Patrick's Promise (Cloverleaf #3) (21 page)

Patrick bent down and kissed Amber again, right as Dylan burst into the room, almost yelling, “Mom.” He ran to Amber’s bedside, and Patrick stepped to the side. Dylan reached for his hand, giving him permission. “It’s okay, you can kiss my mom.”

***

Amber

Everyone laughed, even Patrick. The family all continued to visit. Amber tried to tell the story of what happened, though bits and pieces seemed to confuse her. Her body ached, but she was going to be okay. As she felt Patrick’s hand holding hers, she realized he hadn’t stopped touching her since he walked in. Amber couldn’t get over it; she prayed that this wasn’t a dream, that she wouldn’t wake up and find that they still weren’t talking.

He rubbed his thumb on the top of her hand, which was gentle and sweet. Amber realized how scared Patrick must have been when he’d heard about her, and she knew that it took a lot for him to face those fears, to be strong for her son. Dylan kept telling her how Patrick was reassuring him and how he comforted him. He was a hero in Dylan’s eyes.

Maggie, Daniel, and Liam stood at the foot of her bed. They all told her how happy they were that she was okay. They offered their help with anything she might need. Patrick instantly said whatever she needed, he would take care of. Maggie was quick to remind her brother that he needed to accept help, and he laughed. Things were different now, changed in some way. Amber could see it in all their eyes, like a terrible dark cloud that had lifted, allowing the sun to shine again.

Mary took her turn next to say goodbye, and she offered to help in any way she could. She promised to visit the next day. She gave Patrick a kiss on the cheek. “I’m proud of you,” Mary whispered to him but loud enough so Amber could make it out.

Once Mary left, her parents stood at her side. She noticed how exhausted they looked, but it was nothing compared to the light snoring of Dylan, who was lying in the bed next to her.

“Do you want me to take him?” Lynn asked in a hushed tone.

Patrick looked over and smiled. “I can drop him off at home later.”

“Thanks, Patrick. We appreciate it,” Dean answered, extending his hand to Patrick, who rose from his seat that was next to Amber’s bed. He walked over and enveloped her father in a hug. This caused Amber’s heart to squeeze and made her question just how long she had been passed out. It felt very
Wizard of Oz
; nothing made sense, this wasn’t how things were before the accident. What had changed so drastically, that Patrick O’Brien, of all people, was hugging her parents and even kissing her in front of everyone? She could still taste his lips on hers.

“Sweetie, you make sure to rest,” Lynn harped gently.

“Yes, Mom. Thanks again, you guys.” Amber was given another side hug and kiss by both her parents. Patrick embraced them together; the three of them huddled together confused Amber. She had so many questions, and much like Dorothy had felt, it didn’t make any sense. They waved goodbye and quietly left her room.

Patrick went back to his seat, and he reached for her hand again. His palms were warm as they molded against her skin, and this simple act of affection caused Amber to experience so many sensations. The trauma of what she had been through, or what she remembered of it anyway, and to have Patrick next her, it was all so overwhelming.

“So wow, huh?” Amber started, her eyes burning as she felt all her emotions bubbling to the surface.

Patrick nodded. “I was so scared, Amber.” He gently used his thumb to wipe away the tears that were escaping her eyes.

“I can imagine, but I don’t understand all this.” She pulled her hand away and instantly felt the loss of connection. She used her arms to emphasize what she meant by ‘all of this,’ because it was all encompassing, and she just couldn’t wrap her head around all the changes.

“Babe, I don’t want you to think about things right now. Your mom’s right, you need to rest.”

“I just need you to explain to me what has changed, like, between us, Patrick? None of this makes sense. Just earlier today, you wanted nothing to do with me.” She felt her head starting to throb; her arm was beginning to ache. Whatever pain meds they had given her were wearing off. She had been told by the doctor that they were keeping her overnight to watch out for concussion and if there is any other issues. For being run into by a car, she was doing okay; it was this nonsense with Patrick that had her feeling upset and emotional.

“Amber, stop.” He kissed her forehead. “We can discuss this when you’ve recovered a little. It’s been a long day. You got hit by a car. You realize that, right?”

“Well, yes, of course, I know that,” she argued. “I just want some answers.”

“There is time for answers. Right now, you need to go to sleep. I’m going to take Dylan home.”

The mention of her son’s name off Patrick’s lips made her heart sing. Was it too much to hope for? She didn’t want to risk the disappointment.

“Patrick, thank you for looking after him,” Amber said quietly.

“I was happy to. We needed each other to get through this.” He stroked her hand and looked at her with his green eyes. She’d missed the way he looked at her. But his stare was different, something had definitely changed, and she intended to find out what it was, exactly. But for now, her eyes were growing tired and she was starting to feel the pain buzz through her body.

He kissed her again and then started to gently wake Dylan. “Hey, buddy, it’s time to wake up. I’m going to take you home, okay?”

Dylan slowly moved. His eyes were sleepy, his voice groggy. “Can I go to your house, Patrick?”

Amber hadn’t expected that, and apparently neither did Patrick. “Well, I think your grandparents are waiting for you back at home.” The pleading look in Dylan’s eyes broke her heart. It obviously had an affect on Patrick. “You know what? Let me call them and ask.”

“Thank you,” Amber mouthed to him, when he caught her eyes on him. He smiled and kissed her again. She saw Dylan smile, for a brief moment. She almost felt like they were a family.

***

Patrick

He had just dropped off Dylan back home so he could shower and change his clothes before returning to the hospital. Patrick had cooked him a simple breakfast of eggs and bacon. It was surreal sitting and eating with him. Yesterday, he had all the makings of a boy. Today, he looked older, a little more grown up.

