Peggy Klaus (19 page)

Good Posture
. Your posture reflects your level of confidence and energy. Whether sitting, standing, walking the hallways, shaking hands, or giving a speech, people who believe they are successful carry themselves well. When we get nervous, most of us resort to one of two posture modes: either the rounded-shoulders “orangutan” look (yes, you’ve got the picture!), or the stiff and erect “Buckingham Palace changing of the guard” look. One thing I tell my clients is to think Jackie Onassis, who always looked like she had a taut string running from the center of her head to the ceiling. “Oh, is that what you mean?” they say, and instantly their shoulders shift back, their chest becomes wide, and they glide purposefully into the room with an air of grace, competence, and dignity that says “I believe in myself and what I have to say.”

Voice
. Confidence in yourself and what you’re saying is also reflected in your voice. Your voice is the primary vehicle for conveying enthusiasm, interest, and setting a conversational tone, all the key ingredients of good bragging. Most men have the anatomical gift of natural vocal resonance and volume that works to their advantage. I coach them to sustain the same volume and tone, and to avoid mumbling or swallowing words at the end of their sentences. Women, on the other hand, can have all sorts of voice issues. Fearful of coming off as too big and powerful, they find that their voice often becomes softer, breathier, lighter, higher in pitch, resembling that of a little girl (or Marilyn Monroe) rather than that of an accomplished professional. They convert declarative statements into questions by ending sentences with an upward inflection. I instruct these women to inner-monologue the words
declare
and
convince
before they speak and then put their stake in the ground and say what it is they want to say with conviction and enthusiasm.

Dress
. Your clothes are one of the first things people notice about you, and can be a way to project that you feel good about yourself. But when it comes to your career, how you dress also needs to be a strategic consideration.

For example, a friend of mine recently interviewed for a management position with a technology company in the Boston area. His wife, an investment banker, berated him for not wearing a conservative suit and tie. With dress codes in flux these days, she thought moving back to more traditional office attire would be safer. But he’d found after doing a little research that the technology company had a business-casual dress code, and he decided that a more formal suit would have, in fact, made him come across as stiff and even inexperienced. So he took his look one notch down, wearing a pair of khakis, business shirt opened at the collar, with a sport coat and loafers. It was a clean, comfortable, and professional look without going overboard.

I’ve always been a proponent of integrating your own style into business dress if you can pull it off and if it’s appropriate. Many of my male Wall Street clients wear colorful suspenders and theme ties with their traditional suits. One woman I know works at a rather conservative law firm, but dresses in very colorful, feminine attire. One day, she walked into my office wearing a long skirt and a craft jacket in turquoise and blues, and she looked absolutely stunning. So why would I suggest that she wear dark suits and pearls when she radiates confidence in this outfit, and distinguishes herself with her unique wardrobe?

Personal Grooming
. On the topic of good grooming, Dan Rather once remarked, “Never eat spinach just before going on the air.” While you probably aren’t facing millions of viewers each night, and many will forgive that sauce smudge on your cheek from the spareribs you just devoured at the corporate barbecue, it’s nevertheless true that a good professional look is a clean and polished one. It makes a huge difference in how we are perceived by others. If people are fixated on the piece of spinach wedged between your teeth, they are never going to hear a word you say. Many believe that proper grooming simply requires bathing daily, shaving, wearing clean clothes, brushing your teeth, and combing your hair. That’s good for starters, but don’t overlook the finer details that can override even the pearliest whites.

For example, I noticed that one thirty-something marketing executive always seemed to have shiny metallic slivers around the bottom of her skirts. When I asked what they were, she replied, “Darn it! Can you really see them? I thought I had hidden those safety pins that were holding up my hem. I guess I’d better call my tailor!”

Brag Nag #4: ACT LIKE YOUR BEST SELF (EVEN WHEN YOU REALLY DON’T FEEL LIKE IT)

Often we find ourselves in situations we would rather not be in that take us out of our comfort zone. We’ve worked all night and feel exhausted, but face a long day with an important client; we have to attend an annual corporate holiday party when we’d rather be home with our children; we’ve been asked on short notice to fill in for our boss who can’t make it to a critical meeting with senior management; we haven’t successfully landed a job and are dispirited facing yet another networking event.

