Authors: Brenda Jackson
T
hree nights later at the class reunion banquet, Christopher sat at a table with Garrett, barely listening to what he was saying. His mind was all wrapped up in thoughts of Maxi. They had spent the remaining days of the cruise sticking to the agreement they had made. He wasn't supposed to think about kissing or touching her but that's all he'd been thinking about. And he wasn't supposed to look at her funny. But several times he had caught himself looking at her funny anyway and he knew that on more than one occasion she had noticed him looking. Hell. So much for breaking his own rules. To make things easier on them, he usually left the cabin early and came back late when he knew she would be asleep. He wasn't sure how she spent her days but they weren't with him. Other than the day they had spent together with the Rivers touring the Cayman Islands, they had basically gone their separate ways ever since.
“I don't like talking to myself, Chandler. If I'm boring you, just say so.”
Garrett's words cut into Christopher's thoughts. He took a quick glance into the other man's face and smiled apologetically. “Sorry. My mind was elsewhere.”
“Yeah, that was obvious. I see Maxi still keeps your mind in a spin.”
Christopher lifted a brow. He wasn't sure he wanted to discuss Maxi with Garrett. After all, the man was married to Maxi's best friend and there was no doubt in Christopher's mind that anything he said to Garrett would probably get back to Mya. When two people had been together for as long as Garrett and Mya had, they usually shared everything. But stillâ¦
“What do you mean she still keeps my mind in a spin?”
Garrett chuckled. “That's just a figure of speech. What I mean is that it's nice to know Mya and I aren't the only two people in our high school class who're still into each other after ten years.”
Christopher took a sip of his brandy. “Now that's where you're wrong, Rivers. Maxi and I aren't still into each other. Being on this cruise is the first time we've been together in over ten years.”
“So, what's that supposed to mean? A lot could have happened in seven days.”
Christopher frowned. “Trust me, it didn't.”
Garrett took a huge swig of his beer before saying. “The cruise isn't over yet. This ship doesn't pull into port until tomorrow. And the way I see it, it's either you or Swindel and personally, I prefer seeing Maxi end up with you.”
Christopher shot Garrett a disapproving glare. “What do you mean it's me or Swindel? Maxi isn't interested in him.”
“No, but he's interested in her. Just like you, he always had a thing for Maxi. He's just been going about it the wrong way. One day I expect he'll wake up and realize he can't use the same approach with her that he uses with other women. She's not impressed by what possessions a person has or doesn't have.”
Christopher nodded. He knew that much was true. “Swindel will be wasting his time.”
“How can you be so sure of that?” Garrett asked. “Who knows what might happen if Swindel turns over a new leaf? Remember he still lives in Savannah and you don't. That makes the playing field uneven, so to speak.”
Christopher glared at Garrett. If the man was trying to get him angry, it was working. But still, he was determined to keep his cool. “There is no playing field, Rivers. Maxi and I are nothing more than friends. Whatever I felt for her ten years ago is dead and buried, and I intend for it to stay that way.”
Garrett nodded slowly. “Okay, if that's the way you feel. Then it shouldn't bother you that Swindel and a few others have zeroed in on the fact that you've taken a step back.”
Christopher frowned. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Garrett smiled. “What I'm talking about Chandler is that for years everyone knew there was an unspoken understanding of just who Maxi belonged to, even if Maxi never knew it herself. Now for the past few days you've been trying to make it obvious that you no longer have a thing for her, and that leaves it wide open to anyone who may have been interested but who'd always kept a safe distance for fear of your wrath. Now technically, you've given them your blessings. Take a look.”
Christopher's gaze followed Garrett's across the room. Maxi had just walked in and immediately she was surrounded by a number of the single men from their class reunion group. But what irked Christopher more than anything was the fact that somehow Swindel had worked his way to her side and had his hand on her arm.
Christopher took a deep breath and swallowed his rising anger. “Your wife is also surrounded by them, Rivers,” he decided to point out.
“Yeah, but they know Mya's taken. My name is stamped all over her. Make no mistake about it, although my woman looks good too, those men are there because of Maxi. For the first time you aren't her protector and they're taking full advantage of that fact. Things should be real interesting tonight, Chandler. Real interesting.”
