Pieces For You (29 page)

I should have suspected the other shoe would drop.  Griffin was too good to be true; no one was
that
perfect.  I could accept flaws because we all have them, but the trick was to find a partner whose baggage matches yours.  Plus, there was a difference between flaws and psychological defects.  Some defects make a man dangerous, and not the sexy kind of dangerous—the scary kind.  I would have bet my life that Griffin would never hurt me, but now I wasn’t so sure.  How long until I pushed him too far and that blood-chilling fury could be focused on me?  How long before he fell into that trance, lost command of himself, and I paid the price as collateral damage?  His homicidal rage was not to be ignored…oh my…I had thought about the possibility of having children with him.  No, the thought was too terrible.  I couldn’t allow my mind to go there.

A plate appeared before me but I wanted to puke.  We ate in silence—well, they ate and I pushed the eggs around my plate.  None of us were prepared to confront the fallout. 

I caught the look Ev and Hunter exchanged and sighed; I knew I needed to let them say their piece.  They both had earned the right to be heard because of their tireless support over the last six months.

“Go ahead,” I prompted, granting them the permission their silence begged.

“How are you?” Ev opened up our breakfast roundtable.

“Shitty, heartsick, betrayed.  Take your pick.”

Ev looked at me expectantly.

“I’m not going to have a mental breakdown, Ev, but I’m broken.  I was already broken, but Griffin’s betrayal has blasted me to smithereens.  I feel like I swallowed a grenade that detonated inside me, annihilating the pieces I had fit back together.  I am not okay, I may never trust myself again, but I
will
survive.”

Hunter and Ev both looked pained by my words.  I didn’t have the energy to sugarcoat the truth for them.  I loved them both dearly, but I was doing them no favors by pretending or offering false hope.

“I don’t think Griff meant to—” Ev began.

“Don’t,” I said.

“But, Sam, he’s hurting too.  Hunter said—”

I held up a hand to halt her cutting words.  I didn’t want his pain to hurt me, but it did.  She had to stop.

“Last night was surreal and traumatic,” Ev said, evidently unaware of the torment she was causing me, “I’m sure it kicked up horrendous memories for you.  I know you’re scared, but he is not—”

“Stop!” I said harshly, unable to hear
his
name and unwilling to be engulfed by memories of last night or that night six months ago.  What the hell was she trying to do? 

“Don’t…don’t tell me you know.  You don’t know anything.  You may have been almost attacked, but it is not the same—I’m sorry, but it’s not.  You can’t understand.  You can’t imagine.  You both have been incredible, the best family I could ask for, and I will be forever grateful.  If you ever need anything— support, money, a kidney, it’s yours.  But however much it hurt you to watch me in the hospital and care for me when I got back, however much you suffered alongside me, you still don’t know—I hope you never do.  I hope you never know what it’s like to be pulled from your happy life and dragged into the woods, unable to see, struggling to breathe, paralyzed by fear.  I hope you never know what it’s like to have a man use his strength to overpower you and force you to take a part of him inside you in a way that seeps into your soul and poisons you from within.  I pray you never know what it feels like to be beaten until you pray for death, to welcome the relief it would bring.”  I paused to draw a ragged breath.  “I would sacrifice my own life so you never know the blackness, pain so encompassing that you no longer feel human.  I hope you never know,” I finished on a whimper.

No one said anything.  What could they say?  It was the first time I had been brutally honest with them and it must be a difficult pill to swallow.

“Griffin fooled me,” I said, not bothering to hide my disillusionment.  “I never suspected he was capable of such savagery.  He was a bloodthirsty monster last night, and I’ve spent more than my share of time with monsters.  I don’t care how strong a leash the beast is usually restrained with…last night proved the beast can get free.  And I don’t want to be in its path the next time it comes out to play.”  I sighed, bone-deep weariness settling within me.  “I know you wanted us to work…so did I, more than you will ever know.  I think he was my only chance at love, the soul deep, can’t-exist-without-you kind, but I have to let that go now—and so do you.”  I rose from the table, shaky but calm.  “I’m going to shower, and then I am meeting with Thia and my realtor so I’ll be out all afternoon.  I’ll text later to see if you want me to bring dinner.”

