Pegasus: A Novel (7 page)

As they stood chatting in Nick’s stateroom, the boat horn gave the signal for all
visitors to disembark. The mere sound of it filled them with panic, and Toby clutched
Marianne as though he were drowning, and they both burst into tears, and Nick hugged
his father and then Alex. The two men closed their eyes as they stood in a last embrace,
like brothers who were about to be separated for life. And then Nick hugged Marianne,
and she bent to kiss Lucas on the cheek.

“You be a good boy, and don’t marry the fat lady in the circus before you come back
to me,” Marianne said, and Lucas guffawed and promised he wouldn’t. And then Paul
hugged his grandsons again, and looked longingly at his son, as though to engrave
every detail of him into his memory. Nick and the boys walked them to the
passerelle
, and they all hugged one last time before Paul, Alex, and Marianne disembarked. Nick
had no idea why the other passengers were leaving Germany, for pleasure or as emigrants,
but their own departure was so emotionally charged and so painful that their three
visitors could barely tear themselves away, but finally did. All of them were in tears
except Lucas, who was too excited by the ship to be as sad as everyone else. And joining
the circus still seemed like fun to him. The agony of their leaving Germany was somewhat
lost on him, since he was only six.

Nick moved away from the
passerelle
and stood at the rail farther down the deck to watch them, and Toby stood beside
him, as Lucas came and went, talking to sailors, or other passengers, and returning
to his father like a puppy. Nick and Alex exchanged a long look between the pier and
the ship, and Marianne could no longer stop crying as she waved to Toby, and he was
fighting back tears. Paul’s chest was heaving with the sobs he was holding back, and
at last the
passerelle
was put away, and tugboats slowly moved the giant ship from the dock, as the boat
horn sounded continuously, and Nick waved at the three people he loved standing on
the dock. He heard Toby choke on a sob next to him, and he put an arm around his shoulders
and held him close to him, and then Lucas came to stand next to them and waved at
the others on the dock.

Nick, Toby, and Lucas waved for as long as they could see them, and the three on the
pier never moved from the spot, until the ship was too far away to see anyone on it
anymore, and they slowly turned to go home. The SS
Bremen
had set sail with everyone they loved on it. The three of them were pensive on the
trip home, and never said a word. The only sound was Marianne blowing her nose discreetly
from time to time, and then she put her head on her father’s shoulder, and exhausted
from the emotions of the day, she fell asleep, with her handkerchief still in her
hand. They had all cried rivers that day.

Nick wanted to check on the horses again after they set sail, and he tried to convince
Lucas to come with him, but he wanted to explore the ship, so his father let him.
Toby was sitting in their cabin, looking destroyed, and too upset to do anything.
His eyes were rimmed with red from crying.

“We’ll be back,” Nick said gently, and Toby nodded, to be polite, but he didn’t believe
him. They were outlaws and outcasts in Germany now, displaced persons who had no right
to occupy their own home. They had been banished like common murderers and thieves.
And the stamp on their passports said “Deported,” although they hadn’t been and had
left of their own accord. And there was a red J stamped on their passports now as
well, for “Jew,”
“Jude.”
They were
political refugees, and their German citizenship had been canceled as Jews.

When Nick got back from the horses, Toby was gone, and Lucas was visiting the elegant
swimming pool and the kennels. There was a smoking room, a lounge, and a famous ballroom
as well. He had said he wanted to see the dogs, and Nick strolled quietly along the
deck, and stood at the rail looking out to sea. He had noticed several pretty women
when they boarded, but he had no interest in pursuing them. All he could think of
was the world they had just lost. The elegant ship was the last vestige of it. Lucas
didn’t understand that, and Toby grasped it to some extent, but Nick fully realized
what was happening to them and just how painful it would be. The fact that they were
joining a circus in a foreign country was even stranger, and hard to fathom or imagine
what it would be like. He didn’t even want to think about it now, as he stood looking
out to sea with his heart full of Alex, and his father. Nick hadn’t felt so bereft
and devastated since his wife and daughter died. He stood at the rail until he got
too cold, and then went back to his cabin, and lay on the bed for a while, hoping
to sleep. When he couldn’t, he went below to visit the horses again. He picked up
one of the brushes Alex had given them, and began currying Pluto, as the stallion
turned toward him with a pleased look.

