Pixilated (17 page)

"Don’t you dare pull your disappearing act
on me. Don’t even think about it."

He was an earthquake. He was fire on the
mountain. His was crushing her wrist. Kayseri did the only thing
she could think of, she punched him. He blocked the blow, caught
her fist. She stomped his bare foot. Hard. He did not expect that.
He let go.

She sprinted for the solar dodging other
people crowding the hallway. Bless god. There was a bolt on the
door. Kayseri shot it home with shaking hands and leaned against
the smooth wood. Kree’s angry strides pounding down the hall, she
backed away and watched the knob rattle impotently. There followed
a whispered soliloquy of expletives containing references to
mating, colored by words Kayseri had never heard before. Kree’s
bare foot hit the door with a resounding boom.

Once.

Twice.

The door burst inward.

He paused in the broken doorway, a storm
hurling thunder and lightning. Kayseri saw his rage flowing out as
searing purple fire, scorching her cheeks and raising the fine
hairs on her arms. If this was how he looked in battle, she
marveled his foes did not throw down their weapons and run away
screaming. God knew she wanted to.

Wait. She had never seen the color of rage
before. Kree seized her wrist in his crushing grip, and dragged her
up the hallway. Kayseri struggled against him as a minnow struggles
against a tidal wave. The more she wiggled, tugged, and dragged her
feet, the tighter he gripped her wrist.

"You’re hurting me!" This finally snagged
his attention. He paused for a heartbeat then yanked her forward.
Catching her up, he draped her over his shoulder like a sack of
flour. From this new undignified position, Kayseri kicked her feet
and pounded his back with her fists.

Responding to her latest attack, Kree
swatted her bottom. "Stop."

She stopped.

He carried her into what seemed from
Kayseri’s upside-down view a sort of split-level library, where he
dumped her into a deep wingback chair. As soon as her butt hit the
cushion, she made an abortive break for the door.

Kree glared at her and raised one finger,
just one single finger, but it was enough. His aura lashed her.
"Sit."

She sank back in the chair as far as she
could and tried to look small and helpless. In their past arguments
small and helpless had worked wonders on him. Not this time. He
paced around the room clenching and unclenching his fists. The
muscles in his jaws jumped. His aura swirled with angry purple.

Kayseri sat very still trying to accustom
herself to seeing his emotions. Such a thing had never happened
before. This was not their first fight, far from it. Of course, she
had been a young girl on those other occasions, a child really and
as such, Kree had never been anywhere near this angry. As she
studied him, his aura changed, becoming a deep red mist.

He stopped in front of her. "Of all
the...pixie-stupid stunts."

Purple streaks arced through the red like
lightening. Kayseri felt a hot breeze brush her cheek. Taking a
deep breath and blowing it slowly out through his mouth, Kree
wheeled away and made another circuit around the room. It occurred
to her that he was not searching for the words to chastise her. He
was searching for enough calm to utter them.

He stopped in front of her chair again.
Rubbing his forehead with the back of his fist, he took a deep
breath. "What the—" He caught his lower lip between his teeth as a
crimson cloud enveloped him. "Damnation." He took another deep
breath, exhaled slowly. He closed his eyes. "What by Namar’s bloody
tears do you think you are doing?"

His aura’s heated glow faded a bit, but
Kayseri was not reassured. She had seen how quickly it flared up.
But by heaven, she was angry too. "Who was the woman in your
bed?"

"What?" No doubt, he had expected her to
trot out the usual litany of excuses she used whenever she did some
outrageous pixie thing to him. He watched her through narrowed eyes
as if suspecting a trick. "No one."

"She must be someone. You were sleeping with
her."

"I was not sleeping with her. She was
sleeping with me."

"Excuse me? Is there a difference?"

"This is not about me." Purple sparks shot
through his aura.

"It is about you. I love you, Kree."

There it was again, the pole-axed look
Kayseri had first seen in Hob Woodstock's barn. How were the
occasions alike? She had used mischief. Kree was angry. She had
called him by his name. Was the stunned look a response to his
name? Hadn't she ever called him by his name before? No. She did
not think she ever had. His name was a weapon. One she could win
this battle with if she kept her courage and held her course.

