Parker's Island (19 page)

“Is Brian yours?”
s
he asked, misunderstanding my meaning.  But of course she didn’t know
Logan
was married
, and I wasn’t going to tell her, or anyone else for that matter
.
  His personal life was his own business and frankly it was much too difficult for me to talk about.

“No.  We’re taking it really slow.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s no reason to rush
things
,
”
I snapped.

“What about when he leaves for college in September?”
s
he asked.

“One step at a time, okay
?
  Just let me get used to dating.”

“Okay.  So, has he kissed you yet?”
s
he asked.

“No.”

“So, you won’t let him?”
s
he aske
d.

“
We’ve only been out four times now
,”
I said.

“Technically,
this is your fifth date
.”

“Oh, yeah
.
”
I had tried to block out our first
date
.

“Are you going to make him wait forever?” 

“Molly, please just let me go at my own speed.  He’s okay with it, why aren’t you?”

“Fine, I just hate to watch that obvious longing on his face.  You have no idea what you’re doing to him, do you?”
s
he asked accusingly.

“What?
  What am I doing to him?”
I asked,
n
ot understanding her meaning.

“You’re kidding
,
right?  Good grief
,
Delaney
.  H
e’s a man
,
you know?  You can’t figure out what he wants?”

“He’s not getting…
that!”

“Well, I’m not telling you to jump into bed with him, but you could at least kiss him
, show him some affection
.”

“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“Come on
,
Delaney
.  Y
ou can’t stay a virgin forever!”
s
he said.

Molly misread my pain for embarrassment and said, “
You don’t know what you’re missing, but do what you want.  He
’s obviously
a
very
patient man.  Don’t make him wait too long
,
though
.  H
e l
ooks like he’s in a lot of pain,
”
s
he grinned.

“Pain?  He’s in pain?” I asked.  I
knew I was naïve, but I honestly didn’t know what she meant
.

“Oh come on, let’s go to the movie.”

“Do you mean actual pain?” I continued,
thinking his actions the other night had something to do with what Molly was talking about.

“Why don’t you ask him
?
”
s
he said, enjoying the look of embarrassment that flashed
across
my face.

W
hile we were waiting for the movie to start, Molly said, “Oh
,
my gosh
,
I forgot to tell you guys.  Did you hear about what happened to Chad?”

I immediately turned white
.
I could feel the blood draining from my fac
e
at the mere mention of his name
.

Molly went on, “He lost his
soccer
scholarship!  Evidently his transcripts were phony, and the university found out.  So, he was banned from getting in to
any
university.  I guess being a huge
soccer
star doesn’t mean much if you get caught cheating.  And, if that wasn’t enough,
they found steroids in his gym locker two days after the grad party.  He went to clean it out with all the guys, and his coach saw him pulling it out of his locker.  I guess he’s pretty much ruined!”

“Wow!  I have to say I never really trusted him.  But I
didn’t think he was that bad!”
Brian said.

“He’s a jerk.  Guess he’s not so high and mighty now
,”
Jason laughed.

“It’s kind of strange though.  I mean, I know he was kind of rude and loud, but I didn’t think he’d stoop to steroids, or cheating on his transcripts for that matter.  He wasn’t stupid.  I know he had decent grades, so why would he lie?  I don’t get it
,
” Brian said, and then looked over at me.  “Delaney, are you okay?”
h
e asked, noticing I was trembling.

“What?  Oh yeah, I’m fine.”

The movie started then, thankfully, and I forced myself to put Chad out of my mind.  I wanted to feel sorry for him, but I just couldn’t.  I was secretly happy that he was suffering
, and then I was immediately remorseful for having ill feelings.  “Stop
i
t
,
Delaney!  Jason’s right
.  H
e’s a jerk!” I told myself.  I reached over and grabbed Brian’s arm, bringing it over my shoulder.  I was instantly feeling better.  I forced Chad from my thoughts and focused on the feel of Brian’s arm around me and the movie on the screen.  Between Brian and Jim Carrey, I should be able to forget all about Chad.

“The movie was great.  Thank you
,
” I said, sitting in
Brian’
s car before going into the house.

I thought a lot about what Molly said before the movie.  I wasn’t sure what to do, and I certainly couldn’t ask him if my being near him caused him actual pain, so I sat there, saying nothing for a few minutes.

“Are you okay?”
h
e asked, sensing my dismay.

“Oh yeah,
I’m fine,” I mumbled.

