Pistol (14 page)

He chuckled. “Yeah, I know.”

“Is it too hard for you to spill your guts for a change?”

He smirked,
and held her gaze with an impish grin. “I am a guy, Steph. We don’t do mushy very well.”

She met him with a deadpan reply. “Would you like me to get you a dress?”

He laughed. Properly. Rich, and heartfelt. Her chest swelled with hope for him. “I’ll do for now,” he replied. His face fell once more. “What do ya want out of me?”

“
Mutual respect. I want you to acknowledge who I am in this ... and stop shutting me out for Christ’s sake.”

“
Ya want roses, and movies, and dinner dates? That kind of girly stuff?”

She shook her head as a flush took to her cheeks
. “No. Because that isn’t respect, it’s just ... nice. Besides, roses and dinner aren’t you, and I like
you
. I like what
you
do.”

“What exactly do I do, Stephanie?” His tone was low, husky, and oh so sensual.
“Tell me what to do to keep ya happy.”

She closed her eyes. T
he darkness was easier to speak to. “You give me a glimpse of something I didn’t know I missed.”

“
What’s that?”

Her breath shuddered out, and she cringed. “You ...”
Her heart hammered in her ears; the roar of her blood muffled the words she spoke. “... take me to the brink of self-destruction, and I like it.”

Warm fingers entwined with hers,
and made her already skitterish nerves fly away from her like startled birds. “Am I that horrible?” he asked.

“No
.” She looked to him as he sat engrossed in every word she spoke. “That’s just it. I feel filthy, dirty, and wrong for wanting you to use me, push me around. But I like it. I crave those moments you scare me.”

“Why do
ya think it is?”

What was this?
Psychology 101? “Why do you need to know?”

He squeezed her hand tight.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “Because, Cutie, I need to know what I’m doin’ to ya is for the right reasons, and not me own sick pleasure. I need to know
you
want it.”

“Is it right?” she whispered.
“To want someone to debase you like I do?”

He shook his head slowly. “No,
Love. Being debased is somethin’
utterly
different. I would never, and I mean
never,
do that to ya. What ya do, is submit to me.”

“But—”

“Did ya ever say ‘no’ to me?” he interrupted. “Did I ever force ya against yer will?”

She shook her head. “Even so, it’s not normal. Is it?”

He reached out, and stroked her jaw. The contact sent a wave of cool pleasure through her. “It’s completely normal. It’s
wrong
to deny it’s what ya need.”

“
That’s what I don’t understand. Why do I need it?” Emotions ballooned in her throat, and threatened to cut off her air supply.

“
Ya had a good childhood, right?”

She nodded.

“Yer parents love you?”

“My
mother’s a bit of a bitch, but yeah, they do.”

“And you’ve never had anyth
in’ serious happen to ya? Ya were never abused, in a serious accident? Nothin’ like that?”

“No.” Steph’s nose twitched as she tried so damn hard to stop her tears.

“Everythin’ in yer life is ... let me guess ... orderly. You’re in control of
everythin’.
”

“I suppose you could put it like that.”

“Perhaps, ya might need to feel a little less in control. Perhaps givin’ that control away is a change ya need?”

Steph stared at the ground under her feet.
Cigarette butts littered the gutter, and she found herself wonder how many had touched his lips. “It’s more than that, though.”

“How?”
He tugged on her hand, and urged her to move closer.

Steph shuffled under his direction until he had her where he intended—on his lap. She clasped her hands together, and trapped them between her rigid
thighs. He groaned, and shifted her weight along his injured leg. “I know what the whole submissive thing is about,” she explained. “And the biggest part of that is trust; trusting that your partner wouldn’t do a thing to hurt you. With you ...”

Pete picked up where she trailed off, “...
ya don’t trust me.”

“That’s the part that confuses me. I do trust you.
Like now. Here I am, in a back alley with you after you lost it inside, and yet I feel nothing but safe. But when you do things to me—”

“Like kiss
ya.” He wrapped his hand about the curve of her jaw, and guided her face to his. Steph sighed into his gentle kiss. Her heart relished the way he softly tugged at her bottom lip.

She pulled back; his taste
still on her lips. “Yeah, like kiss me. Well, when you do that I like it when you’re forceful, when you take what you want, where you want.”

“What’s wrong with that, then?” His brows knotted together.

“Because it can’t be okay to want someone you trust to treat you like a two-dollar whore.”

A throaty growl emanated from Pete, his expression thick with desire as he held her stare. “
Is that what ya think I do, Cutie? Use yer body how I please?”

Heat pooled low in her belly,
and the position she sat in on his legs grew awkward. “Mostly, yes.”

He chuckled, and she dipped her chin to avoid his intense, blue eyes. “I would love noth
in’ more than to shut ya away in me bedroom, ready for me when I need ya, but ya have to remember one thing, Love.”

“What’s that?” She chanced a look at him. He stroked the loose curls of her hair back, with the same adoration in his eyes she had seen Gary place on Cass.

“I would never sacrifice what ya need, yer happiness, for what I want. I will always put ya first—if you’ll let me.”

“God, yes.
Yes, I will.”

Step turned in his embrace to straddle his lap, Pete’s hands firm on her face as he pulled her in for a raw, needful kiss. His mouth devoured her
. His hands slipped down her neck, over her shoulders, and to her sides. He hoisted her up, and pulled her closer so that their chests pressed hard against each other. Steph sighed as he trailed kisses from her chin, down her throat, and to her chest. His fingers tugged the edges of her shirt aside as he progressed.

