Picks & Pucks

For Amy, Mark, Luke, Jon, Robert & Chuck.

Your friendship means the world to me
.

A very heartfelt thanks to Dawn and Deb for answering all my rule questions.

B
ING
.

“In preparation for landing, please return seat backs and tray tables to their original positions. All electronics must be turned off and safely stowed. We should be on the ground in fifteen minutes. Thank you for flying with us.”

Bing
.

Fuck.

The engines roared and groaned as the pilots did what they needed to slow the plane down. I made the mistake of glancing out the window. The moment I spotted the city, my demons sprang to life, clawing at the window and racing around the wings of the jet, trying to get to me. They laughed and danced, shrieking a few garbled words. I clenched my fists, closed my eyes, and willed them to go away. My effort only made them scream louder.

I hadn’t spent more than ten days at a time in this town in over a year. Three years since she left me and shattered my family. And now, I was going to die in the sky above the city because the demons from my past were popping up and strangling the life out of me.

“You need to breathe,” the lady next to me said.

“Okay,” I choked out. She patted my leg and said something about turbulence. I didn’t have the heart to tell her my turbulence was not in the sky but inside my very being, and it would only get worse when the wheels of the plane touched the runway. The demons let out an evil laugh.

“See, I told you,” the woman said as the squeal of the brakes filled my ears. “Safe and sound.”

I nodded but kept my eyes focused on the plastic tray secured in its upright position. The idea of actually standing up and walking off the plane made my stomach hurt. I wondered if I sat here in my seat, not moving, whether someone would forcibly cart me off the plane. Maybe I could get a return ticket to California without leaving the plane.

The demons laughed and made bets on how long it would take before I went insane and ran away again. I fucking hated those demons. They had been easier to control in California.

I’d lived with my crazy demons for the past three years. They showed up shortly after my mother’s accident, and attacked me the moment I staggered out of the hospital in a stupor after listening to several doctors and nurses give my family the grim news. They followed me like shadows, changing shapes and scattering when I tried to bat them away.

The demons decided it would be a great moment to bring the memory to the front of my brain. The voices of the doctors and nurses came back with a vengeance. I tried to chase them out of my head, but the demons laughed and kept hitting repeat.

“
She is brain dead. There is no hope. She will not come back. The machines are breathing for her, keeping her body alive. You have to understand, she’s not really alive. Yes, her heart still beats, but she is not there anymore. Her body hasn’t caught up. It’s time to say good-bye, to let her go.”

The doctors weren’t telling me anything I wanted to hear, so I bolted out of the hospital and left behind my broken family. Demons appeared in front of me. I swore and swatted the air. They scattered, leaving only the sounds of traffic and the whistling of the cold winter wind. The walk home from the hospital had been long. By the time I stumbled through the front door, my entire body was numb. The house was quiet and the demons pressed down on my chest. I made it upstairs, locked my door, then curled under my blankets, sobbing until my throat was raw.

A soft, familiar voice humming a lullaby stopped my sobs. When I turned on the bedside lamp, no one was in the room. My iPod was silent and my computer was off, but the lullaby continued. It took me a few moments to realize the voice was my mother’s. I thought I’d gone crazy.

Most of the time I still thought I was insane.

“You’re not here,” I whispered to the empty room, covering my ears with my hands. “You left me.”

The demons cackled and made me think her death was my fault. And now, sitting on a plane in my hometown, the demons were shouting about her death again and about all the other failures I’d endured in this place.

“Shut up,” I grumbled at the demons.

“Did you say something?” the lady asked.

I shook my head and gathered my things. People filed off the plane as fast as possible. When the couple in the row ahead of me stood up and slid into the aisle, the time had come for me to face the demons head-on. Normal plane etiquette dictated for me to move. I took a deep breath and hurried so no one behind me would complain.

I scowled at the demons and clutched my bag tightly, moving off the plane.

Travelers who didn’t have checked bags rushed off to greet family and friends. I kept my head down and followed the others to the baggage carousel. The woman who had sat by me on the plane walked next to me and smiled.

“It’s good to be back on the ground,” she said. “Are you visiting someone, or do you live here?”

I snorted, because I didn’t have an answer. Right now, I didn’t belong anywhere. I hadn’t really belonged since my mom died. “Um, I came back here to train. I’m a skater.”

“Do you play hockey?”

