Passing Time (14 page)

When gentle snores rippled the air, Louis pressed his lips to Jake’s ear. “You think I’m going to wake you?” he whispered. “You think I won’t just lie here on top of you with my dick in your ass all day?” He gave Jake a nudge with his hips.

“Hmm.”

“I thought I’d lost you.”

“Not yet…”

“When you went out this morning and I woke up alone, I… Jake? You listening to me?”

No reply. Just a snuffling snort, and all was quiet again. Louis withdrew, dealt with the condom, and took his own gift from the bedside table. He set the box on the pillow, then went to the bathroom and fetched a warm, damp washcloth. He climbed back on the bed and delved between Jake’s thighs to clean the globs of lube from his skin. Jake dozed throughout.

“Beautiful,” Carter said. He stood by the window, tilting his head as his languid gaze swept over the generous curve of Jake’s backside.

Louis immediately climbed off the bed and dragged the sheet to Jake’s waist. “I thought I told you to stay out of the bedroom.”

“Honey, I’m not touching. I’m looking. Although I’d love a little…” He reached out a pale hand toward Jake’s covered ass.

“Outside.” Louis pointed at the door.

“Excuse me?” Carter raised a delicate eyebrow.

“Now.” Louis swung the door open and waited until Carter sauntered out before following and closing it on Jake and his picturesque backside.

“What do you want?” Louis followed as far as the dining table, where Carter pulled out a chair and sat down.

“A cigarette?” He sounded as though he hadn’t a care in the world. He didn’t, being dead, but the tone pissed Louis off anyway.

He took a deep breath in through his nose and went to fetch his pack from his jacket pocket. “Cigarettes.” He slammed the box and lighter down on the table. “Now tell me, what’s with the voyeurism? You were the one who liked me to watch, remember?”

Carter tipped back his head and exhaled a smoke ring. “Lovely.”

“Well? You are here for a reason besides the cigarettes?”

“I’m here because you want to talk,” Carter said to the sliding doors. “As always. Now take a seat. You’re making the room look untidy.”

Louis grunted, pulled out a chair, and sat. He rested his elbows on the polished surface of the table.

“Well?”

“You tell him you’re in love with him yet?”

“Why would I? I’m not.”

Carter lifted his eyebrows.

Louis decided there was no point trying to argue. Carter knew the truth all the same. “Whatever I feel,” he said carefully, “nothing changes with us.”

“Oh, please.” Carter waved the words away. “Do not apologize for falling in love. If I were alive, I would’ve fallen for him myself.” He tapped his index fingers on the tabletop. “And made damn sure I was the meat in that sandwich.”

“I’m a one-man guy, Carter. You know that.”

“I do. Like I know I’m no longer the guy,” Carter said with a wistful sigh.

Louis barely subdued a flush of anger. “You’ll always be that guy.”

“Are you sure? You’ve not welcomed me with bells and banners recently.”

“Can you blame me? You’ve looked at him. You’ve touched him. You
tasted
him.” Louis’s hands, resting on the table, clenched into fists. He forced himself to relax.

“You’re jealous,” Carter said, nodding. “Because you’re in love.”

Louis shook his head. “I care about him, but that’s not love.”

“It’s a start.”

“Maybe. If things were different.”

Carter fixed him with a steady gaze. “So make them different.”

“How? We live in different countries. Different continents. It’s an impossible situation.”

“No, honey. You and I are the impossible situation.”

Louis made himself look at Carter, at his clear eyes, his lips slightly parted where the filter of his cigarette sat between them. A perfect, living, breathing human being—except he wasn’t. Never would be again.

“Remember how you felt when you woke up this morning and you were alone? Is that how you want to go on?”

Louis raked his fingers through his hair. He already owned the past with Carter, and nothing would change should he choose to remain there. He’d always thought himself comfortable enough right where he was. Carter had loved him enough to remain with him even after death. Who else ever knew that kind of love? Could Jake ever feel that much love for Louis? Louis didn’t know. The only thing he did know for certain was that he couldn’t stay right here in the present. In the present he had neither man. He might as well not exist at all.

“Well? Is the decision so difficult? Would you like to phone a friend? Oh no, that’s right—you don’t have any.”

“No.”

“Sorry?”

“That’s my answer.” Louis raised his face to gaze into the depths of Carter’s gray eyes. “I don’t want to wake up alone. At least, not without knowing Jake is with me somewhere, even if we’re not physically together. I choose him, Cart. I mean, if there is a choice. He’s it.”

“Finally.” Carter smiled. “All we have to do now is hope you’re his choice. He may turn you down flat. After all, he has a wealth of young, sweaty jocks to sample back at college.”

Louis frowned. “I thought you were supposed to be encouraging me.”

“I’m a realist, and Jake’s twenty-two. Remember us at twenty-two?”

“I remember you at twenty-two.”

“Precisely.”

Louis managed a grin. “You think Jake and I have any kind of a chance?”

“A ghost of one.” Carter smiled. “Perhaps.”

Louis thought back to when he’d woken alone. How he’d missed Jake’s presence. His scent, his smile, even his chatter. Jake kept him warm at night, but somewhere along the line, their relationship had become precisely that. A relationship. Not love. Not quite yet.

