Authors: Catherine Aird
âWhat he really means,' explained his neighbour at the table kindly, âis that he had to take a job in the summer vac. to make ends meet. That right, Barry?'
âIt's all very well for you, Martin.â¦' The man called Barry didn't really seem to appreciate this translation. His surname was Naismyth. âYour father's a farmer. You worked at home.'
âIf you think that that's any easier than working anywhere else,' retorted Martin Robinson hotly, âall I can say is that you've never tried it, that's all. My father's a real slavedriver. They'd have been glad to have him when they were building the Pyramids. I daresay he'd have had them up in half the time.'
âYou,' swept on Barry Naismyth, who was cultivating a mannered disregard for interruption (he was hoping to go into politics), âdid not have to spend all your summer tarting up rusty tins for resale.'
There were hoots of laughter all round at this. Naismyth never lacked a responsive audience.
âThat's all I did,' he insisted, âfor eight whole beautiful weeks of lovely summer. We washed all the old labels off, cleaned up all the rust with wire brushes and put new labels on.'
âI was a travel courier,' murmured the girl at that table. She was called Polly Mantle. âIn case you didn't know, that's being a nursemaid in three different languages.'
âHospital porter,' said another boy briefly. His name was Derek Doughty. âCouldn't stand the life.' He paused and added thoughtfully, âOr the death. What did you do, Henry?'
âFour weeks' fruit picking,' said Henry Moleyns, a darkhaired youth who hadn't spoken so far, âthen four weeks on a bicycle tour.â¦'
âOf Darkest Africa?' enquired Barry Naismyth.
âOf Darkest Europe,' retorted Henry Moleyns quickly, while the others laughed. Henry Moleyns did not laugh. Instead he added almost under his breath, âVery darkest Europe, actually.'
âHe was cycling,' said Derek Doughty wittily, âwhile Barry here was recycling.'
When the appreciation of this had died down, Polly Mantle spoke again. âI don't know about the rest of you, but by the time I'd had my own holiday I just about broke even.'
âAnd I'm just about broke full stop,' chimed in an excessively rotund student called Tommy Talbot.
This â if the ribaldry which greeted the remark was anything to go by â was not new to its hearers.
âIf you didn't spend so much on food and drink,' said Martin Robinson, the farmer's son, unsympathetically, âyou'd have some money to spare.'
âI went on the buses,' said a young man with curly hair and a determined manner called Colin Ellison, who had come late to the meal. âI had no idea how hard a bus conductor worked. In future I shall always sit on the lower deck and ask tenderly after their feet.'
âThe present-day world of commerce and industry,' boomed Derek Doughty in an accurate â if hardly flattering â imitation of Professor Tomlin's lecturing tones, âdepends upon a large supply of unskilled labour, hired as cheaply as possible.'
Martin Robinson rocked his chair back on its hind legs to look ostentatiously in the direction of the High Table. âIt's all right, lads, Tomlin's still up there. Sitting between old McLeish and Mr Mautby.'
âDon't talk to me about Mautby,' said Tommy Talbot savagely. âHe just about ruined my summer.'
âCame between you and your food, did he?' enquired Barry Naismyth with mock solicitude.
âYou should have seen the work he gave us to do in the summer vac. All to be done before term started, and to be handed in by this coming Thursday morning first thing. Field study, he called it â Huh! We might as well have gone on an expedition.'
âNow you're talking,' said Barry warmly. âIron rations are what you need, Talbot. Do you a world of good.'
âIt was nearly as bad,' grumbled Talbot. He appealed to the others. âWasn't it, you lot?'
âWe had to take half a hectare of woodland and record the complete ecosystem â what was growing there, how old the trees were and all that. In detail,' explained Martin Robinson, âand you know what Mautby is like for detail. A fine-tooth comb isn't in it. Oh, and the further afield the better, of course.'
Barry Naismyth shook his head sadly. âYou scientists certainly do have a hard time. Now, if you were reading economics like me â¦'
Derek Doughty grinned, âI did very well, anyway. After I stopped being a hospital porter.'
âHow come?'
