Pegasus: A Novel (23 page)

At the end of November, while Americans celebrated Thanksgiving, things continued
to get worse in Europe. Polish Jews were forced to wear a yellow star of David on
their chests, or an armband, to identify them to others. Five days later, the first
Polish ghetto was established.

In Germany, rationing had been introduced when war was declared, but only to a mild
degree. Hitler didn’t want Germans severely deprived, and to affect morale negatively,
so despite ration cards, the changes were not too extreme. There was enough food and
clothing, although shortages of fuel. And Jews were allotted lower food rations, in
keeping with Hitler’s views about them.

Young men were drafted when war was declared, and men in uniform were everywhere,
even in the sleepy Bavarian countryside where Alex and his daughter lived. And although
they had enough food, it was almost impossible to heat the schloss now with the fuel
available to them. They constantly built wood fires in the fireplaces, but the schloss
was large and drafty and Marianne was cold all the time. She had stopped attending
classes, and spent her time at
home, running the household for her father, and rolling bandages for hospitals to
be used for the injured men.

All Alex’s grooms and stable boys were gone, drafted into the army, and he and Marianne
were caring for the horses themselves, with the help of young boys from their farms,
who were still underage to be drafted. It was a full-time job tending to the horses
now, and Alex had been warned that the Wehrmacht might commandeer them, since they
were so fine. Civilians no longer needed horses of that caliber, he’d been told, when
two officers of the cavalry came to visit him, and examined his stables. They were
a country at war.

The meals Marta served them were still healthy. She used their rationing cards with
“marken” on them to obtain the food they needed, even if in slightly lesser quantity.
But she managed to prepare the same excellent meals. The only things noticeably missing
were coffee, oranges, bananas, and chocolate. But they had enough meat, eggs, and
produce. The rationing cards were used in restaurants too.

Alex was just grateful that he had no sons to send to war and could keep Marianne
with him. He was relieved for Nick now that he had escaped with his boys before war
broke out in Europe. Alex hated Hitler and everything he stood for with a passion,
and he knew that Nick’s father felt no differently, after what had happened to them.
The revelation about Nick’s mother had left Paul alone and lonely in the manor house
on his estate, hungry for every letter Nick sent them.

Alex went to see Paul almost every day, and he had watched him age radically in the
year since Nick had left. He was a different person, angry, bitter, disgusted by everything
he saw happening around him. He went for days without speaking to anyone, unless Alex
came to visit. He had no desire to go anywhere, and was losing interest in
running his own estate. There were no young men to help him, and if Nick and his sons
could not inherit the property, it began to lose all meaning to Paul.

Alex didn’t like what was happening any better than he did, but he was younger and
could still envision a world and a life after the war, where Hitler would hopefully
no longer exist. Paul could only imagine the total destruction of his homeland, and
had lost hope of ever seeing his son or grandsons again. The days were long and the
nights longer, as Hitler continued to devour the smaller countries of Europe, which
were defenseless against him. And Alex noticed just before Christmas that Nick’s father
had developed a nasty cough. He had been sick several times in the last year, which
weakened him, although he wasn’t very old, but he didn’t look well. Alex had invited
Paul to spend Christmas Eve with them, but by then Paul had a fever and couldn’t come.
Alex rode over to see him instead before having dinner with Marianne. And when he
got to the von Bingen schloss, he found Paul delirious from the fever and asked his
housekeeper to send for the doctor, and she promised she would.

“Is he very sick, Papa?” Marianne asked him with worried eyes, and her father nodded,
as they dined on chicken that night, with an excellent sauce Marta had made, and potatoes.
It was a very good meal that showed no evidence of rationing, although Marta had used
their cards with marken to buy the food.