He started to open his car door so he could walk me to the door when I realized I
actually
wanted him to kiss me, but I didn’t know how to ask.   I grabbed his arm and said, “Wait, I um
…
i
t’s still early.  I don’t have to go inside for another 20 minutes.”

“Well
,
I’m certainly not going to kick you out
,
”
h
e said and pulled the door tightly shut.

“The movie was great
,
” I said again.

“Yeah, so you said.  Is there something you wanted to
talk to me about
?”
h
e asked, looking a bit worried now.

I knew he was always on edge
, a
lways worried that I would disappear
again or that Logan would come and
sweep me away.  I had long since realized that Logan wasn’t coming for me.  Brian was a wonderful guy.  I looked over at him, feeling nervous and not knowing how to go about letting him know that he could kiss me
;
that I actually wanted him to kiss me.

“Delaney, what is it?”

“I was just wondering, um, no
, I mean
…
would you
…
?
”

“
Would I
what?” h
e asked.

I was certain he thought I had lost my mind.  “Um, never mind.  I should go in
,
now.”

“Oh no, I’m not letting you off the hook that easy.  You want me to what
, Delaney
?”

“It doesn’t matter.  It was silly
,
” I said, and then reached for the door handle
and opened the door
.  He instantly grabbed my arm, reached over me and shut my door.
  His face was inches from mine. 

“
Would I what, Delaney?
”
h
e asked.

“Kiss me,
” I whispered, refusing to look him in the eye.  I thought there would be no hesitation
, that he would be thrilled
.  I was ready.  But he sat upright in his seat and turned
to look at me.
  “Why?”
h
e asked.

“What do you mean
,
why?”

“Why d
id you ask me
to kiss you?”

“I, because…
you…
I thought you wanted to…
”

“That’s what I thought
,
”
h
e said, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t understand.  I thought you wanted to kiss me.
Molly said
that you wanted
…”

“Stop right there.  I like Molly,
I think she’s great.  But I don’t care about what she says.  I won’t kiss you until I know it’s for the right reason.”

“What’s the right reason?”
I asked, even more confused than before.

“
You’ll
have to figure that ou
t,
”
h
e said.  “Come on, it’s about time for you to go inside.”

He walked me to the door, opened it for me,
and
s
aid goodnight
.

I stood in the entry hall
,
once again
feeling very confused
about
our
‘
end of the evening
’
conversation
.
  It seemed no matter how much fun we had or how wonderful our dates were, our evenings ended on a sour note. 

             
“Did you two have fun?”
m
y mom asked on her way up to bed.

“What?  Oh yeah.  It was fun.”

“What movie did you see?”

“Oh, we saw that
new comedy with Jim Carrey
.  I
t was really funny.”

“
That’s nice
,
honey
.  Sleep well
,
”
m
y mom said, and then headed upstairs to bed.

“What’s the right reaso
n to ask someone to kiss you?”
I asked
absentmindedly,
before thinking about who I was talking to.

“Why
?  I
s Brian pressur
ing
…?”

“No, of course not
.  I
t was just something I
saw in the movie
.
”
More lies, and I found much to my surprise that it kept getting easier to lie.  I knew someday my lies would catch up to me and I would have a lot of explaining to do.  But at that moment, I was happy
living
in my own little world of denial.

“Delaney, Brian seems like a very nice young man.  Do
not let him pressure you into
anything
,” s
he said.

“Mom, I told you, Brian hasn’t pressured me at all.  I promise.”

“O
kay, goodnight.  Get some sleep.  Y
ou still look exhausted.”

I didn’t see Brian for two days.  I finally called him, certain I had done something terrible in asking him to kiss me
,
a
lthough, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what.

“Hi.  I was going to call you later today.”

“You were?” I asked, sounding skeptical.

“Ye
s.
 
You
don’t believe me?”

“I don’t know.  I thought maybe you were mad at me because of the other night
,
” I admitted, still uncertain as to what my actual offense was.

“Why would I be mad at you?  I could never be mad at you.”

“Then why didn’t you call me?”

“I called yesterday,
but
your brother said you weren’t feeling well and that you had some stomach bug.”

“Oh.  He didn’t tell me you called.  That little RAT!”
I said, angry at my brother, but relieved that Brian had called.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Oh yeah
,
I’m fine.
”

“
D
o you have the stomach flu?
  You’ve been sick a lot lately.
”