Perception (33 page)

She
must’ve realized it too.

~~**~~**~~

Mercedes
was barely breathing. There was a roaring in her ears that had nothing to do
with anger and everything to do with relief.

Xander
had used his safe word.

Because
of her.

For
the last few minutes, Mercedes had been praying Clarissa would safe word.
Wishing like hell the nervous little sub would save them all from themselves.

But
she hadn’t, and Mercedes had been terrified of going any further. She didn’t
want Clarissa touching Xander. Didn’t want to watch anyone touching him.

For
some unknown reason, her scene had taken a drastic turn somewhere along the
way, and it had been all her fault. But right then and there, the scene was the
last thing she worried about. She didn’t care that Clarissa and Shane would
likely think of her as a failure. She didn’t care that half of the club would
think that either.

At
this point, the only thing she wanted to do was to come with Xander’s cock
lodged deep inside of her. To feel him against her. Anything to get Xander’s
hands on her, even if it meant handing over the control to him. He had
effectively destroyed her defenses, making her lose her touch, but she really
didn’t care. Not right then at least.

Unable
to hold back any longer, Mercedes moved to release Xander from his restraints.
Neither of them said a word, but the nonverbal communication between them was
loud and clear.

The
look in Xander’s eyes stole the oxygen from her lungs.

For
the last half hour, she’d wanted nothing more than to abandon the scene. It was
selfish to put her own needs above everyone else’s, but for the life of her,
she couldn’t go through with it.

Even
now, she knew Xander would be more than happy to take over from there because
he was a Dom, and she was… an imposter.

She
knew she should consider this the ultimate defeat, but it didn’t change the
fact that she could hardly breathe for wanting him.

Once
he was freed, Mercedes stood motionless in front of him, watching, waiting.

“This
is still your show,” he whispered. “What do you want?”

“What
do you mean ‘what do I want’? I failed, Xander. It’s done.”

“Not
even close,” he growled. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

Mercedes
didn’t understand what he was doing. Why wasn’t he taking over? Why wasn’t he
forcing her to do what he wanted?

“We
aren’t walking out of here until we’re through here.”

“We
are—”
through
. Mercedes couldn’t say it. She didn’t want it to be true.
She didn’t want what they had to be over, and she knew he was giving her a
chance to redeem herself. To take back the scene that had gone horribly wrong.

“Pick
up right where we left off,” he told her, but he wasn’t commanding her. He was
making a request.

Mercedes
stared at him in disbelief for a long moment before she said, “Sit in that
chair with your legs wide.”

Xander
gripped the chair that was in the corner and set it down beside where they
stood before lowering himself into it. Without another word, he spread his legs
wide. His thick, heavy cock was like a steel rod standing proudly against his
belly, his muscles tense, but he had a smile on his handsome face.

“Come
here.” He urged. Still not a command.

Mercedes
realized then that she wanted him to take over from here. Because for her, it
no longer mattered who held the reins. This man owned her. Every piece of her.

Walking
around to stand between his spread thighs, Mercedes put his hands on her hips
as she looked down at him, still trying to hold on to the last sliver of
control that even she knew had disintegrated a long time ago.

“I
want to ride your cock. Right here, right now,” she told him, trying to play
along.

Xander
nodded, and Mercedes gripped his dark hair tightly. If she had been thinking
like a true Domme, his lack of response would’ve angered her, but she was long
past that. She wasn’t able to keep up the perfect Domme routine. Not with him.

Hooking
her left leg on the outside of Xander’s thick right thigh, Mercedes gripped his
erection in her fist and guided him inside of her before sinking down on him
slowly.

“Oh,
God,” she moaned, pressing her cheek against his. “X,” she pleaded quietly.
“Please.”

She
allowed her body to adjust to the blunt intrusion, and once she could take him
deeper, she relied on Xander’s firm grip on her hips to hold her as she raised
up and hooked her right leg over his left leg until she was straddling his lap,
his cock buried to the hilt inside of her.

“Fuck
me, X. Please,” she moaned, moving her mouth to his, unable to keep from
kissing him.

The
way Xander gripped her hips, lifting her until only the head of his cock was
penetrating her, and then lowering her roughly, Mercedes knew he was right
there on the edge with her.

She
was in public, even if the audience could only see shadows through the opaque
glass, but none of it mattered. As far as she was concerned, they were the only
two people in the entire world.

What
that said about her, she didn’t know, and she no longer cared.

“Fuck
me harder,” she encouraged, gripping his shoulders as she stared down at him.
The intensity in his gaze was her lifeline, and she clung to it.

