Parallel Parking (7 page)

1. When you told your friends about him, they said:
   

   a
   Good for you—you’ll make a great couple
   .
   

   b
   Uh, okay, good luck with that. (While making the crazy sign next to their ears.)
   

   c
   He goes to our school? We’ve never heard of him
   .
   

Scoring:

If you picked mostly As, you and your crush are well-suited for each other. There’s no reason you can’t make it work
.

If you picked mostly Bs or Cs, then either he’s too good for you or you’re too good for him. The balance of power is off.
This probably won’t work unless the two of you are stranded on a desert island together. Stop dreaming about him, and find
someone who’s more your speed
.

To:     linaonme

From: your daily horoscope

HERE IS TODAY’S HOROSCOPE: CANCER: Cancers love to nurture their friends. Pity their poor friends.

N
ot that I read your stupid blog or anything,” Ramona said to Lina one afternoon in gym. They were playing dodgeball, and Ramona
and Lina had already been eliminated. They sat contentedly on the sidelines watching the hard-core players duke it out. “But
did you see that ad from the guy at Vineland?”

Lina stiffened. This subject made her nervous. “I saw it.”

“It had to be one of us, right?” Ramona said. “I mean, a black-haired girl, the same day we were there, and he
described what I was wearing exactly. Of course, the description could have fit you, too.”

“But he was probably talking about you,” Lina said. “Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, probably,” Ramona said.

“It doesn’t really matter to me, anyway,” Lina said. “I mean, I’m not available. I’ve got Walker. I’m not interested in anyone
new. So whoever this guy is, you know, you can have him.”

“Hey, don’t try to palm some loser off on me,” Ramona said.

“I’m not,” Lina said. “I’m just saying that if you like the guy, I won’t stand in your way.”

“How could you, since the guy obviously likes me?” Ramona said. “Or, you know, he probably does.”

“I think so, too,” Lina said. It was a
white
lie, and those were okay.

“So what’s the problem?”

“Nothing’s the problem.”

“Okay then.”

With a pointed black-purple talon, Ramona picked a scab on one of her chubby knees. Gym clothes didn’t suit her. Her sneakers,
an uncool brand, were a size too big, like floppy clown shoes, and one of her kneesocks sagged at her ankle. Her cakey white
makeup, wild black hair,
talonlike nails, heavily lined eyes, and dark burgundy lips all called for something a little more dramatic than baggy black
gym shorts and an equally baggy pink top with RSAGE printed across the front. It was the standard gym uniform. Everyone had
to wear it. It didn’t flatter anybody. But on Ramona it was a form of culture clash. It was like pulling back the curtain
and seeing the ordinary man pretending to be the wizard. It was a little more behind-the-scenes information than most people
wanted.

Ginny the Gym Teacher blew her whistle. “Round two! Everybody up! Let’s go!”

“Why are we playing dodgeball today, anyway?” Ramona asked as she hauled herself to her feet. “Isn’t this supposed to be a
little kids’ game?”

“I guess Ginny couldn’t come up with anything better,” Lina said. They were supposed to be outside learning various track-and-field
events, but it was raining.

“It’s better than weight lifting, I suppose,” Ramona said.

Ginny herded them into the center of the basketball court. Dash Piasecki and Keith Carter stood poised at either end of the
gym, ready to annihilate them with the dodge-ball. Ramona didn’t bother dodging; it didn’t hurt that badly to get hit, she
said, so it wasn’t worth the trouble. She was the third person out.

“See you on the sidelines,” she said to Lina.

Lina worried as she dodged Dash’s missiles. Would Ramona answer the Missed Connections ad? She pretended she wasn’t interested,
but Lina knew she had to be curious, at least enough for one meeting to find out who the guy was.

But what if the guy liked Lina, not Ramona? What if he said so and hurt Ramona’s feelings? Lina knew she shouldn’t care, but
she did. A hurt Ramona was a mean Ramona. A rampaging Ramona. And Lina would be standing right in her path.

Besides, Lina hated to see people get hurt, even people like Ramona, who enjoyed watching others suffer. She was sure Ramona’s
bravado was hiding something—insecurity, or a secret wish… .

I’ll check him out first
, she thought, ducking a lame throw by Keith.
If I’m the one he likes, I’ll let him down gently. Then, somehow, I’ll keep Ramona from meeting him
.

That way Ramona would never find out that the boy preferred Lina. Ramona could cling to the illusion that
she
was the girl the boy had liked all along.

Thonk!
The ball belted her on the side of the head while she wasn’t looking. “You’re out, Ozu!” Dash shouted.

“I know, I know,” Lina mumbled. She ambled to the sidelines and sat next to Ramona. Ramona’s other sock had
fallen down, and Lina spotted a blurry skull-and-cross-bones drawn on her ankle in red marker.

What kind of boy would like Ramona? There had to be one out there somewhere. Maybe the Missed Connections boy was the one.

Lina wrote:

Dear Eleventh Grade Boy, I saw your ad. I was at Vineland on the day you mentioned, wearing black, etc., and am curious to
meet you. How about after school tomorrow—say 4ish—at Vineland? Let me know. –Black-haired Girl.

She received an answer right away.

