Past Heaven (9 page)

Deep in the ugliest part of my soul, I questioned why Jack had been so devoted to this cause and his job. Was I not enough? Had I not provided the fulfillment and happiness he had craved? Maybe if he had been married to someone he had loved more, he would have loved his job less and still be alive. I clenched my eyes shut as the pain ran through me. These thoughts were part of my private hell. Nothing that I could share with anyone. I dried my face and hands and walked back into the kitchen

“How do you do it? I mean how do you keep it together for the kids? It’s pretty obvious that this is still very raw for you.” Reynolds looked at me with empathy.

I wrapped my arms around myself as warmth filled my aching heart. Feeling a man’s care and compassion again was nice.

“Running has become an outlet for me. I take that time to cry, scream, and run the pain the hell out of my chest. Afterward, I feel like I can breathe again. Well, at least for another twenty-four hours, and then I need to do it again. I’ve become addicted to the adrenaline rush. I figure it’s at least a healthy addiction, right?” I smiled at Reynolds, aware that his returning smile was a somber one.

“Oh! I almost forgot! I also have a mantra.” I smirked as I looked out the window.

“You have a mantra? What is it?”

I was sure he was expecting some sappy Hallmark saying to come from my mouth. Instead, I stood proudly and looked right at him as I said, “Get it the fuck together!”

MY EYES WIDENED and I burst out laughing. Liz was something else. After spending most of the day with this woman—who was full of love and kindness—the last thing I had expected to come out of her mouth was the word “fuck.” But I liked it. A lot. The way her lip curled and the tiny shoulder shrug she added was hot as hell, and the mantra, itself, told me I was in the company of a very strong woman.

The sound of her giggle snapped me out of my thoughts. What was wrong with me? Her life had been ripped apart. Sexy and grief and widows don’t go hand in hand. She poured out her heart to me about her love for her dead husband. Leave it up to me and my dick to find something sexual in the conversation. I was definitely going to hell. I was the one who needed to get it the fuck together
.

A soft blush touched Liz’s cheeks. I couldn’t help but wonder who this woman really was underneath all the pain. She rubbed her neck and looked off to the side. “I’m sorry. What can I say? I have a bit of an issue with my language.” She pinched her fingers together, her eyes sparkling with enjoyment. “I promise you, I hide it well from the boys. It’s mostly in my own head and with my close friends. I’m afraid you might be subjected to some of it during this project.”

I leaned back in the chair unable to contain my own smile. Liz laughed out loud, clearly enjoying my shock.

“Oh, Liz, you haven’t heard anything yet. I’m not known for a clean vocabulary. But I have to admit, I think it’s cute coming from you.”

Liz chuckled as she checked her watch. “We can pick this up again tomorrow. My kids’ bus is due any minute.” She hesitated and toyed with her wedding ring. “I haven’t talked to them about this project yet, and I don’t want to catch them by surprise.”

That was my cue. I closed my laptop and stuffed it into my bag. I got that she wasn’t ready for me to meet her kids, and I agreed with her. I never wanted children or even liked them. At some point, I figured I would have to meet her kids, but not today. “I totally understand. Not a problem.”

As I gathered my trash and threw it away, Liz walked to the front door and opened it. She bounced on her feet and bit her nail as she looked out at the street and back at me with a tight smile. I slung my laptop case over my shoulder and gave her a slow grin as I walked closer. Damn, she was adorable when she was flustered.

“Thank you for trusting me with your story and for letting me have this time in your home.”

Her shoulders sagged and some of the tension left her face as she smiled. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.” We strolled down the driveway with a familiar ease I hadn’t expected.

“Where are you staying?” Liz asked as we approached the Denali.

I tossed my bag into the backseat. “Not sure. I’m heading back to my hotel now to figure that out. Should we meet here again tomorrow?” I wanted to roll up my sleeves and start writing.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to work from my house. In case the kids need me for anything. How about ten o’clock? I really don’t want to write with you until I get my morning shower, and you don’t want that, either.” She rubbed her neck and peered down the street.

“Okay, ten o’clock it is.” I chuckled but took a step back as a big yellow bus rumbled to a stop at the end of the driveway.

“Shit! The bus is early. Oh, shit!” Liz looked back and forth between us like she wanted to pick me up and throw me somewhere. I felt like a teenager, caught getting home after curfew. I stifled the laugh, not wanting to be a jackass and upset her, but she looked so freaking cute.

“Should I jump in the truck?” As the words left me, the doors to the bus opened and three brown-haired boys came bounding off the bus. They each ran down the driveway toward their mom.

“Crap,” Liz whispered and bit her lip. “Too late now, c’mon.” She walked toward the boys, and I followed close behind, dead man walking.

Holy hell, I did not want to meet her kids. I had about a ninety-nine percent chance of saying the wrong thing and I couldn’t risk it. If I fucked up, Liz would pull the plug on the project. I was a grown-ass man, and I was freaking out over meeting three kids. Ridiculous.