Xander
held her hips tightly, pulling her flush against him and then lifting her, his
cock thrusting up into her from below until the friction all but consumed her,
his cock nailing her G-spot with every deep stroke. Mercedes was suspended by a
thread, hovering on the edge of an orgasm so explosive, she wasn’t sure she’d
survive it.

With
her eyes still locked with his, she ran her hands over the chiseled features of
his ruggedly beautiful face, desperately holding on to that connection that she
knew she would feel lost without.

No
matter what she’d originally thought, her pleasure was owned by this one man.
Her perception of what she had wanted was clearly skewed and without Xander she
would’ve felt lost and helpless. But Xander eased her, gave her strength, made
her feel. And nothing else mattered except him.

Her
pleasure was in his hands, and she knew she could give herself up to him
completely and never have to worry. He’d be there to catch her when she fell.

And
she was falling. Desperately. And fast.

Sucking
his bottom lip into her mouth, she gently nipped him, his cock pulsing deep
inside of her as the pain registered.

“Are
you ready to come for me?” This time he was the one to ask, but his words were
a mere puff of air against her ear. He was allowing her to save face, even when
no one else was in the room to know.

“Yes,”
she whispered.

“Then
come for me, pet,” he encouraged. “Come on my cock. Let me feel you.”

“Oh,
God.” That’s all she needed. His permission. Not the other way around. One more
forceful thrust of his hips and she was flying into orbit, Xander’s hands
gripping her ass, bracing her.

When
she thought she could take no more, he surprised her when he pushed to his
feet, the chair he had been sitting in falling over and crashing to the floor.

With
her arms around his neck, he held her like she weighed nothing as he began
pounding up into her while she worked her hips down onto him at the same time.

“God,
I love your pussy,” he growled. “Come for me again, Mercedes. Come for me now.”
Xander groaned, and the words sent her flying over the edge, oblivious to her
own guttural cries as she came.

She
was only aware of the pulse of Xander’s cock deep inside of her as he came, his
body stone still as he held her until they were both sated completely.

For
now, Mercedes was going to enjoy that euphoric feeling.

Later,
much, much later, she was going to have to play out the scene in her head just
to figure out where things went completely awry.

T
Minus Zero…

Tuesday

“Meet me
for dinner?” Xander asked when Mercedes answered her cell phone the following
afternoon.

“Where?”
she asked as she clutched the phone in her hand. At the mere sound of his
voice, her spirits lifted for the first time all day.

She’d
spent way too many hours fretting over the fact that Xander had left her alone
for most of the day. That and why he seemed to be putting distance between
them.

She
listened while he rumbled off the name of the most romantic, not to mention the
most expensive restaurant in downtown Dallas. It wasn’t his favorite place, but
he knew that she liked it.

“What
time?”

“Seven
thirty.”

Mercedes
knew she probably paused a little too long because Xander followed up with,
“Logan and Sam will be meeting us there as well.”

Ok, so clearly
this wasn’t meant to be a romantic evening out. Not that she had expected it to
be.

She’d
only hoped.

“I’ll
meet you there.”

“Oh, and
Mercedes…”

Mercedes
waited for Xander to finish, but he didn’t. Unable to bear the silence any
longer, she asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing
at all. I just… I think we need to talk. See you at seven thirty.”

With
that, the call disconnected, and Mercedes fumbled her phone. They needed to
talk?

Shit.
Shit. Shit.

That
couldn’t be good.

Was he
still pissed at her for disappearing before he got out of bed that morning?
He’d certainly appeared angry when he showed up at her door partially dressed,
but she thought he was fine when he left a short while later.

In her
defense, their five days were up as of that morning. She probably could’ve
argued that point last night and spent the entire night alone in her own bed.
But she’d chickened out, wanting – no, needing – one last night with him.

Great.

Now she
was rattled as well as out of sorts. Her mind was coming up with a myriad of
things that could be wrong, including Xander’s disappointment in her. She’d
failed last night, she knew that. The scene had gotten completely out of hand.
She’d pushed both Clarissa and Xander hard; harder than she intended.

Seriously.
It had all been done in fear. Fear of what she was beginning to feel for
Xander. Fear for what she wanted from him. And she had almost pushed them to
the point of no return. Had it not been for him, that’s exactly where they
would be right then. And there wouldn’t be a dinner invitation. Business or
otherwise.

Placing
her phone into the cup holder, Mercedes gripped the wheel with both hands,
trying to keep her hands from shaking.

This was
it. Xander was going tell her thanks for the memories, but he preferred that they
go back to just being friends. Or worse, maybe he was going to tell her that he
couldn’t even be friends anymore.

