Philip and the Case of Mistaken Identity and Philip and the Baby (9781597051095) (8 page)

“What are you doing that for?” Philip
asked.

“I had to take the dirty diaper to the
trash.”

“Dirty? Why do you use dirty diapers? Why
don’t you just use clean ones?”

“They start clean, but then the baby goes to
the bathroom in them.”

“You mean you carried a diaper with...”

“My mother makes me do it,” Emery said
glumly. “She says it will make me feel closer to the baby.”

Philip sniffed. “You smell like you’ve been
closer to the baby.”

“I don’t like it, you know. No fun. No fun at
all.”

The more Philip thought of it the more his
nose wrinkled in disgust.

“Will you stop that with your nose?” said
Emery. “Let’s just play chess.”

“Did you play chess yesterday or the day
before?”

“I played with my dad last night. Why?”

Philip thought a moment then said, “You
touched the chessmen with your diaper hands.”

“So?”

“I’m not going to touch them.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Emery said.

Just then Emery’s father called from the
basement, so Emery went downstairs to see what he wanted.

As Philip was sitting checking the chessmen
to see whether they were clean or diapery, Emery’s mother called.
“Emery, bring me another diaper, sweetheart.”

Philip looked around. “Emery went downstairs,
Mrs. Wyatt.”

“Then would you bring me a diaper, Philip?
They’re in a box next to the kitchen table.”

Philip’s eyes widened. Diapers were not for
him. “I think I have to go home, Mrs. Wyatt.”

“Bring me a diaper first, Philip,
please.”

Philip ran to the head of the stairs that led
to the basement. “Emery,” he called. But the basement was
quiet.

“Hurry, Philip,” came Mrs. Wyatt’s voice from
above.

Philip knew he’d get into trouble if he just
left and ran home. He didn’t need that. There was nothing to do but
grab the diaper and go upstairs. At least it would be a clean
diaper he was carrying.

“Here, Mrs. Wyatt,” said Philip. He watched
her change the baby. She took the used diaper, closed it up and
looked for a place to put it.

“Philip,” she said.

Philip felt goose bumps pop from his
flesh.

“Would you help me out, please, and put this
in the trashcan in the bathroom?” And she handed the diaper to
him.

Philip took the plastic diaper with two
fingers and squeezed his nose shut with his other hand. He ran down
the hall but decided to slow down and be careful. If he dropped the
diaper and it spilled, Mrs. Wyatt might make him clean it up. He
could never do that without throwing up. And then she’d probably
make him clean
that
up, too. He found the trashcan and
lifted the top. The smell was horrible. He dumped the diaper in and
ran downstairs where he could breathe again. He sucked in mighty
breaths.

He was mad at Emery now.
Where did he
go?
If Emery had stayed with him, he never would have had to
touch that stinky diaper. Philip spied the chessboard neatly
arranged with chess pieces. Dirty, diapery, stinky chess pieces. He
swung his foot at it and knocked the pieces all over the living
room floor. That would show Emery. And with that, Philip went
home.

Philip rushed through his own front door and
dashed straight into the kitchen, right to the sink. His mother was
busy fixing dinner.

“What are you doing, Philip?”

“Washing my hands.”

“But that’s my dishwashing soap. Philip, not
so much. Since when did you start washing your hands before dinner
without being told?”

Philip wanted to say,
Since I started
holding stinky diapers
. But he only shrugged. He dried his
hands on the towel that hung from the refrigerator handle.

“Don’t go far, Philip. Dinner is almost
ready.”

“I won’t,” Philip said as he left the
kitchen. On his way upstairs he reached the fourth step and
stopped. There were flowers in the living room. A lot of flowers.
Philip backed down to investigate. One, two, three, four. Four
bunches of flowers sitting in tall bottles full of water. Red,
yellow, white, blue. Philip went back into the kitchen.

“Mommy, why are there so many flowers in the
living room?”

“Daddy and I have a surprise for you
tonight.”

“Flowers are for girls. How about a candy
surprise?”

“Philip, the flowers are not the surprise.
They just set the scene. They add atmosphere.”