I grabbed clothes from a suitcase Hunter had brought from Griffin’s house last night before entering the bathroom.  I grabbed a tee, a button up, and a cardigan, hoping that I could cover myself in layers of protection as insulation from the outside world.  They were still sitting mute like statues when I exited the bathroom.  I walked over to them and kissed each on the top of their head before leaving the apartment.

I was relieved to find that the rental car I ordered yesterday had miraculously made its way here.  I refused to consider who arranged for the change of drop-off location.  Only one person knew which company I had contracted for the rental.  I didn’t want the reminder of how thoughtful Griffin was, even when he was supposedly heartbroken.

I called the realtor while waiting for the car to warm up and told her I wanted to buy—today.  If a property was available for me to move in immediately, I was willing to compromise on my ‘must haves’ list.  The sound of her mentally calculating her potential commission was nearly audible, so it was no surprise when she agreed to meet me at the agency in thirty minutes.  Perfect.

We arrived at the same time but she didn’t exit her car immediately.  When she finally opened the door, she was ending a phone call.

“Good news!  Let’s get inside and I’ll tell you all about it,” she said, smiling happily.  “It’s your lucky day.”

I rolled my eyes at her claim; given everything that had transpired in the last 24 hours, the only acquaintance I had with Lady Luck was as her prison bitch.

Once in the conference room, she shared that the townhouse I had fallen in love with, the one I measured all other options against, was mine for the taking.  The other offer had fallen through because of problems securing a mortgage.  It was mine if I signed the contract today!  The price was reasonable, not a steal but a good investment.  The seller agreed to me moving in today, provided my bank faxed confirmation of the funds transfer to their lawyer’s escrow account.  A quick call to my financial advisor and my bank account was officially lighter.

“How soon can we close?  I have the funds available for immediate payment,” I said.

“I’ll set it up for next week, as early as possible.  Just email me the contact details for your lawyer and I’ll take care of everything else.”  She was practically salivating at the pain-free commission.  “Here are your keys.  Congratulations.”

I accepted the keys and thanked her for her assistance.  I was anxious to visit my new home, but knew I needed to go to my appointment with Thia first. 

I arrived at Thia’s office with one minute to spare.  Whew!  As soon as I opened the door, I heard her call me in.  I crossed to the chair I now thought of as mine and plopped down, drained from the day.  Thia was at her desk, typing on her laptop.  She closed the cover and finally looked at me as she moved to the chair across from mine.  She frowned, then she frowned some more.  Uh-oh, the frowning-staring contest was far more unnerving than the standard stare-down.  For the first time, Thia broke the silence.

“You look like hell.  What have you done this past week, visited war-zones?”

“I see I won’t have to pay extra for sprinkles today,” I said dryly, “a good thing since I just spent a fortune on a new house.”

“I see.  When do you move in?”

“I close next week but negotiated to move in today since it was vacant.  I have the keys right here,” I said, patting my purse.

“What’s the rush?”

“Rush?  I’ve been looking for weeks.  I fell in love with this place but it was in contract.  When the deal fell through, I snatched it up.  It’s perfect for me; I couldn’t be happier.”

“You’re a terrible liar…awful, really.  Don’t ever go into politics,” Thia said with no humor in her voice.  “Let’s try this again—I’ll be more precise and you’ll be honest, yes?  Why the rush to move in before closing?  Last week you were staying with Griffin and on cloud nine.  You were reluctantly looking for your own place.  So I will ask again, why the abrupt change in course?  What precipitated the rapid evac?”

“Griffin and I aren’t…we’re not…it’s over.  He’s not who I thought he was.  I can’t…I just can’t—” I shut my eyes to prevent the tears that had pooled in my eyes from falling.

“Who is he?”

“Huh?”

“You said he wasn’t who you thought he was.  Then who is he?” she asked, as if I could make sense of what happened.

I stared at her, unable to answer.

“Is he still caring and empathetic?  Patient?  Oh no, don’t tell me he developed a spare tire and love handles overnight—I hate when a hot guy doesn’t age well.  It’s such a letdown.”

