Kelsey grabbed Thea's hand. "I'll do whatever it takes."

"It could easily mean your life."

"I don't give a shit! Please, anything. Anything to bring him back."

"And it will hurt him … profoundly. It will mean a lot of pain for him, Kelsey. Are you really sure?"

"If it's the only way. …"

Thea hesitated, cast her gaze at the ceiling, and then whispered under her breath, "We have to take you both to the mitres."

J
ake paced his quarters
—
Scott's quarters,
he corrected himself. No, even worse … Scott and Hope's quarters. For a moment he prepared to experience a deep wave of grief, that familiar onslaught of pain that he always experienced whenever he thought about them together.

Yet, surprisingly, nothing came.

His only emotion was a deep sense of missing not just Hope, but bizarrely enough, his younger self, too. And with that realization came another. Somewhere along the line he'd finally let Hope go. Not as a friend, and not as a beautiful memory of a life once shared with her, but as a mate and wife. The release had snuck up on him so stealthily, he wasn't even sure precisely when it had happened. But it remained the truth nonetheless. After so many years of wrenching pain and loss, he'd found his future; in joining his soul to Shelby's, he'd released his hold on Hope. Finally.

The fact only made Shelby's leaving him all the more confusing. He didn't have the first clue what to do about her, how to get her to stay when all she wanted was to run as far as she could from him. Before, he wouldn't have blamed her one bit. Even a few weeks ago, he'd have blessed her for hightailing it to the far side of his universe. But now? He wanted her, and badly enough to fight as hard as it took to have her in his life.

He sank onto Scott's plush leather sofa, staring at the wooden crossbeams overhead, wishing there were someone—hell, anyone—who could counsel him. Jared would have had good advice for him, but his lifelong friend was so far gone, Jake wasn't sure he'd ever be able to communicate with him again. Kelsey would have been his backup, but she was far too distraught about her current situation to care about his love life at the moment, and he'd hardly expect her to become involved, anyway.

Hopelessly, he rotated through the possibilities because he wasn't such a stupid bastard as to think that he could figure out this mess on his own. Bolting to his feet, he began pacing the modest quarters, flipping through papers on the desk, picking up worship statues, pacing some more. He felt as caged and trapped as he had by his Antousian captors.

Damn it all, I have to get out of here,
he thought, tightening his parka about his body. As he did so, his hand grazed the slim outline of his cell phone.

There was one other possibility, a friend—a brother, really, who might have advice for him. Flipping open the cell, he hit speed dial and held his breath.

When the acutely familiar voice answered after one ring, he was struck speechless. In fact, he was about to slam the phone shut when the husky male voice spoke his name. "Tierny? That you?"
Damned caller ID.

He coughed. "Yeah. What's up?"

"You're the one calling me, man." Dillon released his typical dark laugh. But there was warmth in it as well—a strange kind of brotherhood, like having a twin you'd never known existed before. "But I guess you hit the wrong number, huh? Didn't you mean to call Hope?"

"No. I actually wanted to talk to you this time."

"Cool." His younger self's voice brightened, as if he were pleased that Jake was reaching out to him. "So what's going on?"

"I'm back on base," Jake offered lamely, avoiding the real reason for his call.

"So I heard. Heard a lot of shit happened, too, and you survived it. You sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine. …" He settled at Dillon's desk, rifling through the papers once again, his eyes searching for some clue as to what he should do. A lead he knew he wouldn't find in the documents stacked neatly on Dillon's desk. "You planning on coming back this way anytime soon? If so, I've got to clear out."

"Hope and I are staying here at Warren indefinitely. Working things from this angle."

"That's good … good."

"Why're you calling, man? Something's obviously on your mind."

Jake dragged a hand through his hair. "You could say that."

"So spill it already, because I'm supposed to be at a meeting in five."

"I need advice, brother." Then, in a rush, Jake unraveled the entire tale, from top to bottom.

When he was done, Dillon laughed softly into the phone. "What is it with you, Tierny? You've been in love before—really in love. Have you forgotten your moves? Forgotten what you've got to do when it comes to your woman?"

Jake bristled. "Fine. Whatever, man. I just thought you might be able to help."