Permanent Ink (Something to Celebrate #1) (27 page)

No—she’d been done in by her own selfishness.

“Where…where did you get this?” she asked numbly.

But she knew. She’d hastily tucked it in between a pile of catalogs one day when the accounting girls had stopped by the trailer. And then she’d forgotten all about it, because for the last few weeks, her head had been slowly coming unscrewed from her body. Right now, she wished that her head would explode and end the horror altogether.

“We went to grab some extra hats before the parade started,” Paula spit out. “I decided to straighten up a bit. Trying to be nice, you know. And I found
that
under a stack of stuff on your table.”

Blair tried to smile at the women, her mind racing for something to say, but they stared at her, hurt all over their faces.

And then Blair realized something. They had found that awful list and still kept working on the parade. Still went out in the crazy trenches of Main Street and organized the floats. And they’d still ridden through the crowd, smiling and waving. They’d even waved at
her
. All for the love of the parade. For the love of their town.

Tears sprang into Blair’s eyes, and her heart shriveled with shame.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I’d give anything if you’d let me explain. I’m so, so sorry.”

Sheila stared at her. “What do
you
have to be sorry about? We got an education from an expert. Thank you, Blair. It’s so
enlightening
to know that our town’s parade is hokey. That we make
unfortunate
color choices. And that we’re
naive
and overeager. Thanks
so
much. I’m sure you’ll be
amused
to know that the Tiny Dancer Toddler Troupe won this year’s munchkin magic award. Look at those poor little local-yokels over there. They have no idea how
lame
they are.”

She stabbed a finger in the direction of the flagpole, where five little girls in red, white, and blue tutus stood, holding plastic trophies and posing for a photo, their little faces lit up with joy.

Blair quit breathing.

A second later, Ben tugged the paper out of her hands. He glanced at it for a long moment, and then he crumpled it up and threw it in a trash can near the gazebo. His face was unreadable, and when he walked away, crossed the street, and disappeared, Blair’s heart broke a little more.

“Let’s
go
, Miss Whitaker,” called Oliver. “Come on up here and help me make the announcement.”

Blair put a hand over her mouth and ran.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Blair weaved through the crowd, hell-bent on making it to the van, even as Oliver was making the announcement of Celebration’s win.

She could hear the gasps of the crowd and the wild cheers that followed right after. And then, even though she wasn’t there, Oliver, that asshole, announced Blair’s win, too. The job. Her apparent move to the city. That piece of news was met by silence and then a smattering of applause.

As she jogged down the sidewalk, her eyes filled with tears and several people stared at her in confusion. The looks on their faces weren’t that much different than the day she’d ridden into town on top of a parade float, so obviously out of place.

Well now, she was in place—or so she’d thought.

But everything had gone back to square one. She didn’t belong anywhere.

With a sob, Blair flung herself into the van and drove to the edge of town, avoiding looking at all the waving people on the far end of Main Street—the people who’d been too far away to hear the announcement.

She passed the city-limits sign and the senior-center parking lot, which was already filling up with cars for Ink Fest.

Oh, God.

Ink Fest would be starting in a couple of hours and Ben…

Ben had just found out that the woman he loved was a complete fraud.

Gripping the steering wheel, Blair pulled out onto the highway and drove.

And drove.

When she reached Syracuse, she was all out of tears, feeling pretty sick to her stomach and a whole lot more like a complete fool—a cowardly fool. What the
hell
was she doing? Running away wasn’t her style. She’d spent months in the city, hanging on like a dog on a bone after she’d lost her job—and living in the city hadn’t even really meant that much to her.

Not like Celebration did. She
loved
Celebration.

She had to go back and apologize. But how could she even start? Why would anyone believe her at this point? Ben had been right—she should have come clean with him a long time ago. Then she could have told Lola and Kaley. Then her entire life wouldn’t have exploded. Was she going to leave it that way? Her heart strewn in ragged pieces all over Celebration like unplanned, awful fireworks?

No. No way in hell. She was going back and apologizing. Right this minute, starting with her family.

But if they refused to listen…

She shook her head, turned into a gas-station parking lot, and turned off the ignition. And then she cried. And then she started the van again, only to let it idle while she watched people come and go. After a while, she cut the engine off again and just sat, staring into space. As the sky began to grow dark, she heard echoing pops and saw flashes of light out the window.

Fireworks. She was supposed to meet Ben to see Celebration’s fireworks. Well, that wasn’t going to happen tonight, not after the way she’d imploded today. But she needed to at least face her family. No matter what, Lola and Kaley wouldn’t reject her. She
had
to go home.