“Good boy,” Nick said, patting his snowy neck, and continuing to brush him. All of
the horses were tethered on short lead lines to secure them so they wouldn’t get hurt,
and they’d have to do without exercise for several days. Nick just hoped that the
sea wouldn’t get rough, so they wouldn’t be injured. He didn’t want to lose any of
them before they even arrived. He had brought a loaded pistol with him, in case he
had to put one of them down. It had been Alex’s suggestion, and he hoped he wouldn’t
have to use it. Particularly for the
Lipizzaners—they were precious cargo on the ship, and Nick’s ticket to a new life.

He stayed with the horses for a long time, and then went back on deck, where he ran
into his boys playing shuffleboard and talking to two young girls. Nick smiled when
he saw them. Toby looked happier than when they’d set sail, and Lucas ecstatic, wielding
the shuffleboard paddle that was taller than he was, and trying to impress the girls,
who giggled at what he said. They were closer to his age than to Toby’s, and eventually
they scampered off, and Lucas lost interest in the game, and came to where his father
was sitting in a deck chair with a blanket, to tell him what he’d been doing. And
from the sound of it, he’d been everywhere on the ship, in first class, since the
lower decks weren’t accessible to him.

“Can we go swimming later, Papa?” he asked excitedly, and Nick agreed. It distracted
him from his miseries to be with his children, and he wanted the trip to be a happy
time for them, before they faced the unknown, and joined the circus.

The two boys went to a movie at the cinema later that afternoon, and Nick continued
to stroll the deck, and visit the horses periodically. One of the other passengers
questioned him about it, when he went indoors for teatime. There was an elaborate
buffet set out for the first-class passengers, and the German equivalent of high tea.
The food was supposed to be notoriously good on the ship, but Nick couldn’t eat. All
he wanted was a cup of tea, which he followed up with a stiff malt whiskey.

“I understand that you’re traveling with a boxcar full of Arabians,” the man who’d
asked about the horses commented with interest. He was American, said he was from
Kentucky, and that he owned horses himself, and had been in Germany buying hunters
and two racehorses, but they were being sent to the States on another ship, with
handlers he had brought over. He said his name was Beauregard Thompson. “Where are
you taking them?” he asked, in a heavy Southern accent Nick could barely understand.
He was used to British inflections and not an American accent from the South.

“To Florida,” Nick said simply, and the man nodded, impressed by what he’d heard about
Nick’s horses. Transporting eight Arabians was a sign of great wealth.

“You’re smart to have them on the ship with you,” he complimented him. “You can keep
an eye on them yourself. I’d love to have a look at them sometime,” he suggested politely,
and Nick nodded as he took a long sip of the whiskey. He needed it, it had been a
hard, deeply emotional day.

“Of course,” Nick said pleasantly. “Only six are Arabians actually. The other two
are Lipizzaners,” he said casually, not sure the man would know what they were.

“Oh my God,” the man said, awestruck. “Now,
that
I’d like to see. Are you taking them to show them?” Nick nodded with a wry smile.
He was taking them to be “shown” in a circus. He was sure that if Thompson knew that,
he’d be shocked. There was nothing gentlemanly about the circus.

“I’ll be happy for you to see them,” Nick volunteered, and Thompson left after that,
to find his wife, who he said was shopping at the ship’s boutiques.

Toby and Lucas came to find Nick in his stateroom after the movie. They went swimming,
and then Nick and Toby went to clean out the horses’ stalls before they went to change
for dinner. Nick hadn’t done stable boys’ work in years, but he found it easier than
he remembered, and not totally unpleasant. It was a good chance for him to get to
know the horses, as he moved between them, patting them now and then. Pluto was the
most responsive to him, and nuzzled
him each time he walked by, as though to say hello. Nina, the Lipizzaner mare, was
the most upset. And the Arabians still seemed nervous, but all right. And all eight
horses were eating and drinking. Nick was careful to notice that.

