Personal Demons (38 page)

I rest my forehead on my knees and close my eyes, waiting for the nausea to stop, but it only gets stronger as I relive the scene in my head. Matt climbing, his foot slipping. I screw my eyes tighter and groan as he falls. In my mind, I see my hand grab for him, but all I catch is his sneaker, and it comes off in my hand. I hear my scream as he hits the ground.

My eyes snap open, and I roll and dry heave over the trash can. Matt’s arms are around me, and he pulls me to his shoulder, where I sit and shake.

Finally, I lift my head and look at him, tears streaking my cheeks. “Why’d you have to fall?”

He shrugs.

I’m not surprised by how mad I feel, but I
am
surprised when I realize I’m mad at him. I push away. “You should have slowed down—been more careful.”

He nods. “But there was nothing you could do. It was an accident.”

I drop my face into my hands and breathe back the anger. When my shaking slows, I pick the journal up off the bed and press it to my forehead, then hold it out to him. “I did this for you . . . or more for me, I guess. All along, you’ve been the only person I could really talk to.”

He takes it from my hand and smiles. “I’ve been talking back. Did you hear me? Told you to stay away from him,” he says, glancing toward Luc.

My heart sinks. “Why do you hate Luc so much?”

“
Why?
You’re kidding, right? He almost got you killed, Frannie. He’s one of
them.
”

“He’s one of
me
,” I correct, my voice raised.

Luc and Gabe stop whispering and look at us. Luc steps forward, concern on his face. “He’s entitled to his opinion, and he’s got good reason to think the way he does. I
did
almost get you killed . . . more than once.”

“No. That would be
me
that almost got
you
killed,” I remind him.

Matt looks at Luc, his expression still sour. “I hate the thought of you anywhere near her, and if you hurt her—in any way—I’ll kill you myself.”

Luc nods, holding Matt’s eyes with his. “Duly noted.”

Luc turns and looks hard at Gabe, and I know he’s thinking
the same thing as I am. Gabe said Matt was the best angel for this job, but I’m starting to wonder.

Matt softens his posture and leans his forehead into mine. His voice is low, meant just for me. “Frannie, I’m having a really hard time with this. Are you sure? About Luc, I mean? I just can’t make myself trust a demon, no matter what Gabriel says.”

“I’m sure, Matt. He loves me. Can’t you just read his mind? Then you’d see.”

“Sorry, I’m not high enough up the food chain for that particular skill. Dominions or higher.”

“Please, just give him a chance.”

His eyes harden again as he glances toward Luc, but then he pulls me into a hug, and I hear the smile in his voice. “You’re not gonna pull that Sway crap on me, are you?”

I smile into his shoulder. “That depends entirely on you.”

I watch Frannie with Matt as I stand in the door with Gabriel, and I know this is it.
Talk to me outside
, I think, and he nods and slips through the door with me into the hall.

“She’s ready,” I say.

“Yep.”

“Tell me you’ll take care of her. The look in Michael’s eyes . . .” I shudder.

Gabriel leans into the wall. “We’ve got her backside, which is pretty nice.” He quirks a smile.

“Can you be serious for like two minutes?”

He scowls at me. “Fine. Stop stressing. The Almighty knows she’s special. And remember, Moses’s life didn’t suck. She’ll be fine. She’s not going anywhere.”

“But she’s not staying with me either. I just need to know she’ll be okay before I let her go.”

His eyes hold mine, and his jaw clenches as he contemplates that. “I’m not going to pretend that nothing’s going to change, but what happens from here is up to Frannie. You’re not a demon anymore. You’re human, with a clean soul and a completely clean slate. If Frannie still wants you,” he almost seems to choke on the words, “then there’s no reason you can’t be together.”

And that’s the key: if she still wants me. She’ll belong to Heaven.
To Gabriel
. Will she still want me after? Her life will outgrow me—the tagalong, used-to-be demon. It won’t be long before she doesn’t need me or want me. I crack open the door and gaze at her. She looks so tired, but she also looks at peace, and I know it’s time.

Gabriel pushes through the door, and I walk behind him, stopping just inside. But then Frannie holds her hand out to me, and I stride to her side, needing to feel her touch.

“You’re ready,” I tell her, and she nods her affirmation. “Good,” I say to myself. “This is good,” I repeat a little louder—for her. Then I kiss her quickly and stand.

I turn to Gabriel. “Okay,” I say, giving him the signal.

He smirks. “Okay, what?”

“Tag her. She’s ready.”

“It was done before we walked back into the room. What’d you think, we have some big “Pomp and Circumstance” thing?”

I glower at him. “You’re such an asshole. I thought maybe you’d give her a heads-up, that’s all.”

“If she’s ready, why does she need a heads-up?”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” she says, glowering up at us.

“Should I have given you a heads-up, Frannie?” Gabriel teases.

Frannie grins. “No, but maybe Luc would have liked one.”

I start and stare down at her. “What are you talking about?”

Frannie’s eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them. “Tag—you’re it!”

I look at Gabriel, stunned. “You’re joking.”

He smiles and shrugs. “It was one of Frannie’s conditions. Plus, you’ve impressed the right deity, though Michael was less than thrilled.”

I try to digest what Gabriel is saying. “I’m tagged . . . for Heaven . . .” I say, trying it on.

“Could you at least pretend to be happy about it? Otherwise, I may have to take it back.”

I feel the grin spread across my face as Frannie reaches up for my hand. I grab it and sit down hard in the desk chair next to the bed. “Holy shit.”

Matt cracks a dubious smile. “You can say that again. A demon tagged for Heaven. . . .” He shakes his head.

“So, what’s going to happen?” Frannie asks. “I mean with my life . . . college and all . . .” her gaze shifts for an instant to me then back to Gabe, “. . . you guys.”

Gabriel sits next to her on the bed and grasps her other
hand, visibly struggling with what to say. But his eyes say what he can’t. I see it, clear as day, even if she doesn’t. He’d give up his wings for her. All she’d have to do is ask.

His eyes drop from hers, but his hand grasps tighter. “What happens from here is up to you.”

My most heartfelt thanks to my extremely patient husband, Steven, for providing basic life necessities and keeping us all sustained during my obsession with my imaginary friends. To my girls, Michelle and Nicole, for being a source of inspiration for everything that I do. To my parents, who, from the beginning, taught me to believe in myself. To my omnipotent überagent, Suzie Townsend, for taking that initial leap of faith, which, at the time, must have felt more like cliff diving. To my seriously cool editor, Melissa Frain, for taking something I loved and helping me make it into something other people might love too. To Eric Elfman and my Big Sur group for making me believe I don’t suck at this and giving me the confidence to put what was in my head on paper. To my fellow ladies
of lit, Andrea Cremer and Stephanie Howard, for keeping me on track.

And, because my Muse is a wannabe rock star, a special thanks to Chad Kroeger and Nickelback for “Savin’ Me,” the incredible song that inspired the character Luc, and to Isaac Slade and The Fray for writing the intense and deeply thought-provoking “You Found Me,” the inspiration for Frannie.