Set the scene? Add atmosphere?
What
was his mother talking about? He left the kitchen. Something funny
was going on. Philip went upstairs to the bathroom to wash his
hands again. He wanted to be sure that
all
of the stinky
diaper was off of them.

Then he went to his room. That was where he
kept his candy, hidden in a shoebox in a special hiding place way
in the back of his closet. His mother knew about the shoebox, but
she didn’t know where he kept it. At least she said she didn’t
know. He had made her promise that she would never ever look inside
his shoebox even if she found it. It was his most private place in
the world. But the only thing Philip kept in his shoebox was candy,
and there were three candy bars there today. He would eat them all
before dinner. He’d seen what his mother was cooking. Pork chops.
Philip didn’t like pork chops. He liked candy.

As he munched a Nestles’ Krackle, he thought
of Emery. Emery used to be fun, used to be his best friend. Now he
was boring. They couldn’t do anything in his house.

Because of the baby. The stupid baby. Philip
was glad he was the only child his parents had. There was no one to
bother him.

Philip heard a car outside. His father was
home. Now he would learn what the surprise was. The door downstairs
banged. Philip ran to the top of the stairs to listen.

“Is all of this for Philip?” he heard his
father say.

“I think it’s nice,” his mother answered.

“Oh, it is,” his father agreed. “But for
Philip?”

Philip wiped his chocolatey fingers on his
pants and went back inside his bedroom. He put the other two candy
bars back inside his shoebox. He’d eat them later. It was time to
see what his surprise was. Maybe it was something he could play
with. He bounced down the stairs, smiling. When he reached bottom,
he stopped. His mother and father were kissing. Yecch! Then they
saw Philip.

“Come here, Flip Flip,” his father called to
him.

Philip ran and got a hug.

“We have a surprise for you.”

“Can I see it, Daddy?”

His father laughed. “You’ll have to wait
until September to see it, Flipper.”

Hmmm
, thought Philip. It sounded like
a riddle. This was May. September was when school started again.
That was a long way off.

“You tell him,” his mother said to his
father.

“Flip Flip. Good news. In early September we
are going to get another member in our family.”

Philip thought a moment, then asked slowly.
“Are you getting me a dog?”

His parents laughed. Philip didn’t laugh. He
was beginning to get the picture.

“It will be even better than a dog,” his
father said. “Mommy is going to have a baby. You’re going to have a
baby brother or sister. Isn’t that great?”

Philip screamed, turned, and ran upstairs to
his room.

Philip was lying on his bed face down a few
evenings later when he heard his father’s car pulling into the
driveway. He felt terrible. Mommy and Daddy were mad at him. His
teacher was unhappy with him and had sent a note home about him.
Emery still wouldn’t talk to him because of the chess pieces he’d
kicked over. A new baby was coming, and he couldn’t understand why.
Maybe his mother and father always wanted a girl instead of him.
Maybe when he was born they were disappointed he was a boy. Or
maybe they were tired of scolding him so much they wanted someone
better than him. Or maybe they just didn’t like him anymore. He
wished he could do something about this. But what could he do?

Nothing.

Just be miserable.

There was a knock on his bedroom door, and
his father walked in.

“Philip, Mommy and I visited school at
lunchtime today. You don’t seem any happier there lately than you
are here. Is it because of the new baby?”

“No.”

“The teacher said you took a bottle of germs
to school for show and tell. Do you still have the bottle?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t see it. Is it in your shoe box?”

Philip nodded.

“What are you going to do with those
germs?”

“They’re for the baby,” Philip grumbled
softly.

“You’re saving them to hurt the new baby?”
Philip’s father asked in surprise.

Philip didn’t answer.

“The new baby didn’t do anything to hurt you.
I don’t think the baby will ever do anything to hurt you. You will
be the older brother. The baby will love you, Philip. Love you a
lot.”

“I don’t want to be a brother.”

“I see. Well, don’t get angry before you have
to, Flipper. Nothing happened yet to make you so angry, did
it?”

Yes, it did
, Philip wanted to say.
You and Mommy want somebody else
. But he didn’t answer.