As Patrick drove, he found himself headed in a direction to a destination he hadn’t been to in a very long time. But he needed to go there; he needed to talk to her. As he parked along the curb, he realized the grass was still wet, the sun shone brightly, and as Patrick walked, it blinded his eyes. He could feel the warm rays touching him. It was soothing and banished the chill that was settling deep inside him. Row after row, he trekked to the spot. He knew exactly how many paces; even after four years, he still remembered. Then he found it. Her name, masterfully carved into the large stone, polished and gleaming in the morning sun. The grass was neatly trimmed; semi-wilted flowers stood limp in a copper vase. Someone had come to visit and talk with her, but it wasn’t him. But he was here today, and he needed to tell her that he was finally ready to accept the promise she had asked him to make. The promise he had buried along with her for over four years.

“Hi, Beth…” Patrick started. How does one really talk to someone that’s gone? He didn’t really know, but something inside him told him this was the only way and that this had to be done.

“I’m sure you already know why I’m here. You always knew everything.” This was proving to be far harder than he’d imagined. He felt his throat tighten, his stomach tighten into sick knots, but he continued on. “You always knew the right answers. You knew even as you spent your last moments here what our boys needed. What I would need.”

He reached for the gravestone. The sun was already heating the rock up. He ran his fingers along the beveled edge. The words stood out bold against the soft gray color, the words in black:

Loving Daughter, Wife, and Mother.

Gone, but never forgotten.

The words couldn’t be truer. She was gone, and he’d never been able to forget her. She had been a loving daughter, wife, and mother; though she never got to meet her boys, she knew exactly what they needed. As she clung onto the last breaths of life in her body, she’d selflessly begged for Patrick to keep his heart open. She wanted her boys to have the opportunity to have a mother and for Patrick to find love again.

Patrick started to weep. Maybe he couldn’t do this. Maybe he’d misunderstood her request. A slight breeze lifted the low hanging, whimsical branches of a nearby weeping willow. Did he dare take that as a sign? He didn’t know anymore as he wiped his eyes. He could almost hear her voice floating on the gentle breeze, reassuring him that this is what she meant and what she wanted for him.

“I’m sorry, I never could listen. You know that. I’m stubborn,” Patrick began. It was starting to get easier, telling Beth everything he had sheltered inside of him. “I took out all my pain and anger on my family. I now see how wrong I was, how my hurt and losing you messed me up. When you died, Beth, a part of me went with you.” He felt like he was purging the last four years of vile, diseased, anger, and was now beginning to heal.

“I’m ready now to have that part back.” Patrick looked around. He then noticed a figure in the distance—a man. The person was headed in his direction, his back slightly bent, and upon closer observation, the man became more clear, dressed in a finely tailored gray suit, carrying a matching gray hat. The shock of white hair gave his identity way.

“Grandpa Paddy?” Patrick called out to him. He jogged toward his grandfather. He noticed the red, raw eyes. They were his eyes, a remarkable green that everyone commented on, the same eyes that he shared with his father and all three of his siblings. They were all because of this man, his namesake, Patrick O’Brien.

“Good morning, lad. I see you’re visiting.” Grandpa Paddy’s voice was weak. He had a difficult time walking and was using his cane today. Patrick spotted a bench close by and guided them to it.

“I was here to see Beth,” Patrick finally said once they sat. Their view was of the long field of neatly mowed grass, in the finest shade of green, but headstones littered this perfect patch of land. It was quiet and peaceful, just as it was intended to be. They were the only two people there in the small cemetery.

“That’s good of you. It does good to talk to the Mrs. They still know what to say, and they let you do a lot more of the talking.”

Patrick gave him a smile. “How do you ever move on? Does it ever become easier?”

“My boy, you are still a young man. I’m old. I was old when your grandmother died. I knew I would never find another. There was no one that could ever fill her place.”

“I know, but…”

Grandpa Paddy lifted a wrinkled and spotted hand and stopped Patrick. “You won’t be replacing Beth. You are simply doing as she told you. She had good sense, that lass.” His eyes started to water, before he continued, “You chose a good woman. She loved you with all of her heart. You will chose another one when the time is right, son. There’s so many years left for you to be happy, for those precious lads to have another woman like their mother to help raise them and care for them. You aren’t replacing her, Patrick, you are just doing what she wanted.” His grandfather took hold of his hand and squeezed it firmly. He had made his point.

“But I felt so guilty. When I met Amber, I didn’t expect to feel again, especially not like this.”

“Then it seems to me you have already found the right one again. The time we get in our lives is precious. The people in our lives don’t always stick around for the entire show. It’s important that you live life while you can, even if others are gone, because someday you will be gone too.”

Patrick nodded. His grandfather was right. Beth already knew that when she’d begged for Patrick to promise her that he would be open to finding love again and to give their sons another mother, someone to care for them. She wasn’t asking him to replace her but to simply try to find another to love. She knew that they were young and that she didn’t want Patrick to grow old alone, that he still had a lot of time left. Looking back at it now, if the tables were turned, he would have made her promise him the same damn thing.

He looked over at his grandfather, who had grown quiet, reflecting on his own grief. Patrick no longer saw himself. He saw only his grandfather. A man who understood the perils that life can play on the heart, he had loved and lost and was now biding his time.

Patrick was ready now to start living, to start moving forward. He would never forget Beth. How could he? She’d given him two of the most precious things in his life. She would always live on in their sons, but she was gone, and he accepted that.

***

He taped the last box shut. Using a black marker, he wrote that it was to be saved for Finn and Connor. Patrick looked at the empty space. It felt weird, but it was part of the process. Patrick had several large boxes ready to donate to a women's shelter in Spokane. As he finished and closed the now empty closet door, he heard his doorbell ring.