Pennsylvania Patchwork (10 page)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

With Nathaniel at her side in the kitchen, Esther heard Larry and Holly chatting in the sitting room, then Holly's footsteps climbing the staircase and Larry entering the
Kammer
, the bedroom on the first floor.

“Could ya step outside with me for a minute?” Nathaniel said.

Mamm was sleeping, and Esther had waited for hours to be alone with Nathaniel, but she hesitated. Under the circumstances, what would people—particularly the bishop, one of the ministers, or the deacon—think if they saw her and Nathaniel alone together? Yet this might be her last opportunity to clasp Nathaniel in her arms and savor his tender kisses. Every moment with him was precious.

She recalled her farewell embrace with her former spouse, Samuel—how wretchedly naive she'd been back on that San Francisco day he'd been inducted into the army. She'd been sure she would see her newlywed husband again. History was rerolling upon itself; Nathaniel was being taken from her.

She glanced up into Nathaniel's face and tried to decipher his faraway expression. He could be thinking about his wife and hoping she was still alive, for his daughters' sake if nothing more. Esther imagined their reunion, should there be one, and felt her scalp tighten.

“
Kumm
,
Lieb—
come, love.” He spoke the words without emotion, as flat as a countertop. He handed her a jacket and she pushed her fists into the sleeves, then he guided her outside and down the back steps. At the bottom, Esther spun around to face him.

“What will happen if she comes back?” she blurted out. She'd meant to skirt the subject, not dive into it headfirst. Why, she couldn't even swim.

“If she is, I must accept it as God's will,” Nathaniel said, his lips barely moving.

“Are you sure you have to leave? Can't the authorities handle it?”

“Not after the bishop instructed me to go, there's no way 'round it. You wouldn't marry a man who won't stand up to his obligations, would you?”

“But you're committed to me.” Her tongue seemed to have a life of its own. “I'm sorry, I'm acting selfishly. But I'll miss you so.” Her fears lay deeper than she could express.

“And I'll miss you, Esther.” He stared toward the west, as if he'd already succumbed to the fate awaiting him in Ohio. “My other choice would be to leave the church,” he said, shocking Esther. That he'd consider so great a sacrifice for her was a compliment, but the act would prove every complaint ever describing Esther—a she-devil, indeed.

“No. No, I wouldn't let you.” Her words stumbled over each other. “You'd be shunned, excommunicated from church. You wouldn't be invited to dine with your daughters and grandchildren. They're more important than I am.”

He took her hand, pressed it to his lips. They wandered into the barn. He flicked a lighter, raised a kerosene lantern's glass chimney; a small flame journeyed up its wick.

Esther had only ventured out here a few times since returning. The way her feet sank into the soft flooring, and the familiar bouquet of dust, hay, and
Mischt—
manure—hurled her back to her youth. She listened to the two horses shifting their weight, Cookie's irregular breathing, and Mamm's one remaining cow, Pearly, rustling.

He released Esther's hand. “If we can't be wed, would ya still join the church? You wouldn't have to.” His words grew strangled.

“Without you, I don't know.” Was God trying to tell her something? Please, Lord, help me out of this quagmire, she prayed silently. She recalled from the book of Job: Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.

A sob threatened to escape from deep inside her belly. “I feel like I'm in the way.”

He took hold of her upper arms. “Please promise me you won't disappear before I get back.”

“No—I mean, yes, I promise. I couldn't run out on Mamm again no matter what happens between you and me. Oh, Nathaniel, ya must be torn up inside. If anyone can empathize, I can.”

“I don't know what to think. Rumors about my
Fraa
have buzzed around before and it's never amounted to anything. But my cousin—” Nathaniel tugged his beard. “Well, he's not a man to be taken in by hearsay.”

“The cousin you're staying with?”

“Yah, I figure I'd best step right into the eye of the hurricane.” He gasped a chestful of air. “Neighbors claim she's living in a shack near the Tuscarawas River. That she's hard to recognize, wearing rags and her hair all
schtruwwlich—
disheveled
.
Whoever the woman is, she's said to be half-crazy.
Narrisch.
I'm sorry for her, whoever she is. I'm praying God's will be done.”

