Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) (8 page)

I
head out to the living room, sitting down on the couch by Elijah’s stomach. I say his name at an increasingly louder tone and then just start shaking him, wondering if he’s dead. He starts moaning in protest, then finally opens his eyes and cowers at the sun, just like I did. “Time to get up,” I tell him.

“No,” he protests, reaching out his arms and pulling me down next to him. “Why is it so
fricking bright in here?”

“I
t’s this thing called the sun. It’s usually pretty bright by eleven A.M.”

“You are such a
smartass,” he says, pinching my stomach. “I waited for you last night. You never came out of your room. You didn’t let me in either.”

“Yea
h, well, you shouldn’t have let me drink so much. You have to learn the difference between getting a girl drunk enough so that she will think it’s a good idea to make out with you, and getting her so drunk that it’s not an option.”

He snorts. “Thanks for the advice.
What do I do with a sexy girl who hasn’t had a thing to drink yet?” he asks, running his hand down my side and onto my ass.

My hands are resting on his naked chest and part of me wants to tell him to
devour me and part of me wants to tell him it’s time to get the hell out.

I don’t
have to choose an answer though because suddenly the front door bangs open, scaring me half to death. I startle into an upright position and when I turn to the door, Paxton is standing in front of it. “Oh my god. Paxton.”

After two days of driving, hopped up on coffee and the brand of lack-of-sleep that makes a u-turn all the way back to alert, and with way too much time by myself thinking about Jessa, I’m fired up when I pull up to Violet’s apartment.

All this shit in my head needs to
go which means I need to tell Jessa exactly how I feel. I need to tell her she’s done messing around with amateurs and that it’s time for her to realize that it’s us. That it should be us. Because we are good for each other. Because it’s been obvious from the first night we met that we want each other. The fact that I didn’t take her and managed to be a decent human-being in River Bluff gave me the chance to know her and for her to see  the real me who doesn’t have to be anyone for anything. I’ve never felt so close to maybe anyone as I do to Jessa. She knows nothing about me, but she might be the only one who knows the real me.

All that aside, the plain and simple fact is that I’ve never been affected by someone like I have been by that
girl. She changed me. With her, in River Bluff, I felt for the first time in my life like I knew who I was. And she was part of that. And now, I don’t know who I am without her.

By the time I bust th
e door open, I can’t wait to eject every last piece of my guts onto her.

But then I feel the wind being knocked out of me because, twelve feet
in front of me is Jessa in nothing more than a skimpy t-shirt and a pair of panties, her hair looking like she spent the night rolling around in bed, mascara smeared under eyes, the remnants of red lipstick clinging to her lips. Looking at her breaks my heart because, god damn it, she’s the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

But there is a hand clinging to her ass
and that hand belongs to Elijah who is shirtless and looking like he’s going in for the kill.

When Jessa sees me
she flies off the couch and her face lights up. But all I can feel are the memories of a similar situation that tore me in shreds and ultimately sent me packing. I can’t even look at her. Instead, I look at Elijah. “Hey, Paxton,” he says, leaning against the couch, tossing an arm over the back like he owns the place.

“Get the
hell out of here, Elijah.”

He recoils and gives me a
look of confusion like the dumbass that he is. “Calm down man, I didn’t know it was like that with the two of you.” He stands and grabs his shirt off the floor before going to Jessa. He looks at her, but she’s staring at me. She shrugs her shoulders at him as if to say she doesn’t know what’s going on, but those turquoise eyes never leave mine. “I’ll talk to you later,” he says, leaning in and kissing her on the check.

“Bye,” she mutters.

He walks out the door and I slam it shut.

Jessa takes a step towards me, looking like a deer in the hea
dlights. She stops and blinks hard and when her eyes open again she no longer looks disoriented. “You’re here. Holy shit.” She takes another step forward and then freezes.

“Looks like you’re managing okay without me.”

“Is that a problem for you? Me messing around with one of your friends?”
she asks, sincerely.

“
Elijah is not a friend. He was just some rat who followed us around picking up our scraps. Looks like he’s still doing the same thing.” Elijah used to be a friend. That is until sides had to be chosen and he chose the wrong one.