What do we do? We rise to the occasion; we
act like
our best self. This doesn’t mean we act like someone we are not, just that we stay in touch with how we would behave if we were genuinely delighted to be there.

Under the Weather

You’ve got a fever of 102. The phone rings and your assistant tells you that the chairman of your advertising agency has just called and needs to see you in her New York office tomorrow afternoon.

If you were really being frank, you would say, “Tell Ms. Chairman I have a terrible cold, my head hurts, my nose is running nonstop, and to make matters worse, I had a terrible fight with my husband last night.” Chances are, however, you will pull yourself together, get out of bed, book the next flight, graciously meet with Ms. Chairman, listen attentively, contribute enthusiastically, and act like you are delighted to be there. “Oh, this little cold?” you might reply when Ms. Chairman inquires about your bright red nose, as you pull tissue after tissue from the compact floral holder, adding, “It’s nothing, really.” You act as you do when you feel well and rested. In other words, you act like your best self.

We transmit our best self by acting as if we want to be there. Here’s a simple behavioral technique that can help you act as if. I call it Over the Top (OTT) and it works like this: Recite silently, or aloud, situation permitting, a number of monologue phrases (listed below) in a very exaggerated manner. Practice them with the zeal of a televangelist. You will probably feel silly and uncomfortable at first, but when your best self is deflated from fever, insecurity, or brag-fright, nothing helps you slip back into your most confident, competent, and persuasive self faster than practicing OTT.

•  I am so happy to be here!

•  I can’t wait to tell you about me!

•  You’re not going to believe this!

•  Wait until you hear this one!

•  Sit down and listen!

•  I have fabulous news!

Clients find going Over the Top tremendously helpful because nine times out of ten when they use it, genuine enthusiasm and delight follow. This technique recognizes, as effective self-promoters know, that people like to be around people who are upbeat. It’s fine to make occasional note of your personal problems and, as work crisscrosses more with our personal lives, it’s a natural thing to do. But someone who whines constantly about crises and problems becomes irritating even to the most forgiving friends and business acquaintances.

Brag Nag #5: CONVEY EXCITEMENT ABOUT YOUR WORK AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS

People want to listen to others who are excited about who they are, what they do, and what they are saying. Unfortunately, many associate enthusiasm with being unprofessional. One client told me, “Peggy, I’m an engineer. I’m supposed to be boring!” I’ve heard this excuse from people in every field. Their thinking goes something like this: If I get too excited, that means I’m getting too emotional, and that means that I’m getting too subjective, and that means facts fly out the window, along with my credibility.

Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no rule that says an expert has to be boring. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm. Confidence breeds confidence.

Often at the beginning of my workshops, I travel around the room asking audience members to stand up, introduce themselves, and briefly describe what they do and where they went to college. At a recent gathering of women in investment banking, I selected three women, all beautifully groomed and dressed, who were at about the same level in their respective jobs. Here were their responses:

“My name is Joanne. I’m a vice president who works in banking helping multimillion-dollar companies manage their accounts. I am a graduate of Yale, with a master’s in business from Stanford.”

“My name is Beatrice. I’m a vice president who specializes in money management for large public institutions. I am also the mother of two wonderful kids. I got my degree from Princeton.”

“My name is Rhonda. I’m not an Ivy Leaguer. I attended Arizona State University and got a degree in anthropology. But that hasn’t stopped me. I’m a vice president in private banking with a specialty in wealth management. I work individually with everyone, from people with family trusts to those who, after years of hard work, suddenly hit payday when they reach the top of their organizations, sell their companies, or go IPO. The best part of what I do is watching people finally get there!”

When I later asked the group who they wanted to know more about, everyone named Rhonda. Why? She had a sense of urgency, an excitement about her work. She actually seemed delighted to be telling us her story, even turning her potential weak spots into strengths. She came off as being so genuine that everyone wanted to get to know her better. As one woman said, “Believe me, the moment I hit pay dirt, I’m calling Rhonda.”