Not much had changed in this town. If you told anyone you skated, they automatically assumed you played hockey. “Not in a long time. I’m a figure skater.”

She squinted at me, giving me the once-over. “Oh my, you’re Justin Corrin.”

“You know who I am?”

I hadn’t been on the national figure skating scene very long, so I was shocked when someone recognized me. Various magazines ran a few articles about my rise in men’s figure skating, but they were usually buried behind the “real” sports.

“I watched the US Nationals last year. Between you and me, you had the best free skate. You should have won the whole thing. Fourth place was wrong.”

“It was my first year at Senior Nationals. There’s a pecking order.”

“The article in the paper here said you were robbed. Your dad was disgusted with the judging. He thought there should be an investigation.”

“They interviewed my dad?”

She looked puzzled by my surprise. “Maybe this is your time,” she said. “Oh, there’s my bag. I’ll be watching you. Good luck, Justin.”

“Thanks,” I said. I was still confused about my dad’s opinion of the judging. It surprised me to learn he even
had
an opinion about my skating. My sister, Janae, had been the only family member to come to Nationals. I hadn’t even bothered to ask my dad. The last time he came to a competition, things had not gone well off the ice. And my brother wasn’t interested in anything that involved me.

The woman lifted her bag off the carousel and smiled at me again before she headed toward the door, where she waved wildly at a group of people who smothered her with hugs and kisses.

It must be nice to have people excited to see you. The most I could hope for was that my dad hadn’t forgotten I was coming in today. My luggage, along with my skate bag, showed up on the belt. I grabbed my skates and tucked the bag under my arm. The blades pressed against my side and reminded me of the reason I was here. I looked for any familiar faces. All I saw were my demons making faces at me.

“He’s not here. He fucking forgot me. I knew this was a terrible idea,” I muttered. The guy walking next to me eyed me and walked faster.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

I froze as a voice I hadn’t heard for a year permeated the air. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and the demons surrounding me high-fived each other and flipped me off. It couldn’t be him. Surely fate wasn’t that cruel.

“Welcome back,” he said as he came up behind me and took the bags out of my hands.

I couldn’t pretend that voice was my overactive imagination. I sighed, opened my eyes, and stared at Danny Jackson. Most normal people would enjoy the view of his broad shoulders, lean and muscled body, and wide smile. But I wasn’t most people.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I snarled. This was the last thing I needed right now. The guy was an A1 douche bag, a festering blister on my foot.

“Daddy dearest sent me to fetch you. He’s busy.”

“Of course he is,” I muttered bitterly. “And he had to send you.”

“I must confess, he didn’t send me. I volunteered.” He smiled brightly and flipped the beanie off my head, then dangled it in front of my face. “Your hair is longer. Your father will not approve. And is that an earring I see? Always the troublemaker.” He reached for a stray strand of hair, but I batted his hand away and snatched my beanie back.

“Fuck off,” I grumbled, heading toward the exit. I smashed the beanie on my head and tucked my light brown hair under the material.

“Is that any way to talk to your taxi driver?”

“I don’t want to talk to you at all.”

“Oh, Justin, how I’ve missed your wiseass mouth.”

“I haven’t missed anything about you.”

He stopped abruptly and stared at me, pursing his lips and making kissing noises at me. “You wound me. I’m sure there’s something you missed.”

“Nope.”

The demons cackled, yelling
liar, liar
in my ear. Danny grabbed his junk and winked at me, so I rolled my eyes and shoved him. Several girls brushed by us, giggling and pointing at him.

“Ladies,” he said, flashing them a panty-dropping smile and tipping an invisible hat. They giggled louder. I snorted and felt nauseous.

“Jealous?” he whispered.

“Hardly,” I grunted.

He started walking again, moaning about how deeply hurt he was by my unkind words and actions. I had no choice but to follow the idiot. He had my luggage, and, apparently, he was my ride home.

“Here we are,” Danny said, stopping at a black SUV. He popped open the liftgate and tossed my luggage into the vehicle. The muscles in his arms flexed, and the demons chuckled, calling me a pervert.

For a few seconds, I thought about grabbing my shit and running back to the terminal. They would welcome me at the rink in California, and since my dad couldn’t be bothered to pick me up, I doubted he would figure out I hadn’t showed up until days later. Maybe he would sigh in relief that I’d gone back to California.