Plain Jayne (43 page)

Her gaze was direct and calm. “I know what I'm giving up. I've thought much about this. I want to design clothes, wear lipstick, and meet a boy I haven't known since I was born.”

“I'm sure your family visits relatives in other communities—”

“They're all the same. They're all Plain. They all want wives to cook and give them children. I cook, and I would like children, but maybe not eight. And maybe not cook every meal, every day. I look at my mother and wonder how her arms have not fallen off. I don't want that life.” She reached into her pocket and said, “I've kept this with me so that when you left, I could go too.”

I peered at the contents of her pocket—a fold of cash and a Social Security card with “Sara M. Burkholder” printed above the nine-digit ID number.

“I'm not a minor anymore,” Sara continued. “I don't need my parents to sign for me. I have my card and the money I saved up.”

“How much?”

“Three thousand six hundred fifty-three dollars.”

My eyebrows flew upward. “Where did you get that kind of money?”

“I sold two of my more complicated quilts. Some babysitting. I saved up.”

I couldn't save like that at eighteen, and I'd thought myself fairly motivated at the time.

I was about to ask if she had any specific plans, aside from the lipstick-wearing, when my phone buzzed in my purse. I almost ignored it, but a tiny thought encouraged me to take a look at the caller.

It was Levi.

J
ayne, please tell me Sara is there with you.” I could clearly hear the panic in Levi's voice. His alarm broke my heart.

“Levi…hold on.” I pressed the mute button and looked to Sara. I almost asked if it would be all right for me to tell him, but thought better of it. I couldn't lie to Levi.

“She's here,” I said, after reconnecting the call.

He exhaled into the receiver; it sounded like a windstorm. “That's good, because I'm halfway there.”

A part of me bristled. The way he'd left before—I didn't know if I was ready for him to come back, much less uninvited.

He must have read my mind, or at least my silence. “I'm sorry. I know I should ask first, or be sensitive, but she's my sister, Jayne. You can drop her off at the corner if you want to.”

“Drop her off at the corner? In this rain? In the middle of Portland at night? Are you insane?”

“I'm sorry, really sorry. I was just trying to think of a way that you wouldn't have to be involved.”

“She hitched a ride in the trunk of my car and is wearing a pair of my jeans. I'm already involved.”

“I didn't—I didn't want it to be like this between us.”

“I have no idea what to say to that.”

“Can we talk about it?”

“
I
wanted to talk about it. You left.”

“I was upset.”

“And you're not now?”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“Too late,” I said, and then I realized I'd revealed too much. I hung up
before I could say anything more. “So,” I turned back to Sara. “Maybe before your brother comes you should tell me how you got into my trunk in the first place. That was pretty slick. Have you been practicing?”

“I took your keys when you told me you were packing.”

“Oh?”

Her eyes shifted downward. “And I opened the trunk. There was a little ridge on the inside, just enough for me to pull it closed.”

“But I saw you right before I left. I had my keys in my pocket.”

“I left after I gave you the quilt. I didn't close your trunk all the way earlier.”

“What would you have done if I'd decided to put my things in the trunk? Your brother would have seen you!”

She shrugged. “When you came, I saw you had stuff on the seat of your car. I figured you would do the same when you left.”

“For Pete's sake.” I rubbed my head. “Have you ever thought about working for the CIA?”

“What's the CIA?”

“People who can sneak around almost as skillfully as you.”

“People who sneak are called CIA?”

“Never mind. Did I tell you how dangerous it is to ride in a trunk like that?”

“Yes. What happened between you and Levi?”

“I don't want to talk about it. Want something to drink? Bear in mind I haven't grocery-shopped.”

We passed the time over tea, a stale package of Oreos, and
I Love Lucy
until there was a knock at the door.

A knock I recognized. I opened the door and there he was—six feet, three inches of gorgeous heartbreak.

I wanted to hate him. He made it difficult. But my feet felt cold just remembering the night I ran after him. My back straightened. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.” The door closed behind him; he kicked off his shoes. I wish he'd kept them on. Being in stocking feet together felt much too intimate. “Sara…are you okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course she's okay. She's had tea and cookies and is watching
I Love Lucy
.”

“Sara?” Levi persisted. “You didn't tell me about this. I wish you had.”

“You don't have to baby me anymore,” Sara said in a soft voice. “I'm eighteen now. Girls my age are getting married and starting their adult lives. I'm starting mine the way I want to. The way I've always wanted to.”

I sat back down and gestured for Levi to follow. We formed a triangle: Sara and me on the sofa, Levi in the overstuffed chair by the door. I turned down the TV volume. The antics of Lucy and her cohorts cast flickering silver light on our awkward little gathering.

“I just want you to know what you're getting into.” Levi tented his hands as he spoke. “Dad won't acknowledge me as his son. Mom has to obey him, but she'll be conflicted. Amos and Elam never forgave me; Rebecca might talk to me if her husband allowed it. Grandma will support you. You know I will…I just want you to be prepared.”

When Sara explained to him about her Social Security card and cash stash, Levi's eyes widened. “That's very good.”

“Have you thought about what you want to do, specifically?” I asked.

