Pearl (19 page)

Ben’s panicked eyes flashed with blatant understanding. “You want to tell me you fell? Just how do you hurt your ribs when you fall?”

She refused to look at him. “On a chair.”

“Like hell on a chair,” he huffed. “Unless that chair was flying at you.”

She winced.

He pushed off his knees and stood away from her, looking out at the magnificent scene before them, which she felt she had now tainted with her lies. His hand ran down his face, stretching his mouth with his fingers. “Do you have any idea how insane it makes me to send you home to him every night?”

Pearl didn’t respond. Carefully she stood, one hand across her chest as the other brushed the sweat-drenched hair from her eyes.

He took a deep breath and turned to face her, his eyes gloomy at her tortured expression.
 

“Do you think I don’t know?” he asked, his voice thick with distress. “Do you think I’m blind?”
 

Her back stiffened as he moved closer to her.
 

“Do you think I don’t see every bruise, every despicable mark he leaves on your body?”

She closed her eyes. She could smell his sweet breath on her skin. It was a refreshing change from stale beer.

“Do you think I don’t see your sadness? Your torment when you have to leave to run home before he does?”

“Don’t,” she pleaded.

He lifted his hand cautiously, and she didn’t budge. With a delicate finger he traced the place beneath her breast that was tattered and bruised. She drew in a ragged breath.

“You may think you have everyone fooled, Pearl,” he said, his fingers rising lightly up her arm, stopping at an older bruise on her collar bone. “But you don’t fool me.”

She moaned lightly at his fragile touch, wishing so desperately to be held by hands that didn’t violate her skin.

“And the killer part of it all…” His voice was sharp in a whisper, his face just inches from hers. “…is that I can’t do a fucking thing about it.”

Her eyes shot up to his, and she saw the agony that lay deep within them. Her lips trembled as his fingers found her mouth. His thumb caressed her bottom lip as he watched it quiver.

“I would never hurt you,” he promised.
 

She nodded softly, knowing without a doubt that was the truth.

Slowly his head bent to her. Before she could utter a word, his lips were on hers. She reached a hand to his chest, lightly pushing him back, but her strength was depleted. She wanted his mouth on her just as badly as he did. She let him kiss her and fell into his embrace. His soft lips were tender and gentle with her, not demanding as she was used to with Roy. Ben’s hand entwined in her hair, grasping at the strands and pulling her closer to him as his lips parted and he drove deeper into her grip. She lost all sense, imagining for once what it would be like to be loved by someone who cherished her. She kissed him with the enthusiasm she had been holding back. He moaned, his breath lifting his lips just once to whisper, “Oh, baby.”

Pearl froze. Instantly she was shot back to reality. Ben lifted his face from her, feeling her hesitation. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Pearl lifted her hands to his chest and warily pushed him from her. “Don’t ever call me baby.”

He looked confused, but lifted his hands in surrender. “Okay.”

Pearl stepped back, catching her breath. She closed her eyes in shame. “I need to go.”

“Don’t do that,” Ben groaned. “Don’t go running away from me.”

Pearl picked up her fallen helmet and attempted to climb on Molly by herself. After two failed tries, Ben sighed, lifting her up, keenly aware of her battered chest.
 

“Okay,” he said. “We’ll go back.”

The ride home was silent, as was Pearl’s drive home. She kept the windows rolled up, listening only to the sounds of her pounding heart. She stared straight ahead, counting the lines in the road. She didn’t want to think. She couldn’t let her mind wander into a world of what-ifs. It was a dangerous path to follow.

She pulled into the driveway, alarmed to see Roy’s truck sitting there, cold and still. She braced herself. But slowly she relaxed, remembering the last time she came home before Roy, he was quick to please. All she had to do was make up a little lie and she would be fine. Roy would want to believe her. Her only disappointment came from the idea of having to see him. She had wished to spend time alone, reflecting on what had happened with Ben.

 
She walked from the car and up the three steps to the trailer. Her hand reached for the handle, and slowly she pushed forward on the door. She opened her mouth to greet Roy just as strong fingers wrapped tightly around her neck.

