Authors: Ellen Hopkins
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction, #Social Issues, #Drugs; Alcohol; Substance Abuse, #Self-Esteem & Self-Reliance, #Dating & Sex
First Decent Day In Weeks
Mt. Rose will be swarming by noon.
Good thing I got here early.
Nothing much better than first
tracks beneath cloud-clear skies.
Heaven must be something
like boarding on night-crisped virgin
powder. Lingering atop a cornice,
few other people in sight, I take
a deep pull of winter-spiked air, finesse
over the lip. Two sweeping turns
to safety. Here, where there are no
hypercritical eyes, I slip
past denial, into the moment.
It’s all up to me. Slide down
the steeps, into belief. I am
no more, no less than this ride.
Midmorning
The crowd is starting to build.
Most people prefer the high-
speed chairs, and those lines
are long. Not sure why so few
enjoy the old-fashioned slow
lifts to the top, but I love these
unrushed minutes. Suddenly
the chair bumps to a stop.
Problems below in the loading
zone, no doubt. I look over
at the racecourse run. The pines
at its edges have grown. How long
has it been since Conner and I
raced there? Four years? Five? I was
never fast enough to earn the medal
I coveted. Conner often placed in
the top three but never cared about
winning. I’ve often wondered how
twins could be so different. Why did
the one with the talent lack the drive?
The Lift Starts Up Again
I survey the terrain beneath me,
find a relatively unpopulated route
down through the trees. Risky
to ride there alone, but I doubt
I’ll have a whole lot of trouble.
Despite my parents’ lukewarm
support, I’ve been skiing or boarding
for years. I might not be as fast
as Conner, but unlike him, I rarely
take a fall. I disembark the chair,
traverse the flats, brake to a stop
beside a tall sugar pine, scan
the landscape for the approximate
path I saw. There. That’s it, I think.
Swoop into the woods, slalom
cedar and fir, each low branch a claw
menacing my hair and face.
I manage to avoid them all.
What I don’t miss is the boulder
tip, lurking out of view, just
beneath the surface of the snow.
It scrapes my board, catching
it just enough to send me, face
forward, into a deep, wide drift.
I inhale snow. I swallow snow.
When I open my eyes, I see white.
I cartwheel my arms, but can’t get
traction. I bite back panic. Think.
For some weird reason, though
I’m pretty much buried, I can
breathe. What I can’t seem to do
is get myself out. I’m such an idiot!
I could die right now and who
knows when they would find me?
Silent here, in my tomb. Warm.
I could sleep. That would be easy.…
Suddenly I hear,
Hang on
.
The snow around me loosens.
I am yanked backward. My lungs
grab air. My eyes find color. I’m free.
My Rescuer
Rolls me onto my back.
Are you
okay? Damn, girl, it’s a good
thing I happened to come this
way. You’re crazy to shoot trees
solo
. She looks down at me with
black walnut eyes, and in them I
find equal parts disgust, amusement,
and awe. She offers her hand, pulls
me up on my feet. “Thanks.”
I should say more, but it hits
me that this stranger might have
saved my life. All repartee deserts
me. She is close to my age. Tall.
Exotic. I don’t know her, but
I want to. Our eyes lock, and I feel
something stir. Something restless.
Disquieting. A rustle of leaves.
A rattle of glass. A snarl, before
the witch wind awakens,
screeching, impossible to ignore.
And this person is to blame.
She smiles, and I like how warm
that makes me feel. I am melting.
Maybe we should buddy up?
Why not? “S-sure.” The voice
is throaty, not mine at all. Oh
my God. What’s wrong with me?
My face flares, dry-ice hot.
She can’t help but notice.
You
sure you’re okay? You look…
never mind
. She lowers her goggles.
I’m Danielle, by the way. Uh, Dani
.
“Cara.” God, could I manage
multiword sentences, maybe?
“And thanks again.” There.
Three words. Blood
whooshes
in my ears and I barely hear
her say,
No problem
. She turns,
pushes off, and I follow her down
through snow-draped trees.
This Part Of The Hill
Is steep. Unforgiving. A lot
of work. But Dani surfs it like
she was born on a board. To keep
up, I have to forget about face-
plants and possible outcomes.