"You don’t know what love is." Kree said.
The red aura surrounding him bled into a soft pink. His shoulder
rose and fell. "What happened between us, Katie, was a mistake
.
My
mistake. You did not do anything wrong. Never think you did.
I let things go too far. You don’t love me. I'm sure you think you
do, but you don’t, not really. You don’t see the real me."

It took everything she had not to laugh in
his face. "I am not a little girl anymore, Kree. I am the woman I
will be until my next aging cycle. What’s more, I know everything
about you."

Kree snorted.

Kayseri rose from the chair. One could not
win a fight sitting down and she meant to win this one. "Shall I
prove it to you? You cannot father children. Goddess nectar stole
your seed. You think this makes you less of a man, and you've been
angry with your Goddess because of it for a long time. But Kree,
you have six cadets looking to you to shape them into men. Do you
love those lads less; do you give them any less of yourself because
they are other men’s sons?

"You feel guilty about your wife’s death.
You think you failed. You, who never fail at anything and maybe you
did. I was just a child when Molly died, and I already adored you.
I cannot be the judge of that, but Kree, Molly’s death wasn't your
fault. You weren't even there."

His soft pink aura vanished replaced by a
shield of black ice. "You don’t know that," he said. "There is no
way you could."

Kayseri raised her chin a fraction. "I was
there. There was a pixie-moon that night. Do you remember? I came
down to the garrison to see if you would play some games with me.
You and Molly were arguing as you often did, so I hid myself in
mischief. Molly said terrible things to you. She slapped you. You
raised your hand as if you thought to slap her back, but you
didn't. You just stood there staring at your hand as if you'd never
seen it before. Then you tried to pull her into your arms, but
Molly pushed you away. She told you to get out of her sight. She
said she hated you."

Kree retreated to the window, bowed his head
against the dark glass. That icy black shield covered him from head
to toe.

"Molly cried after you left. I think she was
sorry for what she’d said. I came out of hiding and held her hand
to comfort her. She asked me to spend the night. She said you would
find solace in someone else’s bed. I didn’t know what that meant,
but there was a pixie-moon, so I stayed.

"We made lemonade. We played Fox in the Hen
House. Later, we went into the bedroom. Molly took your Goddess
nectar from the dresser drawer. She asked me if I ever wondered
what it was like to kiss a Goddess. I said I didn’t."

Kayseri heard Kree make a sound. He might
have said stop, but his voice was too soft for her to be sure.
"Molly didn’t know Goddess nectar was poisonous. How could she when
she saw you taste it every day? She wondered what it was like for
you. That’s all. We danced under the pixie-moon until she got tired
and lay down on the grass. Her lips turned blue. I got scared, and
I ran to fetch my father, but when we got back, Molly was already
dead. It was an accident, Kree."

Kayseri moved to his side and lay her hand
on his where he gripped the window ledge so hard his knuckles had
turned white. "You didn't love Molly, did you? Is that why you
punish yourself?"

He touched the bruises already darkening on
her wrist. "See these bruises? This is what I am good for and it
sure as hell isn't love." Kree stared into the darkness outside. "I
loved her as much as I could. I just couldn't love her
enough
. I know you were young, but you have to remember what
I was like then.

Kayseri remembered an impossibly tall young
man who shortened his stride so the little girl tagging after him
did not have to run. She remembered a young man with a cocky
crooked grin who made men of rank wait while he gave his attention
to whatever bit of silliness that same little girl wanted to
impart. By the look on his face, he remembered someone else.

"I was such a selfish bastard. Molly was the
prettiest girl in town. You wouldn’t have known this about her, but
she could have had her pick of town boys. I scared all her other
suitors away because I could. Before long, all her town friends
were all married and having babies. Molly wanted babies too, and I
didn’t know I couldn't—not back then. I didn’t know squat about
being married either, but I knew I had a duty toward Molly and I
always do my duty."

Kree picked up Kayseri’s hand and gently
stroked the ugly bruises on her wrist. "I’m sorry I hurt you, Katie
Mae. When I'm in a temper I forget how strong I am."