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Christopher glanced around the table. Just as Garrett had predicted, things were real interesting. When Maxi and Mya had finally made it to their table, those men, including Swindel, had had the audacity to follow and each took a seat. And it didn't help matters that the outfit Maxi was wearing was enough to give a man cardiac arrest because it afforded everyone a glimpse of her lush cleavage every time she leaned forward. And you better believe that, other than Garrett, who was too caught up with how good his own wife was looking, every man's gaze at the table was centered on Maxi. Although Christopher knew she hadn't intentionally dressed provocatively, her outfit was provocative just the same. Hell, a plain flannel gown buttoned up to the neck would look provocative on Maxi.
He studied the faces at the table. It was crowded and it seemed everyone was speaking at once, all vying for Maxi's attention, but it was Colter Watson's deep, loud voice that eventually captured it.
“So, Maxi, I hear your church is one of the ones that protested the proposed tearing down of the houses in that old housing project off Vine Street.”
Christopher's interest was immediately drawn to the conversation. He listened to Maxi's response. “Yes, the city plans to tear them down and rezone all that land for commercial use. The sad thing is that they have no plans to build more housing elsewhere for the people who live there. Literally, that will be putting them out on the streets.”
“But think of the additional revenue the city will make if they sell the land to a developer,” Ronald Swindel said before glancing across the table at Christopher. “It's my opinion that the people who live in the Vines will eventually find somewhere to live. I support the tearing down of that neighborhood. It has been an eyesore in Savannah for years. Nothing ever came from out of the Vines but trash.”
Everyone got deathly quiet at Swindel's insult since it was a known fact that Christopher had lived in that particular housing project from the time he was born until the time he had moved away from Savannah.
Christopher put down the drink he was holding, deciding to knock the hell out of Swindel once and for all. But then, beneath the table he felt Maxi's hand lightly squeeze his thigh, a silent plea for him not to. He inhaled deeply to contain his anger as he met Swindel's glare. The man was just waiting for him to respond and he was more than willing to do so by putting a fist in his face. But Maxi's hand on his thigh stopped him. His fingers slipped beneath the table and tightened over her hand to assure her he was okay and that he wouldn't cause a scene.
“It doesn't surprise me that you would think that way, Ronald,” said Maxi, who had been fuming ever since he'd made the slur and finally spoke up, breaking into the silence surrounding the table. “But I happen to disagree. More than just trash came out of the Vines. I can't help but admire people who can rise up above their less than desirable situation and make something of themselves. I would think all of us could appreciate that.”
Ronald cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed by Maxi's statement. “What I meant is that I used to get more calls from that area of town than any other area. There was always something going on over there regarding drugs, prostitution, and domestic violence. You name it, the Vines had it.”
“Yes, and fortunately that meant job security for you, didn't it?” Maxi asked in a curt tone. She had everyone's attention because it was evident that she was angry. And one thing everyone knew was that it wasn't easy to get Maxine Chandler angry but Ronald Swindel had succeeded. Ronald knew it, too, and was trying desperately to back-pedal into her good graces.
Christopher sighed when it occurred to him that Maxi's hand was still resting on his thigh and his hand was still covering hers. They were breaking one of their rules of not touching, but he didn't want to pull his hand away and it appeared neither did she.
He had watched her dance with just about every man at the table, including Garrett, and when another song, a slow one, started playing he knew it was now his time to dance with her. But before he could ask her, Swindel stood up and reached his hand across the table for hers, smiling.
“Finally a slow number. Come on, Maxi, let's dance.”
Maxi couldn't believe that Ronald couldn't see how upset she was with him. She looked at his outstretched hand before saying softly. “Sorry, Ronald, I've promised this dance to Christopher.” She then looked over at Christopher hoping he wouldn't make her into a liar.
He didn't.
He stood when Ronald had the common sense to sit down. Taking Maxi's hand in his, Christopher led the way from their table to the dance floor. Once there he pulled her in, wrapped his arms around her and with the music playing softly in the background he began moving slowly in place.
The moment their bodies touched, Christopher wondered why he had been avoiding the feel of this for the past three days? Why had he set himself up for such punishment? She felt wonderful in his arms and when she slipped her arms around his neck, he thought he had died and gone to heaven. The feel of her breasts on his chest was torture in one way and rapture in another. And the alluring scent of her perfume was something else he had to contend with. He pulled her closer when he realized the times she'd danced with others tonight had been fast numbers, including the one time she had danced with Swindel, but she had reserved this slow number just for him.
