Personal Demon (45 page)

“Need? You met her a few days ago. Days! And now, all of a sudden, you can’t live without her. I’m starting to wonder where that leaves me.”

“Right where you’ve always been. My brother.
Nothing
is more important to me.”

“Nothing?”

Silence.

“You want me to choose, Sonny? Is that what this is about? You’re feeling threatened so I need to make a choice?”

“I never said—”

“Here, take this.”

“What the hell are you—?”

“Go on. Take it.”

“For God’s sake, Jaz. Stop being such a fucking drama queen. I—”

“Take the gun. Fire it. Because if you’re going to make me choose, you might as well put a bullet in my brain right now.”

“Goddamn it! You’re crazy, you know that? As screwed up as—”

Silence.

“As Mom?”

“I didn’t mean that, Jaz. You know I didn’t.”

“At least I come by it honestly.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, bro. Maybe I am a little fucked up. Maybe a
lot
fucked up. But you know what’s really nuts, Sonny? I know that, and it doesn’t make any difference. I look at Hope back there and I think ‘Goddamn it, man, what are you doing?’ But it doesn’t change anything because I
feel
it’s right. It’s what I’m meant to do. Just like all this.” Pause. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

“No, Jaz.”

“As crazy as my ideas are, have they ever been something we can’t manage?”

“No.”

“Then trust me.”

“I do.”

“I know you’re tired of this, bro. I know you want it over with. Me and my mad dreams. But we’re almost there. Remember when we were little, and Mom would say we had to move again, and you’d cry and cry. What did I promise you?”

“That someday we’d stop running.”

“And when you were older, she’d say we had to move and you’d try to reason with her, and you’d get so mad because she never listened. What did I promise you?”

“That you’d stop it.”

“The only way to stop the Cabal—really stop them—is to become them. We’re close, Sonny. So close. Just a couple more months, then, when everything’s in place, you can go back to being you. Free.”

“And what about you?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll get used to being Lucas and I’ll have Hope.”

“What if she doesn’t…come around?”

“She will. This is a lot for her to absorb. You can’t blame her for being freaked out. But she loves me. I know that. She’ll come around.”

“Not like she has much choice now.”

Silence.

“That wasn’t how I wanted it.”

“I know, Jaz. But now she’ll have to see what it’s like from our side.”

When all went quiet, my thoughts folded back into themselves, and I was lost again.

I GROANED AND
clutched my stomach. Jaz caught me by the shoulders, steadying me as I sat on the seat edge. Another seat, another car. Sonny had dropped us off in a parking garage, where a second vehicle waited, then he’d left to ditch the first a couple of blocks away.

“Just crawl in and lie down,” Jaz said.

“I—I—” I heaved, slapping my hand over my mouth. “Oh, God. I need air.”

He hesitated. It was safer with me in the car. “The air’s not much fresher out here. Worse even. All the carbon monoxide.”

I looked into his eyes. “Please.”

A pause. Then, “Yeah. Okay. But just for a minute.”

Mission accomplished.

He led me over to a pillar near the railing, far enough back so I wouldn’t be seen, but close enough to catch the breeze.

“Sonny’s going to come out right over there. Any minute. Then I’m getting you back in that car before he finds out.”

I nodded. He kept one arm around my waist, the other holding my arm, supporting me as I leaned against the pillar.

“I’m sorry, Hope. I really am. It was a helluva thing to do to you, but I had to. If I’d let you know what I planned, you would have been an accomplice in Paige’s death. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

And you think I’m not an accomplice now? I brought her to you.

He fingered the gouges on his cheek. “I deserved every one of them. And more. But once you get past this, you’ll see there wasn’t any other way. She’s gone to the other side now, and she’s okay. All those good deeds she did here? She’s in the best place they’ve got. And Lucas will be with her soon, and they’ll be happy. Do you think she’d really prefer it the other way? Kidnapped, terrified and alone, finally rescued only to discover that the man she loved has changed into someone she doesn’t recognize? She’s better off.”

There was no pleading in his voice. He honestly believed Paige was happier dead, and that it was only a matter of time before I “came around.”

I resisted the urge to push him away and stand on my own feet. I could. Almost as soon as I’d awoken, the effects of the drugs had worn off. I’d gotten him out here, alone, and now I had to…

To what?

