PICTURES OF YOU: a gripping psychological suspense thriller (10 page)

Chapter 31

As the light faded and the sounds of day segued into more muted noises of the evening Mary sat in her living room lost in the maelstrom of her thoughts. She knew that what she had done, the loving, was never wrong, not in the way that Jane had insinuated; she still believed it had been pure and good. Then there was all the other “stuff”. She could see now that the relationship was doomed; it had been since the day Jacob had first taken her in his arms.

They should have stayed just friend. If she had allowed him to come and live with her but it had gone no further than that, then perhaps all would have been well. If only she had been stronger and less ready to indulge her senses in the feel of a firm body and the magnetism of bright eyes and clear skin. If she had looked but never touched, admiring from a safe distance. Maybe she could have enjoyed his company now and again and even that of some of his friends. Now it was blighted, the sex had ruined everything. She knew there was no going back from that, it would be there at their every meeting, a frisson of energy in each touch, every glance, probably more for her than for him, but it would be there.

She couldn’t be a part of his world and in truth she didn’t think that she wanted to be. If he were to become part of hers then how would her friends and family regard him? Would they make the assumptions that Jane had made, and mistrust and dislike him? Perhaps, or maybe they would see him as the son that she never had, and how confused and betrayed would they feel then when they learned the truth? No, it had to end and she wished that it was already over. If she never saw him again it would be possible to put this behind her, a silly mistake and then in the future maybe it would become warm again as the memory of a fling, a little walk along a path that it had been unwise to tread. First though she had to end it and she didn’t know how to do that and wasn’t sure that she had the strength.

She closed her eyes, rested her head against the cushions and before long began to drift into the world that isn’t quite sleep and let herself go, soothed by the peace. When the doorbell rang she was shocked upright in an instant, every nerve end jangling. She wasn’t absolutely sure it had been the bell but it rang again. She stole to the bay window and peered around the corner from where she had a clear view of the front porch. Deep in her mind a hope that it was Jane had kicked at her but the figure standing in the orange light of the lamp, though a woman, was smaller and slight.

She put on the safety chain and unlocked the door, the anxious face in the semi darkness was only vaguely familiar but there was something she recognised. “Hello, sorry to disturb you Mary, it me, it’s Judy. We met today, I was in the pub, this afternoon.”

“Oh Judy, hi. Jacob’s not here, I had a headache, he went home.”

“Sorry, I don’t want to disturb you, I know he’s not here. I’m Steve’s girlfriend; I was at the house when he came back. Do you think I could come in, just for a minute?”

Mary didn’t answer but slid the chain out of the catch and gave the young woman access to the hallway.

“I’m really sorry to come round like this. I wouldn’t have done, if he’d still been here but I saw him at the house and – well anyway, here I am.”

“Come in, come into the living room, do you want a drink? Some wine, a cup of tea?”

“That would be nice, could I have a glass of water do you think? Just tap water’s fine.”

Mary put the glass on the table and then sat in a chair opposite to the settee where Judy sat picking at her finger nails, her thin legs drummed jerkily and she obviously felt nervous and out of place.

“What can I do for you Judy? Look, before we go any further I think I should say that I don’t take in lodgers,” Mary cocked her head, “if that’s what you came about. It was just a temporary thing with Jacob, erm Jake.”

“No, I’m not looking for anywhere; I’ve got a good place, a shared flat, no it’s not that. I just, oh God I don’t know how to put this.” She lifted the glass and sipped the water and then leaning forward to replace it on the table she took a deep breath, seemed to gather her resources and looked into Mary’s face. “Today in the pub, I thought that I detected something between you and Jake.” Mary opened her mouth to speak but Judy stilled her with a raised hand and a shake of the head. “It’s none of my business of course and it doesn’t make any difference to me, not at all. You’re a grown woman, and if I’m totally out of turn here then I’m sorry but all I want to say to you is be careful. I don’t know how things are with you but if you and Jake have got a thing going on, if you have just – oh I don’t know – be careful.”

“I don’t understand, what do you mean, careful, careful about what?”

