Pieces of a Mending Heart (12 page)

A tear slipped down my cheek as I watched the girl’s eyes close. “No! No! I want to help her! I need to help her! Please,” I beg, beginning to cry harder as the bath water began to darken further. I stumble over to the side of the tub, wanting to vomit at the amount of blood that was leaking from the girl’s wrists. “Please,” I whisper, sobbing
. I need to help her, she needs me
, my soul shouted.
I need her, she can’t leave. We weren’t meant to end like this; not separated so soon
. “Please!” I scream.

The bathroom disappears, and I’m in an unfamiliar living room. There is a man
and a woman
arguing. Shouting at one another and I can only make out bits and pieces of conversation. Someone named David, someone named Rachel, something about Canada, something about stupidity and wanting a new life. Then the woman shouts something back, but I don’t understand what she’s saying, because I’m watching the blonde girl cry. She’s younger here, maybe fifteen years old, but there is no doubt it is her. An ache in my gut tells me it’s her.

The man strikes the woman across the face with something, and the girl runs into the room, flailing her arms. The man strikes her, and she falls down. Then the scene changes again, and I am sitting in the backseat of a car, the blonde haired gi
rl in the front passengers seat
and a stocky, dark haired boy in the drivers’ seat. He makes my stomach churn. I am forced to watch as he kisses her, and I want to rip his arms off his body. “
Get away from her,”
I
said aloud, but it was lost in the lyrics of the song playing.

The girl shoves the boy away
and he slings shameful words at her, instantly bringing tears to her eyes as she flees the car. Instead of following her, I remain glued to the seat, watching the boy as he proceeds to drive to a party, get drunk, leave, and then turn the car into scrap metal. His dark eyes remain open, even in death.

Immediately, the scene changes again, and I see flashes of images. It’s like I’m being sprayed with a hose of memories; pictures and moments untouched by time as they wheel out before me. Laughter, tears, emptiness, and loss fills me to no end, and I clutch at my chest to stop the pain. I see words, surrounding me, filling my head with their giant letters.

I hear a sweet voice whispering in my head, “greed, jealousy, hatred, lust, bitterness, grief, fear, shame, blame, regret, remorse, apathy, refusal…” The words cross my vision in an orderly array,
branding themselves into my heart
for eternity.

“Tristan,” I heard my name being called, and my eyes flung open. I fell against the wall, gasping, in my own bathroo
m once again. “Tristan, you are
not supposed to be her
e right now, son. This i
s not your future,” says God, pointing to my body on the floor. “Katherine is your future, Tristan. You can feel her, can’t you?” he asks.

Something I hadn’t felt before begins to fill me up from the inside out; a fire, burning my chest as it tries to rake its way outward, flooding my veins. It’s extremely uncomfortable, so I release my hold on it and let it fill me. An image of the blonde girl flashes in my mind, and I feel at peace for a moment. Then, God places his hands on my shoulders and the girl is gone.
Katherine
, her name is. I feel her inside of me, her l
ight burning, her heart beating
and her feelings.

“She needs you as much as you need her, Tristan. You are not only hurting yourself, but hurting her, too. Without you, she won’t survive. You see, Tristan, every one of my children has a protector, an angel sent to this Earth to make them happy, to make them strong. You were blind to this fact, Tristan, as are all the others. If you wish to return to your earthly body, you may have a second chance,” he says, pausing.

“Please,” I beg, falling to my knees. I need this angel- this Katherine- in my life. I need my life.
I need her to heal my soul.
“I am sorry, Lord. Please, I need this,” I say, feeling despair fill me.

“You need to accept my will; without it, I will not let you return,” God says. I nod, feeling a lightness fill me as he smiles. “Tristan, this act will not go un-punished. You defied me; turned your back on me when I could have helped you. You will search for Katherine, but you will find her wounded. Your Punishment requires you to face the reciprocations of your Earthly actions. Also, your own feelings will be dulled, but you will feel Katherine’s, and hers will be heightened. Her fate is sealed, Tristan. You have watched her kill herself, and you will have to feel her struggle to stay together.

“Because you accept my will, Katherine shall live. The vision I showed you, of her death, is from the future; two years ahead of our time. Until then, she will feel what you should have been feeling for the past two months, for she has been punished as
well for her future act of defiance. When you feel your emotions returning, that is when you should pay extremely close attention to those around you. Tristan, I am a loving God, but turning your back on me is the most wretched kind of blasphe
my, and this is your Punishment. This is what you need to heal your soul. This is what you need to make things right,
” he finishes.

I wasn’t sure whether to cry or jump with joy; she’s safe, I’m safe, we both get second chances. I was still confused, not quite grasping the information being hurled at me, but nevertheless I was elated at the fact that I would return to find her.

* * *

I stare at Katherine’s shocked face, not sure whether to say something or just shut up. She makes the decision for me as tears pour from her eyes, spilling onto her pale cheeks and dripping off the sides of her face. About to open my mouth, I watch as Katherine sits upright and buries her face in her hands, releasing a sob so fierce I feel an ache in my stomach.

“Katie?” I say, sitting up and moving to face her. No response, just heartbroken sobs. “Katherine?” this time, I try grasping her hand, but she pulls away from me and my heart drops into my stomach. Did I unload too much on her? Too soon? Desperate for her to acknowledge me, I say, “Please don’t cry.
I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

She cuts me off with a look so disbelieving it shocks me. “You think I’m mad at you?” Katherine shakes her head, tears flinging off her cheeks like salty rain. “I can’t believe you- you would think that,” she lets out another sob, covering her face with her hands again. Before I have time to say something else, she sits up straight, hands traveling forward and grasping my face.