âI've got an aunt who lives in the Shetland Islands. I went to stay with her and did my homework there.'
âBully for you,' said Naismyth.
âExactly,' said Doughty. âNo trees.'
There was a concerted roar of approval at this.
âWhat did you do, Colin?' asked Robinson with genuine interest. Ellison was the leading light of his science year and strongly tipped for a First. âStudy the arboreal life of an airport or something?'
âFound an absolutely ordinary patch of English wood practically at the bottom of our garden.'
This provoked plenty of response.
âYou would.'
âIt's all right for some.'
âLazy brute.'
Ellison smiled. âEasy. It could have been anywhere.'
âYou'll get away with it, of course.'
âMautby's blue-eyed boy.'
Ellison hastened to disclaim this. âNo point in putting myself out, was there? Besides, I'd worn my legs out on the buses.'
âAny fairies at the bottom of this garden of yours?'
âOnly little ones,' replied Colin Ellison swiftly, âwith wings.'
âI found a perfectly sweet little wood by a lake,' said Polly Mantle dreamily, âon one of my weekends off, and I did my field study there. In the north of Italy.'
âEcology for ever,' said Derek Doughty gallantly. âHow did you get on, Henry?'
âWhat? Oh, all rights, thanks.' Henry Moleyns did not seem to have been paying attention.
âFind somewhere nice and interesting on your travels for your field study?'
âPlenty of places, thanks.'
âGet far?'
âOh, yes,' he said vaguely. âWhat was it that came between Talbot and his study?'
âHis tummy,' said Martin Robinson rudely. âIt stopped him bending. He only studied the trees that were bigger than he was.'
âLike the
Sequoia sempervirens
,' said Derek Doughty.
âCome again?' said Barry Naismyth. âIt's all these long words you use. I'm not a scientist, remember. Only a humble economist.'
âThere's no such thing as a humble economist,' began someone provocatively.
âThe
Sequoia sempervirens
are the redwoods of California.' Derek Doughty was going to teach and it was beginning to show. âBiggest trees in the world.'
âIn a minute,' announced Tommy Talbot with dignity, âI shall do my Billy Bunter act and shout “Yaroo, you rotters.”'
âSpare us that,' said Barry Naismyth, deftly changing the subject without seeming to. He was going to make a good politician one day and was just beginning to realise it. âTell us where you did your field study. I don't know about you ecologists and your trees but I can assure you that there is nothing â but nothing â that I do not know about the tin can. Its private life is an open book to me.⦠Hullo, hullo, and what does he want, do you suppose?' He broke off as a man started to come across to their table from the next one, where he had been standing talking to someone. âWell, Challoner, and what can we do for you?'
âSit-in,' said Challoner. âOn Thursday. We're occupying the administration block at Almstone.'
âAre we?' asked Derek Doughty blandly. âDo we have a reason?'
âDon't ask him,' pleaded Barry Naismyth, âor we'll be here all night.'
They've sent Humbert down,' snapped Challoner. âDid it in the vac., too. That's a dirty trick, if you like. Thought we wouldn't do anything about it, I suppose, if they did it then. We got back yesterday â'
âFrom Moscow?' asked Martin Robinson innocently.
â â and found he wasn't here,' said Challoner, thin-lipped. âHe'd been trying to get in touch with our Committee all summer.'
âI'll bet he had.'
âIt's all very well to take that line,' said Challoner, âall the while everything's going all right for you. But you'd have been glad enough to have our Direct Action Committee behind you if you got sent down.'
âIt wouldn't help me much,' retorted Martin Robinson. âThey wouldn't cut any ice with my father, I can tell you.'
âOf course' â Challoner was very condescending â âif you haven't got rid of any of those petty bourgeois ideas about parental authority yet â¦'
âOh, I've got rid of them, all right,' said Robinson airily. âYears ago. It's my father who hasn't.'
âWhy not until Thursday?' asked Derek Doughty. âIt's Tuesday today.'
âBecause,' said Challoner unwillingly, âHumbert couldn't get here until then.'
âIs he in Peking or something?'
âIreland,' said Challoner briefly.
âSeems a pity to waste the fare if he's not wanted.'