"You didn't mean to"

"I didn't mean to, is a piss-poor excuse for
hurting someone I lo—it's a poor excuse that's all."

She pulled him away from the window. "Kree,
I wasn't going to tell you this, but Sandahl says she is afraid of
being alone in Nhurstari. She's asked me to stay on with her. If
you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me, don’t want
me, I’ll stay with her. You will be free of my mischief and me.
But, you have to decide tonight."

Kree trailed the back of his hand down her
cheek until his fingers cupped her chin. He tipped her chin up,
leaned forward and slanted a soft kiss across her lips. He looked
down into her soft brown eyes and whispered, "I do not love you,
Kayseri Bruin."

She blinked back tears that sprang into her
eyes, and laid her hand on his cheek in a brief farewell. Then
squaring her shoulders like a good little soldier, she walked out
of the room.

Kree sank into a chair burying his face in
his hands too raw in spirit to move.

"A courageous young woman, that one. She is
a departure in type for you too." came his mother's voice. "But
it’s clear to me you're mad in love with the half-cast chit. Why in
the world did you lie to her?"

Kree pushed to his feet and wiped telltale
moisture off his cheek with the back of his hand. "Mother! Katie’s
not–I’m not– You should have made your presence known."

"And interrupt that astonishing display of
mixed signals? Not in this lifetime. You are in my library,
Goddess-born. If you counted on privacy, you should have asked
permission to use it."

"Your pardon, Mother."

The Matriarch came down the steps leading up
into the book stacks and stood studying her son. "Why did you lie
to her?"

"For the best reason, Mother. I am not for
her. May I have permission to withdraw?"

The Matriarch poured two glasses of brandy
and offered one to him. "I noticed you did not say she is not for
you."

"That is not the issue. She is Lathan
Bruin’s daughter. There must be hundreds of men who mean nothing to
me, whose daughters’ lives I may ruin." Kree drained the glass and
set it down on a nearby side table with a loud
thunk
. "May I
have permission to withdraw?"

"Where did you get the idea your needs are
insignificant?"

The first pinpricks of anger touched him. He
knew her game. His mother manipulated with bold questions the way
other mothers manipulated with guilt. "Here. I learned it here. I
live to serve. May I have permission to withdraw?"

The Matriarch lifted her one eyebrow. "When
you give me the honest answer to my question, you may withdraw not
before. Why did you lie?"

"Wilderkin mate for life. What is my life,
my handful of days, to someone with hundreds of years before her? I
did my duty. I always do my duty. May I have permission to
withdraw?"

"I did not know Wilderkin took only one
mate, however if true I’m sure your young lady does. If your
longevity or lack thereof is not a concern of hers, who are you to
decide to whom she may give her heart? Have you become a seer?"

"May I have permission to withdraw?"

"You will answer my question."

Kree dropped to one knee and glared at his
Matriarch. His
mother
. His eyes blazed. His jaw muscle
ticked. "It doesn't take a seer to perceive the inherent
unhappiness in this circumstance. May I have permission to
withdraw?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Do not show your
famous temper to me."

"Your pardon, Mother."

The Matriarch tucked her hands into the wide
sleeves of her robe. "Life has dealt you deep wounds, son. Lick
them and move on. We did not raise you for cowardice nor does it
become you. You have permission to withdraw."

Chapter Fourteen

His mother laughed. "She didn’t!" She paused
to dab tears from her eyes with the edge of her napkin. "A brave
young woman, your Katie, and you say she did all this to be with
you?"

Kree nodded. Laughter was not at all the
reaction he anticipated. "Near as I can tell."

Another fit of laughter shook his mother's
shoulders. She dabbed at her eyes again. "She must love you very
much."

"This situation is not funny, Mother." But
laughter was contagious and Kree grinned in spite of the
seriousness of his problem. "I have killed six men and an elfin
sorcerer in the handful of days since I set out to bring home one
runaway half-pixie. A High Thallasi prince is dead. An
important
Thallasi princess is missing from her equally
important Nhurstari intended. I am running out of time. Did I
mention her kidnappers nearly killed me twice?"