“I want to get my GED and attend the Art Institute of Portland. I want to study apparel design.” She reached into her other pocket, pulling out a much-folded school brochure. “I will apply for financial aid. I will get a job and earn money. If I need to, I will make quilts and take in mending to support myself.”

“Why did you leave with Jayne?” Levi asked in a quiet voice. “What you did was dangerous. You could have come to me.”

“You are too close. I could have changed my mind and walked home.”

Levi gave a wry smile. “You can stay with me at my house. Get your GED at Linn Benton Community College. Come to Portland when you're ready.”

“Too close.” Sara shrugged. “Here, I can't go back.”

An hour later Sara's adrenaline began to fade and the fact that she'd been awake since five kicked in. Levi checked his watch and looked at me. “Let's go check on that bookcase I made for you.”

I wasn't stupid. I knew that was code for “I want to talk to you without Sara hearing, and it probably wouldn't be appropriate to go to your bedroom, so let's hit the study.”

I didn't mention how I'd had an urge to chuck the bookcase from the
landing. The fact that I couldn't lift any of it—dismantled or not—without personal injury was the main factor stopping me. That, and the fact that I had too many books.

We both rose and walked down the hall. I turned to check on Sara just in time to watch her eyes close in sleep.

Sleep, or she was sneaky enough to pretend. I didn't care either way. The powwow was Levi's idea, not mine.

He closed the door behind us. Like that wasn't suspicious. “I'm so sorry about all of this,” he said.

“Yeah, I'm sure you are.” I ran a hand through my hair. After all, Sara being in my apartment meant that I was being dragged into the center of a complicated family issue—one I was sure I didn't fully understand the implications of. That, and it meant Levi's continued presence in my life.

I didn't know how I felt about that.

“Thing is,” Levi continued, “unless you ask her to, I don't think she'll leave here.”

“I was getting that.”

“Are you okay with an eighteen-year-old roommate?”

“She's not a normal eighteen-year-old, Levi. You know that. She's been groomed since birth to be ready to run a household and raise a family. Most girls—women—her age can barely do their own laundry. Sara can do it without a connection to city power.”

“She's my baby sister.”

“No, Elizabeth is your baby sister. Sara's grown now, and you're her hero. She watched you leave and make a life for yourself. She wants to do the same.”

“I made a life, and then I compromised that life.”

I hated the bitter tone I heard in his voice. “You came back so you could be available to your family, available to Sara.”

“And she hopped a ride in the trunk of your car.”

“She wouldn't have done that if she didn't have a goal. You gave her those brochures, didn't you?”

“I did.”

“She's owning this, can't you see? She's not leaving because you pressured her into it. She strategized, planned—it's hers. You should be proud.”

“You're okay with her moving in with you?”

“Sure. She's more qualified to live without adult supervision than I am.”

“Trunk, Jayne. Trunk.”

“Yeah, well, she probably won't let as much mold grow in the fridge as I do.”

“True.” He looked around the study. “Where would you put her?”

“Probably in here.”

“I'll bring up a bed tomorrow from the shop.”

“She left the Amish and you'll bring her an Amish-style bed?”

“If she's going to be a student, she needs to learn not to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

A bed. One more object from Levi, one more arrival to be nervous about. I didn't want involvement with him. I couldn't take being hurt again.

“I'm sorry about earlier,” he said.

I wanted to punch him for being considerate. “Oh?”

“I wish things didn't happen the way they did.”

That was vague.

“Okay. Um…well, if she's going to stay here tonight, I need to make up a bed for her on the couch.”

Levi opened his mouth as if to say something, but he must have thought better of it. “I'll be back tomorrow.”

“If I'm not here, Sara will let you in.”

“What hours are you working tomorrow?”

“Don't know.”

“Guess?”

“Wouldn't want to say, in case I get a call.”

“What kind of call?”

“The ‘Jayne, there's a breaking story' kind of call.” I didn't mention that since I'd been in features, a whole series of people would have to be extraordinarily unavailable for me to get that call. It could happen, I suppose. Gas leaks aren't an urban myth.

“I can always wait around for you here, if you're late getting home.”

“What?”

“It's a long day for Sara to be home alone. I'll come up whenever and keep her company.”

There was no getting around him. “Sure, whatever. Anything else?”

He took so long to answer that I lifted my hand. “While you think, I'm going to make a bed up for her.”

In a matter of moments I had my spare bedding gathered, and this time Sara was truly asleep.

“She's a heavy sleeper,” Levi commented.

“No kidding.” I struggled to lift her head high enough to put a pillow underneath.

“Let me help.” He reached under his sister and lifted her gently from the couch. While Sara was aloft, literally, I tucked a sheet under the back of the cushions and arranged the pillows. After he laid her back down, we both tucked a comforter over her sleeping form.

We stepped back, neither of us daring to look at the other. I'll admit that a part of me wanted to be next—I wanted to be tucked in too.

Cold feet. Cold feet.

“Have a safe drive,” I said.

Levi took the hint and walked to the door. “Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow.”

I thought about imploring him to leave me alone, to keep me out of things, to treat me as Sara's roommate, nothing more. Instead I said nothing as I watched Levi put on his shoes, thread his arms into his coat, and leave, pretending he hadn't broken my heart.

And pretending I hadn't broken his.