Passionate Addiction (27 page)

Blake worked his jaw and bit the inside of his mouth until he tasted the coppery tang of blood. Gabi had always been the one to share his burdens with. The one he relied on to lighten the weight of his problems. Going to Mitch or Alana would feel like a betrayal to the woman who had stood by him through the hardest times.

“Thank you.” He pushed from the railing and stood tall. “Everything will work itself out. I’m not worried.” Again with the lies. Every time he uttered mistruths the weight of guilt became heavier.

She took another sip of her coffee and nodded, focusing her attention through the balcony posts to the nature park below. “How’s Gabi?”

Direct hit.

“Gabi’s…great.” His words lacked conviction. Hell,
he
didn’t even believe his tone. “I miss her.” He missed her, yearned for her, not only in his bed but in his arms, her scent in his lungs, her bright smile in his mind. Yet he’d stopped calling her as often. Every time they spoke he felt like he was betraying her. “I think I need to cancel our plans after the tour finishes. I’ve got things I have to sort out at home.”

Alana glanced at him from the corner of her eye. “Gabi has a soft heart, but I’m sure she’ll understand if you explain the reasons to her.”

He nodded. There was nothing else to do. Gabi did have a soft heart. One he knew would break if she found out about Michelle. Trust was a big thing for Gabi, and he’d broken that trust. She just didn’t know it yet. Hopefully she never would.

“Yeah. She’ll understand. It doesn’t stop me missing her, though.”

Alana gave a sad smile.

“Oh, surprise surprise,” Mitch opened the screen door and stepped onto the balcony, placing a kiss on Alana’s forehead. “Fancy finding you two alone together.”

Alana flashed her fiancé a wicked grin. “Morning, sweetheart.”

Mitch grasped her chin and kissed her lips with force. “Mornin’.”

Jealousy was a trait Blake despised, yet it clawed at him anyway. He was happy for his friends, but having the ease of their relationship shoved in his face only made him ache more for Gabi. “I’ll see you guys later,” he muttered and opened the screen door to go inside.

“What’s wrong with B?” Mitch asked softly.

“I don’t know,” Alana replied. “But I’m worried it’s something big.”

***

The days passed like months, the weeks like years, until Gabi contemplated putting her degree on hold to follow Blake. For the first ten days after leaving Melbourne, they’d spoken on the phone and used every other form of social media possible to keep in touch—Skype, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, you name it, they were on it. And still it hadn’t been enough. For over a week, she’d woken to heartfelt emails counting down the time until they would be together.

Then things slowed.

Blake no longer answered her Skype calls, and when he returned them, their conversations were unemotional and vague. He no longer sent her pictures. Didn’t comment on Facebook or send her tweets. When she questioned him about it, he apologized and made excuses about being tired and run down.

She got that. Really, she did. His life was filled with late nights, adrenaline filled concerts, and a never ending line of public appearances. It would be daunting, yet he’d lived like that for years, and not once had he cut her off like this. Something had changed, she just didn’t know what.

Had he met someone else? Tammy had been hinting at that outcome for a few days but even her close friend wouldn’t come out and say it.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she eyed her university lecturer before pulling it out and checking the message. Blake—
We need to talk. Are you free?

Dread consumed her stomach and filtered out to her limbs. He should know she was in class today. She’d told him in another one of her emails that he hadn’t replied to.

With her throat tightening, she quietly packed up her text books, grabbed her handbag and ducked out of the classroom. She placed her things on the hallway floor and began scrolling to his number when her phone started buzzing with a silenced incoming call.

She stared at the screen while her intuition begged her not to answer. Was he calling because he thought she was in class, hoping she wouldn’t answer? Did he plan to break things off in a voice message? Well too bad, she had no intention of letting the call go through to the answering service.

She connected the call and placed the phone at her ear, jutting out her chin. “Hello.”

“Gabi? I—I didn’t know if you’d answer.”

He didn’t want her to answer, more like it.

“I stepped out of class,” she replied, withholding the hurt from her voice. “You haven’t answered my calls in so long I didn’t want to miss the opportunity that you might actually want to talk to me.” She may have hidden the hurt from her tone, but her resentment came through in technicolor. She’d been beside herself for too long, bottling up the hurt and insecurities to let it simply go unsaid.

“I know.” His voice was low, breaking her heart a little with each softly spoken word. “I’m sorry. I’ve had problems back home that kept me distracted. I was hoping they would’ve blown over by now.”

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Her heart rate increased causing her hands to tremor slightly. She could hear the hurt in his tone, could sense the inevitable bad news she knew would affect her.

“Nothing…Nothing you need to worry about, anyway. But…”

He heaved a breath and she held hers. Waiting. Panicking.

“I can’t meet up with you once the tour finishes, angel. I’m so sorry.”

She closed her eyes, wishing away the pain. The days apart had been one long and unending struggle. She felt detached from her heart. Alone and incomplete. The only thing that kept her going was the countdown to when they would be together again, when the missed calls and unanswered emails would no longer matter, because they were together.

“I—I understand,” she lied.

She had no clue what she’d done wrong or what had changed between them. Were they breaking up? If so, he needed to come out and say it. She didn’t want to be dragged along for days, or weeks, or months, wondering where they stood.

“Is this the end, Blake? Just tell me if it is. Tell me now so I don’t hold on.” Her voice broke, betraying the emotion clogging her throat. Annoyance tangled with the hurt and confusion. He’d never left her in the dark before, had never kept things from her or hidden himself, even in the worst of times. Having him do it now, after they’d been together physically, hurt more than she thought he would ever realize.