To some extent, Alex was considered untouchable in the area because of who he was,
but he was also expected to do everything possible to support the efforts of the Third
Reich, materially and in attitude, to set an example in the community. And Marianne
looked tired and pale. She was working hard in the stables, to take care of the horses
with him. She was doing men’s work and freezing in their house at night. The hardships
of war had come quickly, and Alex was
worried about her, and keeping her in a country at war. He almost wished that she
was in America with Nick and the boys. At least they were safe there, and America
had no intention of entering the war. Franklin D. Roosevelt had assured everyone of
that, so the Allies had to defend themselves in Europe, with no hope of help or rescue
from abroad. It was a frightening situation, the importance of which was not lost
on Alex, although he didn’t discuss it with Marianne.

Toby’s tales of life in the circus seemed even more surreal to her now, compared to
what they were living in Germany. What he was doing sounded so interesting, riding
the Lipizzaners with his father, and traveling all around the country, while Lucas
played with the clowns, and rode an elephant in the finale. Nothing in her experience
now or ever bore any resemblance to her friend’s life, particularly while Germany
was at war and they were living with the stress and worry of that at home. In addition,
it was a freezing cold winter, by contrast. Toby said it was warm in Florida. They
were back in the winter quarters at Sarasota, where he was going to school and enjoying
his friends. She felt a hundred years old whenever she read his letters, and she couldn’t
tell him just how depressing it was in Germany, or censors would black out her letters
or destroy them, so she had to say that all was well and they were fine, which wasn’t
true at all.

“Yes, I think he’s very sick,” Alex told her honestly, about Nick’s father. Worse,
he had the strong feeling that Paul had lost his will to live. He hated what had happened
in his homeland, he had been deprived of his family, and the war was liable to last
for a long time, too long for Paul. He had lost a considerable amount of weight in
the past few months, and was malnourished, never wanting to eat alone. Alex feared
he was too old and frail now, and mostly disheartened, to survive long years of war.

“I hope he’ll be better soon,” Marianne said quietly as they finished dinner, and
when she saw her father leaving to visit him again later, she asked if she could come.
He hesitated, not wanting to take her out in the cold so she didn’t get sick herself,
but when she begged him, he finally relented. They rode over together on horseback,
so as not to waste gas for their car, which was harder to come by now.

They tied up their horses outside the manor house, after riding past the darkened
schloss. There were never any lights on there at night, since no one lived there.
Paul’s housekeeper Ursula came from one of the farms where she had spent her entire
life, and the rest of the time, Paul was alone. Ursula was still there that night,
looking concerned. The doctor had just been there, and had said he would come back
in the morning. He had few medicines to give him, as medical supplies went to the
army to be used for soldiers, and were in shorter supply. But Paul said he didn’t
want medicine anyway, and insisted he was fine.

Alex went into Paul’s bedroom alone, and left Marianne with Ursula in the kitchen,
where they drank hot water to stay warm. The manor house was almost as cold as the
Hemmerle schloss.

When Paul opened his eyes, when he heard him, Alex didn’t like what he saw. Paul’s
eyes looked glazed, and his cheeks were flushed and blazing. He looked tired and wanted
to go back to sleep.

“How do you feel?” Alex asked him as he pulled up a chair next to the bed and sat
down, and gently stroked the old man’s hand. It was thin and veined and covered with
spots Alex had never seen there before. Until Nick left, Alex had never thought of
him as old. He had never seemed it, but he did now.

“Tired,” Paul said in a whisper, and then was seized by a racking cough. Alex waited
until it subsided, and gave him a sip of water, before speaking to him again.

“You have to get better. Nick won’t like this. He’s counting on you to keep running
everything here until he gets back.”

“I’ll be dead by then,” Paul said simply, as though he had made peace with it himself.

“No, you won’t. Nick will blame me if that happens.” Alex smiled at the man who had
been like a father to him since he had lost his own at an early age. Paul had frequently
advised him on how to run his estate, and taught him everything he knew, although
he had been unable to teach his own son. But Alex had inherited all his lands when
he was young. Nick had been able to rely on his father.

