Personal Possessions (47 page)

I got my cake and was
eating it too.

“Loser, loser,
loser!”

I heard one of them
singing it over and over again. I reached down into my pocket that
contained the plastic wrap the heroine came from, it was
empty.

“Fuck!” I yelled as I
pounded on a piece of wood beside me.

I was out of money and out
of stash. It was too late to hit the streets; Bubba’s boys would be
out looking for me so I just decided to pass out until morning. I
moved a board and laid down on the hard wooden floor wishing
tomorrow would hurry up and come…I wanted these bastards out of my
head for good.

I woke up before the sun
rose with the best laid plan ready to set in motion. I didn’t know
if it was “Them” that came up with it or me during the night, but I
knew how this was going to play out. I went out back to where the
old fence used to be, there was still barbed wire laying on the
ground, so I picked up two strands that were a pretty good size, I
took them out to the back of my truck where I placed them in the
tool box, on top of the rope that I was going to need as well. I
moved the rope and picked up the gun that I had stashed in there
and put it in my waistband.

“Bet she’ll think twice
about making you look bad again, Willie.”

“No she won’t, she aint
gonna have a chance to think again.”

A female voice said as she
laughed a maniacal laugh that almost sounded like a witch
laughing.

“Nah…she aint gonna make
me look bad again, I can promise you that.”

I responded to the two of
them. Maybe they were there to keep me company, when I did what
they told me to do. Before I made my way to the house, I had to
make a stop by Toppers and get at least one rock to get me through
this, then I would head over to Bub’s and let him know that he
would be receiving payment very soon.

I knew the alleyway
entrance code on the door and I knew for a fact that the room that
held the stash would only have one guy in front of it this early.
The bar was closed and no one would be coming in this early to set
up yet, so I would be good to go.

I crawled into the
driver’s seat and put the car in drive. This was going to be the
best drive ever, I was directing myself to the beginning of
something new; normal and healthy, there was no way in hell I would
even glance back in the rearview mirror at what used to be my
fucked up life.

I waited at the end of the
drive. I saw the kid’s leave but they didn’t see me, since I was
parked on the other block. I pulled up and parked in the drive,
grabbing what I needed wasn’t going to look out of the norm; I was
always putting and taking things out of the garage. I walked in the
side door and slipped up the stairs.

“Grab that vase and hit
her over the head.”

One of the voices directed
me to the side table in the hall that held Ellie’s favorite silk
flowers. I grabbed the vase, allowing the flowers to fall to the
floor. Opening the door just a bit, I could see Ellie making the
bed, I waited for her to turn her back towards me when I lifted the
vase above my head and smashed it against her head.

Ellie never knew what hit
her. I was hoping she was dead already but then I heard her moan
that revealed that she still was alive.

“Smash her head in,
Willie.”

I looked around for
anything I could find, but there was nothing close enough to grab.
Suddenly, she turned over and saw me standing over her. Her legs
started flailing everywhere, attempting to kick me away from
her.

“Oh…you’re feisty this
morning…you get this feisty with Trevor?”

Suddenly her body froze.
She wasn’t expecting that remark to leave my mouth. I caught her
off guard which made it easier to do what needed to be
done.

“Let’s have some fun with
her before we kill’er!”

One voice said.

I was tweaking hard from
the crack rocks I smoked this morning, I knew I would need energy
so I grabbed three dime bags and had already smoked a whole
bag.

I grabbed her arms and
pulled her up the bed until her hands reached the headboard. She
was kicking and screaming as I pulled her up.

“Shut up,
bitch!”

I screamed as I back
handed her across the face. This didn’t stop her movements, she was
used to my blows; they didn’t seem to bother her as much now as
they did the first time I hit her. I wrapped the barbed wire around
one of her hands until it didn’t wrap anymore.

“What’re you doin’,
Bear…let me go!!” Ellie screamed as best she could. Her speech was
sort of slurred so it was hard to tell what she was
saying.

“Ball up your fist…that
will do the trick!”

I followed my orders as I
landed two strokes across her cheekbone. I even heard something
crack.

“That’s it, Willie…make
her pay for treating you like shit!”

“You’re gonna pay, bitch
for treating me like shit!”

I said to her through
gritted teeth. The more I thought of my family in that garden with
him, the angrier I got. Did she think that Trevor and her would get
the happy ending? That they would ride off into the sunset and grow
old together? I didn’t have the one I loved growing old my side, I
wasn’t going to get the happy ending so neither were
they.

“That’s right…I saw ya’ll
in the park yesterday.”

I whispered. It hurt me
that she would betray me like that.

“She don’t care about you,
Willie…kill’er!!”

I stood in the corner of
the bedroom and slid down the wall. I took out the gun and laid the
side of it up against my forehead.

I started to
cry.

“Get up, ya pussy…there
aint no room for crying here!”

I rubbed my hands over my
face roughly. I hated these voices, they drove me crazy! Deep down,
I didn’t want her dead; I didn’t want her with Trevor neither. Deep
down I did love Ellie…hell we’d grown up together, but times had
changed…we were adults now.

“Keep your eye on the
prize, dickhead!”

“Dickhead, dickhead…Willie
is a dickhead!”

That same female voice
sang.

“I wanna have some fun
with her!”

Another male voice
said.

I lay one more good blow
to her…that did it; she was knocked out.

I quickly spread her legs
and ripped her pants off. I undid my pants and pulled my shaft out,
entering her.

“That’s it, Willie… give
it to her good one last time.”

I pounded against her
hard. Just then the door busted open and there stood
Trevor.