“Just about how close you let him get, how much you - um I don’t know how to say it. Look my friend went out with him, just for a little while and then she found him too needy, too dependent and she finished with him and… well in the end she had to leave, had to go back home to her old place, her mum and dad’s, she had to drop out and start again. He made it too difficult for her. I don’t want to say any more, I shouldn’t have come, it’s none of my business.” With that she sprang to her feet and scurried for the front door. Mary chased after her.

“Wait, Judy, I don’t know what you mean. Please come back, tell me what you mean, how did he make it difficult? Please won’t you explain?” With a shake of her head Judy slid through the door and almost running in her haste to get away, she disappeared down the street and out of sight round the corner. Mary could do nothing more than stand at her gatepost in the darkness watching.

Chapter 32

Had she loved him? Did she still, or had it all been a dream, just a step into madness? Now in the kitchen with a cup of tea cradled in her hands she tried to examine her feelings. She had never thought of herself as fickle, in the years of her marriage she had been stalwart and faithful. What had this been, genuine deep feeling, a craziness caused by her hormones, a crush? She had needed Jacob, the thought of his touch had thrilled her and the simple sweep of his eyes across her face took her breath away. Yes, she had loved him, still did, but it was soured with all that had happened. Incredibly it had all gone so very badly wrong in just two short days and the man himself had done nothing.

She sighed, it was all too difficult, and now this new thing, the visit by Judy, what on earth was behind all that? It was silly, schoolyard behaviour, “
My friend used to go out with your boyfriend
”. No, there could be nothing to it; young people were more prone to overreact and dramatize things. She would ignore the visit, but what was impossible to ignore was this pressing need to sort everything out. She must break free, let him go. There was no help for it, though it hurt there was no future for them and it was better to end it now and to move on. She would draw back and leave him the opportunity to find love with a woman of his own age, one who would be comfortable in his sphere, one who would raise no eyebrows and who could go forward with him as she could not.

She realised also that there was the chance that she attached far more importance to the thing than he did. There had been no talk of permanence or of love. They had enjoyed some sex, laughed and talked together and been friends but now she realised that she didn’t know how much it had meant to him. When she had been so distressed, after the argument with Jane, when she had hinted that she wouldn’t see him again, he hadn’t fought it – had he? He had simply told her to be sure of what she wanted. His reaction had been understated and calm but perhaps that was just because he was a man, although he hadn’t let her go. It was so soon after that he had taken her to meet his friends, surely another step forwards in a relationship. She shook her head, it was useless to go over it and over it, it was all too hard and she was tired to the core. Tomorrow she would call him and tell him it was over.

The phone rang and the machine answered but then her mother’s voice drifted through from the hall. “Mary, Mary if you’re there pick up, I need to speak to you. Are you there?”

“Hi mum. How are you, is something wrong?”

“No, well not really. That friend of yours Jane has been on the phone. Some story about you and a lodger. I told her not to be silly, that you wouldn’t take a lodger, it was a misunderstanding. She said it was a young boy and – oh Mary she said some other things, awful things. I put the phone down on her but I had to ring, I had to let you know what she’s doing. She said you were having an affair with him, this boy, that he was only twenty. What’s the matter with her Mary? I thought she was your best friend. Have you two had a row? You need to tell her not to spread such things, it’s wicked.”

Mary closed her eyes and sagged against the wall, more trouble, was it never going to end. She was caught in a nightmare, what had been a delight was now devastation.

Her mother’s continued conversation was just so much white noise, the world swam and for a moment it seemed that she would faint. She fell back on the excuse she had used earlier in the day.

“Look Mum, I’m sorry I’ve got a rotten headache, can I speak to you later? I’ll call you tomorrow, in the evening.”

“Oh, well alright, take some aspirin. I just thought I’d let you know what was going on. It upset me, you know. Anyway, I’ll speak to you tomorrow, when you get home from work.”

“Yes, okay Mum, don’t worry, there’s nothing to be upset about.”

She pressed the off button and slid to the floor to sit with her head buried between her bent knees. What had happened? How had her quiet, ordered world become this disaster? On top of everything else she had now been reminded that tomorrow it was time to return to work and behave as if all was well.