âWe want him,' said Challoner.
âShort of a mascot, are you, then?' asked Derek Doughty.
âCouldn't you manage with something symbolic instead?' suggested Barry Naismyth. âLike a golliwog.'
âOr a flag,' said Doughty.
Martin Robinson shook his head solemnly. âNot a flag, old chap. It's been done before.'
âNo,' said Henry Moleyns slowly, looking at Challoner. âYou want him for something else, don't you, Challoner?'
âWell â¦'
âYou want him so that someone on the university staff comes up with the bright idea of suing Humbert for trespass.'
âThat way,' said Challoner complacently, âwe get a court case.'
âYou need to prove damage for trespass, don't you?' asked Doughty. His father was a solicitor. âIt's only a civil wrong or something.'
âChild's play,' said Henry Moleyns. âThey'll take care to see that Humbert does the damage.'
âAnd is seen to do it,' added Martin Robinson brightly.
âTell me, Challoner,' went on Henry Moleyns, âwould I be right in thinking that membership of the Student's Union is suspended when a man is sent down?'
âAutomatically,' said Challoner smugly. âIt's in the Rules and Regulations. In cold print.'
âI don't see â¦' began Barry Naismyth.
âI do,' said Henry Moleyns coldly. âQuite clearly. Last time there was any damage at a sit-in they deducted the cost from the Student's Union grant, didn't they?'
âThey did,' said Challoner.
âAnd you didn't like that, so this time Humbert will do the damage,' said Moleyns. âYou hope that the University will still deduct the cost of the damage from the Union grant and â'
âAnd,' finished Robinson, cottoning on quickly to this and taking up the tale, âyou'll then go to law to prove that it wasn't the students who did the damage and try to get the University to court for wrongful administration of public funds or something and make them look silly into the bargain.'
âRight,' said Challoner. âGood idea, isn't it?'
âIt's a lousy, rotten, trouble-making idea by people who should know better,' said Moleyns explosively. âWhat they want to do is to grow up â'
âNow, look here â'
âYour lot are just playing at power politics, that's what they're doing.'
âPlaying, are we?' responded Challoner angrily. âWell, I'll be â'
âYou just don't know what it's all about,' said Moleyns with intensity.
âDon't we, indeed! I'll have you know that â'
âIt's kids' stuff,' said Moleyns pityingly. âSit-ins for a trouble-maker.'
Challoner straightened up, his voice pitched in a furious rasp. âI'm not standing for any snide remarks from you, Henry Moleyns.'
âHumbert did nothing but ask for it all last term,' snapped back Moleyns. âThe man's a fool. In my opinion he deserved all he got.'
âI'll have you know that five hundred people don't agree with you â'
âMore like five hundred sheep,' retorted Moleyns. âOne dog and they go where they're told.â¦'
âI won't have you â'
âListen to me, Challoner.' Moleyns had risen to his feet to face Challoner now. He wasn't tall but he seemed to grow as he spoke. âBlind obedience to leadership is nothing to be proud of. In fact, if you ask me, it's the most dangerous thing in the whole world.'
âIs Humbert bringing any friends with him from, er, Ireland?' Barry Naismyth interposed a question before the leadership and authority that was present â at the High Table â saw fit to intervene.
âHe might,' said Challoner, reluctantly taking his attention away from Moleyns, and rapidly regaining his normal composure. âCome and find out for yourself.'
âI thought your crowd didn't believe in law and order,' remarked Tommy Talbot. His plate was empty now and so he was giving Challoner his whole attention.
âWe don't,' said Challoner, soothed by the question, âbut it comes in handy sometimes. Besides, there's no point in not using it if it's there, is there? Not if it helps the cause.â¦'
2 Engagement
Not all that far away â at Berebury Police Station to be exact â Police Superintendent Leeyes was making precisely the same point to those members of the local force who were assembled in front of him.
More aggressively, though.
âOf course they don't believe in law and order unless it suits them,' he said scornfully, âbut then, there's nothing new about that here, is there?' He glared round at his officers. âAfter all, when you come to think of it, we never do have to deal with anyone who does, do we?'