Driving in silence, Blair returned to Celebration, rolling past the senior center, which was humming with the activity of Ink Fest, and down Main Street, which, in the streetlight, she could see was still dotted with debris from the parade.

When she reached Lola’s house, she climbed the steps slowly and pushed open the heavy front door. She shut it behind her and walked into the entryway.

Lola and Kaley sat in the living room, waiting for her.

Neither of them said anything. They just looked at her, but their eyes weren’t full of disgust. Or even wariness. They were full of concern—and love.

Relief began to seep in, smoothing away the sharp edges of guilt, but Blair shook her head. “Don’t look at me that way. I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

“Yes, you do,” said Kaley.

“Kaley…you don’t even know why. You only know…” Blair laughed bitterly. “
Everyone
knows that I tried to wreck the parade. Everyone knows I cost the town fifty grand today.”

Lola gave Kaley a sideways glance. “Fifty grand? What’s she talking about? What did you know?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Kaley waved her away. “Besides, I
do
know why, Blair. You did it for Ben. And don’t worry about the prize money because Sheila is taking your place for that internship. She’s still totally pissed at you, but I could tell she was excited.”

“How?”

“Because I was eavesdropping while she was convincing that Expectations guy and you should have seen her. It was like watching a con artist win a shell game.” She laughed. “Shelia will be fine in the city.”

Blair opened her mouth, but before she could even take a step forward, the doorbell rang.

Lola let out a gasp of irritation. “Who the—”

“Ben,” Kaley interrupted. “I’ll bet it is.” She raised her eyebrows and jumped up. “I’ll get it!”

With a surge of apprehension, Blair darted across the floor, through the dining room, and into the kitchen. She sank down into a chair, her heart hammering. So much for being brave.

“Kaley, he’s at Ink Fest,” Lola called out, but Kaley obviously ignored her, because the front door creaked open.

Blair closed her eyes, waiting.

“Um…Blair?” Kaley said. Her voice was uncertain.

Clutching at her stomach, Blair got up and walked into the dining room, trying to smile.

The sight that greeted her stopped her in her tracks.

Starling sat on the sofa, bent over, her head in her hands. Kaley sat cross-legged on the coffee table, rubbing Starling’s bony shoulder. Lola stood off to the side, wringing her hands.

What the
hell
?

Blair walked into the room, speechless, and Kaley glanced up, shaking her head.

“Give her a minute,” Kaley whispered.

“Is she in town for Ink Fest?” Blair whispered back. “What’s she doing
here
?”

A loud, raspy sob broke out of Starling’s mouth, and she covered her face with her hands, bending forward. “Ink Fest? That’s the last thing I’m worried about. I fucked up,” she said in a broken voice. “He loves me. Peter
loves
me.”

An unexpected wave of pity crashed through Blair. She crossed the room and sank down on the cushion next to the older woman. “What happened?”

Starling raised her head, her face completely pale, but she didn’t answer the question. “I’m sorry to barge in here. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“You’re welcome here,” Kaley said suddenly. “Right, Lola?”

“Of course she is. Can I get you something…er, Starling?”

“Maybe a glass of water,” Starling answered.

Lola walked toward the dining room, gesturing to Kaley. After a moment’s hesitation, Kaley followed her.

“Okay, Starling. I’m listening,” Blair said. She sat next to her, waiting.

Starling didn’t say anything for a moment, but when she did, her voice sounded defeated. “Peter and I met on an online dating site called Opposite Attraction. Needless to say, that’s what happened. It was like fireworks. We chatted for a couple of months and when we decided to meet for real, I was worried.” She sniffed. “I mean, he’d seen pictures of me—he knew what he was getting. But I hadn’t told him how old I was.”

Blair met her eyes. “And you’re…?”

“I’m forty-two, Blair,” Starling retorted, some of the familiar snide attitude creeping into her voice. “And get this. I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, holy
shit
!” Kaley exclaimed, standing in the doorway with a glass of water and a box of tissues.

Blair frowned at her and then jerked her head.

Kaley walked forward, handed Starling the glass, and deposited the tissues next to her. “I didn’t mean to react that way…it’s that you’re such a badass,” Kaley explained.

Starling laughed and wiped at her eyes. “Yeah, a real badass. I’ve cried so much the past month I could fill a lake.”

“You’ve known for a month?” Blair stared at her.

Starling nodded. “Remember when I was guesting at Ben’s studio and left in the middle of my two-week stint?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Well, I had just found out about being pregnant. And I…” Starling paused, swallowing some water. “I…went to take care of things. It’s the only thing I could think to do, because Peter didn’t want to be a dad.”

Kaley gasped.

Starling leveled a stare at her. “Not a word. I don’t give a shit if he’s your principal and you kids all hate him.”

