Pieces of Him (11 page)

Max~

It’s almost seven-thirty by the time I make it home from work. I called Dana to let her know that I’d be late, but she didn’t pick up her phone. I figured she was busy with Xander, so I left her a message assuming she would let me know if it was a problem. We’re coming up on a deadline at work, and regardless of the fact that Jack took my back, with me gone for a week, we fell behind some. This job is important to me, so if I have to stay a little later to get shit done, that’s what I have to do. This mentality is not conducive to having a baby, but I gotta feed the kid, so I need this job.

That first week with Xander was hard. NO … If I’m being one hundred percent honest, it was hell on earth. This week has been a step above hell; I’d say it’s been like purgatory. The kid has a fucking radar where I’m concerned; every time I get any more than two feet away from him, he starts screaming. I’ve been forced to train myself to take five-minute showers because that’s about how much time he gives me before he starts to cry. I thought Nurse Marie was shitting me about sleep deprivation. She wasn’t. That shit is true … I never realized how much I valued sleep until I lost it. The crazy bouts of crying and screaming for no reason, the disgusting shit-filled diapers, and constant puking of formula is what I’ve been treated to for the last two weeks. I’ve never been as happy to get up and go to work as I was my first day back because it gave me a break from this kid.

It sounds terrible because it is absolutely fucking terrible. He’s a disaster wrapped up in the body of a little baby. It’s deceiving as shit. He’s a nightmare and the thing is, as horrible as it all is … I actually like having him around. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but it’s true. The kid is seriously starting to grow on me. I wouldn’t go so far to say we’ve bonded or anything, but he’s somewhat tolerable. As the days go by, we seem to fall into a more normal routine. Every day, I feel a little bit more capable than the last.

I’m practically dead on my feet by the time I get into my building and I’m mentally preparing myself for the fact I’m in for three to four hours of sleep tops. I guess these are the times when I miss having a mother who would dote on my kid and watch him while I got a few hours of sleep. Isn’t that what grandparents are for? It’s about the only time I miss having her. I walk in my front door, toss my keys down, and stop dead in my tracks, my body on alert.

“What the fuck?” I mutter. My eyes glued to the couch taking in the sight of Emelia asleep on my couch with Xander asleep on her chest. I stare at them wide-eyed and full of confusion. I don’t like feeling confusion. Being left in the dark is not my favorite thing. I don’t like wondering what in the hell happened to my babysitter that now has my neighbor snuggled up to my son like she’s his fucking mother. My first instinct is to slam the door shut to wake her up, but that would wake Xander, so I shut it as softly as I can, walk deeper into the room, and stand over them.

They look peaceful there, natural even, and I imagine Keri might have looked that way with him had she lived. Reaching down, I give her leg a gentle shove; she takes a short, quick breath as her eyes flutter open. She takes me in, watching as I lift Xander up and off her chest and put him down in his sleeper.

“Hey,” she greets quietly pushing herself up to a sitting position.

“Where’s Dana?” I question taking a seat next to her, careful to keep some distance between us.

“She got drunk. I found her stumbling out of your apartment trying to take Xander for a stroll …”

“Excuse me?” I ask quietly, unable to hide the edge of rage from my voice. She notices it, her back going straight and her eyes guarded.

“I’m sorry.” She shakes her head and places her hand on her chest like she’s pledging allegiance. “I know it was none of my business, but I couldn’t just let her leave with him. She could barely even walk.”

My fists clench involuntarily, but it does nothing to calm the mounting anger. “You’re telling me that my babysitter got drunk when she was supposed to be watching my son then proceeded to try to leave the building with him like that?”

Her eyes shift from me to Xander and then back to me again. “Um. Yes, that’s what I’m telling you.”

“What. The. Fuck?”

She looks at me as though I’m a predator, she’s my prey, and I might rip her head off. She’s not far off the mark, but it’s not her head I want to rip off. “Well, you’re obviously pissed, so I’ll just be going.”

“Where is she?”

“Who?”

“Dana. Is she sleeping that shit off in my room?”

“Um.”

“The babysitter,” I reiterate for her because clearly she’s not keeping up right now.

“She left.”

“You kick her out?” I ask, cocking my head to the side thinking she saved Dana from my wrath.

“No. I wouldn’t let her take Xander, and when I brought him back into your apartment, we had words. She got mad at me and left.”

This just keeps getting better and better. You cannot make this shit up. “You had words with my babysitter, and she just left you here alone with him?”

“Yes.” She nods cautiously.

“She left a complete fucking stranger alone with my son?”

“Yes.”

I shoot up off the couch and head back toward my keys. “Wait here,” I call to her, but she’s on the move and hot on my tail.

“What are you doing?” she asks half-panicked.

“I’m going to commit murder,” I tell her grabbing my keys and turning toward the front door. I’m forced to stop because she’s there. Her hands are up in a placating way as if she’s trying to give me the energy to remain calm.

“Okay, I know you’re mad right now, but this isn’t going to help anything.”

“It is. I’m gonna teach that bitch a lesson she’ll never forget. She’s gonna think twice about ever doing anything that stupid again.”

“You can’t do that.”

“The hell I can’t,” I say moving toward her. I don’t care if I have to push right through her on my way to the door. Her hands come up to my chest, and I look down at her wordlessly telling her to get out of my way.

“Max, this isn’t helping. If you do something crazy, then what’s going to happen to Xander? You have to stop, sleep on it, and you can have a discussion with her about it tomorrow.”

“A discussion? You think a discussion is going to fix this?”

“No,” she answers honestly. “But it’s the best you can do. That little boy already lost his mom, and for now, all he has is you.”