Run away? Where? Kill him and drag him, like a trophy, back to the Cabal? Throw myself on their mercy?

To my shame, there was a fraction of my soul that didn’t want to do anything. That just wanted to throw up its hands and go along for the ride. Abdicate responsibility. Overthrow conscience. Join Jaz and believe in his mad dreams.

It was a tiny part, but it had to be acknowledged. That’s what Karl had tried to tell me last night. I couldn’t keep pretending that part didn’t exist. I had my demon, and it wasn’t evil any more than was his wolf. It just wasn’t human. It lacked the ability to comprehend the conscious lives of others. It hungered and it desired and it knew nothing else, strove for nothing else but the satisfaction of those hungers and desires.

The human in me would never pass a car accident and see a covered body without feeling a jab of grief for a life lost. The demon could see only what it could take from that death: chaos. Likewise with the wolf, who would see only a meal already brought down. Not evil. Just not human.

When the demon whispered in my ear, telling me it would be easier to give in to Jaz, accept the chaos feast he’d set at my feet in offering, I couldn’t be horrified by the impulse. I had to listen, refuse and move on.

“Oh, there he is. Let’s scoot you back in the car.”

My chance was evaporating. Was I strong enough yet to knock him out? Was I
ever
strong enough? The element of surprise. That was my only hope.

I let him lead me toward the car. I saw his gun on the front seat, where he must have laid it while trying to get me into the back. If I could swing the door open, hit him, grab the—

The flash of fangs. A growl that skittered down my spine. I went rigid, a name on my lips. Karl. I looked around, but of course, he wasn’t there. A vision. Meaning he was close.

“Hope?” Jaz’s voice. His hand squeezed mine, the other still around my waist.

Where is she?
The snarled question reverberated through my head. A crack. Blinding pain. Only I didn’t feel pain. Just chaos, rippling through the air, floating up from…

My gaze flew to the railing.

“Hope? What do you—?”

Jaz followed my gaze. A small noise. An odd noise. Like a tiny chirp of fear. He dropped me and ran for the railing.

“Son—!”

The word cut off with a strangled cry. He ran back to the car, pushed me aside, clawed at the door, finally getting it open.

Where is she, you son of a bitch?

Karl. I swore I could hear his voice. Impossible from thirty feet below, but it was as clear as if he was beside me.

I walked to the railing. Seemed to float, pulled along by the tethers of chaos.

There, on the street below, Karl had Sonny on the ground, one knee on his back, hand wrapped in his hair, head pulled back so far that with the barest tug, his neck would snap.

Karl slammed Sonny’s face into the pavement.

Where is she?

I opened my mouth to shout. Then I saw Sonny’s hand, sliding from under his jacket. Karl didn’t notice, too focused on his task, the chaos waves even from this distance so sharp and hard they stopped the breath in my throat. Sonny’s hand slid out. His gun in that hand.

“Karl!” I screamed.

Jaz shoved me aside. He aimed his gun. It was too far. Too dangerous. He let out a strangled cry and jumped onto the railing, as if ready to leap off it.

A growl. A shot. A snap.

The last somehow seemed loudest, though I heard it only in my head. Heard it. Felt it. Saw it. The whites of Sonny’s eyes, rolling as his neck snapped. His face going slack. Head falling to the pavement.

HOPE: DEATH WISH

“N
o.” The word was barely a whisper. Jaz tottered on the railing. One lunge and I could have pushed him off. He toppled backward, half falling, half stepping down.

“No.”

He collapsed where he was and sat there, clutching the railing bars, Sonny’s name on every breath. His grief washed over me, so strong it blocked the death and held me as tight as any binding spell, unable to move.

I looked at the gun on the ground, dropped beside Jaz. I looked back into the parking garage.

“Don’t,” he rasped.

He still sat there, clutching the bars, face pressed to them, watching his brother’s body below.

I took a step back.

“They’re coming.” He rubbed his hands over his face, swiping at the tears. “Don’t leave me here.” He picked up the gun by the barrel and held it out. “Finish it, Hope.”

“You—you want me to—”

“I killed Paige. Killed Guy. Killed Bianca. Helped kill Rodriguez and Max and Tony. You want to do this.”

I stared at the gun.