CHAPTER 17

Pearl struggled for breath, her fingers tearing at the hands coiled around her throat. Her feet lifted off the ground. She kicked frantically at the air.
 

“Where were you?” Roy’s deep voice spat in her ear. “I’ve been here for hours, and you’ve been out parading around like some whore on vacation.”

She tried to shake her head, but his grip was too tight. He tensed his muscles in his hand before tossing her wrecked body to the ground. She gasped for air, hearing only the ringing in her ears and not the words she saw spewing from his mouth. He hovered over her as she sank onto the floor, his eyes wild as his lips moved rapidly with his increasing rage.

“…Like you’re not a married woman, like you have no dignity at all, no respect for your husband!” Roy was shouting.
 

“No, Roy,” she panted, rubbing her weak neck. “You don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t understand.” His face was in hers. She smelled something stronger than his usual beer.

 
“You think you can just waltz in here doing whatever and whoever you like. That you can run around behind my back?” He laughed wildly. “Don’t think I don’t know! Cindy tells me all about you prancing around town, showing what you got to whoever will see.”

Pearl shivered at his fury. “No, Roy. It’s a lie. I swear.” She looked at him with pleading eyes. “You have to believe me. I would never sleep around. Cindy’s lying to you.”

Roy wiped his dripping mouth with the back of his hand. “I came home from work just to see if it was true. I needed to know if my sweet little wife had a side job, and what do I come home to? An empty house. Now, you tell me who I should believe.”

 
She closed her eyes and prayed for Roy to see reason. “Please, Roy. Please believe me.”

He knelt down beside her. “That’s it, little kitten, beg. Beg for all I care. I don’t need you. Leave, see if I come running.”

She shimmied her body away from him, scooting back as far as she could until her shoulders hit the wall. He crawled toward her. She closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around her knees to protect herself. Instantly she sensed him disappear, and her eyes darted open, searching for him in the nearing dusk. She bolted to her knees, looking behind the couch and listening for any sounds as to where Roy could have gone. It was deathly silent. The eerie stillness made Pearl shiver. She looked to the ceiling just as a shadow crossed her path. Roy’s boot met her chest. Her head flew back, meeting the edge of the TV stand. Her world went dark.

She was back in her old room, in Arizona. She knew this scene well enough to know she was dreaming. It was through her dreams that she remembered this night best. She stood by the window. Her violet cotton nightgown stuck to her sweaty body. She had been sleeping, and in her sweet sleep she heard voices. Her parents’ screaming argument climbed in through her walls and ripped her from her dreams. Now she was at the window, looking out at the desert field before her. Her mother appeared, drifting down the hill, her white nightgown dancing in the invisible wind, her silky pale hair flowing behind her. Pearl knew this picture, had seen it a hundred times. Her eyes followed her mother’s every footstep, could almost count how many steps it took her to reach the bend in the road. Pearl waited for the sound, the noise that would shake her out of this nightmare. Instead, just as her mother reached the bottom of the hill, she turned. Pearl looked at her, puzzled. In no dream had her mother ever stopped before. Pearl reached a hand to the window as if to wave, but instead just touched the screen. Her lips parted, wanting to cry out to her mother to stop and turn around, or, even better, to wait so Pearl could join her. She watched as her mother lifted her gaze to her, and just before she turned back around, her mother smiled.

“Baby, wake up,” Pearl heard. “Wake up, wake up.”
 

She felt the jostling of hands on her body but didn’t want to move. The pounding in her head was astonishing. She wanted to continue her dream. She groaned through the pain, her eyes wired shut.

“Baby, do you hear me?” Roy’s voice was frantic. She lifted one eye open to see him suspended above her, his face right before her. His breath was missing the key element that repulsed her. She moaned again, lifting a hand to her throbbing head. She couldn’t speak; her vision was blurry. She closed her eyes.
 

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry,” he babbled through choked-back sobs. “What did I do? What did I do to you?”

She had the comprehension to know she was in bed, beneath the sheets with soft pillows under her head. Roy pressed an ice pack to her skull, causing her to cringe and cry out.
 

“I got you, baby, I got you. Let me fix this.”

She settled into the joy of the numbing chill as the memory of the fight came back to her. Bile filled her throat as she recalled Roy’s words, and Cindy’s dangerous lies.
 