She nods her head at me
. “What the hell are you doing here anyway?”

I give her my biggest, toothiest grin
. “No hello, I missed you, I’m happy to see you?”

“Hello. I missed you. I’m happy to see you. What the he
ll are you doing here?”

“I have some shit to take care of. It’s temporary.”

“How long… ‘til you have to go again?”

“Why, do you want me to stay?”
I ask with sarcasm in my voice but I need to know.

“Well, yea
h. Of course I want you to stay. I did miss you. And I’m anxious to get to know the guy I consider one of my best friends, because apparently he’s nothing more than a stranger.”

Her best friend
. I hate it when she calls me her best friend. My nostrils flare and I stare her down. “There’s nothing to know, kid. I’ll be gone again and someone new before we even have a chance to scratch the surface,” I tell her bitterly.

“That’s great. You’re such a
mysterious badass. Good for you.”

“I just walked in the door. You want to give me a minute before you start ragging on me?”
The girl is so infuriating. That damn mouth on her. I turn and head to my old bedroom. I thought it might be a plus, being in the same room with her, but now all I can think about is what she did in there with Elijah and all I want to do is rip the mattress off the bed and burn it.

And then I wal
k into the room and see her bed all nice and neat and my bed a rumpled, rolled around in mess. “Jessa,” I yell, borderline scream.

“What?”

“Get in here.”

“Seriously
, Paxton, I’m gonna put up with this attitude for about two more seconds before I slap you,” she tells me while walking into the room.

“Why is your shit all over my side of the room?”
I ask her, looking at the clothes discarded on the floor by the bed and her phone and random personal items on my bedside table.

“Your side of the room
? Are you planning on moving in here with me?” she asks, being a smartass, fucking with me. But I’m in no mood for playful banter.

“Feel free to move out if you’re not good with the arrangement. I’m the one paying the rent on this place.”

“Paxton,” she says quietly and I don’t want to, but I look at her. She looks confused and a little wounded and I know I’m being irrational and a total ass. She’s right, the guy she thought she knew isn’t the real me, no matter how many times I tell myself it was. I was nothing more than her friend. The guy she knew might be able to pretend that her hooking up with some guy in his bed was cool… but hell, no. “Seriously, you’re freaking me out. Why are you being such an asshole? Are you mad at me about something?”

I let out a
breath and the road weary me suddenly takes over my body. I shake my head, can’t think of words. I pull my t-shirt off my body and lay my ass down in the bed, grabbing her hand on my way and pulling her next to me, settling my arm under her. “It’s just this city, Jess. It brings back bad memories and puts me on the defensive. I really didn’t want to come back here.”

“So why did you?” she asks me
.

“Why’d you choose this bed,
Jess? Was it because you knew I had slept here? You just couldn’t resist sleeping on my dirty sheets?”

“Oh
god,” she says, sounding horrified. “I didn’t even think about that- all the women you’ve slept with in this thing.”

She tries to pull out of my arm, but I hold onto her.
“Relax. This is
my
bed, that one over there; that’s the one you want to stay away from.”

“Jesus
, Pax. And now you’re going to move back in here? I’m not taking the dirty deed bed. That’s yours now. You’re going to have to do your sleeping and your sexing in the same place. Ah, hell, you wouldn’t do that to me. You wouldn’t bring a girl home and screw her in the same room as me.”

I smile to myself. God, I missed this
girl. “We’ll figure something out, don’t worry about it, kid.”

“Maybe
Violet will switch rooms with you,” she ponders.

“No,” I tell her. She’s staying in here with me
. “I’m your roommate. Get used to it.”

“Okay,” she says sounding confused
.

“You never answered my question.”

“Huh?”

“Why’d you pick my bed
instead of the pretty one over there?”

“Because
I liked the ambiance. And plus, Pax, I missed you and this is the bed that smells like you.”

“
Yeah?”

“
Yeah. I’m glad you’re back. I don’t like all this crappy attitude though.”