“And if revenge isn’t enough…” He met my gaze. “Maybe pity is. I want to go with Sonny. Don’t let the Cabal take me. Please.”

I took the gun. Wrapped my fingers around the stock.

“Through the mouth. Or the back of the head. That’s the quickest.” A tiny, tired smile. “Maybe not the most chaotic, but if you get something from this—” His eyes lifted to mine. “Take what you can, Hope. My last gift to you.”

If he wanted to die, all the more reason to say no. Punish him. Turn him over to the Cabal. Make him stand trial. Let them execute him. But standing here, looking into his face, I still saw Jaz, and I still felt something. Maybe only pity, but it was enough.

He opened his mouth. I put the gun in.

“Step away from him now!”

I jumped so fast the gun barrel slammed against the roof of Jaz’s mouth. Two men in tactical uniforms approached from my left. Two more from my right. All with guns trained on me.

“You have five seconds to step away from him!” one barked.

Terror filled Jaz’s eyes, pleading with me to pull the trigger. For a second, the chaos swirling around me was too much and I stood there, dazed. Then I moved my finger.

“One second!”

A dark shape smashed through the two men on my left, knocking them aside like bowling pins. I saw Karl’s face. Saw his terror, felt it, as sharp as Jaz’s. He tackled me. I crashed down under him. Heard a shot. Heard him grunt in pain.

The tactical team rushed in, stepping over us to get to Jaz. When my head stopped spinning from the chaos, I realized I was still on the ground, Karl stretched over me, not moving.

I remembered the shot. Felt the weight of him, pinning me down. And then, a tiny whimper, bubbling up from my throat.

“Don’t move.”

His fingers gripped my shoulder, mouth moving to my ear.

“Wait.”

I let out the breath I’d been holding, then found myself flat on the pavement, lungs compressed by his weight, gasping—

“Sorry.”

He lifted up, giving me breathing room. Then he slid off me, his gaze fixed over my shoulder, watching the tactical team, as if expecting our first sudden move would bring a gun barrel swinging our way. But they had Jaz cuffed now. Cuffed and gagged as he writhed and struggled, eyes blazing. Then he saw me and went still.

Our gazes locked.

He jerked his head so fast the gag slipped. His gaze swung to Karl, catching his attention, making sure he had it, then turning to me.

“I’ll come back for you,” he mouthed.

With a snarl, Karl was on his feet. Two officers lifted their guns. I pulled him back down beside me.

“He wanted that,” I said. “He wanted you to kill him.”

I felt the chaos swirl from Karl as they took Jaz away. Not jealousy but fear.

They can’t hold him,
Karl thought.
He’ll escape. He
will
come for her. She’ll never be—

He cut the thought short. His arm slid around my back and he pulled me onto his lap and we sat there, watching them take Jaz away.

“Why didn’t they let me kill him?” I whispered. “Do they want to put him on trial? Make him stand judgment?” I looked quickly at Karl. “They don’t understand. He can
become
anyone.”

“They know.”

“That’s why—” I swallowed. “They were under orders to bring them in alive.”

I shivered and he rubbed my arms, pulling me against him, sitting on the cold pavement, leaning against some stranger’s car—

“Paige.” The name burbled from my throat and I scrambled up from Karl’s lap. “Oh, God. You don’t know.

They don’t know.” I looked up into his face. “She’s dead, Karl. Jaz had me lure her in and I thought she’d bring backup, but she didn’t and he—”

“Hope?”

A soft contralto voice echoed through the parking garage. I turned and my knees gave way. Karl caught me.

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “
She’s
okay.”

I watched Paige walk toward me, her face tight with worry and guilt, and I knew then that I was dreaming.

Still drugged and lying in the back of that car, lost in my thoughts. In my dreams.

“I’m so sorry, Hope,” she said. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It wasn’t her idea.”

Another voice. I looked over Paige’s shoulder to see Lucas.

“It was Benicio’s plan,” Karl said, a growl underscoring his words. “If I’d known—”

“But he didn’t. Yes, it was my father’s idea, but I agreed with it and I talked Paige into it.” Lucas stopped beside me. “We couldn’t see any other way, Hope. It was a cruel ruse and I sincerely apologize.”

“We had to stop them,” Paige said.

I shook my head. “No. I saw you. The hole—That was real. You were dead.”