Finally we exit the trees, and our
trail merges with a beginner run.
Newbies and posers fan out across
the gentle slope, some upright,
some on their butts, some flat on
their backs like sea lions sunning.
Dani cuts through them. I follow.
I hate crowds, and would call it
quits, except… I’m not sure.
I feel scared. Hopeful. Borderline
sick, sort of like it’s my first day
at a new school. I watch Dani
hold a tight line down the side
of the run. Confident. Lithe.
Bold. Oh yes, I have to know her.
It Isn’t Until
We are both seated safely on
the (slow—hurray!) chair that it hits
me. “You said I was crazy to shoot
trees solo. So what about you?”
What about me, what?
She scoots
sideways, her knee touches mine.
And for some crazy reason, I want
her to kiss me. Wait. What?
She hasn’t come on to me at all.
Oh. She’s waiting for my answer.
“Why did you take that way down?
You were riding all by yourself.”
She shrugs.
Maybe I’m psychic
.
I saw you go that way. Figured
I’d better keep an eye on you
.
Why
are
you alone, anyway?
Keep an eye on me? How long was
she watching me? My turn to shrug.
“I asked my boyfriend to come,
but he had baseball practice.”
Oh
. She makes a point of moving
her knee away from mine.
For
some reason, I had a different idea
about you. I thought you might be…
I slide my leg back against hers.
“I might be.” Then I admit, “But
I’m not sure.” I don’t say that falling
in love with a girl doesn’t fit
well in my master plan.
Love?
What dark little recess of my brain
did that word creep out of?
This isn’t fire. It’s only a spark.
Well, I definitely am. I’ve known
since I was, like, five and wanted
my Barbies to get married. To each
other. My friends were disgusted
.
Her Laugh Is So Freaking Sexy
Husky. Deep. And totally real.
Somehow I doubt she’s fake
about much. “What about
your friends now?” But there’s
no time for her to answer.
The chair swings wide at
the top of the hill. Together
we stand, move to one side
to discuss the best way down.
Let’s take that long beginner run
around the back of the mountain
.
A no-brainer will be fun
. She doesn’t
wait for me to say okay,
so I trail her along a wide
track, dodging snow-plowers.
She seems to take a wrong
turn into a thick stand of trees.
But when she stops, I realize
she came this way purposely.
We are curtained by pines.
When I draw even, she looks
into my eyes, sending shivers up
my spine.
Have you ever kissed
a girl?
Her boldness is a surprise,
but when I shake my head,
her reaction is no more than
I expected. And honestly, hoped
for. Dani’s lips are soft, raspberry
gloss sweet. The kiss is tentative,
but only for those few moments
that can never happen again.
Desire is scratching at the door.
Terrifying. Electrifying. But I have
to know what it means. I inhale
the perfume of the forest, of the girl.
The two are intoxicating.
Dani stops. Pulls back.
So?
The kiss was saturated with need.
I feel light-headed. Hungered.
The witch wind has been freed.
Kendra
Light
That’s how I feel—
like the winter-fringed
breeze might scoop
me up into its wings,
fly
away with me trapped
in its feathered embrace.
I am a snowflake.
A wisp of eiderdown,
liberated
from gravity. My body
is light. Ephemeral.
My head is light.
I want to sway
beneath
the weight of air,
dizzy with thought.
Light filters through
my closed eyelids.
The sun,
chasing shadows,
tells me I’m not
afloat in dreams.
Dreams
Keep me in bed late this morning.
Usually I’m up with the sun, but not
when I’m slow dancing with Conner.
Even in sleep, the familiar scent
of his skin—clean and tinged with
some deep woods perfume—fills
the vacant place inside me, the one
he emptied when he left me behind.
But well beyond daybreak, he holds me
so tightly I can barely draw breath.
We move to the music, and his lips buzz
against my ear.
I love you. I want you.
Then, as dreams often do, the scene
shifts, fast-forward, and we are floating
on a sea of soft summer grass, clothes
strewn around us like wildflowers.
Conner traces the outline of my body,
fingers dipping lightly into the concave
spaces between each rib.
Perfect.
He kisses
the line of my jaw, down my neck,