A part of him wanted to whisper to her that he had missed her these past three days. He had missed being around her, kissing her, touching her, and the freedom of looking at her funny. He had missed everything about her. And he had been miserable. He had felt alone. It was ironic that he felt that way since his main reason for coming on the cruise was to be alone and to rest. But once he had run into Maxi, that had changed. Like always, she had been like a magnet pulling him in, and he hadn't been able to resist. And he hadn't been resting at night knowing she was in the same room with him, just on the other side. So close, yet so far away. He had dreamed about her every night and flashes of those dreams were on his mind now. Vividly. He felt his body harden.
“A penny for your thoughts,” Maxi said breaking the silence between them.
Christopher looked down at her. It would probably scare her to death if she knew he'd been thinking of the many ways and positions that he wanted to make love to her. Instead of answering her, he continued to stare at her and knew the exact moment she got an idea what he'd been thinking. He was sure his hard front pressing tight against her middle was a dead giveaway. He watched her quick intake of breath, then continued to watch as her bottom lip quivered nervously. He wanted so badly to take his tongue and calm those lips.
“It's not working is it, Christopher?”
He didn't pretend not to know what she was talking about. “No, it's not.”
She let out a deep sigh. “I'm sure we can survive this one night since the cruise ends tomorrow.”
This one night
. It suddenly occurred to him that that's all they had. “I'm not so sure about that,” he said huskily.
“Why?” she asked. He could tell she was confused. But then so was he. What they had felt for each other ten years ago shouldn't be coming back to toy with them, especially when those feelings had no place in either of their lives now. And especially when a relationship was the last thing he wanted with any woman, including Maxi.
Taking a deep breath, he decided to be completely honest with her. With Maxi he didn't know any other way. “I want you, Maxi. Although I know I shouldn't, I do.” He looked down at her. “But I'm not interested in any long-term relationships. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?”
Maxi studied his features intently under the dim lighting overhead, then nodded slowly. “Yes.” She now understood what Mya had meant by cravings. She had been craving Christopher's kisses for nearly three days now.
“Then what do you suggest we do?” he asked huskily.
She smiled up at him and he felt his gut clench in a thousand places. “Do you want to go to the cabin and talk about it?”
He wanted to go to the cabin, but talking was the last thing on his mind. “Yeah, let's go to the cabin and talk.” Sliding his arm around her shoulder and tucking her under his arm he led them out of the dance club.
“W
hat are we going to talk about?” Maxi asked the moment she walked into the cabin and watched Christopher closed the door behind them. Taking a deep, slow breath, she tried to calm her jitters as well as the abundance of desire racing through her.
Stepping away from the closed door, Christopher stood in front of her with both hands in the pockets of his pants staring at her. As much as he wanted to forgo talking of any kind he knew that wouldn't be wise. He had to be sure he and Maxi were on the same page and that she wanted everything that he wanted tonight.
“We can talk about anything you want to talk about.” He glanced around the room. “Would you like to sit down for a while?”
“Yes.” Taking another deep breath she sat down in the loveseat in the room. He sat down next to her and placed his arms across the back of the sofa.
Maxi looked down nervously at her lap then back at him. “Well, what have you been doing the last few days?”
He didn't respond for a few seconds then he answered. “Missing you.”
Maxi inhaled sharply, quickly glancing up at him. “Be serious, Christopher.”
He met her stare. “I am serious and I'm also being completely honest. I would deliberately leave before you got up in the mornings then would intentionally stay away until I knew it was past your bedtime. During all that time I missed being around you, talking to you, seeing you, andâ”
“Then why did you do it?” she interrupted.
“Because like I told you, I don't want to get involved with anyone, and I saw us on the verge of an involvement.”
“If you still feel that way, then why are we here now, Christopher? Why are we alone in this room?”
Suddenly Christopher didn't know what he could tell her. How could he explain? “I really don't know,” he finally said, feeling more unsure of himself where she was concerned than ever before. “All I know is that around you I look at things differently. I enjoy doing things that I normally don't like. Hell, I've even eaten broccoli and I hate the stuff.” He frowned as he ran his gaze over her, taking time to analyze everything about her. “There's something about you that makes me forget the cruelties of this world. You are so full of goodness, so kind, it's a shame there aren't more people like you. You don't know the meaning of kicking someone to the curb. You're a crusader of good and noble causes and definitely not the type of woman I've been messing around with for the past ten years. There's not a self-centered bone in your body. Until I ran into you on this cruise, I was absolutely sure that a totally different type of woman appealed to me. You have proven me wrong. You're making my life rather complicated, Maxine Chandler.”
She met his gaze and smiled warmly at all the compliments he'd given her, but noting the agitation in his voice. “I don't mean to, Christopher.”