I sent a scathing look at her for reducing my valid concern to shallow triviality.

“Did he cheat?  Hurt you?”

I winced at that one.  He had hurt me deeply, but not in the way she meant.

“Getting warmer,” she said to herself.  “Did he abandon you?” she asked, searching my face as if to find an answer.  “Did he break your trust?  Did he scare you?”

I inhaled sharply, remembering his betrayal by omission.  I could see the blood splatter, hear the crunch of bone under his hands.  I covered my ears and shook my head, desperate to stop the instant replay.

“Samantha, look at me.  You can’t ignore this to avoid the pain—you know that.  Tell me what happened and tell me how you felt.”

I sighed, knowing it was best to relent.  I was certain she could wear me down and wait me out.  I told her everything in agonizing detail as she listened, never interrupting and without expression.

“I swear, Thia, if Hunter hadn’t intervened, Griffin would have killed him.”

“Hunter?  That isn’t what you just told me.  Think back on the moments leading up to Griffin finally snapping out of it.  What stopped him?”

I grudgingly replayed the movie on the back of my eyelids, desperately trying to turn away from the violent scenes, but the projection followed my head as I moved.  I heard the soundtrack of Griffin’s grunts as the force of each powerful hit connected with Robbie’s face, and then the sickening crack that repulsed me played in surround sound.  I watched as Hunter and the bouncer tried to pry Griffin off Robbie, again and again—failing.  The piercing shriek I now knew originated from me rung out and reverberated through the room.  Griffin froze with unnatural stillness, his arm drawn back to deliver the next blow.  Seconds passed before he angled his body toward me, meeting my eyes for the briefest connection before I skittered as far away from him as I could. 

“Me,” I shared the revelation with Thia.  She nodded her head, indicating she already knew.

“Yes, your distress penetrated and pulled him back from the edge.”

I wasn’t sure if that knowledge made any difference.  It didn’t negate his frenzied brutality; and therefore it changed nothing.

“It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t change the facts.”

“What are the facts?”

“He had a violent episode, verging on homicidal, in which he nearly killed someone.  I never imagined he was capable of…that he could...”  I shook my head, hating what I was about to say.  “He was just like
him
—uncaring, vicious, and out of control.”

“Is that how you see Heath?  Was he out of control?  It seems to me he was coherent, methodical, and very much in control.”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Did you talk to Griffin about what happened?  What triggered him?  What stopped him?  Has he ever done something like this before?”

“No.”

“Consider having a conversation with him, if only to understand.  He has been a good friend to you.  If you decide to sever ties, it should be a fully informed choice, not a reaction rooted in fear.  Have you considered how much of your reaction was the residual fear from Robbie’s uninvited touch?  Have you sorted through all of your emotions from last night?  Can you determine what lay latent within you versus what Griffin’s actions triggered?

I shook my head.

“You will learn over time that your emotional responses are not always the result of the present situation.  Traumas from the past
will
filter your perception for a long time, perhaps forever.  Your response was natural, but you must attempt to separate past from present when making decisions if you want to live fully unchained from your past.”  When I said nothing, Thia continued.

“If nothing else, after all the good he has done, don’t you think you owe him the opportunity to apologize?  I’m not saying you have to forgive and forget, but I would be surprised if he didn’t want to offer an explanation.  Think about it.”

I nodded, but wasn’t sure I could do as she suggested.

“One more thing—while you’re busy sorting this out, try employing the tried-and-true coping technique of eating your emotions.  Usually I don’t encourage such forms of escapism, but you can’t afford to lose any weight.  In fact, give me your new address, I’m going to have Alpine Bakery send you a cheesecake…oh, and one of their Tiramisu—maybe Uncle Giuseppe’s can deliver some manicotti.”

“Thia, I appreciate your concern, but I will eat.  I promise.  Don’t waste your money on having food delivered.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll bill you for it.  See you next week.”

“No homework this week?” I asked, surprised.

“I already told you to eat.  Other than that, I think you know,” she said and finished with a look that spoke more than any words she could have uttered.

“Are you guilt-tripping me into self-discovery and talking to Griffin?”