For now? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Then it dawns on me … she’s still under the impression that I’m giving Xander up because of my asshole remarks the night I met her. Under normal circumstances, I might set her straight, but I’m not in an explanatory kind of mood.

“Please. Please just think about it. Don’t do something you’re going to regret later. It’s not worth it.”

I can tell she’s teetering on the verge of fear, standing up to a guy like me when she knows I can easily remove her from my path. I can easily hurt her. Yet she stands here, hands on my chest and taking me on because she cares. Maybe not about me, but she cares about Xander and I can’t get mad at that. It doesn’t hurt that she’s right, either; I’m all this kid has and if I get into it with Dana, I might just end the night locked up. I run a hand through my hair and let out a defeated breath.

“All right, fine.” I take a step back and toss my keys back on the table. “How long have you been here?”

“I don’t know, four hours maybe. I didn’t have any way of getting in touch with you, so I just hung out. He’s a really good baby, Max.”

Damn but she’s pretty
, I think as I watch her, the way she keeps herself guarded while giving me pieces of honesty.

“Thank you for stepping in. That could have gone a lot worse if it wasn’t for you.”

“You’re welcome.” She moves to the couch and picks up her purse, her movements jerky like she’s not sure if she should stay or go. “Ah, he had three ounces at around five.”

“There goes my shower,” I mutter.

“What?”

“Nothing, he just usually wakes every three hours. It’s about that time, so I’ll take a shower later.”

“You can do that now if you want. I’m here already, so I can wait around for a bit.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“No. I don’t have any plans, plus it’s Friday. It’s not like I have to be up early for work or anything.”

“All right, thanks. I’ll just be a minute.”

“Take your time,” she says dropping her bag back on the couch. I go into my bedroom, grab a change of clothes, and head to the bathroom. I take my shower, trying to enjoy every last minute of it, but I can’t because my mind is on the fact that I just lost my child care. It’s the weekend; there are no daycares open that I know of on Saturday and Sunday and this leaves me in a fucked-up mess.

“Goddammit,” I say through gritted teeth. I finish up in the shower, pull on my sweats, and head back out into the living room. Emelia is back on my couch, legs crossed, Xander in her arms taking his bottle. Her eyes come up to meet mine completely happy and unguarded for a brief moment before the light in them dies down.

“Feel better?”

“Somewhat,” I answer honestly.

She nods understanding that there’s no way I can be completely calm after what happened today. No one could be calm after something like that.

“I figured you’d be hungry, so I made you a sandwich. I hope you don’t mind I made myself one earlier too.”

I don’t know why, but I almost flinch at hearing her say that she made me a sandwich. A fucking sandwich. It’s probably nothing to her but to me … I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone make me food before. My father fed me up until he had to and then I took over, learning how to heat up anything in a can to keep myself from starving.

“You didn’t have to do that. Thanks.” I don’t know what else to say. I feel like an idiot, but she just smiles and turns her attention back to Xander. I head into the kitchen, taking a seat on one of the stools, and inspect the sandwich she made for me. Turkey and cheese. Simple and easy and probably took her all of five minutes to make, yet it’s the most perfect fucking sandwich I’ve ever seen.

“Max?” Emelia calls as I swallow the first bite out of my food.

I look up to find her eyes on me again. “Yeah?”

She hesitates for a moment before speaking again. It’s clear that I make her uncomfortable. “I know it’s none of my business but …”

“But what?” I probe.

“How much longer will Xander be with you?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she whispers, looking back at him. She smiles, but it makes her look sad. “He’s just so tiny.”

She’s killing me, the way she’s looking at him, the way she’s taken an interest in him. How the thought of him going away makes her look so fucking sad.

“He’s not going anywhere. I’m keeping him.”

Her head shoots up, her face unable to hide her surprise. She shakes her head at me. “But I thought you said ...”

“I was pissed. It was a new situation. I didn’t know what I was saying.”

“I get that.” She smiles timidly at me. “It must have been a shock for you to suddenly be a single father.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“You know my initial offer stands. If you need anything, I’m just across the hall.”

“I appreciate it.” I take a drink of the soda she set out for me and shake my head. “Right now, I’m worried about who I’m going to get to replace Dana.”

“Right,” she says, pulling the bottle from Xander’s mouth and positioning him over her shoulder. She starts alternating between patting and massaging his back, and I think the kid’s probably in heaven. I usually just pat his back till he burps, but what she’s doing probably feels loads better. “Oh, I met one of the neighbors upstairs the other day. Her name is Mrs. Park, and she’s a retired teacher. Maybe she’d watch him.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, there’s no harm in asking, Max. She told me she was starting to get bored all alone. Her kids live in Pennsylvania, and she only sees them once or twice a month. She said she was considering looking for work.”

It does sound ideal to have a teacher looking out for Xander, and she can’t possibly be any worse than fucking Dana.

“I can take you and Xander up to meet her tomorrow.”

“All right.” I acquiesce because I don’t have a choice. I don’t care how cool Jack is, I can’t afford to miss work right now. Too much is going on, and I need the money. I can’t stay in this apartment forever with Xander, and even though I have decent savings, I need to make sure I stay ahead of my finances.

Emelia resumes feeding Xander looking totally comfortable with him. She looks like she’s been caring for him since day one. I wonder if it’s just a chick thing that all women are born with. That nurturing ability. Then again, my mother proves that not all women are born with the mothering gene.

“You’re really good with him.”

“I worked at a daycare center a few years ago.” She’s speaking to me but she’s still riveted by him. The kid’s clearly got her wrapped around his little finger. I’m almost jealous. I get up to throw my plate in the sink before walking back to her and taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch.