Perfect Soldier: The Complete Story (5-Part BBW Military Romance Novel) (12 page)

Chapter
Eight

Catherine

The next weeks flew by. My boss Mike, surprisingly,
allowed me to take more time off at work. From now on I’d only be working
Friday and Saturday nights. With Colt paying the rent and my tuition bill all
taken care off, I had more than enough money to get by and pay my other bills.

I must admit, life became so much more relaxing in
those weeks. I picked up an extra class, Physiology. My course schedule was
tough, but now that I had the time to commit to studying, it really wasn’t so
bad. Everything seemed to be going much better this semester, I felt more
confident about my classes and about my life in general.

Colt was amazing. Each day with him seemed better
than the last. When I wasn’t studying or at the bar, my time was spent with
him, either going out or staying in, sleeping or making love. There seemed to
be nothing holding us back now and our relationship – our life together – was
allowed to progress naturally.

We grew closer and closer by the day as we settled
into a new routine of nightly dinners and Netflix movies. I’d forgotten how
much I loved cooking, and now that I had the time and someone to cook for, I
was rediscovering that passion of mine all over again. Colt was accommodating,
willing to try out practically any new recipe I stumbled upon on Pinterest,
some of them delicious and others comically disastrous.

On those nights of failed recipes, we simply laughed
and ordered in. It was an easy-going sort of love, but one that also found
release in fits of intense passion. Our desire for each other never dwindled as
lust drove us into nightly sessions of heated embrace, our passion burning
brighter and growing in its magnitude.

My life seemed like pure bliss. But just when I
thought everything was perfect, it all came crashing down. I knew something was
up when I came home from class on a Wednesday in late February and found Colt
sitting at the kitchen table. He looked uneasy, visibly tense and uncomfortable
as he sat there. He glanced up at me, looking me briefly in the eyes, and then
back to the floor.

“Cat, we need to talk.”

Those dreaded words, the words no one ever wants to
hear, words that only ever carry bad news in their wake. I didn’t say anything,
I just sat down at the table across from him, feeling my body shaking slightly
as my nerves got the better of me. My heart rate was up, I wished he’d just
spit it out and get the bad news over with.

He looked up at me, but I struggled to make eye
contact, preferring instead to stare down at the coaster I found myself
nervously playing with. I ran my fingers across its edges, studying it closely
with a far greater attention than such a mundane object deserved.

“I’ve been called up for active duty.”

Intense anxiety washed over me, my body felt like it
was collapsing in on itself. My heart-raced. Was I having a heart attack? I
held my head in my hands, rubbing my hands up and down over my face.

“I knew this would happen,” I said in a muffled sob.

Already I was crying, fearing for Colt’s safety.

“Cat, come here,” said Colt, getting up from the
table and bringing me over the couch so we could sit next to each other,
putting his arm around me and bringing me in close for comfort.

I knew he did it to make me feel better, but our closeness,
the proximity to his beating heart only made me more scared, knowing that he
would soon be ripped away from me, creating a haunting memory that would be
filled by severe loneliness. I pulled my head away from his chest and looked up
at him.

“How long?”

“I’m leaving in four weeks.”

“No, how long will you be gone for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where are you being deployed?”

“Afghanistan.”

I sobbed, unable to control myself. In my mind I
always knew this was a possibility, but over the time I’d spent with him I did
my best to block it out, to postpone it. It was as if I pretended that it
wouldn’t happen, but now here I was, unprepared for this terrible news because
I’d always treated it like something that would never affect me. Four weeks was
all I had left with him. Then who knows, I might never see him again.

I shook my head, trying to keep those dark thoughts
at bay. I should have known that life wouldn’t stay so simple and easy; life
was never like that for long. I looked up at him again as he began to speak.

“I know what you’re thinking, Cat. But it’s not like
that, I’ll be fine.”

“How can you know?”

“I don’t know. But the war is drawing to a close.
It’s safer over there now, far fewer casualties.”

“Stop it! Don’t say that word.”

“Casua---“

“No, don’t say it,” I said sharply.

“Ok, my point is it’s safer. I survived last time
right? Give me some credit, I’ve got a good head on my shoulders.”

“I know you do.”

“Ok, so trust me then.”

“But you can’t control everything.”

We sat there silent for a few moments, Colt pulling
me tighter into him. I never wanted to be let go. I wished desperately for a
way to stop time, to hold us both here in an inescapable moment, to keep him
safe in my presence, away from the horrors and danger of war.

“Isn’t there anything you can do to get out of
this?” I asked softly.

“No, and even if there was, I wouldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because when I became a soldier I made a promise to
be ready when my country needed me, regardless. I didn’t say I’d serve only
when I felt like it, or when it was convenient. I made a commitment to stand
ready at all times.”

“I know. I get that. It’s just so hard. I knew this
would happen, but I kept hiding it from myself.”

“We’ll get through it.”

“How can you know?”

“I don’t know. But I believe we will. We’ve got to face
it head on. We’ve got four weeks left.”

“Four weeks is a short time,” I said, my voice still
a bit wet-sounding from my crying.

“It is, but it’s what we’ve got, so let’s make the
most of it.”

***

Catherine

After he told me, we spent the rest of the day and
night in bed, just lying there together, talking in hushed whispers every now
and again. But there wasn’t too much to say. Words were a poor alternative to
the language of touch, and I did my best to get lost in his big arms, letting
his warmth overtake me as I fell in and out of quiet slumber.

The next morning I woke up, Colt’s arm still wrapped
around me, protecting me. I turned in his arms and looked at him, his eyes
still closed. How would I get on without him? My life before Colt had been so
boring, yet so stressful. Without him around for support, classes would be more
difficult and work would be even harder to drag myself to. I needed someone to
share my problems with, to make plans with, to make love with…

Maybe it was silly, but I’d pictured us married to
each other. I know, we’d only known each other for three months, so maybe I was
rushing things. But I bet if you asked Colt he’d admit to having similar
thoughts. Not now, maybe, but at least eventually. Those dreams were dashed as
soon as he was called up.

But it wasn’t myself I was most concerned with. I
knew I’d get by without Colt. It wouldn’t be easy, but I’d done it before and I
could do it again, despite how unhappy I might be. I was truly worried about
him. I knew he was smart, a good soldier, experienced in the field of battle.
He’d been there before, so in a sense I supposed it was much better than going
over for his first time. But all the same, he couldn’t control all
contingencies. He was going over to a dangerous land to fight an enemy that
would do anything to kill an American. I knew I’d pray for him every night.

He stirred beside me, opening his eyes and smiling
as he saw me. He leaned closer and gave me a soft kiss, drawing my lips up to
his. Then we made love, quietly and gently, more tenderly than either of us was
accustomed to. It was nice, soft and bright like the sun that came in through
the diaphanous curtains of my bedroom window.

Afterwards we just lay there for a while, lounging
in the warm light of the sun. I knew it was cold outside, I didn’t want to
leave this warm bed to face the day ahead. Maybe if we stayed in bed time would
pass more slowly and I could postpone the day when Colt would board a plane,
flying out of my life and into the face of danger.

Chapter
One

Catherine

It was a very sad day when I drove Colt to the
airport. The skies, too, seemed to be reflecting my own sense of despair;
cloudy and grey, with a light rain falling every now and again. Occasionally,
I’d glance away from the highway and look at Colt sitting in the passenger
seat, staring out the window. Sometimes it seemed as if he could feel my eyes
on him, because he’d turn and make eye contact with me, forming his lips into a
sad smile.

Neither of us wanted to discuss the one thing that
was on our minds: whether or not this was the last time we’d ever see each
other. I wanted to believe that wasn’t true and early on, right after Colt had
heard he’d been called on duty overseas again, he’d continually tried to
reassure me that things were better now, that they were safer.

But ultimately, we decided to drop the subject
altogether. There was no assuaging my concern for him as he went into battle.
Talking about it only seemed to make it worse. It was better to simply not
mention it, so on occasional brief moments I’d forget where he was headed and
gain some respite from my worries.

It was hard to forget such a thing today as we drove
toward Tulsa International Airport. Colt wasn’t flying internationally quite
yet; first he was headed to an Army base in southern Maryland. After an
undetermined amount of time, he’d then be flown over to some remote province of
Afghanistan where the military was still in the midst of heated battle with the
Taliban insurgency.

Colt had told me that things were cooling down from
the height of the war. That might be true, but from what I could tell life in
Afghanistan was still quite dangerous for a U.S. soldier. I started reading the
news more frequently, both the newspaper and articles online. Life still seemed
harsh over there and I knew that even if Colt came home safely, he still had a
rough several months ahead. My own concerns about my classes and work seemed
quite minor in comparison.

But Colt for his part never complained, never once
mentioned any reluctance to go. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t rather have stayed
here with me, but he was motivated by his sense of duty. Complaining seemed
unpatriotic to him. It was far better for him to go abroad and serve willingly
so as to come home a proud and triumphant soldier.

“Cat,” said Colt, touching my thigh and interrupting
my inner thoughts. “You’re going ten miles under the speed limit.”

I looked down at the speedometer. Subconsciously it
seemed I was trying to postpone the hour when he’d be boarding the plane,
driving ever more slowly the closer we got to the airport.

“Sorry,” I said. “I was distracted.”

“It’s fine, just, you know, I can’t miss this
flight.”

I stepped on the gas and brought the car up over the
speed limit. The navigation on my phone pinged and told me to turn off the
highway in five miles. We were nearly at the airport. There was no postponing
the inevitable any longer.

***

Colton

The was so much I wanted to say to Cat on that car
ride to the airport, so much I wanted to tell her about how I felt about her,
about my plans for our future together. But I didn’t know how to express it in
all its depth and complexity, so my words were few and far between. Besides, I
knew that anything I said would likely touch off a river of tears – especially
if I mentioned the future.

But why should such a subject be troubling source of
sadness? It was no secret to Cat that I saw us together for the long-haul and I
knew she felt similarly. But I also knew how much Cat feared losing me to the
sands of Afghanistan. I knew she didn’t want to talk about our future together
because she was afraid that as soon as she became too dependent on that distant
hope it would be ripped away from her in a cruel twist of fate, a casualty of
modern war.

I tried to tell her the statistics, to explain that
it was safer over there now, that the job was almost done. I thought about
making a joke about how more people died in automobile accidents every year on
our way to the airport. But I knew she didn’t want to hear that; she wouldn’t
find it funny. At base, I think she knew her fear was irrational –
but isn’t
that what love is?
Love makes us irrational; it makes us fear losing people
that we care so damn much about.

So even on a car ride where there was so much to
say, I said next to nothing. I just stared out the window, occasionally
glancing over at Cat to see if she was alright. She was doing everything she
could to conceal her anxiety from me, but I knew her too well; I could read the
sadness in her face, her usual smile completely absent.

Mostly she stared straight ahead, pretending to
concentrate deeply on the road. But I knew she had other thoughts on her mind.
Why was it so hard to talk about these things? Or was it that we’d talked about
them so much that there wasn’t anything else to say?

I thought about that for a bit, but before I knew it
we were turning off the highway and onto the road to the airport. In a little
while I’d be saying goodbye. Who knew when I’d get a chance to see her again?

***

Catherine

I parked the car in the hourly parking garage and
walked with Colt into the terminal. He already had his ticket and we were
running slightly late, so we headed straight up to security where he got into a
long, winding line with the other passengers.

He was travelling lightly, at least considering how
long he would be away. I stood with him in line holding his hand, squeezing it
tightly, not wanting to let him go. Eventually we were almost at the checkpoint
where an NSA worker sat verifying tickets and IDs; it was clear I couldn’t go
any further.

Turning to look at each other, I did my best to
choke back any early tears. Colt smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile, it was
one of perseverance, a sign of his dedication to getting through this hard
time. I pulled his head down and gave him one last kiss. It was long and wet,
and I knew there were probably about fifty people watching us, but that didn’t
matter to me. My eyes shut tightly as I kept our lips pressed together, holding
onto him with desperate affection.

It would be far too long before I felt these arms
wrapped around me again, pressing me into his muscular chest, sharing his
warmth as my own.

***

Colton

As she kissed me, standing there in front of
everyone, I kept thinking of how much I loved her. I loved the fact that she
didn’t want to hide her love, to change the way she acted just because we were
in public when we said our final goodbye. When our kiss broke, I held her close
to me, surrounding her in my arms and feeling her gorgeous curves pressed against
me. I didn’t even want to think about how much I’d miss this feeling, the
wonderful sensation of proximity to her.

People behind us got annoyed we were holding up the
line, but that didn’t stop us. I held her for a few minutes longer before
letting go. When she brought her face away from my shoulder I saw she had been
silently crying. She raised a hand to her face to brush away a few tears; I
couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked just then. It made me want to
stay, made me feel bad to be the source of her sadness.

“Be safe, Colt,” she said softly.

“Always am,” I said, pulling her in and resuming our
hug.
Why was it so impossible for me to let her go?

“I’m gonna miss you so damn bad,” she whispered
softly in my ear, and I hugged her even tighter.

But now it was really time for me to leave. The
people in the line behind me were downright angry and some of them had started
cutting around us. Our hug broke and I picked up my bags, moving forward. I
pulled my ticket out of my pocket and opened my wallet to reveal my ID. The NSA
worker took them in hand and looked them over. Recognizing I was a soldier, he
put me into the express lane on the right side of airport security.

I grabbed my bags again and walked forward, turning
around to look back at Cat one last time.

“I’ll see you soon,” I said with faux-cheerfulness
and a wink.

She laughed through those quiet tears and waved
goodbye to me, holding a hand over her mouth as she watched me go. I turned and
walked over to the express lane, moving quickly through security. Soon I was
out of eyesight, walking through the terminal towards my gate.

I looked down at my watch as I found my flight on
the Departures monitor. I’d be boarding in about twenty minutes. Slumping down
in an empty seat at Gate C11, I pulled out my phone and texted her. Text was
all I had left for now and soon I wouldn’t even have that. I sent her something
simple.

I miss you already.

And then another quick follow-up:

I promise I’ll be back.