The youngest boy reached Liz and fell into her arms, hugging and kissing her all over her face. Liz picked him up and twirled him around, giggling. I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched them. A slightly taller boy smiled at his mom and then looked me over from head to toe. The tallest boy had jumped off the bus with an excited energy, but stopped as soon as he saw me. He frowned and looked at his mother with concern. God, he looked like a little Jack—at least what I had seen in pictures.

“Boys, you’re home early.” Liz kissed each of them.

“The Cahill triplets all have lice. Dis-gus-ting!” The boy who appeared to be the middle child spoke up. “We skipped their bus stop and saved a few minutes.”

Lice? I scratched my head in several places, picturing the tiny insects. This. This was why I didn’t like little kids. Shit. Did I need to stop at the pharmacy and pick something up?

“Mama, you look pretty today!” The littlest boy patted Liz’s cheek and looked down at her clothes.

“Oh, thanks, bud.” Liz blushed and gave me a sideways glance. “Guys this is a new co-worker of mine. His name is Reynolds Carter, and we’re going to work on a project together about your father.” Liz set down the boy in her arms.

“Reynolds, this is Griffin.” She placed an arm around his shoulders and he looked up at her with a toothy grin. “He’s the man of the house.”

“Hello.” He extended his hand and gave me a firm handshake, his scowl unmistakable. “You look familiar. Did I see you kissing girls on TV?”

Liz chuckled, but I maintained a serious face and returned his handshake. Awkward, but my mother taught me manners. I just had to remember them. “Nice to meet you, Griffin.” He stared at me, waiting for something. Right, the kissing question. “Yeah, I’m an actor. From time to time, I have to pretend to kiss girls even though a lot of the time I think it’s kinda gross.” He nodded and stepped aside, nudging the other kid forward.

“This is my son, Grayson.” Liz placed her hand on his head and he lifted his chin in greeting.

“Whassup, dude?” He spoke with attitude, and I couldn’t help it. The laugh just came out of me.

“Not much, dude, what’s up with you?” He was my kind of guy.

“This small fry is my Hayden.”

Hayden clung to his mom’s leg, but held up his hand for a high five. I crouched down and lightly slapped his hand. He beamed. “I love trains. Do you like trains? I can show you my trains!” He blurted out before turning and running toward the house.

All three boys stopped in front of the big SUV in the driveway. Grayson peered into the window. “I promise to have something less obnoxious tomorrow,” I mumbled. I needed to rent my own car, and I didn’t need a driver anymore. I’d be in Baltimore for a while, and I wanted to blend in.

“Yeah, that will probably help with the neighborhood gossip.” Liz pointed the boys toward the house. “Head in guys. I’ll be right there to make your snack.” She turned to me and let out a deep breath.

“This has been the most interesting day, Reynolds. I enjoyed myself, though, and I look forward to working with you tomorrow.” Liz extended her hand, and I chuckled at her formality.

Even though Liz wasn’t naïve to hardship, she looked innocent and unassuming, standing with her hand outstretched to me. She was so unlike the manipulative crowd I had spent the last few years with. I thought of Kylie. How would she handle tragedy? How would she recover from pain? The hard truth hit me. She wouldn’t have. She would have found someone to blame or someone to forget with.

I shook Liz’s hand and then changed my mind, pulling her into a light embrace. She froze up and pulled away as if I had burned her.

Damn
. What just happened? My eyes darted, unsure of what I’d done that was wrong. I wasn’t some psycho that went around grabbing people. I just thought—no I didn’t think—hugging her felt natural. Like we had become friends, but I was pretty sure she didn’t feel the same way.

I dropped my hands and smiled curtly. “Um, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it.” I climbed into the backseat and blew out a long breath. Liz waved as the SUV pulled out of her driveway. I dragged my hands through my hair. The next few weeks were going to be tough, but I had to get this story right. Liz’s family and Jack deserved it.

“THAT DENALI WAS sweet.” Grayson would not stop talking about Reynolds’ car. Griffin glared at him and went back to his essay.

“Guys, can I interrupt you for a minute?” I held Hayden’s hand as we walked into the den.

“Sure, Mom. Any excuse to stop doing homework works for me.” Grayson leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. Griffin only nodded and kept his eyes glued to his work.

My palms were clammy, and I felt jumpy. I was like a schoolgirl again, but this time, I got caught with a gorgeous actor. I had some explaining to do. This project was already dear to me, even though I was still getting used to the idea of it. Once the boys understood what we were doing, they’d love it, too.

I was their mom first and foremost, and so I worried. They must have felt ambushed. Timing was everything and mine sucked. Griffin had been having trouble with some of his classes, and Hayden still crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night. Oh and Grayson, my strong middle boy who always put up a good front. Why hadn’t I talked to them last night? A knot of guilt formed in my stomach.

“I wanted to explain to you about Mr. Carter and what he wants to do.” All three boys listened intently, so I hurried to continue. “Mr. Carter is a popular movie actor, but he came to me because he wants to make a movie about a real-life hero.”