“You are forbidden to ever think I am upset with you again! Unless I tell you, physically say to you ‘I’m upset with you,’ I never want you to even think I am anything but grateful,” she says, green eyes locking me in a trance.
“I cannot fathom how you-"
she breaks off crying again, then closes her eyes and regains her stability. “I cannot fathom how you dealt with feeling my pain. You’re so strong. You had to wait so long to feel better. I only waited a fraction of the time you had to,” she finishes
, hand brushing through my
hair before falling into her lap.

I am at a loss for words. If Katherine isn’t upset with me, then she must believe me; I knew she would. She’s such a fighter, but is truly consumed with self-loathing. It’s gotten better in the past two weeks, even more so with help from Rachel. I can’t tell her that part of my story, the part I know she won’t want to know, because the sun is sinking lower and lower in the peach sky and we should be heading home soon. There is always tomorrow, after all. The thought brings a blinding smile to my face.

“Tristan,” Katie whispers, and then pauses for a minute. “Can we head back? Before I pass out from information-overload,” she attempts to joke, but I can hear the seriousness behind her words.

I stand, and reach down to take her hand. “Absolutely,” I say, pulling her to her feet.

A beam of the setting suns’ rays settles on her face, and I see her green eyes sparkle, something they can’t do in the dark. I had wanted to get everything laid out on the table, so to speak. Today was going to be the day where she discovered everything about me; not just the detrimental things, but the insignificant things that make a human a person. The information I’m keeping secret, for now, will pop the bubble that I feel so secure in.

She keeps her fingers intertwined with mine as we walk over to Dino, who is grazing by a patch of berry bushes. I walk right up to him, unwillingly releasing Katherine’s hand and pull myself up. Scooting back, I lift her slight frame up with no struggle at all, and she is sitting in front of me on Dino, legs straddling the saddle.

We ride the first half of the ride in silence, which is awkward, unlike the quiet from our earlier trek. With Katherine not touching me, I feel on edge and guilty for not telling her what I know about her brother, but I bombarded her with enough information today.

“Tristan?” Katherine says, breaking the uncomfortable silence. I murmur a “huh” in my throat, and she continues after a moment. “You already knew my story when you met me. Why did you have me tell it?”

This is an easy one to answer. Once the questions get more detailed is when I’ll really squirm. She can’t know I’m in love with her; not yet. She would think I’m crazy, just chasing after a girl I’ve never actually met for two years, and expecting her to fall in love with me instantly. She doesn’t know of all the letters we’ve shared, although I didn’t know it was her I was writing to until she told me about David.

No, I will not confess my love for her so soon, with such a heavy secret on my shoulders.

             
“I wanted to hear it from you. I wanted confirmation that you trust me,” I answer simply, digging my feet into the horses’ sides, making Dino trot faster. “I didn’t want to push you into telling me, but at the same time, I w
anted to hear you say it aloud, just
to confirm what I already knew. Sometimes it’s nice hearing things out loud,” I finish, feeling foolish and immature.

To my surprise and delight, Katherine leans back into my chest, placing a quick kiss on my cheek before settling
her head on my shoulder. I smile
, thankful she can’t see my face, which undoubtedly has the goofiest grin imaginable plastered on it. I try to slow my breathing, which has quickened due to Katie’s
proximity and the thrill of riding again, in an attempt to jostle her head as little as possible. It isn’t working, and my breaths come in hard gasps. It’ll be a miracle if she doesn’t move away from me.

She doesn’t. In fact, we stay this way the entire ride home, which is faster than before thanks to Dino’s quickened pace. We arrive at the barn just as the sun begins to disappear behind the hill, and I’m sad to have to leave Katherine after being so close to her all day. Her light has filled me, leaving a pleasant feeling of warmth in its wake. Shutting Dino into his stall, I walk across the barn and find Katherine sitting on the couch, eyes closed, lips whispering silent words into the empty air.

“All set,” I say, making her jump. Laughing, I apologize.

“I’d invite you to stay
for dinner, but I’m not positive my aunt wouldn’t hit on you
,” she says, eyes widening slightly when she finished talking, cheeks reddening an adorable shade of rose.

Catching her eye, I raise my eyebrows and smirk. “You think I’m attractive?” I tease, lightly bumping my shoulder against hers. She watches her feet as we walk, but I can see her cheeks flush even more.

Suddenly, she looks up at me, the setting sun leaving a glint of light in her big green eyes. “How do you know my aunt? I know it’s a small town, but you seemed awfully… comfortable with her
horse today. Unless you’re just a horse whisperer,” she jokes, but the curiosity is practically dripping from her words.

             
I groan internally, not wanting to further elaborate on my story at the moment. “Why don’t we save the questions for another day, and just enjoy the walk,” I
say, releasing her hand and slyly
putting my arm
around her tiny shoulders. I feel her relax, which mak
e
s
me relax.

“Promise?” she says, looking up at me through thick, dark eyelashes. Every time she blinks, my heart flutters a little faster; she bats her eyes instead of blinks. I try to think about manly things, like football and cars, but I’m too content to pretend to be something I’m not. I just let the flutters fill me and revel in her presence.

“I promise,” I chuckle, feeling her arm wrap around my waist. I feel something seep into me; something I’ve never felt before. It’s a warmth, a sugary sweetness that makes my mouth water.
“What’s up with this?”
  I think to myself, and just as I think the words, I know the answer.

It’s happiness; Katherine’s happiness.

Chapter 8

Katherine

             
Tristan walks up the front stairs with me, arm releasing my shoulders and hand grasping mine. Bringing it to his lips, he kisses it before stepping back onto the front lawn. I open the unlocked door, not taking my eyes off his.

             
“Thanks for… the fun ride,” I say lamely, unable to come up with something more creative. “Fun” was an understatement…