Perfectly Unpredictable (4 page)

Kalia clung to him, holding on as the waves
subsided, sighing deeply at the luxurious feeling.

Alexandre moved to shift away, but she
stopped him. “Stay, please. I love your weight against me.”

“I’m not too heavy?” he asked as he nibbled
at her lips.

“No, not at all.”

She could feel him harden inside her and
smiled against his lips as their tongues danced. She ran her hands lightly down
his back, enjoying the feel of rippling muscles.

She rolled him over to his back and, sitting
astride, enjoyed the view and feel of his naked torso.

“If I only get one night, I’d better make
the most of it.” She smiled as she arched and offered her breasts for his
caress.

He chuckled. “I’ll do my best to
multi-task.” And then added, with a twinge of sadness, “Let’s see if we can
make time stop.”

Dawn approached and Alexandre lay awake
listening to Kalia’s deep, even breathing as she slept beside him. He wondered,
at what point had he fallen in love? Was it watching her during the conference
in her sexy business suits, conversing easily in any language presented to her?
Or was it listening to her voice as she translated complicated neuroscientific
papers? Hearing her laugh? Holding her close on the dance floor? Or last night,
making love? Even as he thought about it, his body stirred.

His last night. He hadn’t slept and wouldn’t
now. He wanted to stay but knew he couldn’t. His flight to Paris was at six
a.m., and this afternoon he was expected to be at the hospital for his first
chemotherapy treatment. His nightmare was about to begin.

He gently brushed his lips against her forehead
and silently said good-bye.

Kalia woke to sunlight streaming in the
room. She felt alive and limber and, remembering the night, a tingling down to
her toes. Sex with Alexandre would spoil her for anyone else. Amused at herself,
she opened her eyes and reached out, but the bed beside her was empty.

“Alex?” she called out, not wanting to
believe he was gone.

She got up, shrugged into the robe that had
been thrown over the chair, and padded into the sitting area. She stopped at
the sight of a single rose on the table and the note with it. Slowly, she
picked it up and read.

Kalia,

I
wish this could be au revoir rather than good-bye.

Know
that you will be in my heart forever.

Je t’aime,

A

“Oh.” A heaviness settled in her chest. “I
didn’t get to say good-bye,” she whispered.
You’ll
be in my heart forever too, Alex.

He had warned her. Just one night. But still,
she’d hoped. Hoped that he’d change his mind come morning. Hoped that she’d
have a chance to try to change it.

Didn’t he feel what she felt? How could he
leave her? Didn’t he want to be together?
Pick
me. Pick me,
she thought, as her eyes filled.

The night had been magical. It had never
been like that for her. So intense, so deep, so . . . perfect.

Tears ran down her cheeks. How could he
walk away?

She rubbed her heart to ease the ache, then
picked up the rose and inhaled its deep fragrance. She brushed the petals against
her cheek.

If she’d known, she wouldn’t have wasted
their time together with sleep. There were so many things she would have said,
so many things she wanted to know. She hadn’t told him how she felt. Would that
have made a difference? Tipped the scale, shifted the balance, made him stay?
If only . . .

Stop
,
she told herself sternly, wiping away the tears. Enough. You knew what you were
getting into. Alex had been clear.

No regrets. It had been a beautiful night –
an unexpected gift. Her heart would have to heal.

If it could.

Taking a deep breath, she read the note
again
. Je t’aime
. Her vision blurred.
I love you too, Alexandre
. She’d
always have the memory and would cherish it.

She glanced at the clock and squared her
shoulders. The organizers had requested one last meeting to go over the
remainder of the translations. Then she had a plane to catch. Tomorrow, she’d
be back home, and life would carry on.

And hopefully, time would help.

“Hello?” Kalia asked, distracted, as she
picked up the telephone. Two and a half weeks had passed since the conference,
and she was knee deep in a new project. One phrase had her stumped as she
worked on translating a legal report.

“Congratulations!”

“What?” Kalia thought the voice sounded
familiar but couldn’t quite place it.

“Congratulations! You’re pregnant!”

Kalia sat up straight and banged her knee
on the desk. “What?”

The voice laughed. “This is Stephanie from
Dr. MacMillan’s office. I’m just calling to let you know that your pregnancy
test came back. It’s positive.” She clucked her tongue. “My husband and I would
love to get this phone call. We’ve been trying to get pregnant. When this
result came in, I called right away. I love sharing good news. I am so excited
for you! Dr. MacMillan suggested you book your first prenatal appointment
within the next couple of weeks. Would you like to do that now?”

Kalia slumped back in her chair, shaking.
“Ah, no, not really.” It couldn’t be true.

“Okay, no problem. Just give us a call
back, and we’ll set that up for you. You could also book your appointment
online. That might be more convenient. Do you have the number or the website,
or do you need that information? Oh,” she said with a laugh, “of course you
have it. You were just in a few days ago. Well, don’t leave it too long. There
are some things Dr. MacMillan would like to go over – what’s best
for the baby, and all. Oh, this is so exciting for you. Congratulations again!”

“Yeah, thanks.”
Please stop talking
.

“Okay, then. Bye now, and see you soon.”

Kalia disconnected and sat back. Pregnant?
Tears gathered behind her eyes. She couldn’t be. She was on the birth control
pill and took that little sucker religiously every day.

At the same time.

Every day.

She dropped her head in her hands. Except
once. Just one time, she thought sadly. She didn’t remember missing it, but on
the final Saturday of the cycle, there was still one left.

