Plastic Hearts (9 page)

When he walked in wearing faded jeans that sat low on his hips and a charcoal grey Henley, my mouth may have dropped open just a bit. His eyes met mine and he smiled, showing me his signature dimple. “Good morning. I thought you should know that it kind of sucked not waking up with you in my bed this morning.” I looked around to make sure no one else had heard him. I didn’t need the rumor mill kicked into high gear.

“Well, you are going to have many sucky mornings then,” I said, smirking as I pulled a notebook out of my bag.

“No, Gorgeous, I think you’re wrong. I think my luck is about to change.” He winked. He seriously just winked at me and I felt the elusive butterflies fluttering in my stomach. The thought of spending more time with him excited me, but it couldn’t happen. I wasn’t a fan of trying something when I knew it was destined to fail.

“Do you ever leave your arrogance at home or does it follow you wherever you go?” He laughed before leaning in so we were only inches apart.

“This isn’t arrogance, I’m just honest and soon enough you’ll be honest with yourself and admit that you want me as much as I want you.”

 “You’re not my type,” I muttered, looking up into his eyes. He ran his hand through his short hair as he studied me with so much intensity I feared he could see right through me.

“Okay, why don’t you give me a chance before you draw any conclusions? Go out with me on Thursday night. There’s a DJ playing at the club that I’ve heard is really good. And we already know that we move pretty well together.” He sat back in his chair, studying me intently. If he looked at me like that for too long, I was going to lose my resolve.

“Not going to happen.” I moved my eyes to my desk, tracing the faux wood marks with my finger before looking back up.

“Just one date and if you don’t have a good time, we don’t have to go out again. But give me one night.” I made the mistake of looking into his eyes then; they were pleading with me to say yes and I couldn’t look away this time.

What did I have to lose by going out with him for one night? It might turn into a complete mess, but after that he would leave me alone, or so I hoped. “Fine, I’ll go with you on Thursday, but if you try anything, it’s over. I mean it, Dane.”

“Whatever you say, Gorgeous, whatever you say.”

The lecture finally began. Every time I glanced at Dane, he had one side of his mouth turned up. I had to admit I felt a bit of excitement at the prospect of going out with Dane. At the very least, I would have a great dance partner for one night.

I decided not to avoid the student center at lunchtime and joined Jade at our usual table. I had been trying to stay away to avoid another run in with Dane, but that didn’t seem necessary anymore. Jade looked up at me with her signature, teeth bearing smile as I took the seat beside her. “Decided to face the music today, did you? I guess since you spent the night at his apartment on Friday, you have nothing more to hide?”

“Actually, speaking of Dane, I agreed to go to the club with him on Thursday. There’s a guest DJ playing in town.” Her eyes were huge as she processed what I just told her.

“Are you kidding?”

“No. I figured if I said yes, he would leave me alone.” I didn’t add the part where I was actually a little excited about hanging out with him.

 “Oh honey, after you go out with that boy once, you will be eating out of his palm. Trust me.” There was some wickedness in her eyes, but I knew she was wrong. I couldn’t have him even if I wanted him.

My world was so confusing.

My parents were proud of me when I was dating some rich, educated boy whom I usually had a hard time connecting with, but Jade was proud of me for taking a risk and going for the boy that I knew my parents would never accept. All Jade had talked about since yesterday was my impending date with Dane while I dodged phone calls from my mother. Talking to her and knowing I was breaking her rules made me feel guilty because I wasn’t used to deceiving her. How did I get to the point where doing something that made me genuinely happy also made me feel like a bad person? I knew it wasn’t right to feel this way, but I couldn’t stop it. My parents were constantly in my head, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. The longer I listened to them, the more resentment I felt.

My mother called again on Tuesday night. I couldn’t avoid it much longer - she would have her driver come looking for me again - so I picked it up on the fifth ring.

“Hello,” I grimaced.

“Alexandra, we need to talk.” This woman didn’t mince her words and I could only imagine what I had coming. She always called with a purpose and not one had ever pleased me.

“Um, yes?” I said, biting my lip so hard that I could taste blood. I would like to say that my mother didn’t scare me, but that would be a lie. She scared the hell out of me.

“Have you talked to Ryan? I saw his mother at the gym today and she was giving me the cold shoulder. I can’t have this, Alexandra. We’re on the planning board for the Children’s Hospital Gala together and I don’t need you ruining this for me. This is quite possibly the biggest event of the year and everyone who is anyone will be in attendance.” My lip trembled as I wrapped my arms around my stomach, taking in every word. Her words cut me. There was no concern for my feelings, but she was very concerned about her precious gala. Was I used to this? Yes. Did it hurt any less when it happened? No.

“Mother, Ryan and I are a country apart and things just aren’t working right now. It’s hard to carry on a relationship when we only see each other on break and I think it’s important that we both focus on school.” I tried to speak in a normal voice, but it was shaky as I choked back the tears.

“All the men in his family attend Stanford. You know that.” I wanted to hang up the phone so badly. She didn’t get it and never would.