“It will be a long war,” Paul said quietly after he caught his breath again. “The
British will fight hard, and hopefully so will the French. And others. They won’t
let that little monster take over Europe. Who knows? The Americans might come into
it one day. But it won’t be over soon. He won’t give up until they destroy him, and
by God, I hope they do, before he destroys all of us and everything this country stands
for. I’m too old to watch them wage this battle. I’m tired.” He turned to Alex with
eyes so sad it nearly tore Alex’s heart out. He could sense the man dying right before
his eyes, and had no idea how to stop it. Nick’s father had lost his will to live.
“I miss my son. When I die, tell him how much I love him. This will all be waiting
for him when it’s over. I want him and the boys to come back then. Everything is his.
They can’t prevent him from claiming his inheritance forever, especially once that
monster is gone.”

“Then stay and take care of it for him until he returns,” Alex said in a stronger
voice, trying to urge him to hang on, but Paul only shook his head and turned away,
and a little while later, Alex saw he was asleep and left the room.

“How is he?” Ursula asked when Alex came back to the kitchen. He was certain that
if Nick and the boys were still there, his father
would be fighting to live, but without them, and no hope of seeing them again anytime
soon, he no longer cared.

“Not well,” Alex told her honestly as tears sprang to Marianne’s eyes while she listened.
Paul von Bingen had been like a grandfather to her, the only one she had ever known.
“What time is the doctor coming in the morning?”

“He said he’d try to come at eight.”

“I’ll come back then,” Alex told her, and she assured him that she’d spend the night
at the manor house even though it was Christmas Eve. And a few minutes later, he and
Marianne rode back to their schloss, and made a detour to the village, to attend midnight
mass in the village church. They were singing “Silent Night” when they got there,
and the crowd was thin. It was all women and children and old men. For any young man,
it was considered a disgrace to still be at home, and Marianne had asked her father
many times if he would be called up too. But at forty-eight, he assured her that he
was too old.

After mass in the little church, they both went home to the schloss, and sat huddled
in her father’s library, building up a fire and trying to stay warm. It felt like
the saddest Christmas they’d ever shared. All they had left was each other.

And in the morning after a short night, when he tossed and turned, Alex went back
to check on Paul again, and was alarmed to find him worse. The doctor was still there
and after listening to Paul’s chest, he said he had pneumonia and told Alex honestly
that he had little hope that Paul would recover. It would depend on how hard he fought,
and from everything Alex could see, Paul had no desire to survive. He dozed for the
rest of the day, and by the next day he had slipped into a groggy, nearly comatose
state. Alex stayed at the manor house with him, and every day, Marianne rode over
to
keep her father company, but she had to go home to take care of their horses. She
came back before dinner, and they sat together in the living room, and ate in the
kitchen.

For a few brief moments on New Year’s Eve, Paul finally opened his eyes and looked
at Alex, and seemed as though he was going to make it after all.

“You’re still here?” He seemed surprised, as Alex leaned toward him in the darkened
room and smiled at him. “Don’t you have better things to do?”

“No, I don’t,” Alex said firmly, “I just want you to get better. Marianne is here
too. She’s downstairs. How do you feel?” Alex asked, looking hopeful, but he could
see Paul was still blazing with fever, although he was more lucid than he had been
in days.

“I feel fine,” Paul said in a strong, clear voice, and he sat up in bed for a few
minutes, and took a sip of the broth Ursula had left beside his bed. “I feel much
better. Have you heard from Nick?” It was the only thing that interested him, and
the same question he had asked Alex for the past year whenever they met, although
Nick wrote to his father regularly too.

“They’re still in Florida, at their winter headquarters. He and the boys are fine.”
Nick had never told Alex that he had fallen in love with Christianna. He knew that
what he was experiencing now would be so foreign to his friend that there was no way
he could explain it to him, so he never tried. He was sure that Alex would disapprove
and say that he had gone mad, but Alex had no way of understanding the life they now
led, or the people in it. And his father even less. “They were going to put candles
on their Christmas tree, just as we do here.” Nick hadn’t told him that the tree was
two feet tall and sat on a table in their trailer and they’d have to put the candles
out quickly, so it didn’t set fire to anything.