Kalia stood up and paced. She had called
Dr. MacMillan’s office to make an appointment to have her prescription refilled
because she had been on her last pack of pills. Dr. MacMillan had been on
holiday and had a locum covering her practice. The locum had written the
prescription, and Kalia had mentioned that her period was late. It had been
right around the time when she’d returned from the neuroscience conference, so
she hadn’t thought much of it. She’d chalked it up to traveling across time
zones and her normal rhythm being out of whack. And it didn’t really matter
because she mainly used the pill to keep her periods regular and light. She’d
only had sex once in the past six months.

Once.

She groaned, wiping the tears from her
cheeks.

So, she’d asked if she should go ahead and
start the new pack of pills anyway. When the locum, who didn’t really know her,
had insisted they do a pregnancy test, she had argued that it was a waste of
time. Really, she wasn’t careless, and she wasn’t promiscuous.

Well yes, she may have missed one pill, but
they’d used a condom. For two of the four times that night, she had admitted
sheepishly. So, ah yes, perhaps they had had unprotected sex. And, hmmm, her
period was late. So, reluctantly, she had agreed.

And promptly forgot all about it.

Until the phone call.

She slumped back down in her chair and her
eyes filled.

She reached over to her computer and pulled
up her calendar. They had made love seventeen days ago. Seventeen days and nine
hours, to be exact. Well, technically it was seventeen days and anywhere
between one and nine hours.

Thinking about it, her breasts tingled, and
she felt a delicious pull in her belly. It had been one beautiful night.

She had accepted that she would live
without Alexandre. But should a child? Guilt layered over the sadness.

She imagined telling her friends and,
worse, her parents. All the questions about who the father was. Nausea clawed
at her. She wished she could bury her head in the sand and not deal with this.
Or rewind the clock. Keep the beautiful night, but use the extra protection. She
wiped away tears.

What now? Could she have the family with
the house and the white picket fence? Could she do that – have a
family of two instead of three? Should she? Where did she even start?

She turned to her computer and with shaking
hands searched “options for pregnant women.”

The next night, Kalia fell asleep exhausted,
but at three a.m., she was awake ruminating. After spending an entire evening
on the Internet, she had come to the conclusion that she needed to talk to
someone. She had called a Planned Parenthood clinic and the next day had gone
to see them. They had laid out her options and answered her questions.

Abortion, adoption, and parenting. They
made it sound simple.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t help her with
the hardest question of all. What did she want to do?

She was pretty sure she could rule out
adoption. Even the thought of meeting the prospective parents in open adoption wasn’t
enough. She just couldn’t see herself giving the child to someone else to raise.
There were a lot of loving people who couldn’t have children of their own, who
would make wonderful parents, and who would crave having a newborn to love. But
how would she explain why she’d given the baby up? It wasn’t the right time? Maybe
a valid reasons for others, but honestly, looking deep in her heart, it didn’t
fit for her. She was scared? The pregnancy was a mistake? No, not that. Never
that. A baby was not a mistake. She shifted restlessly under the covers.

She didn’t know. She really didn’t know. Would
she make a good parent? She’d like to think so. Could she afford to have a baby?
She probably could. Could she put her career on hold? Well, she may not be able
to travel, but she could work from home. She could take assignments that didn’t
require travel until the baby was older.

Should she do this on her own? That raised
the question about whether Alexandre should be told. He was the father. She
hadn’t had sex with anyone else since. Hadn’t wanted to.

She rolled onto her side and pulled her
comforter up to her chin.

So far, other than the Planned Parenthood
people, she hadn’t discussed it with anyone. She hadn’t told her parents, her
brother, or Krista, her best friend. Not yet. She needed to sort out what she
wanted first.

If she chose abortion, she might not tell
anyone. Because she was ashamed? Would she need the support of others to accept
that decision? No, she didn’t think so. If she wasn’t ready to be a parent or
go through with a pregnancy, that was her decision to make. There would be a
time when she wanted to have children. She wanted to be a mother. But now? By
herself? She rubbed her temples to ease the ache.

She missed Alexandre. She’d hoped time
would help loosen the grip on her heart. And it had. Each day had been a little
better. Until the phone call. Then all the feelings had come rushing back.

Would he care?

Would he take the baby away from her? That
would break her heart all over again.

Should he have a say? If she chose to have
an abortion, should he be told, be given a chance to weigh in? What if he was
married and they wanted a baby or were looking to adopt? What if he was married
and didn’t want to know? No tomorrow, he’d said. Was that what he’d meant? And
if she decided to go through with it – pregnant for nine months, a
scary-sounding delivery.

Her brain screamed. She just didn’t know. She
felt on the verge of tears.

She rolled onto her back and stared into
the darkness.

An abortion would be easiest. She was less
than seven weeks and could just take a pill. Have one heavy period and be done
with it. No one would be any wiser. She could get on with her life. Meet a man
who could give her more than one night. Have kids they could raise together, in
a house with a white picket fence and a dog. And be happy.

Planned Parenthood had given her the contact
information for the closest abortion clinic. They had told her it could be
organized quickly. She could call in the morning and get the ball rolling. They
would walk her through it and hold her hand.

She felt a sense of peace. It was going to
be okay. It was not the end of the world, and she could cope with this. As she
rolled over to go back to sleep, she thought how lucky it was that, at least,
she had a choice.