“You’re going to have to get used to it. I can’t be anyone else here.”

“What are you gonna tell me, Pax? Are you going to tell me anything?”

“Maybe. Not now thou
gh. I’m too tired right now. Just lay here with me, beso.”

“
Yeah. Okay,” she tells me. She sits up to kneel on the bed and yanks the comforter out from under me before laying back down and covering us up.

“You should let me stay here w
ith you in this bed. I like this,” I tell her, closing my eyes.

“It can’t be that bad over in sin city
, can it? You scared of what kinds of STDs are festering?”

“Just let me stay here
, Jess,” I tell her, feeling the weariness take over my body. I pull Jessa tighter into my side then bury my right hand in her messy, sexy hair. I feel myself falling into sleep almost immediately. “Did you fuck Elijah?” I whisper.

“No,
” she whispers back.

“Was he in this bed?”

“No.”

With that beautiful thought in my head, I give into the sleep.

#

When I wake up it’s dark outside. When I realize I’m in a bed in Chicago my heart starts racing and dread comes over my body. Then I realize Jessa is no longer tucked into my arm and I sink lower.

I stand and head out of the room. Vi is in the kitchen mixing a drink. When she sees me a smile comes over her face and then she runs over to me, hopping into my arms like a bunny. “Paxton!” she screeches.

“Hey, Vi,” I tell her, smiling at her enthusiastic greeting.

She jumps down then and puts her hands on her hips, smiling up at me. “When Jessa told me you were back I didn’t believe it. But there you were sleeping like a little baby in the bed.”

“Where is Jessa?” I ask her, keeping my voice even.

“She’s just in the shower, don’t worry. Go sit on the couch, I’ll get you a beer.”

“
Yeah,” I tell her, doing what she says. As I wait I hear the door to our bedroom close – proof that, yes, Jessa is still here with me. I shake my head at the sense of relief that sound sends through my body.

Violet
comes back over with her drink and my beer and curls up on the couch next to me. “So, Jessa said you had some business to take care of?” she asks, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“Don’t start with me, Vi,” I tell her. She knows why I’m here.

“She said you’re staying in bed with her.”

“
Yeah, I am.”

“As her friend?”

“I would assume so. I interrupted her and Elijah on the couch when I walked in this morning. Why was he here?”

“You know what – you’re home now, I missed you, I know you’re not going to stay forever and I refuse to argue with you while I have you so I’m not gonna talk about any of that with you because I swear t
o God, Pax, I will snap. You…are not cool,” she says, her face growing tense.

I laugh at her visually strained attempt at temper control. “Vi, babe, take a breath. I’m not gonna fight with you. We don’t gotta talk about it. I appreciate you taking care of her for me, okay? That’s it.”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens her eyes again she’s smiling. “I like her, Pax. I mean I really, really like her. Besides that one issue… concerning you… it’s been fun having her around.”

“
Yeah, she’s pretty great,” I admit.

“So we’re all living together for a while?”

“Yep.”

“A
m I like the old mom and you two are my bratty little kids that I have to take care of?” she smirks at me.

“You’re twenty three, Vi. That’s way too
young to mother a nineteen and twenty year old.”

“Twenty four, Pax. You missed my birthday.”

“Shit. Yeah, I guess I did. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Awesome,” she says with a big smile. “You can buy me a drink tonight.”

I scowl at her. “I would love to babe, but you know that’s not an option.”

“What are you gonna do? Stay locked up in this apa
rtment the whole time you’re here?” Violet asks me like she’s disappointed. But she knows I need to lay low. Chicago is a big city, but Glencoe is small and if anyone from that town happens to see me word will spread quickly.

“Drop it
, Violet. I don’t have a choice.”

She lets out a frustrated si
gh and takes a swig of her drink. “We’ll stay home then. I’m not going out without you.”

“Sounds like fun,” I tell her, watching her squirm. The girl has too much energy to be trapped in this apartment all night and I know it as well as she does.
Plus she’s all done up and in her party clothes.

“Maybe Jessa and I wil
l just go out for an hour or so then we’ll come home and hang out with you.”