Philip Van Doren Stern (ed) (250 page)

"It
happened
that
a
couple
of
my
neighbours
were
calling
on
me.
One
of
them
you
have
met—Admiral
Palkin,
a
prolix
old
gentleman,
with a habit of saying
nothing at remarkable length. The other was a
Mr. Stiles, a country gentleman who had
a
thought
of
putting
up
for
that
division of the county. I led these two
gentlemen into the billiard
room, and
composed
myself to listen while the
admiral
monologued.
But
the clock seemed to me to tick louder than
ever, until, with one
sharp and almost metallic thump, the
sound
ceased
altogether.
At
exactly
the same moment,
Admiral
Palkin
stopped
dead
in
the
middle
of
a
sentence.
It
was
nothing
of
any
consequence
that
he
was
saying,
but
I
remember
the
words
at
which
he stopped. T have often
----------
'
he
said,
and
then
he
broke
off,
not
with any
abrupt
start,
or
for
any
lack of
woids, but just as if he had completed all
that he had meant to say. I looked at him
across
the fireplace, but his face
wore
its
usual expression
of
complacent
calm.
He
was
in
no
way
put
out.
Nor
did
it
seem
that
any
new
train
of
thought
had
flashed
into
his mind and diverted it. I turned my eyes from him to Mr. Stiles. Mr. Stiles
seemed actually
to
be
unaware
that
the
admiral had stopped talking at all. Admiral Palkin, you will remember, was a
person of
consequence
in the
district,
and
Mr.
Stiles, who
would
subsequently
need
his
vote
and influence
and
motor
car, had thought fit to
assume
an
air
of
great deference.
From
the
beginning
he
had
leaned
towards
the
admiral,
his
elbow
upon
his knee, his chin propped upon his hand, and
his head now and
again
nodding
a
thoughtful
assent
to
the
admiral's
nothings.
In this
attitude
he
still remained, not
surprised,
not
even
patiently
waiting for the
renewal
of
wisdom,
but
simply
attentive.

"Nor
did
I
move,
for
I
was
amused.
The
two
men
looked
just
like a couple of wax figures in Madame Tussaud's, fixed in a stiff
attitude and
condemned
so
to
remain
until
the
building
should
take
fire
and
the wax run. I sat
watching
them
for
minutes,
and
still
neither
moved nor
spoke.
I never saw in my life
a
couple
of
people
so
entirely
ridiculous.
I tried hard to keep my countenance
—for
to
laugh
at
these
great
little
men in my own
house
would not only be bad manners, but
would
certainly
do
for
me
in
the
neighbourhood—but
J
could
not
help it.
I
began
to
smile,
and
the
smile
became
a
laugh.
Yet
not
a
muscle on
the faces of my
visitors
changed.
Not
a
frown
overshadowed
the admiral's
complacency;
not
a
glance
diverted
the
admiring eyes of Mr. Stiles. And then the clock began to tick
again,
and,
to
my infinite astonishment, at the very same moment the
admiral
continued.

"
'—said
to
myself in my lighter moments
--------
And
pray,
sir,
at
what

are
you
laughing?'

"Mr.
Stiles turned with an angry glance
towards
me.
Admiral
Palkin
had
resumed
his conversation,
apparently
unaware
that
there had been any interval at all. My laughter, on the other hand, had
extended beyond the
interval,
had
played
an
accompaniment
to
the words
just
spoken.
I
made my excuses as well as I could, but I recognised that they were deemed
insufficient.
The
two
gentlemen left my house with the coldest farewells you can imagine.

"The
same
extraordinary
incident
was
repeated
with
other
visitors, but
I was on my
guard
against
any
injudicious
merriment.
Moreover, I
had
no
longer
any
desire
to
laugh.
I
was
too
perplexed.
My
visitors never seemed to notice that there
had been
a
lengthy
interval
or
indeed
any
interval
at
all, while I, for my part, hesitated to ask them what had so completely
hypnotised them.

"The
next development took place when I was alone in the room. It was Eve o'clock in
the afternoon. I had been out shooting
a
covert close
to the house, and a few
minutes
after
I
had
rung
the
bell,
I remembered that I had forgotten some
instructions
which
I
had
meant to
give
to
the
keeper.
So
I
got up at once, thinking to catch him in the
gun
room
before
he went home. As I rose from my chair, the clock,
which
had
been
ticking loudly
—though,
as
I
have said,
it
was
rather
a hollow,
booming
sound,
as
though
the
pendulum
struck
the
wood
of
the case, than a mere ticking of the clock
work
—ceased
its noise with the abruptness to which I was
growing
used.
I
went
out
of
the
room into
the
hall, and I saw Humphreys with the tea tray in his hands in the hall. He was turned
towards
the
billiard
room
door,
but
to
my astonishment
he
was
not
moving.
He
was
poised
with
one foot in the air, as though he had been
struck,
as
the
saying
is,
with
a
step
half taken.
You
have
seen,
no
doubt,
instantaneous
photographs
of
people
in
the act of walking. Well, Humphreys was exactly like one of those photographs.
He had just the same stiff, ungainly look. I
should
have
spoken to him, but I was anxious to catch my keeper before he went away.
So I took no notice of him. I
crossed
the
hall
quickly
and
went out
by
the
front door, leaving it open. The gun room was
really a small building of corrugated iron, standing
apart
at
the
back
of
the
house. I went to it and tried the door. It was locked. I called
aloud: 'Martin.'
Martini'