Breathe.

Mercedes
took a deep breath as she came to a stop at a red light. She was overreacting.
She had to be. Xander hadn’t seemed at all upset when he left her alone in her
condo after their heated discussion. It wasn’t quite an argument because Xander
hadn’t pressed the issue and he never once raised his voice.

Even
though they hadn’t kissed and made up, - but why would they if their time was
officially over – he had wrapped her in his arms and held her before he turned
and walked out the same way he came. He wouldn’t have done that if he was going
to tell her he didn’t want to at least be friends, would he?

No.
Xander wasn’t made that way. He was as straightforward as they came. He
would’ve called her to the carpet, addressed the issue at the time.

So what
did he want to talk about?

Putting
her foot on the gas pedal, Mercedes focused on the drive to the restaurant.

Although
she hadn’t eaten anything all day, she wasn’t sure she could eat now if she was
forced to.

He wanted
to talk.

They
needed
to talk.

And so
what if he did let her down easy. It wouldn’t matter. She had known from the
start that this wasn’t going to work.

Keep
telling yourself that.

It didn’t
matter that he’d made her feel things she’d never expected. It didn’t matter
that she’d let herself fall just a little bit in love with him. None of it
mattered because it was just a deal. An experiment. And she knew from the
beginning that it would come to an end.

So why
did she suddenly want to cry?

~~*~~*~~

Xander
waited at the bar of one of Mercedes’s favorite restaurants for her to arrive.
He’d spent the better part of the day traveling – a trip he hadn’t been able to
put off – and when his jet had landed just an hour before, he had called her up
and asked her to meet him for dinner.

She had
graciously accepted, although he had sensed reluctance in her tone. It wasn’t
until he informed her that they’d be meeting with Logan and Samantha McCoy that
she seemed to relax. What that was about, he had no idea, but he hadn’t asked
either.

He should
probably thank Logan for calling him with the last minute dinner request
because otherwise, he’d probably be drinking at home.

Alone.

“Another,”
he told the bartender when the man made his way over.

“Yes,
sir.”

Xander
was tired. He was stressed. And he was anxious to see Mercedes even if he did
have to spend dinner discussing business with Logan. Mercedes’s presence would
make it all worth it.

Although
it had technically been five days since they’d embarked on this adventure,
Xander wasn’t ready for it to be over. He found that he enjoyed Mercedes’s
company, and being away from her, even for a few short hours, hadn’t been the
highlight of his day.

A soft
hand touched his back and Xander turned to see Mercedes standing beside him.
“Hey,” she greeted. “You ok?”

Better
now, he thought to himself. But he said, “Hungry. You?”

“Starving,
actually.” It was a lie, he could tell, but he didn’t call her on it. “Are
Logan and Samantha here yet?”

Yes, he
had definitely come to the right conclusion. Mercedes was happy to have Logan
and Sam along tonight. Probably because she was looking to put some distance
between them, and Logan and Sam would act as a nice buffer.

Not that
he blamed her. After last night, he wasn’t sure how she would respond to him
today. That was partially why he’d given her some space by informing her he had
to go out of town. What he had wanted to do was invite her, but he knew she had
needed some time to herself.

So he had
graciously given her the entire day in the hopes that the time she had to
herself would allow her to realize... Hell, he wasn’t even sure what he hoped
she would realize. That he loved her? That she loved him? That being with her
was exactly where he wanted to be, regardless of who was dominating who.

Apparently
a full day to herself didn’t seem to be long enough if the way she was glancing
around the room was any indication.

“They’re
on the way,” he informed her. “I asked them to meet us at eight.” It was only
half past seven, so they still had some time. He’d done that on purpose also.
“Have a seat,” he said, keeping his tone firm as he pulled out the high-back
barstool beside him.

Mercedes
gracefully took a seat next to him, and when the bartender returned with his
drink, Xander allowed her to order for herself. Although he could’ve easily
made the selection for her. She ordered white wine, her usual M.O. at this
particular establishment.

“How did
things go today?” Mercedes asked the question, but she didn’t look at him.

“Could’ve
been better.” He had no intention of going into detail about his day. He wanted
to talk, but not about business. As it was, he would have to delve into
business with Logan shortly.

Ever
since last night, when they’d arrived back at his condo, Mercedes had been
avoiding him. Well, not entirely, because they had spent more time together,
mostly in the bath where he’d enjoyed running his hands over her curvy, wet
body. But even as he made her come with his fingers, he had felt her retreating
from him.

She
probably hoped he wouldn’t notice.

He
noticed.