“Mother fuck!” He screamed
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Bear! This is Elleny, you fuck!
What the fuck are you doing! She’s your wife!!”

I pushed myself off of her
and stuck my dick back in my pants, lying my hand next to Ellie’s
head, I picked up the gun and started waving it around.

“
Well, well… if it aint
Mr. Big-Shit!”

I began laughing
hysterically.

“What a great fuckin day
for a reunion…isn’t it! It’s really great to see ya again,
brutha!”

I stood beside Ellie for a
moment looking down at her.

“
Did you enjoy fucking my
wife…BRUTHA? She’s pretty good it’n she? Now…”

I dropped my empty hand
down and slid my dirty, bloody fingers down her legs.

“I know it’s been awhile
for the two of ya, but I’ve done taught’er cupla things here an’
there.”

I put my hand up on the
side of my mouth as though I was gonna whisper something and
lowered my voice almost to a harsh whisper so he would still be
able to hear me.

“
She likes it rough
now.”

“Hell yeah, she liked it
rough!”

One of the voices
retorted. I turned my eyes towards Ellie and threw my hand
out.

“
This…this to her is just
foreplay.”

I could see Trevor’s color
turning pale white, he didn’t look so good, maybe he was going to
lose it all over the floor… fuckin’ pussy, he never was one that
could handle bein a man.

“Do it, Willie…what are
you waiting for?” One voice said.

“He’s too much of a girly
girl to do it…I got five bucks that he won’t do it.” Another chimed
in.

“Do it…do it…do it…do
it...they all chimed in together.

I covered up my ears as I
paced around the bedroom screaming at the top of my lungs, they
needed to stop talking so loud!

“She’s never been my
wife!”

I screamed in Trevor’s
direction. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath;
they stopped talking for a moment.

“
She’s been yours! You…you
piece of shit! I couldn’t do anything right to make her love me! I
thought I could; I tried and tried but she never would. At least
not as much as I loved her! She’s never loved me! It’s always been
you!”

I stepped back over to her
and grabbed her by the back of the head and forced her head back
looking so she could look at me.

“
Do you know how hard it
is to come home every day, look at’er lyin next to you in bed and
feel your heart almost burst from the love you have for ‘er but ya
can see it in’er eyes that she don’t feel shit for ya… do ya? No, I
don’t ‘spose ya do.”

I let go of her head and I
heard it hit the back of the headboard. I walked beside the bed and
headed for the window looking out into the yard.

“Cry baby, cry baby…the
baby can’t do it! You aren’t nothing like Earnest! Crying over
someone who don’t even give a shit for you!”

“
I gave her all of me and
she stepped on it, shit on it and threw it back in my
face!!”

I was covered in Ellie’s
blood, I was sweating and coming off my high from all the rock I
smoked and all I could hear were the voices, louder than my own
telling me to kill her and do it now.

I could hear myself
laughing.

“
I was spost to be the
hero. The one who cleaned up your fuckin mess now wasn’t I…
brutha’… because of you…she has done fucked up my life… for
seventeen years. I’ve missed out on everything… EVERYTHING cuz of
her!”

“Get the knife, Willie…get
the knife and let’s carve her like a pumpkin!”

“Oh yes! Let’s
do...pumpkin time, pumpkin time!”

That voice wouldn’t stop
singing her responses. I imagined her dancing around in my head
singing and clapping.

I went to the dresser
beside the closet door, pulled the top drawer open and took out a
long hunting knife. I put the gun back in my back pocket of my
jeans and began running my finger down the edge of the
blade.

“Her daddy never did care
for me, always thought his daughter was way too good for the likes
‘a me. She started thinkin’ that too…thought that she had a pussy
made a’gold. That daddy’ a hers was puttin’ shit in ‘er head so I
had to shut’em’da fuck up! We wantin plannin’ on that bitch’a his
bein home. It show’ wantin’ as easy as it looked on those crime
shows; that knife show did get a workout!”

The voices chuckled right
along with me.

I got to the end of the
blade and put my index finger to the point and poked myself drawing
blood, I loved that feeling, it made me feel alive…I hadn’t felt
that since Angie… I squeezed my finger a minute and saw the drop of
blood mix with the blood of Ellie’s on my hand and then stuck it in
his mouth.

“Awwhh…how fucking sweet,
Willie…now you gonna do her or are we gonna take over.”

“
Ya don’t know what I had
to deal with. Her bitchin…her fuckin naggin for years! It’s so
fuckin annoyin’!”

In a nasal mocking voice I
mimicked what Ellie’s bitching sounded like.

“Give me your paycheck,
Bear… there’s bills to pay, Bear… I need you to stop and get
diapers for the baby, Bear… it’s all bullshit!”

“Do it…do it…do
it!”

Over and over in my head.
I ran my hands over my face to make sure it was still
me.

I stopped at the foot of
the bed on Ellie’s side.

“Do it…do it…do
it!”

All they would say now
over and over again was do it!

“One…two…three…four…five…one…two…three…four…five.”

“Why did you stay Bear, no
one would’a thought less of ya if you’da left?”

“He would’ve liked that
wouldn’t he…you leaving so he could come in and take your
place?”

“You think I’m gonna let
her go without giving me some type of compensation for my losses? I
told her if she’da gave me her momma’s money, I’d go…she’d say
something about it being for ‘dem bastard kids of hers, so now it
looks like I’ll get that…and her life insurance; well, hot dayum!
This days gettin’ betta and betta! “

I started walking back
over by the dresser that sat next to where Ellie was laying and set
the knife on top of it. I took the gun out of my back pocket when I
heard Trevor speak.