“Think about it, Philip. We’ll talk later. A
little at a time. There’s no hurry.”

Philip said nothing.

“Come down for dinner in a while. You can go
out to play after dinner. Maybe that will make you feel better. And
think things over. It won’t be as bad as you imagine.”

Philip didn’t believe that at all.

~ * ~

The long days of May passed, then the longer
days of June and, finally, school ended.

A lonely summer vacation began for Philip.
Not one thing happened to make him feel better. Instead only bad
things happened.

He played baseball with the older boys,
missed a fly ball, and then struck out with the bases loaded.
Chinko, one of the older boys, teased him about it. Philip got
angry and told him he smelled like a stinky diaper. Now he heard
that the other boys were calling Chinko “Stinky” and that Chinko
wanted to beat him up.

Then he had stopped by at Mrs. Moriarty’s
house. She was his favorite neighbor because she always had candy
in dishes all over the house. She had a VCR and lots of tapes of
cartoons, which she played when children visited her, and Philip
often felt like watching some cartoons and eating some candy. But
when he arrived on one particular day, who should be there but
Emery’s little sister, Amy. Mrs. Moriarty was baby-sitting her.

Philip got mad and left and hadn’t gone back
since. And he hadn’t played with Emery once all summer.

Finally, it was time for Philip’s family to
go to the beach for their vacation. It was wonderful. He played on
the beach, swam in the ocean, and went to the amusements at night.
But all too quickly the vacation was over, and it was time to go
home.

Philip stayed in the house the first few days
after his family returned from the beach. But then he heard some
news that sent him out of the house as if his pants were on fire.
His mother told him that Emery’s mother was going to have another
baby. Poor Emery! Another baby in the house.
Two
babies.
Philip ran all the way to Emery’s house and knocked on the
door.

“Philip! What do you want? Didn’t Chinko beat
you up yet?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t your friend before,” said
Philip. He didn’t want to waste a minute. “My mother told me your
news.”

“Oh. Isn’t it terrible?” Emery came outside
and shut the door behind. “My mother takes a nap now every time Amy
does. I’m afraid to move around. No fun. Right?”

“Come on over to my house. We can play out
back and make all the noise we want. Emery,” said Philip as they
walked down the street. “We have to be best friends. We both have
babies coming.”

Emery stopped and stuck out his hand.

“What’s that for?” Philip asked.

“If we’re going to be best friends, we should
shake on it.”

Philip remembered Emery’s diaper hands but
didn’t want to hurt Emery’s feelings. So he shook Emery’s hand once
and let it go quickly.

“Now, I can teach you chess if you promise
not to kick over the game again. I almost lost the queen last
time.”

Emery and Philip’s friendship lasted all
summer. They swam in Philip’s tiny swimming pool; they played ball
and a little chess; they often visited Mrs. Moriarty for candy and
cartoons. And slowly but surely, the summer slipped away.

~ * ~

The day before school began, Philip and Emery
sat talking in Philip’s pool.

“Don’t you feel good, Philip?” Emery
asked.

“It’s almost time for school to start.”

“I know. I have that old witch Miss Smith
this year. I hate her. She’s always calling kids names. She called
John a cry baby last year.”

“She did?”

“I heard her say it in the lunchroom.”

“I have crabby Mrs. Moh. But even worse. When
school starts that means my new baby will be here soon.” Philip’s
mother had told him it could be any day now. “Do you think our
mothers wanted other babies ’cause they were tired of us?”

“I don’t know. My mother wanted
two
babies. She must have been real tired of me. I wish I could go
somewhere and never see a baby again.”

“Emery! Why don’t we?”

“Why don’t we what?”

“Why don’t we go away and forget all about
babies?”

“Go away where?”

“Emery, let’s run away. No babies and no
school.”

Emery thought a minute. “I saw on TV where
two boys ran away and were killed by a werewolf.”

“A werewolf! A werewolf? There’s no such
thing.”

“I saw it on TV. The werewolf ate one boy,
and the other boy ran away. You’d probably let the werewolf eat me,
and you’d run away. But it wouldn’t matter. The werewolf caught the
other boy and ate him, too.”