“Yah, me, too.” Esther would have to let the truth unravel itself like a ball of yarn. She'd never felt so helpless. Not true, she'd felt forsaken many a time, and always God had provided—although not as she'd expected or even wanted.

“Tell me what you think of Larry's driving me to Ohio,” Nathaniel said, interrupting her reflections. “Should I take him up on his offer?”

“Yah, why not?” Her pupils were becoming accustomed to the barn's shadowy interior and she could make out the shapes of stalls, bales of hay. “I'm guessing his motive is to impress Holly, but I doubt his tactic will work. I don't know what my daughter will do next. After all these years of my praying she'd find a husband, I don't approve of any of her three possible suitors—making me a hypocrite.”

“You want what's best for her, like any mother would. Which rules out my brother. He'll sneak out of town before long, I'm almost positive, so you don't have to worry about him.”

“But if she marries Larry, they'd live in Seattle. I'd never see my grandchildren.” She rubbed her temples as a headache encompassed her skull.

“Everything's been spinning out of control like a helicopter landed in the cornfield since Holly came home.”

He stepped closer and held her against his chest, but didn't kiss her. She contemplated telling Nathaniel about the carton and the letter with it, which had thrown Esther into a tailspin, but she didn't want to add to his burden of worries.

Tomorrow, she'd write this Chap person a letter.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“I owe you an apology, Larry,” I said as I carried a platter of scrambled eggs to the kitchen table the next morning.

We were the only two in the room. I'd brought Mommy Anna a tray so she could eat in bed, although she'd pooh-poohed it, insisting she felt gut, capable of coming to the kitchen while Mom wandered over to Nathaniel's to say good-bye to him.

I laid the eggs next to the bacon on the table and sat across from Larry. “I've been leading you on,” I said.

“No way.” He scooped eggs onto his plate. “You won't even let me kiss you.”

“I went out to dinner with you in Seattle, and accepted lattes and scones.” I watched him through the rising steam from the eggs. For the first time since we'd met, he was without a tie or pressed collared shirt. Today he wore a T-shirt, jeans, and a zippered hoodie.

“You've made it clear you only wish to be friends.” He downed a mouthful. “That's one quality I find so fetching about you, Holly. Besides your cute and trim little self, you're smart, independent, and don't want anything from me but friendship.”

I scooted the plate of toast nearer to him. “Then why did you come all this way?”

“I like a challenge.” He slathered butter on a piece of toast, munched into it.

“You bought a diamond ring and came to Pennsylvania on a personal wager?”

He swallowed another mouthful down with coffee. “No, I'm not that shallow. Here's the deal: I realized there's only one Holly Fisher and I might never see her again when she moved here. I tried to think of one other woman I'd rather take out next weekend, and not a single face came to mind—other than yours. That's when I made tracks down to Tiffany's, to put my money where my mouth is.”

“I feel rotten about it. I wish you'd called first.”

“And have you turn me down over the phone? No sirree.” He spooned strawberry jam on his buttered toast and smoothed it with a knife. “Sure you don't want to see the ring right now?”

“I'm tempted, but I'd better not. Because that would be leading you on too. Larry, I'm trying to be as straight with you as I know how.”

“If I can't talk you into marriage, can I convince you to come with Nathaniel and me? It'll be fun.”

“Larry, Nathaniel's journey to Ohio is terribly serious.”

“Come on, lighten up. I understand the ramifications if he tracks down his wife. But the drive would be a lot more interesting with you in the car.” He polished off his eggs, then bit into a strip of bacon.

“In a way I wish I were going, to look after my mother's interests. She'll be devastated …”

“In that case, pack your gear.”

“No, I'd better stay near home to make sure my grandmother's okay. Yesterday, when I left the house for an hour to take a walk, she and my mother had some sort of tug-of-war, and Mommy Anna ended up gashing her forehead.”

“Don't I know it.” He shuddered—I think, for my sake. “She's one lucky lady to only need stitches.”

“You were wonderful the way you came to her rescue, Larry.” His happening to show up when he did still seemed beyond phenomenal. Positively baffling.

“There's no need to thank me. Just throw caution to the wind and come with us.”

“No, I need to stick close to home, for a number of reasons.”

“I hope one of them isn't Armin.”