Brag Nag #6: SCHMOOZE!

A lot of business people hate schmoozing. While Leo Rosten’s
Joys of Yiddish
defines it as a friendly, heart-to-heart talk, people perceive it as superficial or even manipulative chatter that one is forced to engage in at social events. They fail to see schmoozing as an ideal way to market themselves.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: Good schmoozers are
not
con artists. They are superb conversationalists who take the time to connect with others, whether it’s around the office watercooler, at a cocktail party, networking at an industry event, at a meeting, pitching new business, or interviewing for a job. Effective schmoozing is a sincere exchange of experiences and ideas that help people develop rapport and intimacy with each other. Most people in their business communication, however, don’t take the time, energy, and creativity to schmooze. They have the tendency to fall back on a communication style that has its underpinnings in Presentation 101. They “agendize.” They dump information, reciting fact after boring fact instead of weaving the information into a pithy, entertaining story that gets their message across. They proceed to engage in a one-way soliloquy and get sucked into the sinkhole of mediocrity. If they show their humanness, they believe, no one will take them seriously. They avoid preliminary chitchat; it’s more efficient to get to the business at hand and keep the discussion focused and on track rather than getting to know and personally relating to others. All of these characteristics make for uninspired and lackluster self-promoters.

Effective interpersonal communication is a two-way, back-and-forth, interactive affair. If by chance you’ve forgotten how it works, it goes like this: You acknowledge someone, she acknowledges you. You say something, she listens and says something back to. You listen and respond, perhaps posing a question; the other person listens and says something back to you. And the cycle repeats itself—you have a conversation! If you engage others thoughtfully, you schmooze. Good schmoozers talk to people as if they really mattered. They listen carefully and draw people out. They look for common ground. They ask people what they do or what they’ve been up to. They remember names and make mental notes of important details: children, lifestyle, favorite hobbies and interests, even a sore back. They seem genuinely interested in what others have to say. And then, when the timing is right, they take the opportunity to seamlessly plant positive seeds about themselves—their background, accomplishments, interests, passions, and projects they are working on—in a meaningful and measured way.

“But … if you’re good at what you do, won’t your work speak for itself?”

That’s all well and good if someone’s listening, but these days, in the age of information overload, mergers, and merry-go-round management, you can’t assume anything. Remember, other people don’t get up in the morning thinking, “What can I do for you?”

Self-Serving Is for Cafeterias Only

There’s a guy I know named Warren whom I’ve started to avoid because he has forgotten how to schmooze. Every time he sees me, he launches into some kind of name-dropping, self-congratulatory spew, before I’ve had the chance to ask about how he’s doing, or before he’s asked me how I am.

“Peggy!” he shouts upon spotting me. Racing up to me, he says, “You won’t believe all the great things that have been happening to me. You know how scared I was a couple of months ago about going off on my own? Well, I have gotten every piece of business I’ve gone after, and they are all Fortune 500 companies. I mean really big players! Actually, there really aren’t that many people out there who can do what I do, ’cause if there were, for sure these guys would have hired them. I mean, you can’t take away a happy customer, can you? And, listen, it would be great if you would throw me a few of your clients to call so that I can really get filled up for the summer. I’m sure they need someone like me to help them out in their operations. I gotta run. I’ll call you next week.”

It’s clear that Warren is not really interested in my life; he’s just trying to impress me and get referrals—a complete turnoff. If he schmoozed and engaged in some preliminary chitchat, if he talked with me, not at me, and wove in his accomplishments naturally, it would be much easier for me to converse with him. Instead, he sounds like one of those annoying telemarketers calling at dinnertime. What’s worse, he’s a repeat offender; he does this every single time I see him. He is forever trying to prove himself, which makes him look even more insecure, self-serving, and superficial. Good braggers know better. They see schmoozing as a gateway to stronger personal relationships and opportunities for better self-promotion.