Jake was still sleeping when Louis reentered the bedroom. He lay on his stomach, snoring lightly, the gift Louis had bought him still sitting on the pillow waiting to be unwrapped.

Louis flipped back the sheet covering Jake’s ass. He leaned down, pursed his lips, and blew warm air into the cleft between Jake’s butt cheeks. Jake wriggled and groaned but still didn’t wake, so Louis leaned in farther until his lips closed on firm flesh. He kissed and wetted the area, sucked a circle of skin into his mouth, and bit down.

Jake tensed. His head snapped up, and he gazed back at Louis with wide, bleary eyes. “Did you just bite my arse?” He sounded as though he didn’t quite believe his own words, much less Louis’s actions.

“You fell asleep.” Louis kissed the pink circle he’d left behind.

“Nice way to wake me.” Jake moved a hand down to give his ass cheek a rub. He stopped when he spotted the gift-wrapped box next to him on the pillow. “What’s that?”

“My present to you.”

“You got me a present?” Jake practically squealed with delight as he rolled over and quickly pulled up his pants. Excitement sparkled in his eyes as he carefully peeled back the silver paper. Louis had the store do the gift wrapping. He figured they’d manage a more professional job.

The box beneath was dark green. A tiny golden crown decorated the center of the front edge. Jake opened the box and stared at the contents for an endless amount of time before daring to reach in with a single finger.

“Is it genuine?” he asked, almost as if he were afraid of the answer. “A real Rolex?”

“Real enough.” Louis had selected the watch purely because the color of the face reminded him of Jake’s eyes: porcelain blue. Comparing the shades now, Louis decided he’d got a near-on perfect match. Right before the case snapped shut.

“I can’t accept this.” Jake offered the box back.

“You don’t like it?” Louis couldn’t hide his disappointment. He was sure it would be exactly to Jake’s taste.

“Of course I do. It’s the most gorgeous gift anyone has ever given me.”

“So, why—”

“Because this is too much. Way, way too much.”

“But the battery died in your watch. You never got it replaced.”

“I would have eventually.” Jake set the box down on the strip of mattress between them. “If you wanted to buy me a watch, a knockoff would have done.”

“What would a knockoff say about the last month? This is a genuine thank-you. For your support.” He picked up the box and set it back on Jake’s thigh. “I want you to have it.”

Jake’s jaw stiffened. He took the box and placed it on the bedside table. He swung his legs off the bed and stood up. “What you can give me is a kiss good-bye, if you like.”

“Jake.”

“I want the kiss and for us to part on good terms.” He turned, his eyes softening. “Can we do that?”

The guy would swap a Rolex with a four-thousand-pound price tag for a simple kiss? Carter’s voice filled in his head. Louis was already aware of what Jake wanted.

He rose. “My intention wasn’t to offend. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t offend me, Louis. I… It’s the kind of gift you give to someone you love. Not to a guy you had a summer fling with.”

“A summer fling? Is that how you think of us?”

“You know bloody well I don’t. But you do. This is why I’m trying to make a dignified exit.” He stood up straighter and tried on one of his big, bright smiles. “I am so over you.” The tremor in his words indicated otherwise.

“That’s a pity,” Louis said.

“What is? That I want to remain dignified?”

“No. That you’re over me already.”

“I thought this was what you wanted? I was the one who tried to change the rules. That’s my problem, Louis. Not yours.”

“You see your feelings for me as a problem now?” Louis heard the tingle of irritation creep into his voice.

“Are you saying they’re not?”

“If I had no feelings for you, you think I would’ve bought you four grand’s worth of watch?”

Soon as the words were out, Jake’s confusion fell away. His mouth set into a thin line. “I’d have appreciated twenty quid’s worth of watch more. This is like you’re trying to pay me off for caring about you. I’m embarrassed for the both of us, and I’m going to go before I start saying stuff I’ll regret later. Good-bye, Louis, and thanks for spoiling our last moments together.”

Jake reached for the door handle, and Louis knew if he didn’t react now, he might as well fly home and go dig himself a grave right next to Carter’s.

“You know,” he said softly. His heart thudded loud enough to rock the walls of his skull. “The watch came with an extra gift.”

“Louis.” Jake groaned and pressed his forehead to the door. “You’re not listening to me. I don’t want—”

“Please?”

“What-the-fuck-ever. Make it quick. I really need to get out of here.”

Louis took a breath. He’d have to make this up as he went along. Could be disastrous, but at this stage in their relationship, what other choice did he have? Risk everything or lose Jake. No question.

“Well, this gift I’m offering…is not as good-looking as the Rolex. Won’t give you any kind of status. The gift is free, so you don’t need to concern yourself with insipid things like price tags.”

“Quit selling it to me, then.” Jake scowled. “What is it?”

Louis assumed a casual stance. “You’re looking at it.”

Jake’s confused gaze roamed Louis’s body. “Where?”

Louis directed a hand toward his own chest. “Right here.”

“Your shirt?”

“No, Jake. Me. For weekends and holidays while you’re working on your education.” He shrugged. “Let’s see how it goes.”