I shook my head. “He's the least of my worries.” I wouldn't admit I'd slept with the doll in my bedroom on the bureau last night. Mom had stashed it in her room, but I was on to her tricks. I was determined to track down the man who'd sent the doll and fabric; he could have been one of the last people to see Dad alive. I wondered if my mother had the same suppositions. My heart went out to Mom. And I missed Zach, in spite of myself. Would that I could banish him from my mind.

“Well, in that case, I'd better scoot,” Larry said. “Not sure what Nathaniel and I will talk about, but we'll find common ground.” He tidied up his mouth again with his napkin. He'd always demonstrated impeccable table manners, a habit my mother would appreciate. “By the way, I checked with the personnel department at the bank before I left and told them about you. There's a job waiting for you in Seattle if you want it.”

“Really? I'm touched you'd go to all the trouble.” He was a wonderful guy in many ways, for some other woman. “Thanks, Larry, but that's a long commute.”

The back door swung open, and Armin sauntered in and removed his hat. “Any extra breakfast?” He plunked down on the chair at the head of the table.

“Holly and I are having a private discussion,” Larry said.

“Go right ahead, pay no attention to me.” Armin opened a napkin across his lap. “If Nathaniel's herd didn't need milking, I'd come along with you. I know Ohio like the back of my hand.”

“I don't recall anyone inviting you,” Larry said. “My rental car has a GPS navigational system. Do you know what that is?”

“You think I'm a country bumpkin, don't you?” Armin set his fist on the table like he was ready to arm wrestle Larry. In which case, I presumed Armin would easily win. “Just because we only go to eighth grade doesn't mean we're a bunch of hicks. Farming isn't easy. And I betcha I can drive a car as well as you. Not like an old lady.”

“But you don't own a car, do you?” Larry's round cheeks glowed red; he looked ready to explode. “And I do. And credit cards to pay for gas.”

“Don't go thinking Nathaniel's poor because he's a farmer. He paid top dollar for this house and is generous enough to let Anna and Esther live in it. And Holly, for as long as any of them want.”

“Hey, you two, cut it out.” I was half-amused and half-afraid the men would start a food fight. “If you can't behave civilly, please leave this kitchen.”

“Sorry,” they both said, in unison.

Larry glanced at his wristwatch. “I'd better pick up Nathaniel.” Last night he'd slept in the bedroom behind the kitchen—my aunt and uncle's before they left—because my mother didn't think it proper for him to sleep on the same floor as I did.

Larry dodged into the sitting room. I heard him lope up the stairs to the second floor and down again. Then he returned to the kitchen.

“What were you doing up there?” I asked.

“Uh—nothing. I'll call you.” He angled his torso away from Armin. “Not too late to change your mind, Holly.”

“You too,” Armin muttered, as if to rankle Larry. But Larry ignored his comment.

“Bye, Holly.” He carried his overnight bag through the back door. I got to my feet to watch him out the window. I saw Rascal tied up to a hitching post. He lunged and barked at Larry as if Larry were unwelcome. Larry hustled past the dog and jumped into his rental, then nosed it out of the lane and onto the main road, heading south toward Nathaniel's. Away from Beth's.

In spite of the hubbub, and the comings and goings, I hoped to see Zach's pickup arrive. He owned a spot in my heart I'd yet to reclaim. I wondered why Victoria chose to marry another man and recalled Zach's telling me the same woman had dumped him twice. He could still be holding a candle for her, as Mom would say. I'd seen movies where couples remet and fell madly in love all over again, like I'd always thought Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler would have done, if they were real people.

I brought Armin a plate. He helped himself to eggs and three rashers of bacon. “You're not going ta get yourself hitched to Larry, are ya?” he said.

“No, although he will make some woman a fine husband.”

Armin scarfed down a mouthful of eggs. “Hah. I'll bet he hasn't done a real day's work in his life.”

“That's not true. He's a successful banker.” I served him coffee.

“Sittin' in a cushy office all day with his feet up, growing flabby. Yah?”

“He's kind enough to drive your brother to Ohio.” I sent him a stern glower. “I thought you were joining the Amish church. Where's your humility?”

“Truth be known, I haven't made up my mind about joining. Now, if I were courting a woman in this district—” He whistled softly, and low. “There's no telling what might happen.”