“We don’t hate him,” Kaley protested. “He’s nice. But he’s strict…and a little funny-looking. No offense.”

Her bottom lip trembling, Starling crumpled the tissue in her hand. “He
is
nice. Too good for someone like me.”

Like Ben is too good for me.

Blair cleared her throat. “Not to pry, but why didn’t he want you to have the baby?”

“It wasn’t that. He didn’t pressure me to do anything,” Starling answered quickly. “He just…was scared. I asked him to move to Syracuse because I’d given up my entire life as I knew it and bought Grizz’s studio. I bought it to be close to Peter. Same reason I went to work in Ben’s studio.” She shook her head. “It was all too much, too fast—for him. I didn’t discuss it with Peter first…I bought the damn place and assumed that he was along for the ride.”

“He wasn’t?” Kaley asked.

“No. Peter said the timing was all wrong. There were only two months of school left, and his job? He loves it. As much as I love mine.”

Starling’s story sounded all too familiar, and Blair shifted uncomfortably. “I…”

“Don’t tell me you know how it feels, Blair. Whatever’s wrong between you and Ben is a cakewalk compared to what I did to Peter.”

Blair stared at the ceiling and shook her head. “You want to bet?”

Gazing down at the tissue in her hand, Starling’s voice broke. “Did you guilt-trip Ben? Over and over? Did you use a baby on the way as leverage? And then when you didn’t get your way, did you
leave
? I don’t think so. You’re still here.”

Starling gave in to sobs again.

Blair felt a lump rising in her throat. “You love him, right?”

“More than anything.”

“Then it’s worth everything.” Blair put her hands over her chest as tears welled up. “It’s worth
everything
,” she repeated in a whisper. “Talk to him, Starling. Tell him that you love him. Prove it.”

Starling cried for a couple of minutes and Blair glanced over at Kaley, who was…smiling?

“What’s wrong with you?” Blair whispered.

Kaley grinned. “Prove it. I like that. You ought to take your own advice.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Oh, bullshit, Blair. You’re smart. Figure it out.”

Lola appeared in the dining room doorway. “Watch your mouth, Kaley.”

Kaley gave an exasperated sigh.

“Look,” Blair said, the tears starting all over again, “Ben thinks I
used
him, used the town so I could get some stupid job in New York I don’t even want anymore.”

“You did,” Lola said in a brisk voice. “Now fix it.”

Starling raised her head. “I need your help. Will you all help me?”

She stared across the room, her jaw clenched, and Blair could tell that it had taken a lot of effort for Starling to ask.

She knew how that felt—she’d gone through it herself when she’d moved to Celebration in a rental van. It was hard to admit to needing something from someone else. And sometimes when you didn’t want to admit it, you did really shitty things. You lost sight of what was important. You hurt people.

Without thinking, Blair pulled the older woman’s stiff shoulders in for a hug. “We’ll get Peter for you. Give me his number. I need to call him anyway…he owes me a date from the bachelor auction.” She tried to laugh, but it came out kind of strangled.

Starling didn’t seem to notice. Pulling away, she fumbled in the pocket of her leather pants for her phone and handed it to Blair. “Tell him I say yes.”

“To what?” Blair stood up.

“He asked me to
marry
him. Please tell him I say yes, okay?”

“Oh, wow.” Blair gasped, scrambling up, but Lola rounded the coffee table and took Starling’s phone from her hands.

“Come on, Kaley. Show me how to work this thing.” Pushing on Kaley’s back, Lola nudged her into the dining room.

Starling wiped at her mascara streaks and settled back on the sofa. Then she turned to Blair, her eyes suddenly sharp. “So what are
you
going to do?”

Blair stared back. “I need to prove it to Ben. That I love him.”

“No shit.”

Taking shallow breaths, Blair glanced away and looked around the room. At the moon streaming through the lace curtains, at the patches of light on the floor, and the shadow patterns of twisting lines etched on the hardwood. They looked almost like tattoos, and she pressed her lips together. Tattoos. God, she was seeing them everywhere now.

Tattoos.

She gasped and turned back to Starling. “I know what to do.” She nodded slowly. “Oh God, I hope it works, because if it doesn’t…”

Starling frowned at her for a moment and then her full lips curved into a wicked smile. “You’re going to get inked.”

Blair laughed nervously. “And you’re going to do it.” She raised her eyebrows. “Will you? Will you help me?”

“Hell, yeah.” Starling got to her feet and cracked her knuckles, chuckling at Blair’s wince. “Skinnovations is empty. Let’s go before you change your mind.”

“I’m not going to change my mind. I
know
what I want.” Blair glanced at her. “But what about Peter?”

“Sweetie, he will come find me. You can bet on that.”