“Jesus, I love
yer ink. Don’t hide it from me.”

Steph drew her hands to the collar of the blouse she wore, and
rushed to get the buttons apart. He groaned as the full spectre of her art was revealed, her arms bare as she threaded the shirt over her shoulders. Who cared if she was technically in public? If anybody ventured into
this
alleyway, then good for them. Teach them for being so nosey, wouldn’t it?

Pete traced the
colourful lines with shaky fingers. He finished with his palm laid over her rib-cage. His head dropped forward to rest on her chest; his hand still over her heart. “I could feel that beat for days.”

Steph let out a giggle. “What on e
arth for?”

He pulled his head back, and kissed the point of her chin. “Because, Cutie, it reminds me you’re real.”

“Of course I am.” She cupped her hands either side of his neck, and leant down to give him the most slow, sensual kiss she could muster. He moaned beneath her, and her already sensitised muscles twitched. His happiness was the fuel for her fire. Hearing him sated kept her going.

“Oh,
Love,” he breathed. “We should find somewhere else to go. This isn’t ideal.”

“I don’t care,” Steph replied. “I really don’t.”

“Jesus,” Pete ground through clenched teeth. “Are ya sure?”

Steph drew back,
and stared intently into his blue depths. “I’ve waited long enough for you to understand that I’m not going to abandon you because you’re not perfect. I’m hardly about to stuff around while we get somewhere ‘pretty’. For crying out loud, you probably won’t last that long anyway.” Brazen, she palmed his erection which stuck painfully between them.

He
laughed, and pulled her to him to kiss her neck. “I think you’re right there.” His hands traced lazy lines up her sides until his fingers dug beneath the straps of her bra. He ran his fingers under the elastic and lace toward the back, and then quickly unclasped it. Steph’s skin broke out in goose bumps as he ran his palms back to the front of her chest, and cupped her breasts in his hands. “Are ya cold, Love?”

She shook her head rapidly.
“Not at all.”

He hummed an understanding as he rolled her plump nipples between his fingers and thumbs. Bolts of el
ectricity shot through her body, and tingled through to her toes. As shameful as it was to admit, Pete had done such a simple thing, yet it was one nobody had ever done to her before.
Wow.

“Are
ya protected? Clean?” Pete’s hands stilled as he waited for her to answer.

Steph bit her lip, and nodded.

“Good. So am I.” His fingers resumed their massage. The rough pads slid down her torso to her waistband. He chuckled. “I hate talkin’ about that shit. It’s so unattractive, but this—” his fingers wiggled beneath the fabric to tuck inside her underwear, “—is unbelievably sexy.” She groaned at the electric sensation as his fingertips brushed over the curve of her butt. “Are ya sure ya don’t want to wait?”

Steph looked deep into his eyes before
she answered. “No. No waiting.”

He dropped a hand between them to unbuckle his belt, and a wicked thought flew into Steph’s head. She’d seen it done before in movies, but never thought the idea would strike her as appealing, especially at a moment like this.
Gotta try everything once.
She placed her hand over his, and stilled his movements. “Can I try something?”

His eyes sparkled, and he nodded slowly
as he withdrew his hand. Steph fumbled with the belt loops as she drew the leather length free of his jeans. His eyes drew wide when she lifted the strap to her neck, and threaded the end through the buckle to pull it taut—her collar.

“Hold this,” she said,
and gave him the free end.

“Oh, hell
Love. Are ya sure?”

“Positive.”

His eyes closed briefly as his chest rose with a deep draw of air. When he opened them again, the softness had gone from the blue, instead replaced by the dark malice she had seen their first time together. Pete tugged on the belt to cinch it tighter on her neck. He slipped a finger underneath, next to her jugular to ensure she could breathe. Satisfied, he pulled it to the side and moved her from his lap.

Steph shifted
, and braced herself on his thighs. He winced, and she paled. “Shit. I’m sorry. I completely forgot.” Guilt assailed her over the wound which probably still healed on his leg.

“
It’s fine,” he assured her.

She eased
onto the concrete at his side, and knelt next to him as he slouched on the crate. She placed her hands on the ground before her, between her knees, to steady her position. It struck her how much she must look like an obedient dog at his side.

He seemed to like it.

“Undo me trousers.” His instruction was gruff.

Steph
rose up on her knees, and wrestled the jeans undone.

“Get
me dick out.”

Her eyes flicked up to his, and he glowered at her.

“Come on. Unless you want us to be caught?” A wicked smile teased his lips.

She tucked her index finger under the elastic of his boxers, and pulled the fabric down to free his erection.

“Now suck it until I tell ya to stop.”

Oh, she could do this. Steph drew him into her warm mouth, and bobbe
d her head fluidly, up and down. She drew short gasps from him as she locked on tight at the base each time. His hand fisted in her loose hair, and guided her pace as he thickened on her tongue.
You’ve done it; you’re finally bat-shit crazy. You’ll be locked up in a padded room before you know it.

“Oh, Jesus.
That’s enough.”

Shit
. Didn’t he like it? “What? Should I do something else?”

His
eyes were dark, close to black, and he smiled suggestively. “Cutie, from now on I want ya to address me as ‘
Sir
’. When ya need me to take ya to this dark side of ya, to give ya release, ya call me Sir.”

She frowned, unsure what he meant.
Sir?

“
Ya know me true name, Love, and I want ya to keep that for day-to-day. But when ya want me to become the asshole ya said ya enjoy, call me Sir. Call it our code-word.”