“I know you don't and it's not entirely your fault. The blame is mine for still letting you get next to me. And you do get next to me, Maxi. With you, old habits die hard. I can't stand the thought of anyone wanting you but me or worse yet, anyone having you. I don't want to care.”
Maxi took a deep breath as her heart hammered through her chest. She didn't want to become involved with him any more than he wanted to become involved with her. “Then don't care, Christopher. Let's not do anything we may regret later. Let's get out of here and go back to the Pinnacle Club. Tomorrow this ship will dock in Tampa and you'll go your way and I'll go mine, possibly never ever seeing each other again. Let's remember our friendship, let's cherish it but let's not destroy it by becoming involved tonight. It will only complicate matters and I feel complicated enough. I'm dealing with a pretty heavy issue in my life right now and the last thing I need is anything to complicate matters furthers. We're friends and we'll always be friends. Let's just keep it that way. Tonight, I thought I could go beyond mere friendship with you, but I was just fooling myself. I can't because I'm not into casual affairs. I can't sleep with a man just for the sake of doing so. It has to mean something more than assuaging overactive hormones.”
Christopher leaned toward her. For some reason he wasn't surprised with her attitude toward sex in general. “What's this heavy issue you're dealing with?” he asked.
Feeling embarrassment spread up her back and neck, Maxi took her hand from him and looked away. Her medical condition was nothing a woman openly discussed with a man. “It's personal, Christopher.”
Christopher was undaunted. “Whatever it is, it's bothering you and that makes it my concern, Maxi. Is there anything that I can do?”
“You've already helped, Christopher. Spending time with you on this cruise has helped tremendously. Around you I can remember days when I didn't have a worry in the world. They were days when my biggest challenge was acing one of Mrs. Potter's pop quizzes. Now, I have so much to deal with but when I'm with you I put it to the back of my mind and not even think about it.”
He knew whatever it was, she was probably dealing with it alone. He had a feeling she wasn't the type to unload her burdens on anyone. He took her hand back in his. “I'd known you practically most of my life, but in those six weeks during our senior year, we established a very special friendship, Maxi, more special than most people can establish in six years. Do you know why?”
She shook her head truly not knowing. They had worked hard together to make that science project a success but they had also gotten to know each other, respect each other and care for each other. “No.”
“Because without even knowing it, we cared something for each other and because we were honest with each other. I shared some things with you that I had never shared with another soul. You were someone I could talk to, unload myself on, and not feel I would be judged accordingly. You have that way with people.”
Maxi smiled. “And so do you. I enjoyed spending time with you. Just being around you was special. You'll never know how much I would watch the clock waiting for you to show up at my house so we could get started on our science project. None of it was about me, but just being around you meant so much.”
Christopher shook his head, still finding it hard to believe that she'd actually cared something for him back then and had eagerly looked forward to their time together as much as he had.
“Then why are we holding back, giving less than one hundred percent now? I'm still a good listener if you want to talk about what's bothering you. Like I told you a couple of days ago, I hadn't really thought about you in around five years, only because I thought you were happily married to someone else. I had convinced myself you were somewhere happy, enjoying the things you've always wanted, a husband, a house full of kids, andâ”
He stopped talking when he suddenly noticed the tears that immediately sprang into her eyes. “What is it, Maxi? What's wrong? What did I say to upset you?”
Maxi tried pulling herself together but he had hit on the one thing she had always wanted out of life but now would never have. Children. “Please, let me have some time alone now. IâI need to be alone for a while.”
Christopher looked at her as she wiped the tears from her eyes and knew he would do as she asked although he didn't want to. As much as he wanted to know what had gotten her upset, he would respect her right to the privacy she had requested of him.
He stood, crossed the room and walked out the door. The moment he had pulled it shut he heard her crying. It was a soft painful sob that touched him. In all the years he had known her, he had never seen her cry. Whatever was bothering her was hurting her down deep. Making a quick decision, he turned, pushed the door open and went back inside the cabin. She was still sitting in the same spot on the sofa with her face buried in her hands. He immediately crossed the room to her, sat down and gathered her into his arms. “It's okay, Maxi. Whatever it is, it will be okay.”
“No, it won't,” she said between sobs. “It won't be okay.”
Christopher held her, helpless, not sure what he could do or say to calm her. “Tell me, Maxi. What is it? Maybe I can help.”
“You can't.”
“I'm a good listener and sometimes talking helps.”
After a few brief moments Maxi's sobs turned into light sniffles as she tried pulling herself together. Moving out of his arms, she hung her head, feeling the weight of everything on her shoulders. She had placed everything about the surgery in the back of her mind and now, as the cruise was coming to an end, it was there lurking in the background, reminding her of decisions she was going to have to make and soon. Christopher was right. Talking did help and she knew from past experience he was a person she could talk to. Men had a tendency to look at things differently from a woman. And maybe at the moment that's what she needed.
“Although I have no reason not to believe I won't eventually marry one day, Christopher, in a few months I'll have to undergo surgery that will end any chances of me ever having children.”
Christopher frowned, not believing what he was hearing. He of all people knew how much having children meant to Maxi. That's all she had talked about. Hell, she had even picked out names back then. Getting a college degree, getting married, and having a family had been her dream. It didn't seem fair that his dream had come true but not hers. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I've undergone several tests. Unless I have a baby before the surgery, then that's it.”
He shook his head, still not fully understanding when the answer to her problem seemed perfectly clear to him. “Then have a baby before the surgery.”
She looked up at him and smiledâ¦then shook her head. “Christopher, that's not possible. I'm not involved with anyone and even if I was, I couldn't ask a man to get me pregnant. What man would willingly give me his child? Men don't exactly go out of their way to get women pregnant, you know.”
He nodded. He knew that was true when he inwardly examined his own situation. He made it a point to never have sex without wearing a condom since he had decided years ago never to father a child. His childhood had been a living hell and he refused to bring any child into the world to ever endure what he had gone through. His mother would never have earned a medal for displaying motherly affection. But a part of him knew if such a medal was given out, Maxi would. There was no doubt in his mind that she would make a child a perfect mother. Any man would be honored for her to be the mother of his child. Including him.
He sat up straight and his throat suddenly felt dry when he realized something. She was wrong. There was a way he could help. He had the ability to give her what she wanted. He breathed in deeply, knowing he needed to think this one through. But then he knew there was nothing to really think about. If Maxi wanted a baby then he would give her one, it would be that simple. Hadn't she given him so much? Hadn't he been successful in life because of her faith and belief that he could and would make something of himself? For years he had cared more for her than he'd cared for any woman, and he knew he would be fooling himself if he believed he didn't still care something for her. When a man loved a woman for that long and that strong, it never completely died.
“I would, Maxi,” he finally said softly.
She arched a brow at him. “You would what?”
“I would give you a child.”
Maxi's breath caught in her throat. “Why?”
He looked at her. “Because, I can't think of any woman more deserving to be a mother than you. The child would feel loved, wanted, and protected. I never planned on having children but I'm willing to rethink that decision for you.”
Maxi was touched by his words. Truly touched. But she knew she couldn't take what he was offering. “Thank you, Christopher, but I can't let you do that.”
“Why?”
“Things could get complicated.”
“What's so complicated about one friend helping out another? What's so complicated about me giving you the gift of a child?” He sighed deeply. “I guess I don't see the big deal here. What if you needed a kidney or a liver and I was able to give you one? You would take it wouldn't you?”
“Yes, butâ”
“There's no buts, Maxi. To me it all boils down to the same thing. You want something that I'm able to give you.”
Maxi's head began spinning. “I don't know, Christopher, we're talking about another life.”
“I know that, Maxi. It will be my gift of life to you. Like I said, I know of no other woman more deserving to be a mother, and I would feel honored if that child were mine.”
Maxi nodded, remembering a conversation the two of them had had years ago. Being illegitimate had been hard on him because some people never let him forget he'd been born a child no man had wanted to claim. “Would you want to play a major role in your child's life?”
“No, but I don't ever want a child I fathered to doubt how I felt about him.”
“And how would you feel, Christopher? You said earlier that you hadn't ever planned on fathering a child,” she queried, trying to understand everything he was offering and making sure he understood it as well.
“Yes, and if it were any woman other than you, I still wouldn't.” He looked at her for a long moment before saying calmly. “I think it's important that you understand something, Maxi. I couldn't help but love and want the child because we're not talking about just any child, Maxi. We're talking about a child that you and I would make together. It will be a child that will signify our very special friendship and our very unique bond. But the only relationship you and I will share is that of our child. No one has to know I'm the man who fathered your child. In fact I think it will be for the best if no one knew. What I told you earlier this week still holds true. Marriage is not in my future plans. I'm a loner and I plan on staying that way. I am not into relationships of any kind and that includes being a family man. However, I will provide financial support for any child I make.”