Moving like an old woman she pushed to her feet and banister-dragged herself up the stairs. She passed the guest room and caught sight of the bed, the duvet wrinkled and the pillow cases creased where their heads had lain, with a great sob she reached out and dragged the door closed. She staggered to her own room and threw off the jeans and sweater chosen with such care just a few hours ago. In the drawer was a box of sleeping pills, prescribed in the days after Bill died, they were almost certainly out of date but she swallowed two down anyway. She lay on her back in the darkness, tears trickled across her face to dampen the bedding as she waited for the chemicals to rescue her from the drama that life had become.

Chapter 33

It was difficult climbing back to reality. It was dark where she was and there was an urgent need to escape. Struggling and pushing against the effects of the sleeping tablets Mary dragged her way free of the fug. They had always knocked her for six and that was why there were so many now in the little box. She didn’t like them, didn’t enjoy the loss of control and especially disliked the horrible dulling of her senses for hours the next morning.

She shifted under the cover. Last night the drapes had remained open and the sun was streaming through the net curtain, she could feel it warm where it touched her bare arm. Hmm, nice. The birds were busy in the tree outside the window and a sense of peace wrapped her around briefly. Then it all came back, bits and pieces, knocks and bumps. The need to see Jacob and tell him what she had decided. A day at work stretching before her when she would need to be bright and helpful to the patients and friendly to her colleagues and last of all the phone call to her mother and the drama that would be unleashed with that. As her spirits sank she dragged the duvet over her head and hid in the warm darkness.

The noise didn’t register at first. Her hearing was muted by the down of the bedcovers and her senses deadened by the effect of the pills but eventually it occurred to her that something was going on that shouldn’t be.

She poked her face over the top of the cotton cover, water was running. She glanced out of the window, a bright warm morning smiled back at her. No rain. She leapt from the bed, there must be a leak. Her bare feet shushed across the carpet as she hurried out onto the landing. The sound was coming from the guest room. That door was closed last night surely, she remembered the assault that the rumpled bed had made on her rattled nerves and recalled distinctly shutting off the sight of it on the way to her own room. Now the door was ajar, the smell of soap drifted to her and the sound of the shower dispelled any further worry of a leak. She took a step forward and raised her hand. As the door fell back she could make out on the chair by the window a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt and there was a small sports bag on the end of the disarrayed bed. She gulped, already on one level she knew what this was but still a frisson of fear caused her breathing to quicken and her stomach to curl into a tight ball.

She stepped fully into the room and through the partly closed bathroom door she could see Jacob. His back was to her, soapy water tracking down across the pink skin of his shoulders and running across his behind. She scuttled again onto the landing where she stood for a moment holding the door frame for support and fought with her befuddled memory of the day before. Did she know he was here? Had she, in the drug-induced sleep of last night forgotten that he was sleeping in her guest room? No, she had not. He was not supposed to be here. She had sent him home yesterday with the excuse of her headache and had not spoken to him since. Apart from that Judy, during the strange visit, had said she had seen him at his own house. Why then, what possible reason could there be for him to be here now in her home?

She dragged on her dressing gown and checked the time. She made her way to the kitchen and filled the kettle. Her tumbled thoughts demanded attention but it was impossible to straighten them into any sort of order. Working on instinct she popped tea bags into two mugs, and set two places at the table, she prepared the place for Jacob, but Jacob was gone, moved on. At the little table she lowered her face into her hands. Her head was foggy, her mouth was dry with the effects of the pills and her senses were zinging with alarm; this was wrong and unsettling.

As his feet thundered on the stairs she raised her head. “Morning lovely lady.”

“Jacob, I didn’t know you were here.” It was ludicrous but no other words found their way out of her mouth.

“No, well. The thing is there was a party at the house, God it was noisy and so I thought I’d sleep here.”

“But, when did you arrive?”

“It was late, not that late but you’d already gone to bed of course, with your poor head. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, thanks, but Jacob, you just let yourself in?”

“Well I didn’t want to disturb you, with you not feeling well so yes, I used my key. Is the tea ready, hey have we got any bacon?”