Hesitantly she opened her eyes again to see the dim light of dawn creeping through the trailer window.
 

“Is it morning?” she murmured.

Roy nodded. “I passed out, and when I woke up you were crumpled on the floor by the TV stand. I don’t remember what happened.”

Pearl swallowed hard. “You kicked me, is what happened.”

Roy flinched. “Ah, baby, how could I do that to you?” He shook his head. “I picked you up and brought you into bed. I fell asleep but then woke up, scared that you weren’t all right. I had to wake you up.”

Pearl fought back the tears. She would not let Roy see her cry.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m gonna make this right. I swear. I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this.”

Pearl lifted her defiant stare to him, unable to move her head. “What happened to you, Roy? You didn’t use to be like this.”

Roy dropped his head. “I know, baby, I know. It’s just the stress around here.”

“What stress? I don’t know what stress you carry, Roy.”

He took a deep breath. “I lost my job down at J.T.’s. I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t want you worrying about things.”

Pearl glared at him. “Things were bad long before you started working for J.T. Tucker.”

Roy looked at her with pleading eyes. “I’ll quit drinking, I swear. I won’t go out with the boys. I’ll get another job. Believe me, baby, I’ll do right by you.”
 

Pearl reached a hand to feel the lump on her skull. It was hard and the size of a baseball. It was amazing that she woke up at all.
 

“Please don’t leave me, baby,” Roy begged, his eyes swelling with tears. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my whole world, baby. And I know I haven’t been the guy you knew in Arizona, but I’ll bring him back. I swear.” Roy pressed his lips to her cheek, placing desperate kisses all over her face. She closed her eyes in revulsion. She wanted Ben’s kisses back, not lips from a tyrant. “You’re so pure, so good, baby. You’re too good for me, I know. You would never do anything to hurt me, you would never betray me.”

Pearls heart fluttered in panic. Did he know? Was this a game Roy was playing to reel her in, just to knock her down again? Was there any way he could know she had been with Ben? Kissed Ben?

“We can make this right,” Roy was saying, kissing her fully on the lips. She tightened her mouth to resist him.

“I know you’re angry with me now, baby,” Roy said, his mouth hovering over hers. “I’m angry at me, too. Just promise me you won’t leave. Promise me you will give me another chance to prove myself. To be the guy you ran away with, to start a better life with.” Roy dropped his head to her chest and cried. “Please, just give me one more chance.”

Pearl remembered the guy he spoke of. The one she had escaped with for a new journey filled with adventure and hope and excitement. The one she packed a small suitcase for, that she left Billy for. There was something about that guy that made the blood in her veins swirl, her heart beat faster. She looked at Roy and saw for just a moment a fleeting glimpse of the man she had loved so desperately. And then she thought of Ben, and realized in shame that she was not as pure as Roy had believed her to be. She had betrayed Roy. She had stepped out of her marriage. And for that she was just as guilty of the faults between them. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she saw the boy she had loved. She brushed the tears from his eyes.

“No more drinking?” she asked.

He nodded, his eyes frantic for her to believe.

“You’ll be home? We can have a life together, a life you had promised me?”

“I swear, whatever you need, baby, I’ll give it to you.”

She had missed the beauty of his shimmering eyes. The warm chocolate color she saw now was the one she used to stare at for hours. He had never broken down to her like this before, never apologized, and never begged her to stay. The way he brushed his fingers across her cheek and kissed her lightly made her believe. It would be different.

She smiled softly. “Okay, Roy,” she said. “One more chance.”

It took several days for her wounds to heal. And those were several days longer than she had ever imagined spending away from Molly and Ben. Surprisingly, in those days Roy kept his word. The booze was put away, his anger locked up. He spent his days looking for work or helping Darren on the farm. He spent his nights wrapped up in Pearl, tending to her every need, coaxing her back to perfect health. He brought home dinner, and when all she wanted was chicken noodle soup, he stirred it over the stove and fed it to her from a spoon. She found herself smiling at him again, and yet the pull to the stables was never far from her. She knew she had to make the drive to see Ben; she only dreaded the outcome of what she had to say to him.