It was
hard not to when he had woken up just that morning at five o’clock – about an
hour later than normal – to find Mercedes gone from his bed.

Needless
to say, he hadn’t been happy. His mood had darkened even more when he found
that she wasn’t even in his condo. Rather than calling her, Xander had pulled
on a pair of shorts, didn’t bother with a shirt or shoes, which was very unlike
him, and made his way down to her floor and beat on her front door until she
answered.

She
opened the door, her hair wet, her face scrubbed clean. Yes, she’d gone back to
her place to shower, and that had been like a kick in the nuts. Mercedes had
made the message very clear. Their time together had come to an end.

And after
the scene they’d shared at Devotion… that bothered him more than anything.

He knew
she wouldn’t want to talk about what had happened last night when he had used
his safe word just to call a halt to the nightmare that they were venturing
closer and closer to. But he had wanted to talk about it.

Not just
about that though. There were some other things he needed to say to her.
Important things. Things he wasn’t willing to keep in any longer.

But he
didn’t address the elephant in the room. There would be time later, and he
intended to address the issue, but he also planned to do so in private. For
now, he simply asked, “What did you do today?”

“I took a
client out for a few hours.”

That
wasn’t much of an explanation, but he hadn’t expected much more than that
either. She wasn’t looking at him, seemingly fascinated with her wine glass and
the people sitting around them. He ached to put his arms around her, to pull
her close and to assure her that there was no reason for her to be freaked out.

If only
it would help.

Knowing
Mercedes, she would come up with another excuse to disappear on him and right
now, he just wanted her to be close. It was enough.

For the
moment.

“Your
table is ready, sir.” A young man dressed in a suit, sans the jacket, stood to
his left as he spoke.

Xander
nodded his head and pushed to his feet, waiting for Mercedes to join him. When
she did, he placed his hand low on her back and guided her toward the back of
the restaurant.

To his
surprise, Logan and Samantha arrived just a few minutes later. After a quick
round of greetings, the four of them took their seats and proceeded to order
drinks when the waiter approached.

A drink
was all Xander cared about. His mind was elsewhere – namely back at Devotion,
still chained to the wall while Mercedes did whatever she could to get a rise
out of him. It had worked. Just not necessarily the way she thought it had.

What she
didn’t seem to understand was that he had no interest in those scenes anymore.
More importantly, he had connected with Mercedes in a way he hadn’t even known
possible and as far as he was concerned, there was no one but her for him.

A woman’s
submission was something he craved like a drug. He couldn’t explain it. Didn’t
necessarily care to either, but what had transpired between him and Mercedes
last night had defied reason. It had gone so far beyond submission, Xander
didn’t even have a name for it.

He feared
that’s what scared Mercedes the most. She’d been anticipating topping him from
the very beginning. And yet, it seemed as though she had turned her sights on
Clarissa after she had successfully secured him to the wall.

And then
he had ended it all with one single word.

“You said
you had a business proposition for me.” Logan’s deep voice broke through
Xander’s thoughts, pulling him back to the moment.

He
glanced over at Mercedes to see whether she was aware he’d been thinking about
her. She still wasn’t looking at him, but her interest had peaked when Logan
spoke up, so he knew she was paying attention.

“I do,”
he told him, tossing back what was left of his drink. It was time to focus on
the task at hand. There’d be time to address Mercedes later.

He hoped.

~~*~~*~~

Mercedes
spent two hours of her life hanging on to every word Xander, Logan and Samantha
spoke while she picked at the food on her plate. She had purposely not made eye
contact, hoping Samantha would catch on that she wasn’t in a particularly
chatty mood.

While the
three of them had chatted it up, Mercedes had only partially heard what they
were saying, not because she wasn’t interested in the new business venture that
Xander had proposed. No, she was having trouble focusing because she was doing
her best to keep her thoughts from getting away from her. If that happened, she
was pretty sure she would break down and cry.

The
thought pissed her off.

She
didn’t cry. Ever. It was easier to keep things bottled up, to never get her
hopes up, to never anticipate anything other than what she could do for
herself. Yet here she was, wishing like hell Xander would tell her he wanted
more than five days. That he realized in that short amount of time that she was
the one he wanted.

No, she
didn’t like what that said about her either. But she couldn’t deny the hope
that had flared deep inside of her when he’d used his safe word, saving them
all from disaster.

But he
hadn’t wanted to talk about it.

Sneaking
out of Xander’s condo before dawn wasn’t the best idea, she had known that at
the time. When he had arrived at her front door, insisting that she talk to
him, she’d pushed him away yet again. It had been a test of sorts. One he
failed miserably.