“No, Gabi!” His sudden answer soothed some of the tightness restricting her chest. “This has nothing to do with us. I still want to be there with you—that’s all I want—I just can’t at the moment. As soon as I fix the mess, I’ll be on the first plane back to you.”

Silently, she let out a heavy breath and rested against the cold wall. “I hate when you keep things from me. You never did before. How bad can your problems be when you’ve told me so much in the past?”

She wished she could see his face, to read his reaction.

“Please don’t worry about me. That’s the last thing I want. For once, I’m going to sort out my own mess.” He chuckled, but the humor didn’t reach her. “I’m not used to cleaning up my mistakes. I’ve always had you to rely on.”

She nodded to herself. He continued to bring up the need to fix his own life, and she had to respect that, no matter how much it hurt to be left out.

“I want you to be proud of me,” he whispered.

Air shuddered from her lips and she stared at the ceiling, widening her eyes in the hopes the burning would fade. “I’ve always been proud of you. I wish you knew that.”

“I do. I also need to do this to feel like I actually have a set of balls. Real men fix their own shit, ya know?”

She chuckled and sniffed. “OK.”

“And I’m sorry for being distant. I’ve wanted to speak to you every day, but my mood is contagious. I don’t want to drag you down. Once I have my life under control, things will go back to normal, and I’ll be on the first flight back to you.”

“Please don’t take long.” She shouldn’t have added to his burden, yet she missed his friendship too much to let the words go unsaid. Being without him physically was something she lived with for years. His support and kindness was completely different.

“I received an email from Alana about the engagement party,” she spoke quickly, hoping to change the subject. The invitation came a week after Gabi left Melbourne, with the celebration set to take place in New York, not long after Reckless Beat arrived back from tour.

Blake was silent for a moment before asking, “Do you think you can come?”

“I wish I could.”

“Me too,” he whispered. “Hopefully by then I will be on my way back to Australia.”

“And miss their engagement party?” Was he serious? The Blake she knew would never miss an event like that. He wasn’t making sense. First he couldn’t speak to her or return her emails, now he wanted to miss a monumental event to fly back to her?

Doubt darkened the back of her mind, and she shook away her suspicions before they had time to fully form. “You can’t miss that. We’ll be together soon enough.” She spoke the words, even though she lacked the enthusiasm to back them up. Every second that passed unnerved her, making her frantic to see Blake in person.

“Yeah. But soon enough feels like forever.”

Soon enough
meant nothing to Gabi. She didn’t know what problems he had to deal with at home.

“Do you forgive me for backing out of our plans?”

She sighed, long and loud. “Yeah.” She didn’t have a choice.

“I’ll make it up to you.” Cheeky flirtation accompanied his words, warming her heart.

“Don’t worry. I’ll hold you to that.”

He laughed, and she could picture him smiling on the other end, his dark eyes glistening, his muscles flexing as he reclined in a lounge chair.

“OK, angel. I’ll let you go. Sorry for interrupting you during class. Once things settle down, I’ll let you know.”

Her heart flipped, clenched, dropping to the soles of her feet. She wanted to know when she would speak to him again, and with equal measure she didn’t want to sound needy. “All right, bye.”

She waited for his farewell and ended the call. Grabbing her books and handbag off the floor, she walked to the classroom door. The lecturer spoke loud, pointing to the white board behind him with a wooden ruler. There was no way she could concentrate now. Not when her mind pinged like a pinball machine.

Stepping back, she started down the hall, heading for the car park. When she got home she would email one of her classmates for notes. Then she would email Alana. If Blake couldn’t give her any answers maybe Mitch’s fiancé could.

Blake’s fingers hovered over the email send button. Eight days had passed since he last spoke to Gabi, and now he was home, sitting in the Reckless Beat jet while it taxied into Teterboro airport. She’d emailed him every day, her messages growing more concerned the longer he went without replying, yet he still didn’t know what to tell her.

He re-read the email he still hadn’t sent—
Hey, angel. Sorry I’ve been distant. I just wanted to let you know I arrived safely and hope to be back with you soon.

Love Blake.

“What’s wrong?” Mason asked from the seat beside him.

Blake glanced up and met the stares of each band member along with Leah and Alana as they scrutinized him from their seats. They all knew something was wrong. They just assumed it revolved around being away from Gabi.

“Nothing.” He focused back on his phone and pressed send. The email was lame at best, but at least he was keeping in touch. He couldn’t stand speaking to her, hearing the hurt in her voice, especially when he couldn’t ease her pain. It wouldn’t be long now and his problems would be over. He’d have coffee with Michelle once or twice, be seen in the same nightclubs and create a few national headlines—making sure nothing was exciting enough to make the global gossip mags. Then bam, the devil spawn would leave him the fuck alone.

Until then, he needed to continue to keep his distance from Gabi. She needed to concentrate on her studies anyway, and he’d gone too far for her to find out about Michelle now.

“Nothing? Like the same ‘nothing’ that’s kept you grumpy for the last three weeks?” Mason asked.

“Or the same ‘nothing’ that has you swearing your ass off on your cell? To people you refuse to name,” Mitch added.

“Leave him alone,” Alana spoke softly. “He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

Leah moved forward in her seat. “We’re worried about you, Blake.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about,” he answered, trying not to shuffle in his chair under all the attention. “I miss Gabi. End of story.”

“So why didn’t you stay in Aus?” Leah frowned. “Your band commitments are over for a while. You didn’t have to come back with us.”

“I’ve got stuff I need to sort out at home. Once that’s organized, I’ll be on the next flight back to her.” He shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I just miss her, that’s all.”

The jet pulled to a stop, and one by one they unclicked their seatbelts, letting the conversation drop. While he stood and gathered his carryon luggage, Ryan came up beside him.