Pick-me-up (12 page)

After a moment, Katelyn sighed, “Yeah,
okay.”

He seemed to pick up on her disappointment.
“Look, I’m making good money out here. I get paid tomorrow, so
there’ll be plenty for groceries and formula and whatever you want.
Heck, you go pick out a great birthday present, you hear, ‘cause
you deserve it.”

Katelyn couldn’t get her voice to match his
enthusiasm. “Yeah, okay.” She’d been letting her birthday not take
as much importance as it had in younger years. Her dad had promised
her another horse for her fifteenth birthday. She didn’t want to
press it because of the hard year he was having.

“I gotta go, Kate.”

“Okay,” she said hesitantly through the
phone. She pictured him holding up a hand to someone else gesturing
that he’d only be a minute. “Love you,” she said more as a hope
that he’d say it back.

He didn’t fail her. “I love you too, Kate.
I’ll talk to you later.” The phone went dead. She hit the end
button on the phone and let her surroundings sink back in. The TV
still played Kayla’s movie. She no longer heard the giggles and
laughing from Kayla, but rather a whine about how Brianna wasn’t
playing fair. Jacob’s crying had stopped. She pulled out her own
phone and activated the screen. Still no calls. She put the kitchen
phone back into its charger and looked at the mess of pans and
dishes. Screw it, she thought, and shut herself in her room.

“Sure, I’ll go.” Katelyn said to Emily. They
stood at Katelyn’s locker where Emily had pounced on her as she
came into school.

“Great,” Emily said excitedly. “Collin
totally likes me. He talked to Jack last night who told
Jocelyn--you know, Maci’s former locker partner--that he asked if I
was dating anyone.”

Katelyn was in a foul mood. Not only was she
on her way to her dreaded science class, she still hadn’t heard
from Tim. To add to matters, Brianna narked to her mom this morning
about Katelyn using the computer. Her mom hadn’t done anything in
front of Brianna, but after they dropped her off at the middle
school, she said, “We’ll talk when you get home” as she let her off
at the corner of the high school.

Emily kept talking as they walked down the
hall. “Okay, so I’ll pick you up at nine, alright.” Emily was
veering off into the next classroom and turned around to face
Katelyn. “Hey, you must not be grounded anymore?” She smiled.
“How’d you manage that.”

Katelyn rolled her eyes. “Just pick me up at
the Gas N’ Go. I gotta come up with something good.”

Emily raised her eyebrow, but quickly lost
interest in Katelyn as a boy tried to squeeze past her into the
classroom. The tardy bell rang, and Katelyn picked up the pace to
get to her classroom two doors down. The science teacher was
already calling class to attention. He gave Katelyn a dismissive
glance and then went right back into directions for a test Katelyn
would most definitely fail.

Three hours later, Katelyn walked out of her
math class and headed out the school doors. Since it was the last
day of school, dismissal was at the half day. She had checked her
English grade and she did pass—a C- even. Science was just as bad
as she thought, so there was no helping her F. She gave up halfway
through it and daydreamed, mostly about what she should say to Tim.
Math was easy. She’d probably pull a B in that class. She didn’t
really care about the grade, even though the brainiacs couldn’t
talk enough about their GPAs and percentages.

Emily must have already taken off. Katelyn
kicked herself for not asking her for a ride earlier. Before she
left the school property, she opened her bag. She took out all the
few folders and notebooks and threw them into the trash bin. If she
had to walk, she might as well lighten her load.

When she reached home, her mom was sitting in
her customary spot at the table. Jacob was contently grasping toys
within his reach on his blanket in the living room. Kayla was
coloring at the table across from her mom. When she saw Katelyn,
she stopped to show her the drawing. “Look, Kate’n, I do homework
too.”

She held out an alphabet coloring page with
the A somewhat still visible from under the painting of red crayon.
“Good girl, Kayla. You’re going to be great.”

Her mom watched Katelyn interact with her
niece with a small amused smile. She was poised over her own stack
of papers, bills and letters. She had a checkbook out beside her,
so Katelyn assumed she had been paid today. Her mom caught her
looking.

“Brian deposited his paycheck today,” she
said in a throaty emotionless voice.