Dear Black-haired Girl, I can’t wait to meet you. See you at Vineland tomorrow. I’ll be sitting at the table next to the fireplace.

The next day Lina, purposely not wearing black, went to Vineland and scanned the room. A boy was sitting near the fireplace,
watching the door as if waiting for someone. But no, that couldn’t be the Missed Connections boy.

His straight, dark-blond hair was cut in a short, side-parted, traditional style, and he wore a white button-down shirt tucked
into khaki trousers. Those shiny
loafers, tassels, no socks. And, yes, a whale belt. Gulp.

He wasn’t Ramona’s type, that was for sure. He wasn’t even Lina’s type. He was clean-cut and preppy, the kind Ramona hated
most.

Lina approached his table. The boy’s face lit up in a moment of anticipation, then settled into a brief look of disappointment.
He was too polite to let his disappointment show for long, but Lina wanted to see more of it. It was a good sign.

“Hi.” Lina sat down beside him. “I’m Lina.”

“I’m Rex,” the boy said. “Rex Atherton.” He shifted his weight. “I have to be honest with you—you’re not the girl I expected.”

Lina smiled. “I appreciate your honesty. Was the girl you were hoping for a Goth girl? Ramona Fernandez?”

Rex nodded. “Don’t get me wrong. I think you’re way cute and everything, it’s just—”

“It’s all right,” Lina said. “I was hoping you’d like Ramona. I already have a boyfriend.”
And I’m so glad
, she thought. She made a mental note to bring Walker a box of Jujubes next time she saw him, as a token of her appreciation.
Walker loved Jujubes.

“So what are you doing here?” Rex asked. “Didn’t Ramona want to come?”

“I think she does,” Lina said. “I just wanted to make
sure she was the one you meant in your ad. The description could have fit either of us, you know.”

Rex laughed. “I didn’t think of that. I was so fixated on her, I didn’t even notice you—what you were wearing, I mean. I’m
sorry… I’m so rude….”

“Rex, please, don’t worry about it. I’m happy that you like Ramona.”

“So—she doesn’t have a boyfriend or anything?”

“Ramona?” Lina stopped herself from laughing. “Urn, no. She’s between boyfriends just now.”

“That’s a relief,” Rex said. Lina took him in again, from the crease in his pants to the neatly combed hair, and was baffled.

“Um, Rex, if you don’t mind my asking, what is it exactly that you like about Ramona so much?”

“Oh, I know what you’re getting at,” he said. “I probably don’t look much like the type she usually goes for, right?”

Lina nodded.
To put it mildly
.

“Well, a few weeks ago I was going through a really hard time. I mean really hard. I had these hamsters, see, Hamlet and Ophelia.”

“Hamlet the hamster,” Lina said, slightly horrified.

“Yeah. They had just had a litter of babies. I hadn’t even had a chance to name them yet.” His face clouded. Obviously something
bad had happened to those baby hamsters.

“That’s a shame,” Lina said.

Rex nodded. “One morning I woke up to the sound of the hamster wheel squeaking, squeaking, squeaking, over and over. I got
out of bed and—well, it was just… carnage.”

“Carnage?”

“Hamlet had gone on a rampage,” Rex said. “He’d killed Ophelia and eaten all the babies. Hamster fur was spattered all over
the cage. And Hamlet was running on his wheel, as if trying to sweat away the guilt.”

“Sweat away the guilt. A hamster,” Lina said.

“After the rampage I couldn’t get Hamlet to eat. He wouldn’t get off the wheel. He kept running and running… finally he escaped
from his cage—I don’t know how. I never saw him alive again.”

“What happened?” Lina asked.

“He was crushed by my little brother’s Big Wheel,” Rex said.

“Ew,” Lina said. “What does all this have to do with Ramona?”

“I’ll tell you. I went to school that morning, really upset. I tripped over a pile of magazines. It was the new issue of
Inchworm
. I’d never read it before, but something made me pick up a copy that day. I sat in the courtyard and flipped through it until
I came to a poem that made me stop short.”

“A poem?” Lina asked. At last she could see where this was heading.

“A poem,” Rex said. “’Wheel of Death,’ by Ramona Fernandez.” He reached into his pocket and took out a neatly folded copy
of that very poem. He handed it to Lina.

“That’s okay, I’ve already read it,” Lina said.

“Then you see the connection,” Rex said. “Wheels… death…”

“I get it,” Lina said.

“I read the poem over and over. It was as if Ramona could see right through my skin. I had to meet her. I asked around, and
someone pointed her out to me in the lunchroom. At first I was kind of shocked. I mean, the hair, the makeup… she’s kind
of extreme. But then I realized that only someone so extreme could have written that poem. I realized I have a soul. Because
of Ramona.”

Lina swallowed. She was speechless. She hadn’t expected Rex to be so… so…
intense
.

“She’s not interested in me, is she?” Rex said. “Please Lina, you have to help me. Help me win Ramona’s heart.”

Lina had never thought she’d hear a boy say those words. And yet, it had happened.

Lina swallowed. “Sure,” she said. “Sure, I’ll help you.”

Maybe Ramona would learn to like Rex. Maybe he
was just what she was looking for, in her secret heart of hearts. How could Lina know?