And once he and Toby had cleaned out their stalls, and disposed of the manure as they’d
been told to, they went back to their cabins to bathe and dress. Dinner that night
was white tie, for him and Toby, and Lucas was going to eat in their cabin with a
steward. He was too young for the formal sitting in the dining room, and it sounded
boring to him anyway. And the young steward had promised to take him to the kennels
again. According to Lucas, the ship was full of dogs. Theirs were the only horses.

Nick and Toby introduced themselves once they were seated at the captain’s table.
There was a very glamorous-looking couple from Berlin—he was from a well-known banking
family, and they were planning to visit relatives in New York. There was a relatively
famous German actress, who eyed Nick with interest, a sentiment he didn’t return.
She was twenty years older than he was, and drank way too much at dinner. There was
an Italian couple, and a British writer Nick had heard of but not read, and a very
pretty French woman named Monique, who mentioned that she was widowed. Her husband
had been German, and they had a schloss in the Tyrol. And there were two other German
couples of no particular interest whose only attribute seemed to be that they had
a great deal of money, but they were neither fun nor attractive.

After dinner, they all moved upstairs to one of the bars on the upper deck for coffee,
cigars, and liqueurs. A band started playing, and there was dancing. And just as they
began playing, Toby asked his father’s permission to slip away, which Nick granted.
And after Toby left, Nick danced with Monique, and was still dancing with her
when the captain and some of the others left. The bar was full of passengers, and
everyone seemed in good spirits and very lively, and although it had been a hard day
for him, Nick’s spirits improved as he chatted with the attractive French widow, who
was an exceptionally good dancer and very pretty. There was a surreal feeling to all
of it for him, as he hung suspended between two worlds. And for a moment or two, in
the glamorous context of the boat, he could pretend that nothing bad had happened,
but he knew it had, and it weighed on him heavily between drinks. He was working hard
to flee the truth. The young French woman sensed that something was wrong in his life,
but was polite enough not to ask.

“Are you visiting friends in America?” she asked discreetly, and he nodded. He had
no intention of telling her that he and his sons were joining a circus, and had fled
Germany to save their lives. “So am I,” she said, with a small sigh. “Germany is so
dreary these days, with all those rallies and marches and speeches. My husband died
six months ago, and I need a change. I’m going to Boston to visit my sister. She lives
there with her husband. She seems to like it. They married last year, and they’re
expecting their first baby, so I thought I’d go over to see her.” She said she lived
near Munich, and had no children. And judging by the jewelry she was wearing, Nick
sensed that her husband had left her a vast fortune. She mentioned once while they
were dancing that her husband had been forty years older than she was, and she looked
to Nick to be about thirty.

She was a lovely woman, and they danced several waltzes and foxtrots, and she was
particularly impressive doing the tango. She and Nick looked very striking on the
floor, and several people stopped to watch them, and afterward she and Nick laughed.
It had been fun. It was obvious that Monique found him attractive. He found her equally
so, but he was in no mood or position to start a
shipboard romance with anyone. His life was a shambles, and he was enough of a gentleman
not to inflict that on anyone, although she looked like she was willing. They sat
and talked for a while afterward, and at two in the morning, he walked her to her
cabin, while she told him how much she had enjoyed the evening.

“So did I,” he said, smiling at her. He hadn’t expected to enjoy the first night so
much, but she had boosted his spirits. And he always liked to dance, and was good
at it.

“I met your little boy today,” she said, when they stopped outside her door. “He’s
adorable.”

“Yes, he is, thank you,” Nick agreed warmly. “I think he met everyone on the ship
today, including all the sailors. He’s having fun.”

“So am I,” she said, looking wistfully at Nick. “I loved dancing with you tonight.
I haven’t been dancing in months.”

“You’re a wonderful dancer,” he said sincerely. She wished he wanted more from her
than that, but she could see he didn’t. There was something profoundly sad in his
eyes, and she could sense this was not a happy trip for him. He was putting a good
face on it, and he was every inch a gentleman, but there was something sad and remote
about him, as though he had lost someone he dearly loved. In fact he had lost a country
that day, and said goodbye to his father and best friend. She assumed he had lost
a woman, but he had given up a great deal more. He had abandoned an entire life.