Katelyn looked away and busied herself in the
kitchen, going to the refrigerator for something to drink. She
noted two new containers of formula on the counter, one already
opened. At least she didn’t have to bring up that topic.

“How were your tests?” her mom asked.

“Fine.” Katelyn didn’t want to go into the
details if she didn’t have to. Her mom stayed silent. The silence
begged for something else to be said. Katelyn thought of an
explanation suddenly. “I studied online last night.”

Her mom took a long pause before answering,
giving her the stare. Katelyn swore her mom could gauge the real
truth by careful inspection of every action she made. She hated
being examined so closely, mostly because there usually was
something for her mom to find wrong.

“You should have asked,” her mom finally said
and set her pen down, trading it for a cigarette. “But, it doesn’t
matter. You can use the computer again.”

Katelyn was relieved. Her mom was going easy
on her. “Am I still grounded?”

Her mom didn’t answer. Katelyn sighed and
picked up her bag from the chair intending to go to her room.

“Let’s talk, Kate.” It was not an invitation,
Katelyn knew, but a directive. Her mom indicated the seat next to
Kayla. Katelyn shrugged and sat down next to her niece, giving
Kayla a new color to layer on the demolished page.

The talk started with school, and Katelyn
told her mom about science. Her mom didn’t take the failure badly.
“I tried, mom. I’ll do better next year. At least I don’t have to
do English again.”

Her mom actually praised Katelyn for bringing
up her grade and shocked her when she said, “Science was my worst
subject, too. That doesn’t make it right for you to flunk it, but I
understand.” And then she changed the subject, almost like she was
the one to be uncomfortable now. “Your birthday’s Sunday. Where do
you want to go eat?”

Katelyn shrugged, “Pizza Palace, I guess, so
the kids can play games.” Katelyn’s other niece and nephew were a
few years older than Kayla. But, she didn’t know if they’d be
coming, didn’t know if Jodi was welcome since Brandon had stolen
her mom’s bank card. “Are Sierra and Colton coming?” Katelyn tested
the waters.

“I’ll call them later. Brandon better stay
clear though.” Her mom paused to take a drag and exhaled. “Your dad
won’t be here, you know.”

Katelyn didn’t look up. She figured as much,
“Yeah, I know.”

“What do you want for a gift?”

She shrugged again. “I dunno,” which was a
lie. Her mom picked up on it.

“Money’s still tight, Katelyn. I know he
promised he’d get you another horse,” her mom hit the sore spot as
directly as she could. One thing about her mom was that she didn’t
mess around. “It was stupid to get you one when we didn’t have
property yet.” Her mom was referring to the promised “home in the
country” her dad was always talking about, especially when he was
fed up with neighbors’ complaints. “We had to sell it, Katelyn. The
stable costs too much.”

“I know,” Katelyn glanced up at her.

Katelyn knew another horse likely wasn’t
going to happen, but she didn’t want to admit it. It had been pure
chance that she even had Sugar. Her dad’s business had done so well
at first that her parents had acted like lottery winners. There was
her dad’s new truck and a new car for mom, the four wheeler, new
siding on the house, her horse, and one day her dad showed up with
an old Harley Davidson. He’d given them rides all day long. After
he lost his main contract last year, they sold Sugar with the
promise that she’d get a new one for her birthday. Now, they were
no closer to the home in the country or another horse.

Her mom’s voice came out softer, “We could
probably get you that MP3 player you were looking at.”

Katelyn looked up, touched that her mom
remembered her request of over a month ago. They hadn’t done a lot
of talking lately. The iPod was several hundred dollars, quite an
expense considering the income conditions in her family right now.
A huge part of her wanted to be greedy, wanted to cry out
“Yes!”

“Are you sure?” came out instead. Her mom
didn’t answer. Katelyn sighed. “Naw, it’s alright. My music player
is fine. Maybe for Christmas.” Her mom stayed silent, but had put
out her cigarette and folded her hands over her arms in front of
her. “I know the perfect gift!” Katelyn exclaimed. “How about not
being grounded anymore?” she offered.

Katelyn’s mom’s mouth tried not to go into a
smile, but the smirk grew and a smile won. A small laugh came out
of her mom, an odd sound since Katelyn hadn’t heard in a long time.
“Nice try.” Her mom’s face softened. “Thanks, Katelyn. We’ll go
shopping and get you a new outfit. Or, how about a new pair of
shoes?”

“Yeah,” Katelyn conceded. “Sandals.” She was
about to get up, but tried again. “Mom, how much longer am I
grounded for?”

Her mom went back to studying her, but the
good mood held. Her eyes were softened. “Why? What do you
want?”

Katelyn saw her window. “I want to do
something with my friends for my birthday. Emily asked me to come
over for pizza tonight and maybe I could stay? She got a new game
she keeps bragging about.”

It took a long moment, one where Katelyn held
her face frozen so it didn’t give away her lie. But, her mom caved.
“Alright.”

“Thanks, Mom!” Katelyn jumped up excitedly
and was about to head to her room.

“But I want you home midmorning. Jenny’s
going to be here at noon. I want you around. And you need to ask
her to the Pizza Palace for your birthday Sunday. I want her to be
around as much as possible.” Her mom indicated to Kayla, who having
grown bored with the adult talk at the table, had gone down to the
blanket to try make Jacob laugh.

Katelyn took the opportunity to be direct.
Maybe she’d get an answer to something she often wondered. “Why are
you bothering, mom? She--” she was trying to be careful of what she
said in front of Kayla. “Jenny hasn’t tried to get them back,” she
whispered.

Her mom just looked at Kayla for a moment and
then turned with a penetrating look full of emotion. “I’ll never
give up on one of my girls.” And then she turned back after a
moment of looking at Kayla to the stack of bills in front of
her.

Chapter 13: In the
Dark

11:02
p.m. Missed Call from Tim

11:07 p.m. Missed Call from Tim

11:09 p.m. New Message: silence . . .
click

11:10 p.m. New Message from Tim: “Where r
u”

Katelyn sat next to the bonfire and read the
new text. She was fully alert despite the several beers she had
downed. Emily had left her to go talk to Collin, and from what she
could see, Emily was making good progress. She was fawning over him
as if she was really interested in the drag racing story he was
telling a couple of his friends. He was eating up the
attention.

Katelyn was as good as alone. Next to her was
the class stoner, Josh Kramer. He and a couple other boys had led
the smoking session a half hour ago, but only the three boys
scattered around the fire were still passing a joint. Conversation
had stopped and they all seemed to be entranced by the flames of
the bon fire.

When the joint was passed to her, Katelyn
held up her beer as a gesture that she’d pass, as if one substance
was too much for her. Now she had been forgotten by them, and she
didn’t mind. She had to answer some curious questions about her
Gorman incarceration when she first showed up. Amazingly, she had
reached urban legend status, but her story was now old news. It
only served to spur more stories and jokes at Gorman’s expense. Her
“record” gave her credibility. She hadn’t necessarily graduated to
“cool” status, but she felt more accepted than usual.

Katelyn relaxed in the dark of the night. The
air was crisp, but not too cold. If she turned her head from the
fire, the only light source for at least a half a mile, thousands
of stars sparked in the sky. The burning wood, laced in puffs with
the herbal scent of the pot, worked with the heat from the fire to
fill her with an overall sense of warmth.

She was out of the house at night for the
first time since, she sighed, since her night on the trail with
Tim. She had sent him a few more messages. All went without a
reply. She resolved not to call or text him anymore. If he did
contact her, she would ignore him. Let him see how it feels, she
thought.

Of course, she also held out hope that his
lack of contact was due to something beyond his control. If he was
hurt, she would instantly forgive him. But, she doubted that was
the case. It made her sad, but she thought she knew exactly why he
stopped calling. He moved on. It was only a matter of time, she
thought, until he grew tired of me or found someone better.

When his calls came, Katelyn found herself
getting mad. She ignored the alerts. She listened to the hang up
message. Now she sat staring at the text. Her resolve was
weakening. Behind her anger, she also felt hope.

She started a text in reply, but then
cancelled. She bit a nail and wondered what Jenny would do. Jenny
would reply. Katelyn started a new message, then stopped. Jenny
didn’t have any of her men still in her life. They had all left,
even after Jenny gave birth to two of their kids. Katelyn shut the
message down again. She didn’t want Tim to think he could do this
to her and expect her to take him back open-armed.