“I know he had to go to Stanford, but it doesn’t change the fact that we are hours and miles apart.”

“Is this still just a break, Alexandra?” There was so much vile in her voice. This was more of an order than a question. We both knew that.

“Yes,” I lied, sucking in a deep breath.

“Good, make it a short one.” She hung up, allowing me to let out the air I had been holding in my lungs.

I settled into my pillow, letting the tears fall from my eyes as I tried to let go of the guilt. The guilt that I couldn’t be what everyone wanted me to be all the time. The guilt that I couldn’t stop the side of me that wanted more than what my parents had given me. Every now and then, someone would tell me they wished they had my life. I may have a nice house, expensive clothes and a generous monthly allowance, but my life was nothing to envy. I would trade it all in a heartbeat for a bit of positive attention from my parents.

 Ever since I was younger, I had been obsessed with romantic movies and novels. The couples I envied never seemed to force their feelings; they weren’t plastic. I, on the other hand, grew up in the plastic heart society. In the plastic heart society, love and respect are secondary to money and power. If I told my mother about a boy, she would have asked “What do his parents do?” or “Where does he live?” and even “What kind of car does he drive?”. I would never hear “What is he like?”. No, because where I come from, that doesn’t really matter.

As soon as Jade came home she could tell I had talked to my mom. I was curled in the fetal position on the bed, my body shaking with sobs. I didn’t even bother to say hi as she made her way across the room, wrapping her body around mine. Sometimes, after a particularly bad conversation, I closed off for days. Jade helped me through it, comforting me, purchasing insane amounts of chocolate chip cookies, and renting comedies until she finally got a laugh out of me. I loved her for that. When there was so much negative in your life, it helped to have someone who could coat it with happiness. I knew she would be there for me this time too.

Sexy Stranger had become the guy who made my heart skip a beat every time I saw him. Deep down I knew these feelings had to remain unexplored, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy his company. For some reason, I was more relaxed with him than I was with most people. Why was that? I think he could end up being a great friend or at the very least someone who understood ‘the artsy side of Alex’ and that meant everything to me.

I arrived in class before he did and had already settled into my desk when he walked in wearing a pair of dark jeans, a fitted long sleeve white t-shirt and a pair of worn brown boots. He didn’t fuss too much over his appearance, but he always managed to look breathtakingly handsome. The boy had swagger and he wore it well, from head to toe. He always smelled like a mix of citrus and cedar and - I wouldn’t admit this out loud - I wanted to find out what he used to make himself smell that way and coat everything I owned in it.

“Hey, Gorgeous, are you getting excited for tomorrow night?” he asked, startling me from my rather delicious thoughts. One side of his mouth was turned up as he looked right into my eyes. I bet he knew exactly what I was thinking.

I was really excited for tomorrow night. I loved music and, even more so, I loved to dance. “I guess. Am I meeting you there?” I asked, downplaying the obvious.

“It’s only a few blocks from the dorm. I’ll come pick you up and we can walk there together so neither of us has to worry about driving. Can I see your phone?” he asked, holding out his hand.

“Uh, why?” I replied, lifting my brow at him.

He had a huge grin on his face. “In case you need to call me or you decide you can’t wait until tomorrow night to see me again.”

“Cocky much?” I asked. I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my mouth.

“I think we already established that.” He winked as I handed him my phone.

We didn’t talk for the rest of class because there was an abstract painting that was due on Monday. The six hours a week spent in Art class were becoming a welcome retreat from my stressful planned life. I didn’t outline what I would put on canvas this time; I just let my mind and heart guide the brush and was amazed by what they created.

Dane was a fantastic artist. I mean, off the charts good. I would never tell him this because his head was already so big I was surprised he could get it in his t-shirt in the morning, but he had talent. I knew so little about him, but I did know he’d been through some very painful events; it showed in his paintings with angry red and black color combinations. I could tell he had pain locked inside of him and wondered if he kept it all hidden, like I did.

When class ended, it didn’t seem possible that two hours had passed. If I could spend all day, every day doing what I was doing now, I would be the happiest girl in the world. I grabbed my things as a large strong hand wrapped around my arm. “I’ll pick you up at 9. Text me your dorm and room number.”

Then he was gone. As I stood there, I could feel my head and heart racing. My head was scared to death because Dane was unchartered water for me and my heart was skipping around like a little girl on the playground. What was he doing to me?

That night I was sitting in my dorm working on a paper for my English Literature class when my phone started to vibrate.

Dane:
Miss me yet?

I swear my stomach did a little flip flop when I saw it was from Dane. How the hell did he get my cell number?

Alex:
How did you get my number?

Dane:
Texted myself when I programmed yours : )

Okay, that was clever.

Alex:
Stalker much?

 I was flattered, but there was no way I was going to tell him that!

Dane:
Only U

Alex:
Night!

Dane:
Goodnight, Gorgeous!

Even the whole Gorgeous thing was starting to grow on me.